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Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2005 6:14 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2005 7:55 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 5:47 am
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 5:37 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 7:58 am
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Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 11:15 am
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Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 7:59 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 12:24 pm
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 5:27 am
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 3:37 pm
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Lovin every sec. of love!
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Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 2:44 am
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Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 6:01 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 9:55 pm
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Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 9:42 pm
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Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 12:22 pm
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I've been thinking recently about death. How romantacized, how finite, how common it is. It is so finite yet so relative. When it's in a movie or on the news, it's a form of entertainment. Something that will be over as soon as you want it to be. With some people, myself being one of them I admit, it is a form of (artistic) expression. A way of expressing angst or a way to explore the id of ourselves.
Yet when it happens...
It shouldn't feel as heart-crushingly numb as it does. It happens every second and it happens to everyone. Why isn't it accepted as another stage in a person's "life"? Why is death given so much respect, fear, and sadness?
I think it's because humans have never experienced death themselves so they wonder about it. And it hurts when someone you have been with your entire life is suddenly taken from you without warning and you will not see them again for a long time. It's not neccessarily the awe and fear of death; it's the pain of longing and the shock of not seeing the person combined. Our minds grow addicted to certain things being there--feelings or things we like, certain people's company. That is why it is so hard to accept. We have to close down every brain-passage that contains those addictions and it hurts when the addictions are not met. Your brain does not accept it at first.
Together those emotions form a sort of tidal wave that makes death the embodiment of everything bad and awful when really, when it does not affect you (when you are not "addicted" to the person) then death isn't so scary.
Death wouldn't be treated like the big bad wolf if we didn't grow attached to things. I don't think it's because "humans don't understand it"; we understand it fine. Sure we don't know about the afterlife but that's not the part that hurts, is it?
I've come to another realization concerning death.
I have become moreoutwardly interested in morbid subject matter.
I have always been interested in witches, ghosts, black, etc. I was twelve when it emerged for the first time in my appearence. It was because a girl named Kira came into my school and she was the real first "punk" peer I had ever been in contact with. So I realized there was a way to funnel my interests into apparel. Well that faded somehow and I varied between boyish to prep for the next few years.
It is emerging now once more because, as you know, a dearly loved one has left me (physically at least but it still hurts). By dressing the way I am now and expressing my morbid interests, I am convincing myself that death is cool and glamorous. I know this is not the case but it is my subconscious.
Unlike a lot of "gothic" people or the like, I have held these interests for a long time and am only now finding a way to categorize myself based on my interests. A lot of people find the lifestyle then base interests off of that.
So in conclusion, I am not "emo" because I think I am cool for it. I am "emo" because it is my way of dealing with tragedy. And if I hear one more word about it, I will personally rip off/out the genitalia of the offending party.
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