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 Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:23 pm
P e t e r - W i n t e r sPeter was startled by Eduard's sudden embrace. Though the touch was meant to be comforting, it only brought him more pain. What convenience was he filling now with this simple hug? Peter didn't want to think about it.
Nonetheless, he could feel Eduard's genuine apology in more than just Eduard's voice. Eventually, he felt the wetness on his head and turned around awkwardly. He placed his hand on Eduard's cheek, smiling despite Eduard's words, and murmured, "It's all right. I'm okay now. In the end, we're really nothing more than employee and employer, so what's the matter of convenience going to do?" He fought the urge to laugh bitterly. "If I'm convenient for you, then so be it. If it makes you happy."((Despite Eduard's playboy tendencies, I love him more and more as this RP continues!)) L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:42 pm
"Don't..."
But it was too late.
Peter had turned around and seen the tears which had slipped from his mask, had seen that which he didn't want anyone to see... not even him...
"Damn it, Peter..." Eduard whispered angrily before pressing himself forward and kissing the actor again.
The movement probably would have knocked Peter out of the chair, had Eduard's arms not been wrapped around him. Instead, the Marquess pulled Peter up to stand, still kissing him deeply.
"You're not a convenience!" Eduard whispered harshly, his forehead against Peter's own once he had withdrawn from the kiss. "YOU are not a convenience. Rosaline may be, but not you." Dark eyes watched Peter carefully. "Your ability to portray a woman is a convenience. The idea of Rosaline is a convenience. But by my own inability to differentiate... by my own damned selfish wants and desires, I... Damn it..." Eduard winced slightly before pressing his lips to Peter's again.
'God, I'm selfish... There's no other way to say it, is there? I want so I take, and what I can't have I...'
'Why can't he feel it too? Why am I the only one that thinks he belongs here? Why does it feel like he would be more suited to this life of mine than I am?'
Tears were falling from dark eyes, tears that were full of bitter anger at himself.
(((Dude... seriously... Peter just made Eduard want to throw him to the ground and ravage him in the first draft of this response...)))
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 7:17 pm
P e t e r - W i n t e r sPeter was once again startled by Eduard's actions. Before he knew it, his lips were pressed against Eduard's once again. He didn't resist, but he felt a deep pang of sadness. Being a convenience wasn't at all a nice feeling.
Peter had cried away all of his tears, and he was feeling controlled enough to keep his mask on as Eduard talked. He knew that Eduard was watching him carefully, and he didn't want to let anything slip. Peter was just about to reply when he found himself immersed in yet another passionate kiss with Eduard. Peter didn't understand much of what was going through Eduard's mind, but he was starting to get just a little bit of it through Eduard's explanation.
He kissed Eduard back, wanting Eduard to feel the forgiveness that he had already been granted by Peter. Through all this, not once had Peter felt any resentment towards Eduard. He hadn't felt any anger nor anything negative, for that matter.
He pulled away for air and smiled, his facade smiles being even more feminine and innocent than his regular smiles. He looked into Eduard's eyes. "It's really okay. If you want me, you can have me." He was trying his best to make Eduard feel better. He leaned in and kissed Eduard's tears away with the gentlest touch. "Now you can't be all that selfish if I'm giving myself to you, right?" He blushed at his words, but stuck by them. A week ago, he wouldn't ever have imagined himself saying such a thing.((Eduard is such a... testosterone driven person... xD)) L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 7:30 pm
Eduard's response to that however, was probably way off the mark from anything Peter had expected.
His dark eyes grew cold for a moment before finally speaking. "Then it makes you the same." he whispered, anger tinting his words. "For my happiness and my selfishness, you'll do anything, right?" the Marquess asked before releasing Peter and stepping around him.
He moved forward, leaning on the porch railing again before turning, the small of his back against the hand hold.
"You're giving yourself to me because I'm your employer. Because you're playing a part. Damn it, Peter..." the Marquess was angry, but at who was yet to be discovered. "That's not even your smile! That isn't your touch! Not your laugh or voice or even your eyes! You're acting..."
'You're mocking what I feel, aren't you?'
'Do I want you?'
'No... I only think I do because you're so damn unlike anyone else.'
'But you're giving yourself to me...'
'I don't want to be indulged. I'm sick of getting what I want all the time... sick of it...'
"I'm not some god, Peter! You don't HAVE to make me happy!" Eduard was angry now.
But not at Peter.
He was angry at himself yes... but perhaps more importantly... he was angry at the world.
At his station...
At what was expected of him...
(((Yeah... I hadn't expected him to be but I've been thinking about what motivates him and why he acts like he does and this all just collided at once and he became testosterone fueled atm.)))
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 7:56 pm
P e t e r - W i n t e r sPeter winced as Eduard started yelling, but he said nothing. Eduard's reaction was definitely unexpected, but his surprise was quickly pushed away by his feelings of... inadequacy. He had lived his life trying to be as best as he could, and every time that he was yelled at, he felt horrible. He strove to make things better and to not be the subject of anyone's anger anymore, but here he was, with Eduard angry at him. At least, that's what he thought.
He bit back the tears that were rushing to his eyes and begging to be released. He had already cried enough for the day. He sat back down in his chair and picked up his cup of tea, looking into it and willing himself not to cry. "I... I'm sorry..." Though he managed not to let loose his tears, the tremble in his voice gave that feeling of self-disappointment away enough.
Eduard's anger bit deeply into him, just like anyone else's anger would. But it was either because he held more value in Eduard or because the distance between them was growing further by the minute that Peter felt more bitterness and pain now than he ever had before in the face of anger.L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 8:10 pm
Biting back any other angry words, Eduard shook his head, his dark gaze focused on his muddied boots.
"What would you have me do? Have me say?" he asked softly. "I try to make you happy and you push me away... now you're saying you're giving yourself to me and, for the most part right now, I don't even know all that implicates and... and I can't help but push you away too." he sighed, "I've spent my entire life getting everything I wanted. Everyone trying to make me happy. Can't you see, Peter?" his deep violet gaze focused on the young man. "I want you to be different than them. When you're not having to act, when it's the two of us... please... I just want you to be you. Because you, Peter... the true you... is no convenience. I swear it..."
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 8:17 pm
P e t e r - W i n t e r sPeter didn't move, still lost in his thoughts. Eventually, he murmured, his voice less warbling, "The me you want to see is confused..." Peter really was still confused. Though some matters had been cleared up in their recent passionate moments, he still was left to wonder why Eduard was kissing him if he wasn't just a convenient place for him to vent his need as a playboy. What other reason would there be? And yet, here Eduard was, standing in front of him, denying that very fact, and it made him confused beyond compare. He tried to work it out as best as he could, and his eyebrows furrowed in frustration, blemishing his otherwise fine face.L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 8:23 pm
"If you PROMISE not to get upset before I finish..." Eduard spoke, moving to sit down at the table again. "What I said you were convenient before... I meant Rosaline. But sometimes you and Rosaline merge into one being and... and it confuses the hell out of me." he sighed, sipping at tea that was no longer even lukewarm. "That's why I want you to be YOU, Peter. When you don't have to be Rosaline... I want to see, to talk, to you. When I kissed you again..." the Marquess shook his head. "Even I can't explain that. I like you, Peter. But as I said I... I'm hesitant to say I love you because I don't want to label this relationship as love." Eduard smiled softly, but it was an incredibly sad smile. "And because... well... in the end... we couldn't be together even if we wanted to now, could we?"
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 8:28 pm
P e t e r - W i n t e r sPeter knew that what Eduard said was true. Their relationship, if it was love, would cross so many taboo boundaries that they'd probably break a new record. Peter also agreed with Eduard in the fact that he didn't quite want to label it as love himself. He wasn't sure how he felt towards Eduard. Perhaps he didn't resent the sudden kisses because he welcomed them somewhat. Perhaps.
"I'm quite... effeminate, if you haven't realized..." He was offering up a reason for Eduard to feel better about being confused all the time between him and Rosaline. There were times when he himself couldn't tell the difference, and though he wasn't sure why exactly, he found himself being Rosaline even when it wasn't necessary. Or maybe he was just being himself without knowing it.L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 8:52 pm
"You're an actor, Peter... you're trained to play women on the stage." Eduard replied, his voice gentle. "I don't resent that. But... I want to be honest around you... and I'm afraid that I'm confused so much that I don't even know if I can be honest with myself."
He sighed, running lithe fingers, fingers still tinged with dirt from gardening, through his hair without realizing it.
"I like it when you're around." the Marquess smiled softly. "I... I ask that you don't let me push you away."
(((I think we're having pm problems, hehe)))
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:45 am
P e t e r - W i n t e r sPeter took a sip of his cold tea, contemplating what Eduard had said. How was he supposed to do what Eduard requested? Not pay close attention to Eduard's actions as they came?
"Should I... forgive everything you do, then?" He wasn't exactly sure what Eduard was even requesting.((I swear I sent it to you! I shall send another one...)) L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:27 pm
"Of course not." Eduard replied, smiling softly. "That's exactly what I don't want. If you get angry with me Peter, I want to know. If you disagree, I want you to speak up. I don't want you catering to me in some effort to please your employer. But..." he sighed slightly, eyes focusing on the tea cup in his hands. "I also don't want you to be put off by my selfish actions... so... I just want to know what you think. What you really think."
In truth, the Marquess wanted to change that part of him that was constantly trying to push people away.
He just didn't know if he could.
(((That's so weird... maybe Gaia's eating pms? I don't even have a page worth of pms in there, hehe.)))
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:22 pm
P e t e r - W i n t e r sPeter chuckled softly, though suddenly. Shaking his head in slight amusement, he slightly smiled. "I still don't think you're at all selfish, dear Marquess." He glanced at Eduard quickly to gauge the reaction, if any. "And in the end, I still stand by my words from the first day we met; I don't think that I will ever be able to get mad at you. You simply don't incite any anger from me." Though you do motivate me to some other feelings...
Peter shook his head comically, trying to dispel those thoughts. He didn't like it when he didn't understand an emotion within him, and so he usually tried to crush those emotions. But for some reason, with this specific instance, that just wasn't working.((Really? I have pages upon pages upon pages... I never delete anything, so I guess that's to be expected.)) L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:33 pm
Eduard smiled as Peter laughed.
That smile was small and sweet, a hint of shyness and embarrassment in the edges of it.
And oddly enough, it was combined with a very light, almost undetectable, blush.
"But you were crying." the Marquess asked suddenly. "What I said hurt, didn't it? How... how could it hurt and you cry and yet you not be angry?"
(((Hehehe, I always keep the last PM someone sends me, unless it's an RP, then I keep them until I can save the contents to a wordfile, then delete them all to the last one I received. So I tend to have like 10 pms at most.)))
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:57 pm
P e t e r - W i n t e r sThe answer came naturally to him, and he replied without a thought. "Because, Eduard, you sincerely didn't mean to hurt me... Am I right?" Even though he asked, he already knew the answer. Eduard had been so hurt by Peter's tears, so irked by Peter's facades, that it was evident how he felt genuinely.
Peter swirled his finger around in his tea absentmindedly, once in a while bringing it up to his lips and licking the tea off. He was unconscious of the action, for if he was, he would have realized that it was very out of etiquette and stopped immediately.L a d y - R o s a l i n e
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