First up: What do you want to learn?

[Dan the Dante]

Psychedelic Seizure

Oops.

Perhaps it was the way I explained it...
I wasn't meaning to discourage you from comedy at all.
Bad Psych! -spanks self-

Anyway, if you have anything in particular that you want me to clarify or elaborate on, feel free to pester.

I'd hate to think I've just added to your confusion on the subject.

No, no. Here use this to spank yourself. rofl

Kidding, just kidding. It was great advice, don't worry I've been enlightened to the ways of comedy. xd  

[XziqueX]

I have a problem... although I'm not really sure if it's the type that's supposed to be taught or you just learn it on your own.


I'm having problems with words. Let's say if I use "slash" I always use just that word when it comes to combat RP. I can't be more creative with my words and tend to use the same ones again and again.  

[Pisani Maskarada]

I'm a bit confused on what exactly it is you are asking. For some reason slash makes me think of old comic books. I suppose I personally would need an example to help you. sweatdrop  

[XziqueX]

Hmm... Maybe something like this.

Zique drew out his sword and slashed at his opponent. He then spun swiftly behind him and slashed behind him.

Okay, that's crappy. But something like that. When I attack I always use the word "slash". I know there are other words like cut, wound, injure or something but somehow I always end up using SLASH. Maybe I just got used to it or something.  

[Yeshaya Silver]

I know what you mean, XziqueX. If I may help you...

Personally, I used to have this same problem. But more recently I've gotten into the phase where I'll actually sit down and just think about different ways to say something. Now it really bothers me when I use the same word twice in a paragraph.

Another way to say "Slashed" could be;

-Jabbed
-Cut
-Sliced
-Lunged

Or you could, instead of making it a single word, simply rephrase what you're saying. I.E. "Zique drew his sword and lunged for his opponent, then swiftly turned and swung it around, aiming to cut across his shoulders." Really crappy example, but I've got a headache, so.... Lol.

This help?

--E.E.

 

[XziqueX]

Yup. That really helped. I'll start thinking of more words now when I post. Thank you. ^^  

[Yeshaya Silver]

Anytime. Glad to help.

--E.E.

 

[Ripple_of_water]

im just having trouble in general (im a beginner) like i can find one thing to say like "X walked over to Z and kissed him on the lips." i just dont know how to expand on that lol (x and z are just fictional to let you know)  

[Yeshaya Silver]

Hey, Ripple_of_water. I can prolly help you out.

I did that a lot when I first started. Although I considered myself a "writer", I really didn't know what to say in roleplaying situations. Maybe I can give you some tips.

+Think about it in terms of real life. What is it like to do things in real life, like give someone a kiss, as your example said? What would you follow up with? Get that in your mind first.

+Add sensory details. What does the air smell like? What do the person's lips that you're kissing taste like? Any emotional feelings going on?

+You don't just go up to someone and do something, you note things first. You can see how their hair looks especially shiny, or the look in their eyes. Things like that.

+Thoughts! We don't just do things, we think about them, too. (Even if we dont think BEFORE we do those things. ;D )

Did this help?

--E.E.

 

[Blind Anbu]

I can never find a way to describe the surrounding area and stuff like that...help please?  

[Yeshaya Silver]

Just note a few things, Blind Anbu--

A: Coloring. What color is it?

B: Sensory details. Like taste, sight, smell.

C: TOUCH. This can be very important sometimes. Like, pine needles aren't soft, now, are they?

D: General shapes.

E: Any small details. Like weather, a scar, a tattoo, etc.

Like instead of just saying, a leaf, you could say something like, A small, orange-red, crunchy leaf, shaped vaguely like a heart. Sounds a lot more complete, doesnt it?

Hope that helped.
--E.E.

 

[FebruaryLiege]

This is a post that I have recently done within a Kingdom Hearts guild. I was wondering if anyone could comment or help improve my RP style.

Quote:

Hiraion awoke in a wooded area close to the place where his house used to be.
I really miss this place... Shame mom and dad won't be able to see it again... I want things to be like they used to...
He stood from his resting spot and headed back towards where he used to live.
Home... I just want to go home again...
He ran his hands through the ashes of the beloved house in which he grew up. He truly missed home and his parents. It had been four long years since the incedent and he had just discovered why his father left him the keychain. He summoned the Kingdom Cannon to his hands.
Time for daily training, even before I had this thing, dad had me training.
He headed back into the forest and started picking off little heartless one by one.

Quote:

Hiraion was rather exhausted. He set out towards the place where he slept for the night.
Is it just me, or are these things getting more difficult to fight?
He arrived at the usual spot and he picked up the bag he used as his pillow and headed in the direction of the tavern. Te fact of the matter was that he could use a drink.
"One of the usual please," Rai happily said to the bartender.
"Already 'ad one pr'par'd. Ya came in late t'day. Must've g'ven th' 'eartless th' bea'ing of their poor lives, 'eh?" The bartender replied.
"Yea... Quite a beating..." his voice trailed off.
"Son, you okay?" The bartender gave him a quick worried glance. Hiraion came back to his senses in a panic.
"Oh, uhm, yea, sorry Wedge." Wedge reached under the bar table and pulld out a clean cup.
"I know tis not th' us'al-" he filled the cup with some soda and put a nice amount of ice cream in it, "-bu' i' seems like you could use it, you lov'd 'em when you were a wee lad." Wedge slid the cup towards Rai.
"Thanks Wedge." He stuck a straw into the float and pondered about his past.

 

[Rene Miashi]

Which of your quotes would you like help with first?  

[FebruaryLiege]

Either one. A critique of both wouldn't hurt at all! biggrin  

[Rene Miashi]

I'll start with the first one, then go onto the second one. Sound good?

Quote:

Hiraion awoke in a wooded area close to the place where his house used to be.
I really miss this place... Shame mom and dad won't be able to see it again... I want things to be like they used to...
He stood from his resting spot and headed back towards where he used to live.
Home... I just want to go home again...
He ran his hands through the ashes of the beloved house in which he grew up. He truly missed home and his parents. It had been four long years since the incedent and he had just discovered why his father left him the keychain. He summoned the Kingdom Cannon to his hands.
Time for daily training, even before I had this thing, dad had me training.
He headed back into the forest and started picking off little heartless one by one.

The first thing that I notice about this post, is that there is a new paragraph almost every line. I realize, also, that there are thoughts mixed in with action. I'm assuming this is why you used paragraphs, but one thing that is often different from normal writing and RPing is the fact that we use two spaces. There are no indent instructions for paragraphs online, so two spaces is the norm to seperate paragraphs. So, that would look like this...

Quote:

Hiraion awoke in a wooded area close to the place where his house used to be.

I really miss this place... Shame mom and dad won't be able to see it again... I want things to be like they used to...

He stood from his resting spot and headed back towards where he used to live.

Home... I just want to go home again...

He ran his hands through the ashes of the beloved house in which he grew up. He truly missed home and his parents. It had been four long years since the incedent and he had just discovered why his father left him the keychain. He summoned the Kingdom Cannon to his hands.

Time for daily training, even before I had this thing, dad had me training.

He headed back into the forest and started picking off little heartless one by one.

Now, the next thing that I noticed was that your thoughts look exactly like your actions. It's common for thoughts to be put into Italics so they don't look like everything else, so I'll go ahead and do that.

Quote:

Hiraion awoke in a wooded area close to the place where his house used to be.

I really miss this place... Shame mom and dad won't be able to see it again... I want things to be like they used to...

He stood from his resting spot and headed back towards where he used to live.

Home... I just want to go home again...

He ran his hands through the ashes of the beloved house in which he grew up. He truly missed home and his parents. It had been four long years since the incedent and he had just discovered why his father left him the keychain. He summoned the Kingdom Cannon to his hands.

Time for daily training, even before I had this thing, dad had me training.

He headed back into the forest and started picking off little heartless one by one.

Other than the things I changed, it's a good sized post. I would try adding something to the end of your thought sections, like 'he thought (silently, boodingly, etc.)' and then going on to describe why he thought that. It's little things like that that add more to a post.

Shall I move on?