In a bad mood? come here and rant till you feel better

[Esiris]

My current living situation isn't really a good one- one of my roommates who is my former BDSM partner is either so self-absorbed that he's inconsiderate to the point of abuse or is just outright manipulative and abusive- he's said he's happy to "lie, cheat and steal to get what [he] wants" so I kind of think it's manipulation and abusive behavior instead of the complete inconsiderate option.

It's gotten so bad that I'm starting to consistently have bad dreams about the situation. In 4 months we move and it can't come soon enough. In one dream in our hallway I just screamed at him calling him a "Flaming bag of Cunts". Last nights dream involved an open brawl that had Annette getting so pissed off at his continued mistreatment of me that it came to blows- and it was him- but he looked like some kind of troll, with long claw-like hands and a bulbous splotchy nose.  

[Ultramarine Violet]

I work at a diagnostic imaging office. One of our imaging technicians (who is related to my boss) has started to make passes at me. I don't like it - it makes me uncomfortable and scared.

I tried not to think anything of it when he was lingering near my desk for prolonged periods of time. I figured I was being paranoid when he started spending a lot of time rummaging around in the cabinets behind where I sit (I have a thing about people being behind me - particularly when there's no reason for them to be [plenty of room in the area, not a crowd, etc.]) and it made my skin crawl. I thought he was maybe just a little socially awkward when he started asking me about drug use, or about my personal life, or about how women in my country and my culture get by (check this out!) without ever having to do anything - that they should take their luxury to seek a higher education, because they (and I quote) "do ******** about their responsibilities in the home." I started to feel that there was something more to it when he began talking at me about his drug hookups, or the fact that his wife was going to be out of town soon for a prolonged period of time.

I know how to handle the situation, it's just terrifying. It makes me nauseous to think about it. But I guess it's a matter of document, document, document. Just... GAAAH. I shouldn't have to do this, really. This s**t is ******** stupid and I wish he and his leering and his misogynistic comments could just drop right off the face of the earth. stressed Being in possession of a v****a does not make me cattle, or property, or a crack-whore, or 'fair game.' I will play nice for now, and lay low, and document every non-work-related word that passes between us, and if he touches me, then by the gods, I will touch him back, and he will not be happy about ********.  

[Ultramarine Violet]

Also trying to weigh the value of dressing like an effing nun to avoid any possibility of victim-blame vs. continuing to dress as I currently do, to avoid any implication of having orchestrated the entire effing situation.

stressed ******** this game. stressed

It also doesn't help that my man's response is "I'm confident you can take care of yourself. You're a tough chickie."

.... I know I can take care of it myself. That's not the problem. A little support/sympathetic indignation would be nice. Or, you know, at least get a teensy bit annoyed. For a few seconds? sweatdrop  

[Taliah]

So sorry to hear about that Violet. sad These situations are so frustrating because there is only so much you can do without having to be terribly mean and blunt about their advances and how they make you feel.

Are you on good terms with the boss? Maybe they can tell them to leave you alone.... but there's always the chance that might make it worse. sad The situation is not very good, I just hope that it comes to an end soon without any major terribleness.

Also, I would figure your man would at least be somewhat annoyed. Mine gets really protective if a strange man so much as gives me a compliment. Maybe I just have a jealous man.  

[Eltanin Sadachbia]

Ultramarine Violet

I work at a diagnostic imaging office. One of our imaging technicians (who is related to my boss) has started to make passes at me. I don't like it - it makes me uncomfortable and scared.

I tried not to think anything of it when he was lingering near my desk for prolonged periods of time. I figured I was being paranoid when he started spending a lot of time rummaging around in the cabinets behind where I sit (I have a thing about people being behind me - particularly when there's no reason for them to be [plenty of room in the area, not a crowd, etc.]) and it made my skin crawl. I thought he was maybe just a little socially awkward when he started asking me about drug use, or about my personal life, or about how women in my country and my culture get by (check this out!) without ever having to do anything - that they should take their luxury to seek a higher education, because they (and I quote) "do ******** about their responsibilities in the home." I started to feel that there was something more to it when he began talking at me about his drug hookups, or the fact that his wife was going to be out of town soon for a prolonged period of time.

I know how to handle the situation, it's just terrifying. It makes me nauseous to think about it. But I guess it's a matter of document, document, document. Just... GAAAH. I shouldn't have to do this, really. This s**t is ******** stupid and I wish he and his leering and his misogynistic comments could just drop right off the face of the earth. stressed Being in possession of a v****a does not make me cattle, or property, or a crack-whore, or 'fair game.' I will play nice for now, and lay low, and document every non-work-related word that passes between us, and if he touches me, then by the gods, I will touch him back, and he will not be happy about ******** class="clear">

[Ultramarine Violet]

Taliah

So sorry to hear about that Violet. sad These situations are so frustrating because there is only so much you can do without having to be terribly mean and blunt about their advances and how they make you feel.

Are you on good terms with the boss? Maybe they can tell them to leave you alone.... but there's always the chance that might make it worse. sad The situation is not very good, I just hope that it comes to an end soon without any major terribleness.

Also, I would figure your man would at least be somewhat annoyed. Mine gets really protective if a strange man so much as gives me a compliment. Maybe I just have a jealous man.

Thanks, Taliah. I appreciate your good thoughts, and will try to put their energy toward the best possible resolution. heart (As an aside, have I seen you on here before? Your username seems familiar...)

Unfortunately, he's the boss's brother. So my hands are kind of tied. I spoke to the guy directly, but... well, for conciseness, I'm gonna tack an update on the end of this post. Read on! xd

You may have a jealous man, or I may just have a really, fantastically clever man. The more I think about it, the more I think demanding a reaction from him may have been bait, so that I could give symbolic vent to my frustrations when I really needed to handle things more literally. So... xd Don't hold it against him too badly. sweatdrop

Eltanin Sadachbia

As for talking to the boss, I have been there, done that, but once I did, I guess I was flagged as a lawsuit risk. I don't believe courts solve anything when it comes to sexual harassment, I would take matters into my own hands before I took someone to court (though I didn't go so far into that). Either way, I was out the door within 2 weeks with no explanation, and no bad history with the company.

Documentation is the best thing you can do for yourself. As for covering up, I wouldn't change what I wear for anyone but myself. Besides, some smartass lawyer could misconstrue any change in you behavior in regards to his as a boon to his case.

I think making your guy see how concerned you are would help you out allot... and if guy's asinine behavior continues, a right word dropped discretely in the right place about his drug use would probably make an end to your problem.

Thanks for the heads-up on the 'talking to the boss' thing... With the way the job market is right now, I'm glad I didn't risk myself by going straight to the boss. 3nodding I've been documenting everything carefully, and boy-oh-boy, have the Wonder Twins been giving me a lot to document.

I actually spoke with the offender (Let's call him T) yesterday. There was a witness present - one of my co-workers - puttering around in the background, as I told T clearly that I was uncomfortable, and what behaviors made me uncomfortable, as well as how to avoid those behaviors in the future.

Today, his brother (My boss, S) interrupted my work at least every twenty minutes for the entire time he was in the office to redirect me to some trivial task - essentially acted as though I was his personal assistant. Then, when he left for the day, T came up front and started lingering around the front desk in between patients. He spent a lot of time leaning on the front desk and asking me about things that were only marginally work-related (one of my suggestions was that we limit our conversation solely to work-related matters).

It seems to me as though T may not have gotten the hint, and I wonder if S is trying to punish me for speaking up? I hope I'm just paranoid, but he did dump a -much- larger workload on me than usual, today. Luckily, there's enough downtime at our facility that I was able to get all caught up, but the timing seems odd. S runs the facility, so I don't have a way to go higher up that I know of, though I guess I could ask the billing administrator. It'll take me some time to figure out my footing at this stage of things, but I'll keep you guys posted.  

[Taliah]

Ultramarine Violet

(As an aside, have I seen you on here before? Your username seems familiar...)

I'm an old lurker. sweatdrop I was more active a year or so back, so you may have remembered me from then. That and my avatar has seen an overhaul as of late. I normally have red or brown hair and a lighter skin tone than this I have now.

Also, no worries on the significant others reaction, I've always kind of thought that guys deserve more credit when it comes to dealing with things like this. And I will continue to send good thoughts your way, and root for a hopefully snappy, positive resolution to the matter. heart  

[Esiris]

Wow. Way to respect my time. rolleyes
I know it doesn't seem like much- but I do spend a lot of time planning out meals, figuring out portions, planing laundry cycles and stuff- things that include you. I don't mind you being gone- actually I'm kind of relieved, but do you think you could let me know so I don't waste food, time and effort on someone who isn't going to be here?

Oh- another thing. Saying "I'm sorry" isn't a switch that suddenly turns crappy treatment of me into acceptable treatment. Saying "I'm sorry" is the first step in fixing things- it's supposed to be a promise to work on things to make them better, to avoid the same old pitfalls and put some effort into going in a new direction. If you only say "I'm sorry" so that you feel better about yourself, or so that when you do the same stuff again you can act like a victim and say "I told them I was sorry!" when you get hit with the consequences, then you might as well keep your mouth shut and not say it at all.

Apologies mean "I've done wrong, I want to make it right and to not do it again in the future we share together." Not "I say this and suddenly everything's better! How dare you expect me to not keep doing the same thing?"

110 More days.  

[Taliah]

Ultramarine Violet

I thought he was maybe just a little socially awkward when he started asking me about drug use, or about my personal life, or about how women in my country and my culture get by (check this out!) without ever having to do anything - that they should take their luxury to seek a higher education, because they (and I quote) "do ******** about their responsibilities in the home."

I meant to ask about this bit before, because it has me curious. Where are you from, if you don't mind my asking?
((asks the average mutt American sweatdrop ))  

[Ultramarine Violet]

Taliah

Ultramarine Violet

I thought he was maybe just a little socially awkward when he started asking me about drug use, or about my personal life, or about how women in my country and my culture get by (check this out!) without ever having to do anything - that they should take their luxury to seek a higher education, because they (and I quote) "do ******** about their responsibilities in the home."

I meant to ask about this bit before, because it has me curious. Where are you from, if you don't mind my asking?
((asks the average mutt American sweatdrop ))

You're not American! scream You're not even wearing a flag on your head!

xd I'm from America, as well. My co-workers, however, are Pakistani (Literally the entire staff, with the exception of three others.)  

[Taliah]

Aha. Just wondered from the post there. Kinda brings a new light on just how highly American women are thought of, eh? Oh stereotypes, you're everywhere.  

[aoijea23487]

Dear "Wiccan" girl in my club on campus,

I like you. A lot, really, and probably more than you think I do.

It's just... when you bring up ideas for us to do, it's all the same generic NeoPagan stuff. This is not a club for that. Some of it is useful for everyone, yes, and your perspective deserves space, but most of us are not the flavor of NeoPagan you are. So forgive me for not agreeing that "observing the 8 major holidays should be fundamental." I don't really observe them. If we do, we should also observe holidays from other traditions represented as a fundamental core value. Prepare yourself for the Ludi Cereales, Saturnalia, Bacchanalia, and the billion other Roman holidays on my religious calendar. Just wait till we get a Greek Recon or something; we'll be celebrating every meeting.

Sincerely,
Illiezeulette  

[River_Moonwolf]

Dear roommate of mine, I understand you have a life outside of this apartment. I also understand that there going to be times when you need to borrow my car. I also know there are going to be times when you just want to see your kid - I get all that. But please please understand, it cannot be all the frickin' time. I love the cats to death, but I feel they're holding me hostage whilst you tool about. Get a job that gives you more than 15 hours,. save up and I'll help you buy a beater. Seriously, I don't mind helping out but now I'm the guy paying insurance on a car I don't get to use half the time.....