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| what to do? |
| say it is something u will understand when u r bigger |
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42% |
[ 21 ] |
| it is as love. |
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44% |
[ 22 ] |
| let the kid do what he/she wants... |
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6% |
[ 3 ] |
| say shutup u kid |
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4% |
[ 2 ] |
| hit him/her in the face. |
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2% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 49 |
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 Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 1:11 am
reality-revised wifiscihifi i dont know what i would do if i was in a situation like that, i think the parents should hold nothing back from when talking about that subject, im not a parent so thats just my opinion but either way kids nowadays see the music videos and movies and think "i want to be a player like that" and girls usually fall for the "game" and i honestly believe that is one of the major problems, not just with this nation but the world, causing kids to have children which i believe has led to the worlds over population and this is what God ment by the sin. sex is not a sin. God created man and woman to connect and be fruitful, that means sex. sex is meant for a man and woman thatre married. i didnt mean that sex is a sin i meant that as humans we lost sight of our reasons for having sex... well not all of us but most have sex just because its something cool to do, come on most ppl love to brag about how many times they get laid
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 6:38 am
fr34x0r just tell them straight out...it's a natural thing. most kids these days don't know cause people don't tell them, and they end up doing something stupid. sure, if you tell them they're going to be curious and want to know what it's like, but all you're doing by not telling them is creating a risk that they'll end up with a crash course. and don't candy coat it with that whole 'birds and the bees' stuff or whatever I know some of you overprotective parents use cause they are going to be laughed at and are going to have a really distorted version to the reality of it all. maybe I'm a bit straight forward, but I know it's the only true way for kids to be 100% aware and know how to be safe about it. I'm actually glad I never got some of the stupid stories I've heard people have used. "knowledge is power!" -throws fist up in the air- ninja u convinced me....
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:53 am
wifiscihifi reality-revised wifiscihifi i dont know what i would do if i was in a situation like that, i think the parents should hold nothing back from when talking about that subject, im not a parent so thats just my opinion but either way kids nowadays see the music videos and movies and think "i want to be a player like that" and girls usually fall for the "game" and i honestly believe that is one of the major problems, not just with this nation but the world, causing kids to have children which i believe has led to the worlds over population and this is what God ment by the sin. sex is not a sin. God created man and woman to connect and be fruitful, that means sex. sex is meant for a man and woman thatre married. i didnt mean that sex is a sin i meant that as humans we lost sight of our reasons for having sex... well not all of us but most have sex just because its something cool to do, come on most ppl love to brag about how many times they get laid ah, yeah i understand that. people have lost sight of how sacred an act it should be. theyve made it out to be so common its disgusting.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 8:00 am
I had this conversation recently with one of my best friend's kids. She had learned how it was done, and had a bit of an inkling of why (she was 13 and her body was telling her SOMETHING should happen), but she wanted to know what it was really like.
I had a moment of panic, and then realized I did have an answer, of sorts.
ME: Kiddo, you know when the family goes on a trip to visit your cousins in Michigan? How does your mom pack up the clothes for you kids? Do you each have your own suitcase, or do you all share one big one.
KIDDO (not her real name, obviously): Sometimes we have our own, like if we're going for a long time and everybody needs a lot of stuff. Sometimes we all just share one.
ME: When you take one big one, can you lift it? (I asked, knowing she couldn't. She's very small for her age -- looks about 8, not 13).
KIDDO: No, it's too big and too heavy.
ME: And when you've got your own suitcase, can you lift it?
KIDDO: It's hard to carry all the way out to the car. Sometimes I have to set it down and rest a bit on the way there, but I can lift it okay.
ME: That's kind of what knowledge of sexuality is like. Right now, knowing about the realities of sex would be like trying to lift and carry that big, huge suitcase with all your clothes in it and all your brothers' and sisters' clothes in it. You're carrying things that are yours, but you're also carrying things that belong to other people, and it might hurt you to try carrying it all by yourself. You with me so far?
KIDDO: Yeah...
ME: But if you only worry right now about your own sexuality, the part that's only for you, it's manageable. Right now, it's all about thoughts and feelings. And maybe you'll be trying something on your own, and that's okay, but you get to put down that suitcase and rest any time you feel that carrying it is getting to be too much. Still with me?
KIDDO: Yeah. I can do it alone if I want, when I don't have to learn how to say no, I can just stop it myself because I want to.
ME, thanking heaven above: Yes. Exactly. For now, that big suitcase is just a little bit heavy for you. Why don't you let your mom carry it for you a little while longer?
KIDDO, looking both enlightened and relieved: Yeah, I think I will. Hey, do you want to go get a Slurpee?
Kiddo ran to get her bike, and the door of the house opened. Kiddo's mom, Friendo (again, not her real name), came outside and hugged me on the shoulders. "I heard. Thanks for that."
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:46 am
Divash I had this conversation recently with one of my best friend's kids. She had learned how it was done, and had a bit of an inkling of why (she was 13 and her body was telling her SOMETHING should happen), but she wanted to know what it was really like. I had a moment of panic, and then realized I did have an answer, of sorts. ME: Kiddo, you know when the family goes on a trip to visit your cousins in Michigan? How does your mom pack up the clothes for you kids? Do you each have your own suitcase, or do you all share one big one. KIDDO (not her real name, obviously): Sometimes we have our own, like if we're going for a long time and everybody needs a lot of stuff. Sometimes we all just share one. ME: When you take one big one, can you lift it? (I asked, knowing she couldn't. She's very small for her age -- looks about 8, not 13). KIDDO: No, it's too big and too heavy. ME: And when you've got your own suitcase, can you lift it? KIDDO: It's hard to carry all the way out to the car. Sometimes I have to set it down and rest a bit on the way there, but I can lift it okay. ME: That's kind of what knowledge of sexuality is like. Right now, knowing about the realities of sex would be like trying to lift and carry that big, huge suitcase with all your clothes in it and all your brothers' and sisters' clothes in it. You're carrying things that are yours, but you're also carrying things that belong to other people, and it might hurt you to try carrying it all by yourself. You with me so far? KIDDO: Yeah... ME: But if you only worry right now about your own sexuality, the part that's only for you, it's manageable. Right now, it's all about thoughts and feelings. And maybe you'll be trying something on your own, and that's okay, but you get to put down that suitcase and rest any time you feel that carrying it is getting to be too much. Still with me? KIDDO: Yeah. I can do it alone if I want, when I don't have to learn how to say no, I can just stop it myself because I want to. ME, thanking heaven above: Yes. Exactly. For now, that big suitcase is just a little bit heavy for you. Why don't you let your mom carry it for you a little while longer? KIDDO, looking both enlightened and relieved: Yeah, I think I will. Hey, do you want to go get a Slurpee? Kiddo ran to get her bike, and the door of the house opened. Kiddo's mom, Friendo (again, not her real name), came outside and hugged me on the shoulders. "I heard. Thanks for that." That was a fabulous way of handling the situation. Kudos.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 2:59 pm
Thanks, Trelayne. I have to admit, it really only works that well with a child who is open enough to ask directly, and trusting enough to accept a "not just yet" answer.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:21 pm
Wonderful way to put it!
I'm still young yet and I get pretty disturbed by how much these little ones know. In smaller schools sex ed tends to be an optional class. I was mature enough at 12 to feel I was too young for it and I opted out. I never regretted that decision.
My mom was good about sheltering us to a certain extent. My siblings and I all feel like sex is something for real love, and something for 18+. I myself kept to that. My brother and sister are 16 and 18, respectively, and though I had a moment of worry, they both confirmed they agree with waiting.
It's kind of difficult for me when little ones I know ask me about sex. I'm never sure how much information is too much, but I try to impart upon them that it's a serious thing for adults.
A lot of people ask me... why 18? I reply that before 18, most teens have no idea what they want. Most couldn't tell you their aspirations for college let alone who they intend to be with. My parents divorced when I was in elementary school, but it never tarnished my beliefs that there's someone out there for me. My mom always taught me to treat my body as a temple, and only the worthy may receive it. I think that's a good lesson, not just for sexual education, but for image as well. Plus, getting back to the number, I feel like since 18 is when your an adult in the USA, that should be somewhat appropriate. You should be mature enough to handle the responsibilities that could possibly come with sex. I've been told males develop the sexual sense earlier than females, but that to me doesn't change anything. Men also (statistically, but I'm not sure I buy it) mature slower than women, so it evens itself out in my eyes.
I hope someday I'm as adequate at explaining to my future children about all of this, as with the suitcase story. I'm not too good with words but I found that very good. ^^
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 4:04 am
Nataku Urameshii Wonderful way to put it! I'm still young yet and I get pretty disturbed by how much these little ones know. In smaller schools sex ed tends to be an optional class. I was mature enough at 12 to feel I was too young for it and I opted out. I never regretted that decision. My mom was good about sheltering us to a certain extent. My siblings and I all feel like sex is something for real love, and something for 18+. I myself kept to that. My brother and sister are 16 and 18, respectively, and though I had a moment of worry, they both confirmed they agree with waiting. It's kind of difficult for me when little ones I know ask me about sex. I'm never sure how much information is too much, but I try to impart upon them that it's a serious thing for adults. A lot of people ask me... why 18? I reply that before 18, most teens have no idea what they want. Most couldn't tell you their aspirations for college let alone who they intend to be with. My parents divorced when I was in elementary school, but it never tarnished my beliefs that there's someone out there for me. My mom always taught me to treat my body as a temple, and only the worthy may receive it. I think that's a good lesson, not just for sexual education, but for image as well. Plus, getting back to the number, I feel like since 18 is when your an adult in the USA, that should be somewhat appropriate. You should be mature enough to handle the responsibilities that could possibly come with sex. I've been told males develop the sexual sense earlier than females, but that to me doesn't change anything. Men also (statistically, but I'm not sure I buy it) mature slower than women, so it evens itself out in my eyes. I hope someday I'm as adequate at explaining to my future children about all of this, as with the suitcase story. I'm not too good with words but I found that very good. ^^ thtats pretty good but keep in mind that every kid is different and what works for some doesn't work for others. I knew a guy who once said give thema rated r movie and they will pretty much get the idea,thats a bad idea, what am trying to say is that u tell em its a painful act and that tthey can get diseases , andbabies. cause if u leave them 2 their devices they will work with it. I know most people don't like to be negative but in this cause u have to be or the kids are gonna end up doing it
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:24 am
Sexual education tends not to cover many parts of things. The thing about sex is, that it's terribly appealing. It's something that people are made easily curious about and it's practically impossible to keep teenagers from ever experementing with it.
As such, I'm honest, stick to the facts and explain the details. What can get people pregnant, and what can get people killed. What is "safe" and what's not.
Also, I do try and make sure that those that are around me know that they can come to me with whatever questions they might have on the subject and that I will answer them as well as possible.
There's a bit of a scare up here as some kids are learning "sex ed" from pornography. Pornography that teaches kids some, if not all, of the following fallacies:
-No lubricant needed for "anything".
-The more the Merrier.
-Bigger is always better.
-No condom required.
etc, etc, etc..
There "needs" to be some counterweight to that, something that gives teens the chance of having a positive experience.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:53 am
Forgive me, but I don't think it's a great idea to tell kids (only) that sex is painful and will give them diseases and babies. It can be painful; they can get diseases; they can get or give pregnancy. But telling them only the negative things can give a young person a rather horrible fear of sex, which may make it very hard for them to begin healthy sexual relationships when they're older.
Ideally, young people should know a few things. One, that sexuality is within everyone, and it's not something to be feared. Two, that there are limits placed on it for good reasons that are very difficult to explain -- not because we adults don't want to explain it, but because it's so complicated that even we have trouble explaining it to ourselves. Three, that it should never be approached if even one of the participants doesn't thoroughly want it, and if someone else approaches them about it when they don't want it or aren't legally old enough for it, they should say no, and then tell a grownup they trust to help them.
And finally, that even if everyone is willing and enthusiastic about it, their first time shouldn't have to be shrouded in secrecy. If they're considering sex, but know that after enjoying it they'll be hesitant to call up their mom or dad or sibling and say "It was wonderful," then it's probably not the right time for it.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:24 am
Quote: Forgive me, but I don't think it's a great idea to tell kids (only) that sex is painful and will give them diseases and babies. It can be painful; they can get diseases; they can get or give pregnancy. But telling them only the negative things can give a young person a rather horrible fear of sex, which may make it very hard for them to begin healthy sexual relationships when they're older. I totally agree with that. Kids should learn about a responsibile way to handle sexuality, but not getting a phobia of it. It is bad enough that I AM afraid of pregnancy... Quote: If they're considering sex, but know that after enjoying it they'll be hesitant to call up their mom or dad or sibling and say "It was wonderful," then it's probably not the right time for it. Or they value privacy... Seriously, WHO would call anyone after that? "Hey, I just had sex"... When I would be asked about that I would try to show pro's and contra's of sex. Kids should know why everyone wants to do it, but also the risks connected. I think I cannot tell my children (if I am ever punished like that...) that they have to wait until they are 18 or something. It would end up like "When did you have your first time?" - "Eeeh *cough* 14 *cough*", but I would try to be a role model that knows how to use condoms and pills. And that you have sex with a special person, not with anyone you just know by chance or something. I think it is very important to be real in that case. If you are lying, they will notice and not listen to you anymore.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 10:46 am
If it is your child asking about sex, then it should be an age appropriate discussion. A five year old does not need to know everything. As they enter into adolescence, they will either ask you, their friends, or the internet. It is better they here the whole truth from you. In my house everything is discussed from masterbation, birth control, STD, abstinence (which is what I prefer) and so far we have had no problems with having open discussions with our 3 teenagers about any of those things. 2 are 17 and 1 is 13.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 12:03 pm
Depending on the are of the child I would tell them that its better to wait. That at there age it should not be a priority. But if they are older I will give them what knowledge I can and inform them that waiting is the best posibility.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:47 pm
knoledge is power.
I want my daughter to know all the facts. All the pros and cons about sex.
So when she is ready to have sex she is prepaaird. And protected. As far as her weiting or not If she wants to do it she will do it no matter what I or any one else says.
I would prefer that she waits. I am however a realist and I know she wont.
I just hope she uses the pecautions that we have talked about.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:04 pm
I agree that knowledge is power. My mother was never particularly comfortable with discussing sex, but the school I went to were really good about handling that. I know for me, I learned all about sex, including all the good things (closeness, orgasms, etc) and the bad things (pain, disease) from the start. I was obviously curious, but I was also smart enough to think, "gee, maybe I'll wait until I'm old enough to handle the consequences of sex, and I'm in a relationship with someone I love and trust." And I did. I didn't have sex until I was 20, and I am damn proud of myself for it. Whenever I got teased about being a virgin I would say things like, "Sex isn't a race to see who can do it first or the most. I'd prefer to wait for someone I actually care to have sex with."
So I'm thinking with my children I'm going to give them the facts when they first ask, instead of letting their friends corrupt the idea of sex into something popular and cool to do. And maybe, HOPEFULLY they will have the same sense I did.
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