Yes... about this policy....
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If you have ever read an acceptable use policy before,
Which I have... they're very nice things to have... they protect people's rights to intellectual property, and they keep people from doing anything illegal with said IPs.
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you are probably aware that they are long, drawn-out documents
Indeed, they can be, but I really don't mind reading. It exercizes the mind... you might want to give it a try some time.
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often written in highly obfuscated language
It's a legal document... of course it's written in "highly obfuscated" language, it's meant to provide a concrete legal definition, on the off chance that these people have to take someone to court. Besides, most of the AUPs I've read are pretty clear cut on what they expect and what they'll allow from the users.
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intended more for confusing the reader
If said reader has less than an 8th grade reading level....
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than actually providing useful information.
I'd call writing a guide on how not to get sued is actually quite useful, personally... but since you're supposedly the authority on these things, I'll let you say what you want to say.
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Since this policy applies to the entire Internet,
what...?
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we felt that it should be spelled out as simply and as universally understandable as possible.
So where's the "select language" option?
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As a result of this, we decided that the best way to write this document would be to model it after something that everyone knows and follows (or at least should!) in their daily lives already.
Hmm... why do I get the feeling that this "Net Authority" is some half-witted, pro-censorship religious-based group that thinks that all areas of our lives should be lived completely by rules and regulations set up by their religion, without any kind of concessions made for those of us who aren't of the same faith, and who are of legal age to decide for ourselves some of the less (or more, depending on who you ask), savory parts of the internet in the privacy of our own homes?
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We chose God's own law—The Ten Commandments.
I don't have 10 commandments... although, thanks for the idea, I should write down some sort of list of good ideas to live by... but that's beside the point. why, exactly should we follow rules set down by a minority religious group in an open-access network of information sharing?
If you don't like what you see on the internet, here's a thought, GO TO ANOTHER SITE... or just do what I do, and point out that these dumbtards have their heads shoved so far up a dark hole on their own bodies that they slightly resemble a nautilus shell...
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To help keep things simple though, we have narrowed it down to five simple rules.
really? well, now... if it's only 5 simple rules, then perhaps I should take a look at them... perhaps I was wrong about you people.... probably not, but this is the last chance to redeem yourselves.
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Internet Acceptable Use Policy
Posting information or content in any form on the Internet constitutes acceptance of and agreement to the Net Authority Internet Acceptable Use Policy.
hmm... Interesting... so what's the penalty for breaking these terms? seriously, most places have measures in place that prevent people from just blatantly abusing material or use of their site, that way they can actually give their terms some teeth.
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Thou shalt not post pornographic material.
If anyone gave half a rat's ballsack about these, you wouldn't need anything else, your organization would have killed the internet entirely with your definition of "pornographic".
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There is a common misconception that
there's half a brain between all of your pathetic grassroots effort's supporters? but, seriously, please, continue to make fools of yourselves in a public arena.
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pornography is limited purely to images or textual descriptions of an explicit sexual nature.
according to the US government, it is.
Oh? Really? What, then, would you define as "pornographic"?
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Anything that can evoke impure thoughts in the mind of the beholder is pornographic.
You mean like a almost completely naked guy nailed to a cross-beam?
With that one statement, you have completely annihilated the internet, because these days, they have fetishes for everything. So, in essence, there's no need for you people, because your website is evoking a whole bunch of impure thoughts in my mind... most of them involving how hard I could smack some sense into you people with the biggest oar I could manage.
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Thou shalt not post hateful material.
Any material that promotes or inspires hatred or violence towards any other person or group of people is strictly forbidden.
Good idea, in theory... but you'll notice a massive issue here. In fact, you could call it a massive act of hypocrisy... but I'll get to that later.
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Thou shalt not post blasphemous material.
You mean like a mass assumption that 100% of the world is not only monotheistic, but also Christian?
It would seem to me that, again, you people are in violation of your own rules here. I do kindly ask that you, please, remove your website from the internet, as you seem to be in violation of the Internet Acceptable Use Policy, as set forth by your own organization.
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Any material that would lead one astray from the righteous path
Of oppressing the thoughts and views of all non-believers in the christian faith...
and, on the internet, as I have told so many n00bs before you people, that one true god is me... your generic, though still proper-noun deity need not apply here...
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must not be permitted on the Internet.
or anywhere else for that matter, right?
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These days children are gaining access to the Internet at younger and younger ages—
Because people who have children can't bother to be so inconvenienced as to actually do some real parenting, and would rather see mass censorship,
since they don't want to actually supervise their children while they surf the internet.Quote:
a time when they are most vulnerable and susceptible
Or open minded and impressionable....
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to blasphemous viewpoints and suggestions.
Such as the ones set forth in your own Acceptable Use Policy...
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Thou shalt not post materials of an offensive political nature.
You mean like a suggestion that our first amendment rights, and the open, free, public sharing of information should be censored, because parent's are neglecting their duties as parents?
Just because you ignorant screw-ups decided to breed, since you thought the neighbor's kids seem like such great pets) doesn't mean the rest of us should have to suffer for it. Children are not puppies, just because they're not as cute as they were in their infantile stage doesn't mean you can ignore them, or see spending time with them as an inconvenience.
You made that mistake, you deal with it... and you deal with it on your own terms. Don't step on my toes because you don't want to take responsibility for your own screw ups.
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Thou shalt not post materials concerning bestiality,
gross as it is, it's still legal in some states. I'm not into it, but for anyone who is, to each their own.
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including interracial relationships.
what?
You classify interracial relationships as "bestiality"?
Now, while everyone's entitled to their own opinion, the only thing I can say to this one is this....
F_CKING BIGOTS!
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God did not intend for different species or races to intermingle sexually.
So, I assume, then that your ethnic background is 100% pure, then?
right....
I'm not one to say things like this, normally, but in your case, I'll make an exception...
I hope you set yourself ablaze accidentally at your next cross burning, you racist Klan pigs.
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Any content that contradicts this natural law,
Again, I'm not a violent person, but I want to kill you exponentially more as this goes on....
seriously... just tie yourself to the next cross you torch...
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directly or indirectly, is strictly forbidden.
If I could kill you with anything, it would be a steamroller, just to see what the human body looked like when squeezed out like a tube of toothpaste.