Anbaachan's Journal [56lbs to go, small set back]

[Anbaachan]

Day 19

Honestly don't know if I should count the last few days as 'diet days', since they were anything but. We had tacos on Xmas Eve, where I only ate one taco, but I had a margarita and some sugar cookies. Later that night my husband and I shared a frozen pizza before bed. Yesterday wasn't as bad, ate some cookies and some chicken and rice my mother-in-law made.

But today I'm back to counting calories, though i need to like rebuy my veggies I'm sure now. I haven't been eating much of them and have been feeling very at a loss of what to eat. I guess I need to sit down and come up with some ideas so I can make meals no problem. We seem to eat pasta or frozen pizzas a lot, so I need to do a better job.

The only think I hate about the holidays is the state of my place right now!! AHHH! I just wanna pull out my hair! It's such a mess. @__@;; A lot to get done now. And all I wanna do is play Zelda. XD *Sigh* Time to eat.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day20

OH MY GODS! The weight loss gods must be looking over me because I some how managed to lose another pound and 3 more inches!!!!! AAAAAHhh!!! I'm SO excited!!!!!! I can't wait to tell my hubby who is still sleeping!!!

Ah I just feel so happy now! Gosh, I'm so glad it's working a little bit! I know as soon as I get a gym membership, it could be 3-5lbs a week! I'd be ecstatic! I'll lose my weight in no time!!

I'm supposed to go out with some friends today... Still waiting on a call from the one to confirm we are hanging out... But I plan to treat myself to some subway because it sounds so delish right now.

Well, I'm going to go get ready anyway! Take care and good luck!

Weight: 178
Bust: 45
Waist: 35
Stomach: 40
Hips: 47

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 21

I really hate when things turn out alright one day and then the next it all hits the fan. I've stopped crying now, but by no means am I happy right now.

Lets see, I was having a weird dream, this morning, don't remember it, but I know it was weird. My husband snored in my ear, by accident, effectively waking me up in a not so nice manner. I make myself get up because I have stuff to do, so I grab my lappy to check my stuff and wake up a bit.

Well, I get an email from my friend saying how she's working on new years eye now and that the party we had intended to go to turned into a big party and basically I can't go because I don't know the guy. To make matters worse, it sounds like she was still going to go instead on making other plans with me. So that lame party told you guys about before, I'm pretty much stuck going to now, since I don't wanna be alone on New Years, and my husband is going. I might be buying a small bottle of vodka before we go... I know I'm going to be bored most of the night. Though staying home doing nothing kinda sounds better at this point. Maybe I will. Dunno yet.

To add insult to injury, I'm really nervous about tonight. I used to be a highland dancer back when I was in HS. I was thin back then. And tonight there is an alumni get together for dance tonight and I'm fat. 60lbs fatter than I was back when I did dance. Part of me wishes I never quit, but it was for a reason I did. I'm just really nervous.

I just got off the phone with my mom and she made me feel better a bit about New Years. She said I could down by her. The only problem is getting down there. I don't want to make anyone go out of their way because we only have one vehicle at the moment.

I really just feel like s**t. I'm going to go shower and see if I feel any better.

 

[Tandahda]

Why can't you go to the same New Year's party as your husband? It seems silly to spend the time apart.  

[Anbaachan]

I really didn't want to spend new years even doing nothing but playing PS3 or Wii all night. I do that at home as it is. I was hoping to do something interesting and special because it's a holiday.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 22

So I could not sleep much last night about this whole thing with my friend. So I wrote her a simple email that just expressed I was upset. Originally, my email was long winded, passive aggressive, and angry. A girl on gaia made me change my mind about sending it and simplified the how I felt in literally like 5 sentences. I sent it. Now I'm worried about her response, but I feel a bit better letting her know what she did was a shitty thing to do.

I got glee the first season on DVD. I'm excited to watch it, though I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open.

The thing last night went well. Very few people showed up though. Also got to play with a baby! Which is always nice. Take care everyone.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 23

Been watching Glee most of yesterday. Which is nice. Can't keep me from thinking about the lack of an email response from my supposed best friend. You'd think, if she had felt bad, with me telling her I was upset about the situation, she'd at least apologize. But her silence leads me to conclude she's pissed at me now or she just doesn't care. Which hurts and makes me mad because I've bent over backwards for her numerous times. I'm the one she normally calls crying when something happens. It must be so nice to have 4 best friends to chose from.

I just don't know what to make of it and it sucks. It's not like I insulted her or went off on her. I just simply stated that it sucked that she canceled out plans so she could still go to the party. That I felt like she didn't really want to hang out with me at all. And according to her Xmas card, her friend Jill is the reason she's still going. Drop one friend for another. Classy. Especially when I asked her first.

Just got a response. She apologized that I felt that way and I'll have to go to a girls night out. I kinda just feel worse now. It was kinda just a shut up, be happy I'm even inviting you back down. "I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I hope you know that I mean it when I say that you have to come down for a girls night out. I promise those are a lot more fun."

yes. Aren't I so lucky.

I'm sorry to be going on about this. It's just... She's supposed to be my best friend... and this is one of the first fights we've had. And it really, really sucks.

In other events. I dreamed about bread. And now I want some, even though it's full of calories. And I don't want the sliced whole wheat bread I have, I want the fluffy but crusty french bread. @___@ blah. Also, Corn Flakes Touch of Honey is REALLY good. It's just a little sweet. Very good. 120 cals per 1 cup. great snack dry.

PART TWO

Hopes get shot down again... The location we were sure we had in the bag was given to someone else AGAIN. Just seriously, why can't we catch a break?!?!?! We NEED to open up the store. So why can't anyone give US the perfect retail spot. ******** BUILDING OWNERS AND THEIR PREJUDICE AGAINST ANIME STORES AND ARCADES. ******** THEM ALL.

I just can't wait for this ******** year to be over. ******** 2009.

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 24

In a better mood than yesterday for now. Finished Glee last night. WONDERFUL show. I love love love it!!! biggrin It makes me so happy.

I'm going lax on myself today. It's a holiday and I know it will be near impossible to avoid snacks... and i might have to be drunk to enjoy this get together... ^___^;; So with that being said, I won't be counting calories, but I have still be watching. I had noodles and co for lunch. The whole wheat linguini tuscan pasta is good. I added the parm crusted chicken to it. Fantastic. And I'm full. Got a frappe from McDonalds though.Good for my taste buds, not for my waist.

Kinda tired now. I had a blast doing lunch with some friends. I wish I was hanging out with them tonight instead of who I will be hanging out with. Oh well. What can you do. I'm still mad at my friend. I think she was a really big selfish b***h about the whole thing and I honestly hopes she has to deal with her ex at the party. It would be nice if she had to deal with bullshit too. I'm crossing my fingers for it.

I know that seems mean, but my sister pointed out last night when I told her what had happened, that this isn't the first time she's blown me off. It's the first time it's been so blatant, but not the first time she has changed plans I had been counting on, sometimes months in advance, because she wants to go out and hang with other people. I never really realized how... last resort I've been these last few years to her. It hurts, a lot. Namely because I have no one else. But... maybe I'll just start talking to my sister. She understands. She's young and married too. It was just really nice to head someone agree with me about it sucking rather than brushing it off as my friend is 'young and single', like it was something I just have to deal with.

And you know what I say to the young and single bullshit? I'm not going to deal with it. Don't alienate me because I got married. I don't regret my choice and I love my husband, but I should not be taken out of plans. I will take myself out of plans if I don't feel comfortable with them. Or if you tell me you are going out to get laid, I totally get that! I'm not going to be anyone's c**k-block unless they want me to be one!

But yeah, that's how I feel about that.

Hoping to get a gym membership this month. Maybe I'll take the money I got for Xmas from my mother-in-law and put it towards the membership. It should cover all my fees and then I only have to worry about the month to month, which should only be about $30.

Have a great new year everyone. Don't party too hard!

 

[Stars in my Pocket]

I just wanted to tell you that I thought your avatar was really pretty and well-put-together. (:

Also, I agree about the married v. single thing. I'm in a LTR and all of my single friends blow me off all of the time. I'm not even married yet. ._. I guess people think that "I do" is a fun-sucking curse or something.
I can't really give you advice but I really do hope it gets better for you. <3  

[Anbaachan]

Day 25

Ah, I was SO bad last night. So much food. Enjoyed every second of eating it. Back to the usual routine today. Not sure what to make for dinner though, I mean, my husband has a toothache... so he only wants easy to eat things. Which means... I'm probably going to making my own meals. Which is fine... But I still don't know what to eat.

The party was alright yesterday. We didn't do much but sit and talk, but that was okay because my husband was feeling a bit under the weather. We got home at about 2am. We sat and talked and spent time together until nearly 5am. We started the new year off right. biggrin I love him. And am very grateful to have him. <3

@Stars: It's nice to know that at least someone understands what I mean. It's been so frustrating and disheartening the last week, in all honesty. I mean, I don't have many friends where I live and to have her blow me off when she's supposed to be my best friend? It's like a knife to the back. but I guess what makes things worse, is I hadn't been seeing it. my sister had to point it out that she has done similar things to me in the past, just this was so blatant. And you know what? She's right. And now I kinda feel like I don't know who my best friend is anymore.

As for the avatar, thanks!!! I love the dappy, and this outfit made me think of a skimpy snow white costume. I enjoy it!

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 26

Back on the diet with little to no problems. Kinda have been craving things I know I should stay away from. So I ate some extra fruit to try and help. An applesauce and 2 clementines. I feel better, though I can feel the cravings still lurking.

Think I might be coming down with something. Super tired, lethargic, headache and I seem to be sneezing a lot the last couple days. I can't even really think straight. It sucks.

No word from my friend yet. Way to be. *SIGH*

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 27

Dunno if this has happened before, but I noticed my scale was slightly off the starting line. Fixed that this morning (I honestly don't remember the scale being off last week) and weight myself. I'm down a total of 5lbs now! No inches lost this week though. Weird. I'm not complaining. 5lbs is 5lbs.

For those who read my journal, I made a post called "Lending an Ear" in the other discussion section. It's a Life Support thread. For people to rant or give advice. Please check it out. I think it would be real nice if we could all help each other with stuff other than weight loss.

Might have a cold. Not feeling great by any means. I think I said this yesterday too. @___@ Brain is fried.

 

[BitterFantasy]

YEAH FOR 5LBS!!! congratulations.. *throws a party with healthy foods*!way to go.keep up the good work.  

[Anbaachan]

Thanks!! I was really excited... though you can hardly tell because I feel terribly. I have a feeling I will be filling my diet today with lots and lots of hot tea with a Tbs of Honey. @__@;

 

[Anbaachan]

Day 28

Wow. 4 weeks of dieting. I wish my pound to week ratio was higher... but I need to talk to my hubby about getting me into a gym. I plan on using the money I got from my mother-in-law from Xmas. That should cover the joining fee and the first month at least, maybe part of the second month.

I got my first birthday present already, 12 days early!! He bought me Gossip Girl seasons 1 and 2. I love the show and love the books even more. So i'm super exciting. Going to pop the first season in while I eat some pizza.

I'm super cranky today. I'm PMSy and tired... and I honestly don't know how I am so nice to people sometimes. I'm in a grumpy mood and I still managed to be nice and polite to EVERYONE I talked to while I was out. I held doors for people, including a guy in a wheel chair. I said lots of please and thank yous. I don't know how I do it, really. I don't like upsetting people, so I guess it's just been so drilled into my head... that I don't even have to think about doing it. Which is nice. XD;; Just surprising some days.

So I wrote a letter to my friend and mailed it out today. Just explaining why I was upset and how blowing me off made me feel like crap. Hopefully I won't get a negative response back, because maybe, she just doesn't realize why it's a big deal to me. I remained civil and did my best to explain things.

Well, have a good day, pizza is done, gossip girl is in.