Sexual Assault - A Safe Haven

[flauterfli]

Lady Rose of the North

Allow girl the serenity,

Thank you, flauterfli, it really does help to talk sometimes.

You situation is very complicated.

Rape is a vile word. When we say "rape" I think malicious intent, or someone only thinking of themselves.

It is rape, as you did say no, but at least in this case it wasn't meant maliciously. At least he acknowledged that he messed up and apologized. I know that it doesn't change anything. You may end up staying with him, and trusting him again and in the future look back on this and know it was an accident.

Then again, you might not. If you do end up pregnant, I don't think your family (or his for that matter) will back out in disgust. Your family should always be there for you.

I'm here if you ever want to talk, we all support and love you.

to serve Him in peace.

Thank you for this reply.<3
It really helped me take a big breath and a big step back to look and think about things.
At first I was going to end it with him. I couldn't cope with the pain of losing my virginity and breaking my promise with not only my boyfriend but with friend, family, and God.

In a fit of rage I tried ripped off his purity necklace and demanded to know why he was still wearing it. He said, "I'm going to wear this until we're married -- it's going to help us stop all the sexual stuff and stay pure again. It's my promise to you that we'll take things slow and never ever pressure each other. It's my promise to protect and love and comfort you until the day I die."

And how did I respond to this? By blubbering of course -- as I am a major cry-baby. I forgave him then but I haven't forgotten. The memory still haunts me but I've come to realize that it was a mistake. An accident. He had no intention of hurting me, or himself. It didn't feel right to him and he didn't get any pleasure out of my pain, at all. He didn't like it because, mentally, I didn't enjoy it.

He's been patient (he's always been that way in most respects) and kind and gentle with me. We're taking things very very slow, which is a nice change. We have more time to enjoy each other than just sexually. He's putting more effort into showing his affection for me, although he's always been a big loving cuddly-bug (very much so than any man I've ever dated, thankfully)...~

Although that was probably one of the worst moments in my life, it did snap us out of a phase where basically making-out was driving our relationship more than love and compassion. So I am going to forgive him, eventually, but it may take months, even years, to fully trust him again. For awhile I was unsure if I even loved him anymore, but no one-time mistake, no matter how big, can ever change that.  

[kitti kat 28]

*somewhat graphic*
My first 'sex' came from a date rape at 19. In fact he wanted me because I was a virgin-I was too naive at the time to know this.
And until it happened, I thought I would be able to protect myself, like fight back. But when it happened, I froze. I hated myself a long time for not protecting myself. And I hated losing my virginity that way. My virginity was special to me.

I was further sexually assaulted (attempted rape) at 21 by a guy who claimed he wanted to make me feel better. Which sounded good at the time-naive again. Two quick kisses on the cheek and he tried to shove it in, without bothering to get me ready. I shouted 'No!' and pushed him off w/ my legs. He was heavier but just fat.

The last time was w/ my last boyfriend at 24. He didn't want to have sex before he was married so instead he like to rub his p***s against me. The last time we were together, he rubbed esp hard, and didn't stop when I told him to. I had pelvic surgery a 3 months earlier-cut from hip to hip. So that pressure hurt severely. Plus I was recovering from a 3 day coma. I trusted him. I broke up w/ him then and wouldn't take him back, despite his so-called epiphany.

When I eventually told my parents what happened, my mom told me 'You weren't raped; you had sex!' It was a slap-in-the-face. She's catholic, so sex is b & w to her. My dad acts like I never told him.

It's been awhile now since I've been raped the first time, but I still have nightmares about it (PTSD). Im not afraid of sex; when it's with a caring person, it can feel good-emotionally and physically.

Interesting fact: My two sisters and I were each molested at a young age. Each reacted differently. I hated boys and would chase them around the school in elementary. It when beyond 'eww youre gross' phase.
My middle sister became very shy and never told any1 till she was an adult.
My youngest sister became sexually active early. She has 3 kids at 24 and had a miscarriage at 19.  

[kitti kat 28]

I finally got partly over it w/ writing poems and talk therapy (much later). Certain things still affect me, like using rape as a slang word and guys getting physically close.
I hated the guys who hurt me and my sister for a long time and wanted revenge on them. Eventually I learned to let it go, but it took time.  

[TH3_G1ITCH_]

flauterfli

Lady Rose of the North

Allow girl the serenity,

Thank you, flauterfli, it really does help to talk sometimes.

You situation is very complicated.

Rape is a vile word. When we say "rape" I think malicious intent, or someone only thinking of themselves.

It is rape, as you did say no, but at least in this case it wasn't meant maliciously. At least he acknowledged that he messed up and apologized. I know that it doesn't change anything. You may end up staying with him, and trusting him again and in the future look back on this and know it was an accident.

Then again, you might not. If you do end up pregnant, I don't think your family (or his for that matter) will back out in disgust. Your family should always be there for you.

I'm here if you ever want to talk, we all support and love you.

to serve Him in peace.

Thank you for this reply.<3
It really helped me take a big breath and a big step back to look and think about things.
At first I was going to end it with him. I couldn't cope with the pain of losing my virginity and breaking my promise with not only my boyfriend but with friend, family, and God.

In a fit of rage I tried ripped off his purity necklace and demanded to know why he was still wearing it. He said, "I'm going to wear this until we're married -- it's going to help us stop all the sexual stuff and stay pure again. It's my promise to you that we'll take things slow and never ever pressure each other. It's my promise to protect and love and comfort you until the day I die."

And how did I respond to this? By blubbering of course -- as I am a major cry-baby. I forgave him then but I haven't forgotten. The memory still haunts me but I've come to realize that it was a mistake. An accident. He had no intention of hurting me, or himself. It didn't feel right to him and he didn't get any pleasure out of my pain, at all. He didn't like it because, mentally, I didn't enjoy it.

He's been patient (he's always been that way in most respects) and kind and gentle with me. We're taking things very very slow, which is a nice change. We have more time to enjoy each other than just sexually. He's putting more effort into showing his affection for me, although he's always been a big loving cuddly-bug (very much so than any man I've ever dated, thankfully)...~

Although that was probably one of the worst moments in my life, it did snap us out of a phase where basically making-out was driving our relationship more than love and compassion. So I am going to forgive him, eventually, but it may take months, even years, to fully trust him again. For awhile I was unsure if I even loved him anymore, but no one-time mistake, no matter how big, can ever change that.

K R A Y Z E H SEZ:

I don't mean to be offensive here i'm merely curious, and if i've read it wrong then forgive me but, are you saying that you forgive him?

/END.

 

[Tigcat2]

flauterfli

@GuardianAngel;
Oh, that's horrible. =( It's hard growing up and dealing with all these changing body functions. It sounds like it was an accident and he was too young to really understand what he was doing wrong. While it is a traumatizing memory, the boy is still forgivable...unless he's a sleaze now, then perhaps it really was in ill-intent, but it most likely was not.

He's still the same way now. Lately I've been trying to remember if anything else happened between him and myself, and thinking back on it, he was always really sexual. Not physically, but just..It's hard to explain.
----
(I keep thinking with both of these stories "something could of actually happened." They both just are on my mind a lot, and it hurts to remember, or think of the possibilities.)
Something happened recently. A friend since first grade, who I trusted with my life, sent me a message on Facebook. He kept saying things like, "wanna have sex?" or "let's me and you meet after school and you give me a bj or something..k?". I was honestly terrified. This went on for about an hour and a half. I texted my friend and told her to get online right then. She did. She had her mother with her. They helped me calm down. I told him no, I don't want to. So I ignore him the next day at school, and my friend never left my side the whole day. I saw him try to be alone with me, and I ran off before anything happened. Then, at one point, I was alone with him and one of his guy friends. No one was around. I was scared to death. He just kept walking behind me. I slowed down, and walked behind him. They both looked at me, exchanged nods of the head, and then walked on. I've never been more scared in my life. I honestly still don't trust being alone with him. It's crazy of me to be like this over a message, when all of you have been through real events..but I wanted it off my chest.  

[Metal Gothic Dragon]

You know that saying "Third time's the charm"? For me, it was both a charm and a curse. I'll keep this brief 'cause I don't like boring people with my life problems, but the end of middle school, and early highschool, I was sexually harrassed by random guys.

Eight Grade: Went with a friend to the sixth grade computer lab. It was empty and dark, but he wanted to go inside anyway. I was nervous as hell 'cause I wasn't one to break the rules (and being there was definately rule-breaking). The door closed on a springe. He then turned to me and asked me what did I think of him. What did I think of him? I thought of him as "a guy who just got dumped by his girlfriend; poor thing; and they where so good together". The question caught me off guard and he took that oppertunity to embrase me. I was a nervous wreak have a melt down and a heart attack. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to pull away. It took two tugs to get past him, but then he grabbed my wrist and squeezed it. He told me it was fine. I said I didn't feel comfortable being in that room. He said we wouldn't get caught. His grip tightened around my boney wrist, and after some arguing, he let go and we went to the library. I later told my best friend about it and she said, "He probably want to just give you your first kiss, and you over reacted." Yeah, that's I had a bracelet-shaped bruse on my wrist. But....... was she right? Did I over react? Ever since she said that, I've been second-guessing myself.

Ninth Grade: Short story, random black guy came up to me while I was walking in the hall and wrapped his arms around me. I felt very awkward as people stared at us, then he pulled away, and said, "I always wanted to hug you like that. Thanks for that." Then he walked off with his snickering friend. I'm not sure if I can really say if that was sexual harassment, but it was defenatly unwanted. I'd never even seen the guy before that or even after that day! I have no idea who he was, or anything. And yes, I did check me back for one of those KICK ME signs, but there wasn't one.

Tenth Grade: Last straw; that "third time's the charm". I was at church at Youth Group late at night, and I was sitting next to this big guy dressed in one of those wife-beater-T's. I kinda knew him, kinda didn't, but he thought it was okay to grab and squeeze my thigh. We always sat in the back (I was very anti-social at the time) and all that time, I never once said anything just because it would interrupt the pastor. Bad excuse, I know. Easter Sunday, I had to go to church in a dress (ew), and he took advantage of that and went up my dress. That's when things went bad; for both of us. I have no idea where the pincel came from, but my hand reached out on its own, did a neat twirly trick with it, and then stabbed his hand through my dress with full force. He quickly shot up and left the room to go to the restroom. He didn't even make a sound, but I know he was bleeding because my dress had a red spot on it. Then my legs started moving on their own and I also headed to the restrooms. I was rincing my hands of his blood when he came out. "What the hell was that?" he yelled. Then I said something that was not..... well, it was my voice, but I wasn't talking.... My hand reached out and I gripped his balls (sorry for the bluntness), and said, "Touch me again, and next time it won't be your hand." We never spoke after that, and eventually he stopped coming to church.

What just happened? Yeah, I know the answer. Later, I found out that on that day of Easter, I developed a duel personality. It's a guy and he's a handful. He'll take over when he wants to, and pretend to be me. He'll even chase away my boyfriends. Like I said, kind of a charm, kind of a curse.  

[poke the princess]

kitti kat 28

*somewhat graphic*
My first 'sex' came from a date rape at 19. In fact he wanted me because I was a virgin-I was too naive at the time to know this.
And until it happened, I thought I would be able to protect myself, like fight back. But when it happened, I froze. I hated myself a long time for not protecting myself. And I hated losing my virginity that way. My virginity was special to me.

I was further sexually assaulted (attempted rape) at 21 by a guy who claimed he wanted to make me feel better. Which sounded good at the time-naive again. Two quick kisses on the cheek and he tried to shove it in, without bothering to get me ready. I shouted 'No!' and pushed him off w/ my legs. He was heavier but just fat.

The last time was w/ my last boyfriend at 24. He didn't want to have sex before he was married so instead he like to rub his p***s against me. The last time we were together, he rubbed esp hard, and didn't stop when I told him to. I had pelvic surgery a 3 months earlier-cut from hip to hip. So that pressure hurt severely. Plus I was recovering from a 3 day coma. I trusted him. I broke up w/ him then and wouldn't take him back, despite his so-called epiphany.

When I eventually told my parents what happened, my mom told me 'You weren't raped; you had sex!' It was a slap-in-the-face. She's catholic, so sex is b & w to her. My dad acts like I never told him.

It's been awhile now since I've been raped the first time, but I still have nightmares about it (PTSD). Im not afraid of sex; when it's with a caring person, it can feel good-emotionally and physically.

Interesting fact: My two sisters and I were each molested at a young age. Each reacted differently. I hated boys and would chase them around the school in elementary. It when beyond 'eww youre gross' phase.
My middle sister became very shy and never told any1 till she was an adult.
My youngest sister became sexually active early. She has 3 kids at 24 and had a miscarriage at 19.

Im a catholic, too, and see sex as something special. And i know for a fact that it is a catholic belief that rape doesn't count as losing your virginity. Your virginity is something you have to give consensually. I cant believe your mother was so insensitive to your trauma, and ill be praying that you recover. You are so brave to make it so far without going crazy. I had a friend who was sexually harassed by a mutual friend of ours and the ordeal nearly drove her mad with guilt. I know how hard something like that can be and i hope that you can find some peace soon.  

[Metal Gothic Dragon]

kitti kat 28

*somewhat graphic*
My first 'sex' came from a date rape at 19. In fact he wanted me because I was a virgin-I was too naive at the time to know this.
And until it happened, I thought I would be able to protect myself, like fight back. But when it happened, I froze. I hated myself a long time for not protecting myself. And I hated losing my virginity that way. My virginity was special to me.

I was further sexually assaulted (attempted rape) at 21 by a guy who claimed he wanted to make me feel better. Which sounded good at the time-naive again. Two quick kisses on the cheek and he tried to shove it in, without bothering to get me ready. I shouted 'No!' and pushed him off w/ my legs. He was heavier but just fat.

The last time was w/ my last boyfriend at 24. He didn't want to have sex before he was married so instead he like to rub his p***s against me. The last time we were together, he rubbed esp hard, and didn't stop when I told him to. I had pelvic surgery a 3 months earlier-cut from hip to hip. So that pressure hurt severely. Plus I was recovering from a 3 day coma. I trusted him. I broke up w/ him then and wouldn't take him back, despite his so-called epiphany.

When I eventually told my parents what happened, my mom told me 'You weren't raped; you had sex!' It was a slap-in-the-face. She's catholic, so sex is b & w to her. My dad acts like I never told him.

It's been awhile now since I've been raped the first time, but I still have nightmares about it (PTSD). Im not afraid of sex; when it's with a caring person, it can feel good-emotionally and physically.

Interesting fact: My two sisters and I were each molested at a young age. Each reacted differently. I hated boys and would chase them around the school in elementary. It when beyond 'eww youre gross' phase.
My middle sister became very shy and never told any1 till she was an adult.
My youngest sister became sexually active early. She has 3 kids at 24 and had a miscarriage at 19.

God, I don't know how you even lasted after your parents acted that way! If my parents had treated me like that, that would've sent me over the edge to suicide! Or killing men. That thought has crossed my mind more than once. I can't even imagine how you delt with that.  

[Metal Gothic Dragon]

I need advice......

Is it sexual assult, sexual harassment, or simple horse play when another girl comes up behind you, wraps her arm around you, and tries to shove her hand down your pants in the girl's restroom?

Also, I never told my parents about what happened to me in 8th - 10th grade because I didn't think it was all that serious enough to get them worked up over it, but should I tell them anyway?  

[Tigcat2]

Metal Gothic Dragon

I need advice......

Is it sexual assult, sexual harassment, or simple horse play when another girl comes up behind you, wraps her arm around you, and tries to shove her hand down your pants in the girl's restroom?

Also, I never told my parents about what happened to me in 8th - 10th grade because I didn't think it was all that serious enough to get them worked up over it, but should I tell them anyway?

[I am a girl, male avi, just letting you know. ><]

First one: I'd call that sexual harassment, at the very least, unless of course, you consented to them doing that. (Which I doubt..)

Second: If you think you should tell your parents, then tell them. Especially if something can be done about the people who did this to you. That's just my view on it.  

[flauterfli]

Metal Gothic Dragon

I need advice......

Is it sexual assult, sexual harassment, or simple horse play when another girl comes up behind you, wraps her arm around you, and tries to shove her hand down your pants in the girl's restroom?

Also, I never told my parents about what happened to me in 8th - 10th grade because I didn't think it was all that serious enough to get them worked up over it, but should I tell them anyway?

Was she a close friend?
If so, you should probably have a chat about personal space with her.
Some girls, especially sporty ones, are clueless about that.

If not, then definitely tell your parents or the school about it.
It's sexual assault no matter the gender..  

[Satai Aalann]

Wow...all of you are so incredibly brave for sharing your stories with all of us here in the guild. I can't tell you how long I kept silent about my own experience. My husband knows...I told him while we were still dating, but for the longest time, no one but him knew the entire story. That was almost 10 years of silence. I finally opened up to a few other people last year...I was silent for over 10 years.

I guess, for me, I was silent for many reasons. When it happened, I was 10, and the assaulter told me that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone. Growing up in a household where my dad was authoritarian and didn't allow me to disobey whoever was in charge, I did what this man told me to do. I stayed silent. Then, somewhere down the line, after the assault, I told myself that I wasn't going to let myself be a victim of anything. I wanted to be strong and run my own life...not let anyone run it for me. So, I stayed silent because admitting my assault was admitting that I was a victim...

My assaulter was our babysitter. He sang with my mom and grandmother in our Church choir. His parents sang in the choir as well. When it was time for bed, he made sure my siblings were in their own bedrooms before he came into mine. He crawled on top of me, and began rubbing himself all over me, concentrating on rubbing his groin on my groin area. He kept whispering in my ear and asking me if I had been kissed. He stole my first kiss. He just kept talking...I just lay there, rigid...not giving him an inch. I was frightened...what was I supposed to do?

At one point, I told him I needed to go to the bathroom...and he let me go. I knew that I should've called the police. I wanted to lock myself in the upstairs bathroom and call the police...but I was scared. What would he do to me if I did that? Would he try to break down the door and attack me? Would he beat me up? Would he kill me? These are pretty scary thoughts to a 10 year old. I went back to my bedroom.

A few minutes later, he got up to use the bathroom himself. I knew I had a chance to run away and call the police. I had the chance to lock myself away and do it...but I didn't. Those scary thoughts came back and I didn't know what to do. He came back and got on top of me again. At one point, he asked me what I wanted. I think he was hoping I would tell him sex because if I ever reported, he could claim it was consentual. I told him I wanted him to leave.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes...I want you to leave."

Amazingly...he got up. Before he did, he told me not to tell anyone. He didn't threaten me...but he gave me that very direct order. He left. I obeyed. The next Sunday at Church, he had the balls to show up and sing with the choir. I remember his piercing gaze, wondering if I had spilled the beans. I refused to look at him.

He never babysat for us again. Mom must've known something was wrong but never really knew what. His family moved out of town a few years later. I have no idea where he went...and I often wonder if he's assaulted other girls...or if he's even gotten the chance to rape someone. If only I hadn't obeyed...I may have saved another young girl from his destructiveness.

This is hard for me. I am a victim of sexual assault. But mostly...I am upset because I didn't do what I needed to in order to protect other girls like me.  

[A Touch of Evil]

Unfortunately, I have something to share as well. But first, I just want to say to everyone who has posted so far, you are incredibly strong and very brave. Nobody ever asks for it to happen and no one deserves to be traumatized. 

So let's see, in 2007, I was 19. That's when I met someone online. We became very close very fast and started a relationship together. He was my first. When it came to falling in love, we jumped the gun. We were together for a total of 14 months. Through out that year, I had noticed that he was addicted to sex. I remember he would convince me to get naked in front of the webcam and pose dirty for him and touch myself, I usually said no but he would keep insisting. I was usually uncomfortable with all this but I also felt stupid, like I should just grow up and not feel so uncomfortable, that's why I would still do stuff for him over the webcam. As pathetic as that sounds, I didn't want to seem childish to him. To me, he was charming, which caused me to be blinded by love and ignore the red flags my mind was throwing up. I never found it odd that he would always talk about wanting to have sex with me, or how he'd always masturbate in front of me on the webcam, or how he'd always talk about how he had a boner for me. The first time we got to see each other in person was after a year of being together. He stayed at my house for 3 days and we did sexual stuff together but not intercourse and it was consentual. It made me fall in love with him even more. I was so blinded that I wanted to just move away with him and live with him for ever. A couple months later, we went to anime expo together. We had 3 days together again and I wanted to just have a good time with him at the convention.........how sour it turned out. It was anything but a good time.

On the first day, I picked him up from the airport and when I went to hug and kiss him hello, the first thing he did was wrap his arms around me and grab my a** and whisper to me how badly he wanted to do that. I shrugged it off as just playful behavior and continued on. Truly, he made me feel uncomfortable. Then we proceeded to get his luggage and go to the hotel. The first thing he did was push me on the bed. I tried to get back up but before I knew it, he was on top of me holding me down. Nothing happened. We both kinda laughed but instead of going to enjoy the anime convention, we wasted that first day in bed. It was consentual though, we didn't have sex but we did other stuff. I think towards the end of the day, we managed to catch the last couple hours of the convention but we had missed most of the events. Honestly, I was disappointed. 

The next day, we had actually spent the day at the convention and it was actually fun! We took so many pictures and videos of cos players and I genuinely had a good day. Then later on at night, we were back in the bedroom. He had me in uncomfortable positions where'd it'd be easier for him to touch me in different areas. I kept telling him I was uncomfortable, I was lucky that time he listened and stopped. So we continued to play around and he started getting really horny. He took his pants off and he practically dragged mine off. Then suddenly he was on top of me holding my arms down so I could barely move. He started pressing his clearly fully erect boner between my legs...but I still had my underwear on. He kept pressing and it was starting hurt. I remember being so scared that he would actually rape me, no matter how many times I tried to squirm my way out or say no and stop, he kept pressing straight into me very painfully. I remember trying to tell him to at least get a condom....truthfully, if he had a condom, I wouldn't have minded having sex with him. I told him to stop many times but he didn't move. He kept pressing in farther and farther somehow even with my panties in the way. Then he started saying "come on, take them off, I'll be sure not to c** inside" and I said no. Not without a condom because precum can still get a girl pregnant. Something inside me happened then, I suddenly stopped struggling. I figured if I just hold still and let him take what he wanted, it'd be done faster and he'd be off of me faster. I was physically there but in my mind, I was trying to be somewhere else. I remember wanting to cry or just to let it happen already so it can be over faster....I should have defended myself more but he just wouldn't listen. Then, when he wasn't satisfied anymore, he took it to his own liberty to let go of one of my arms to move my panties aside, not take them completely off. He moved it to the side and I could feel him enter me for only a split second because I instinctively used my free arm to smack his away and sternly said NO! He finally got the picture and got up. I could feel myself pulsating down there. I felt soar, scared, used, and completely dirty. I remember going to the bathroom and looking down there to see if I was bleeding. I wasn't, thankfully. I remember I was shaking, no.....I was trembling. I just wanted to go home. I felt so violated and disrespected...it suddenly made me hate him. I remember after some time I was cramping up down there and it was just painful. The whole experience was a painful nightmare.

On the last day, I was distant. I wasn't having fun at the convention and I felt sick. I didn't even want to look at him and I was thankful we only spent a couple hours together before going back to the airport. He had to leave in a hurry so he wouldn't miss his flight. He even gave me one quick hug and kiss that I didn't even want to return but still did....

The entire way driving back home, I couldnt stop thinking about what had happened. I wanted to just forget it ever happened and let things go back to normal......but that was impossible because it DID happen and now I had absolutely no feelings for him. I remember somewhere within the first two days, at night when we would fool around, he actually got mad at me for wanting to start things but never finish. First of all, tough s**t! I can be flirty if I want to, it doesn't have to always lead to something. Have some ******** control. 

When I finally got home, I tried to act like nothing was wrong. I continued to talk to him but it didn't feel right. The next day I broke up with him and it has now been 3 years since that incident and since the last time I ever spoke to him. I started to feel like it was my fault. I felt like I deserved it because I was flirty and playful and that I was asking for it. I never meant for it to go that far. I started getting nightmares shortly after, of being chased down then raped, I woke up a couple times with my v****a throbbing in pain and being scared shitless. Those nightmares didn't last for too long though. I went through a phase where I was angry at him because I was happy with him and he ruined it, but I know now that an incident like that would have happened sooner or later. 

Now, I'm completely over it. I barely remember him or our relationship and I don't feel like crying when I think about it anymore. It wasn't my fault, he's the one who couldn't control himself. What really pissed me off though is that he acted like he didn't do anything wrong. He was surprised I was breaking up with him and he didn't feel like an a** what so ever. Good riddance to him. I never want to be in that situation again.   

[DearGracie]

I vaguely remember my own experience with the sexual harassment(?) that I went through.

I think I was around 5 or (early) 6 years old at the time. One day I went to my backyard to go and play with my brother, while playing the neighbors from the other side of the 9 ft. fence started talking to us.

My brother and I went over to the corner of our fence behind our shed, because the fence was shorter on that side. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I remember I got upset and kicked the fence and it broke down.

I never officially met the two boys, because we always talked through the fence. They were both older than me, probably about 3-5 years older. I don't really remember.

But all I really do remember is one of the boys and I were alone and he told me to unbutton my pants.

My mom says that she took me away, that he didn't touch me, but I remember telling her after a few months.

And I also remember him telling me to come over. Since I was little and he was older than me I thought he just wanted to play.

All I can remember is him telling me to unbutton my pants. I don't know if I forced myself to forget all the details, but I do remember having the feeling what he was doing was wrong.

I'm currently 16 years-old. We both still live in the same houses, and I have never talked to him since I was at that age.

I forgive him for what he has done, but I will never trust him.

He does not have my consent.