Dizzy's weight loss journal (feel free to comment)

[Dizzy Aquarius]

The one thing I dont know if anyone ever has to endure and I hope not many do, is that while losing weight, one must try and endure hardships, not just dealing with weight fluctuating, but emotional abuse too. thats part of the package. I was raised French and have never been perfect to anyone Americans hate me for Being "a traitor" even though we have won more battles than the americans can finish. I have been called many hurtful things but tonight my mom is in a super bitchy mood and just took it out on me. I cooked some frozen green beans and she said that the bowl of green beans I cooked should be my dinner, not waht I just ate. and to me that is very hurtful. Its like telling me I should be Anorexic or bulemic and I hate those two things. She always tells me to be nice to people, and I am, but I rarely find nice people. it bothers me when parents are in a bad mood and take it out on you.
One thing was I was trying to close the microwave door and she had something fall on her at the same time and blamed it on me. I dont get why I must be the cause of Gravity and things toppling over.
I'm sorry, I just had to post this somewhere and yes I am crying as I type this. It just hurts knowing my mom isnt very supportive of me when I am in a good mood. And she yelled at me for not going to my dentist. I honestly forgot. I really truly forgot, I have had speech and nothing but math on my mind I hardly get to get out of the house unless its to go to Work or school and she is in a bad mood.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

and everything is better now. Hopefully I can wake up early tomorrow and just have some jasmine tea and oatmeal I love jasmine tea, it is one of my favorites. hopefully I did well in my speech too. I am certain I did just fine. Sure I was a little shaky but I think a lot of people are on their first class speech. I have given lots of speeches before but this was on a topic about cephalopods. Which are octopus, cuttlefish, squid and Nautilus. I showed a lot of pictures and had some fun teaching everyone where they had seen them.

now on to the topic of my weight loss.
I lost another lb. I am on my way to 225 again and I am at 227 today. Just two more and then I can go back down to 220 again. then from there to 200 and see if I can keep going over time. I want to be 200 again by Christmas. Which means at thanks giving, I cant pig out like I enjoy doing.

another food I have been dodging a lot are eggs. they are high in sat. fat and cholesterol. so I dodge them. I enjoy eating eggs but if I cant have the yolk too whats the point? So I just avoid them. I do have some chocolate. I do have sweets and I had some ice cream a few days ago, but I havent had the urge to get more lately. I had some broccoli a little bit ago with no sauce. I ate some spinach nuggets earlier. I had 3 servings so I ate a little much but I got a lot of iron and I have been feeling very confident lately.
I met my childhood hero too, Jean Michel Cousteau the son of Jacques Cousteau.

I want to be back in shape so I can SCUBA dive along with my dad and
stay in good shape. I havent been doing much in excersise work as I have been working out my brain. its very painful when I am used to laying back and using intellect rather than physical. I like my intellect and I know a lot about orcas and whales in general. I would love to work for a book company and write all about orcas then go out and see them in the wild.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

I havent really lost weight but I havent gained either.
my weight is staying around 227 and it fluctuates day to day. I need to eat more veggies. I had some swiss char the other day. pretty good stuff. And real home grown tomatoes. And drink LOTS more water since I dont have any of my beloved almond milk right now for calcium.

Still having issues with the family, they still put me down a lot and my mom tries toget me to drink this drink with sucralose in it. I cant drink that. its not natural sugar.

But I am still making sure that I dont gain. I bought a shirt from a wrestling group I like. its an older rarer shirt that the people who usually own it have most of the logo faded. Well this is a medium. I told myself there is NO way that shirt can fit me.

I was wrong. but it also hasnt been washed yet. I am waiting till I go down to 200 to see if it fits better. if not, I will lose a little more and I can fit into it. Hopefully by next anime Boston I can fit into it and walk around with that shirt on. it will be fun. But that might be too far of a goal. My goal this week is to get back to 225 and stay there for a week and see if I can go another 5lbs down. My friends all saw me today and said I look great. I got a hair cut at paul Mitchel and its much shorter but thats so I can have colder air and fit into this mask that I have. with the thich long hair that I have most of the time, this mask fits me MUCH better now.

also if I lose a bit of weight it might slip over my head a little better.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

Well this morning I weighed myself and it said I am 225. smile So I think I am gonna be able to keep going.

I didnt eat a lot today but I had a breadbowl with broccoli and cheese soup and a glass of water and some pumpkin spice coffee from panera.

Now if my friends and I can actually manage to go trick or treating I am giving most of the candy to my friends at school. so I wont be eating it all. I will eat some.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

Well our scale is dead for the time being. the battery died.
I had pizza on halloween, as seems to be the tradition. I didnt get as much candy as I wanted due to my parents restraining me, but I was with some friends from school who know that I have been having some issues with emotions. they took care of me and we got to actually play games and pretend to be something we arent. They also love ot address me as Dizzy Aquarius, Marine Biologist. or just Dizzy, the coolest MArine biologist. On Halloween I was a guy called Dr. Cube.
this guy:
Dr. Cube by urbanshoregirl, on Flickr
my firends reminded me that on the other side of the Fence, you can still have tons of candy as most kids arent going out anymore and dressing up. and it was ALL college kids. 2 females who spoke French, and three men 1 greek, 1 hispanic, and 1 white guy. we all made fun of each other and had some laughs.
I realize Pizza isnt really a good food for me to have with my condition but I dont actually eat it all the time and every day. I didnt eat more than 3 slices and I didnt really eat my dessert pizza. Now what I have been doing since I got home on sunday night is eating oatmeal every day and water, lots of water since I ran out of almond milk. I now also have special burgers I eat. I was going to make some rice noodles earlier but my dad actually deicded he wanted to eat out again as a family for once. So we had some thai food. I had some delicious coconut milk soup and some yellow curry. it had a little bite but it wasnt spicy to me. it had vegetables. the soup had a little bit of pork in it.

as soon as the battery is replaced, I will check my weight again. hopefully with the water I have been sticking to and the tea I drink things will be a little better and I will be staying at 225. until then I have no idea and have to keep an eye on what I am eating and making sure that I dont gain more than 5lbs. I want to stay under 230. I have done well so far and not gone up which is a great sign.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

the battery has been replaced, but my weight has stayed at 227-230. I probably need to start getting up earlier from now on and eating oatmeal and packing a lunch. thats the hard part though, seeing as lunch is only about 3-10 mins depending on when I get out of my first class. Dinner is usually around 5pm.

good thing is I'm not gaining anything above 230, but I have to try and get lower by thanksgiving! So I am gonna try and wake up early tomorrow and have oatmeal, then pack a lunch.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

Well my weight over the weekend has stayed at 227 and not moved. but that was tonight. I am gonna check in the morning and see what I cant do to make myself a little better.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

So I made it to 224lbs. but as of last night, Thanksgiving, I gained 5lbs. so I am gonna work hard this coming week. At least most of it was healthy home made food.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

as of this morning I am back at 226. thank you collard greens! they taste amazing and go great with my dads famous pot au feu. so I will keep working to be at 220 again, then go from there to 200. Go me!! I feel I am really progressing here. Even if my right ankle still hurts from the sprain.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

I want to say I am proud of you for posting even when you gain. And keep going! Just know it is normal to fluctuate sometimes, not many people who have dieted can say they never have gained a little in some intervals  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

yeah when I was a few years younger, even gaining so much as 2 ounces was a nightmare, now I understand my body will always fluctuate. so I have to keep telling myself I can do this that it is good for me and that I will be able to lose the cholesterol and be able to eat all the lovely things my dad has to offer me. and I can once again cook all the incredible dishes such as Quiche and bœuf bourguignon and not worry about gaining too much. it feels great knowing I am able to lose weight and eat almost anything I want. I have been cutting out some things like drinking milk and cutting back on too much cheese, eating lots of grains, fiber, soluble fibers, and lots of greens. the only dressing I use with collard greens are: extra virgin olive oil, and vinegar. tonight its raspberry vinegar. I figure having late night snacks is ok, as long as its either Veggies and fresh fruits, or some meat as it digests well. also lots of ice water, almond milk, and when I want a sweet treat, I use frozen fruits, and make a smoothie with frozen mango (as they are easier to use frozen, less work), then use vanilla almond milk and ice. it acts like ice cream and a lot better for ya.

so if anyone wants that jsut use whatever mesurements work for you
frozen fruits (I prefer frozen mango with nothing added, just frozen mango)
1 or 2 cups vanilla almond milk (doubles as sugar and milk or frozen yogurt)
chopped ice (I do chopped ice since I have an older blender that hasnt died. so I have to accomodate it with chopped ice, and let it finish the job.) I put it on a lower speed like puree or blend  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

I havent weighed myself today, but I do feel lighter.

everytime I feel hungry I grab fruits and veggies. I am still hungry but I at least wait a bit and not shove it all in my face.

I'm thinking maybe tomorrow after school I am gonna cook some fried rice, with olive oil of course, and a little shrimp and tofu. I think it might be good. but I cant use a lot of egg, only 1. and just a little bit of shrimp. I have been told shrimp and eggs are good cholesterol but I am really not sure. I was told by many other sources they are very bad for you.

I honestly dont know.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

well my weight seems to have fluctuated and I feel a little bloated, as well craving caffeine which isnt around at the moment. Also I am retaining water so I might have to drink a lot of it and see if I can exercise a little, see if that gets me going a bit. if not then I will keep doing as I have been doing and just let it go down slowly on its own. But I feel I am doing quite well so far. hopefully this friday my boyfriend will be around and I can see him. he always compliments me no matter what. someone taught him well. my ex didnt usually say I looked nice unless I wore one of my velvet dreses, and did my hair. I dont like doing those things.


But I am not afraid of the fact that I gained about 4 or 5 lbs. its nto a huge deal in the end as its merely fluctuating. the air is getting colder, and im retaining water from you know who. (aunt flow) I've gotten tired of this yes, but in the end I'm going to get back to 200 once more. I have determination and I am not quitting. just accepting this hard time. all I can do is have some iron, caffeien a little chocolate (that is dirt cheap as it is Hanukkah. not that I celebrate it, but my store has been selling that stuff like crazy and a kosher chocolate bar is about $1 sometimes less.)

so in a nutshell, I'm retaining water, I will continue to drink lots of it, despite being a little bloated, and I know I will lose more weight. all I have to do is keep saying I will lose weight while eating healthy and drinking water.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

bloating has gone down, but now I feel constantly hungry... not sure why. I have a nice good sized meal. well tomorrow is the day before my friend's birthday. I have to eat whatever he wants to eat. I am certain he will want pizza or something of the sort. I cant wait to go and see the lights at the zoo, it has become a tradition and we pick a nice cold night to go. this time its free but we have to pay for parking.

I didnt check my weight today. I check it on weekdays mostly, weekends im pressured more and I have to run to work and my parents dont like visitors in their room.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

I jut got home a little bit ago and checked my weight, 227 so its close to 225. my goal now is to be 220 by jan. 1 and 200 by the 27th of january. if I dont make it to 200 on my next birthday, I will continue to work hard and stay healthy. I am going to get a full physical to make sure I am healthy at least. my cholesterol might be down, I dont know yet, but I do know that I am still working to lower my BMI and keep my body nice and clean and healthy and happy. when I get to 200 I am going to reward myself somehow.