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[Morphine Razor]

(warning: this will be something you all would probaly not get, but it cracks me up everytime i say it. It's a personal joke with my friend Emily)

"i'mma stalker for a day"

x3!
~busts up laughing~

okay so it goes..something like this..i can't remember.

~Vincent is following Zane, watching his every move~

Voice:....you turned into a stalker!!

~Vincent turns around to see Bane~
Vincent:.....correction...i'm not a stalker..
i'm a stalker for a DAY..
~blank face~  

[The Outside Looking In]

Chuck norris' muscles are really tumours.  

[Misty Marina]

Eight
Words with two Meanings

1.
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.... Any part under a car's hood.

Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n ..
Female...The open s haring of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4.
COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female....A desire to get married and raise a family!

Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.

Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens)
n.
Female....An embarrassing by product of indigestion.

Male.... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female.... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE
CONTROL (ri-moht
kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.




AND...

He
said ..... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She
said ..... You wear pants don't you?

He
said ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She
said That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He
said ..... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She
said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He
said ..... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She
said ..... We don't know; it has never happene d.

He
said .... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said .... They already have boyfriends.

He
said ..... Why are married women heavier
than single women?
She
said . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.  

[Misty Marina]

As long as we're comparing the genders:

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic,
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else,
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on,
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves,
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Who do you think won?  

[LordVesquan]

Lmao misty!!! rofl

Those are all great

I have one to, im not sure if anyone will get it at first....but here goes!!


So a baby seal walks into a club...


Thats it xd  

[Misty Marina]

Achmed The Dead Terrorist~  

[dapeacefulman]

Cover Charge: $15.00
Round of Drinks: $23.00
Table Dance: $30.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Couch Dance and Tips: $50.00
A Round of Shots: $34.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00
Private Dance and Hotel Room: $500.00
Sending her on her way without having to cuddle or listen to her:

...........PRICELESS! hehe not that bad rite ^^  

[II_Sami_II]

uhm...There is a pet a bird and a car... what is it?! O_O and no the bird is not the pet.  

[iDA-R-E-M]

The coco look at his closet to see if Chuck Norris is there  

[Atomsk81793]

What do you call a Giant Gay Dinosaur?


A MEGA-SORE-a**

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl  

[Atomsk81793]

LordVesquan

Lmao misty!!! rofl

Those are all great

I have one to, im not sure if anyone will get it at first....but here goes!!


So a baby seal walks into a club...


Thats it xd

oH I GOT IT THE SEALS ARE THE ONES WHO GET CLUBBED AND KILLED TO MAKE CLOTHES FUNNY BUT.....cruel  

[Misty Marina]

Staind_soul81793

LordVesquan

Lmao misty!!! rofl

Those are all great

I have one to, im not sure if anyone will get it at first....but here goes!!


So a baby seal walks into a club...


Thats it xd

oH I GOT IT THE SEALS ARE THE ONES WHO GET CLUBBED AND KILLED TO MAKE CLOTHES FUNNY BUT.....cruel

Oh jeez, are you serious?! I agree with Staind, but not funny~