~ CONFESSIONS! ~ ( Keep it PG13! )

[MiaIkumis#1Fan]

I've been practicing with tarot cards and fortune telling as well as exploring various religious practices despite telling my family and pastor that I am Christian. I feel terrible for lying, but I go to a Christian school and I don't want to be stuck going to "religious guidance" aka after school talks with the bible club. But in a few ways I don't feel my belief system matches up with Christianity, so I want to try different things and explore my own beliefs.  

[Angel Nicholson]

MiaIkumis#1Fan

I've been practicing with tarot cards and fortune telling as well as exploring various religious practices despite telling my family and pastor that I am Christian. I feel terrible for lying, but I go to a Christian school and I don't want to be stuck going to "religious guidance" aka after school talks with the bible club. But in a few ways I don't feel my belief system matches up with Christianity, so I want to try different things and explore my own beliefs.

I'm Christian and my mom and I do Taro card readings. My pastor tells us that as long as we still have faith, there's nothing wrong. As long as we don't throw away all our faith, things will be okay and you're not doing anything wrong.
I mean, I know Taro cards and whatnot are kind of...anti-Christian, but it's your own set of beliefs and you have to do what's right for you.  

[forever a fawn]

My grandpa died 3 years ago. I act like it doesn't bother me anymore, but I still cry at night sometimes when I really need a hug, and he's not there.  

[Alice of Heart]

You don't have to read it, I just wanted to put it up so I could get this weight off of shoulders.

1. I remember sometime in the second grade my best friend left me to go play with another person. That girl was my only friend, other than another girl who had recently moved away.
Because my best friend left me, I had no more friends. My best friend teased me a lot, and even the older grades teased me, but I stayed quiet.
Somewhere in October I started to break down. I began to cry a lot at night, when nobody knew I was upset (I cry silently).
I got really sad, and lonely, but I kept my mouth shut.
I started to get bullied by a few people in my school who thought I was weird for knowing things most people wouldn't, and for thinking certain things were cool even though they weren't. I kept my mouth shut because I though they would get mad at me for telling on them.
Come January, the thought of just ending it all and committing suicide crossed my mind a few times.
I didn't really need to take pills. To my family, nothing really seemed wrong. I never showed any signs of being depressed, really. I never injured myself, talked about my feelings, or even talk about how terrible school was for me...
The next year, I just got to grade three. I had started to feel better because I had been with my family for some time, having fun. The feeling of happiness disappeared when I saw my old best friend. She had made a lot of friends without me, and it hurt me so much deep down inside. I went on being lonely and sad for a long time... The only person who showed a damn was a boy in my class.. I used to have a crush on him. He would kinda poke me and share jokes with me. He was kinda like a tough-love guy. I liked him because of his personality, and the way he always used to smile. But he still wasn't a friend. In late October or early November my older siblings saw me crying. I started to tell them all about how school was for me, and how lonely I'd been for the past year.
Just after Christmas break, there was a new girl. She had just recently arrived in Canada, and didn't really know how to make friends there yet. My old best friend offered to play with her, right when I was about to ask. I tried asking if I could play with them too, but they kinda gave me a disgusted look right before they agreed.
After a week me and the new girl became best friends. We would play every day with each other, no matter what. One week in May, I got sick with the flu. I came back the next week to find that my best friend didn't really like me anymore, and I went back to being alone. I shifted from friend to friend, but all of them deserted me at some point.
I just got into grade four and I was worried about making friends. I had built up some sort of anti-hurt shield around my heart so that I could cope with the loneliness... But the girl I had become friends with in the third grade was in my class. We started to bond, and well... We became best friends again. Up to this very day we're still best friends. We're still in the same class, and we're getting along perfectly fine. I made more friends, and now I'm in a group of friends.

Even though I still get bullied a little bit, it's easier to bear because I'm not alone anymore.

2. I still cry at night because I still feel lonely. Also because I hate who I am. Also because of the constant bullying I receive. Also because I'm just another hopeless romantic.

3. Sometimes I wish I could get a coma and just dream for years, ignoring reality.

4. The thought of suicide still comes to mind whenever I'm hurting on the inside.

 

[alienli]

I don't know why, but I really, really, really wanted to go to JoJohn's birthday party today. He never answered his facebook messages, so I never got driving directions.
Now I can't go to his party.
I'm crying my eyes out.
I really, really, really wanted to go.  

[The Angel Monster]

More confessions.. >.<

-Every since my friend Chase moved, I think about him almost every day. I feel so guilty for not visiting him after he moved. He was my first real childhood crush, and I'm pretty sure I was in love with him.
-When someone I'm uncomfortable around sits near me, I freeze up and watch my breathing, my movements, and make sure to avoid eye contact. I feel as though if I look at them I'll feel a pang of guilt, like I'm not allowed or good enough to look at them.
-There is a boy in my town with a voice so delightful, who is kind of scruffy looking, but has the voice of a true angel. He plays a lot at the local coffee shop. Every time I watch him play on stage with his guitar, I feel tears in my eyes. I want for him so bad to become famous.
-My boyfriend gets so mad at me when I play street fighter 4 when Im on the phone with him. Sometimes I just wish I could yell "HADOUKEN!!" at him and hang up. I think I'll do that tonight.
-My 87 year old grandmother is getting weaker and weaker.. I want to see her a lot, but it's hard for me to hide my tears, as she is not like she used to be..




-Angel Monster  

[Briter]

I confess:
I used to "love" my guy best friend until he replaced me with other girls who have cars and sell drugs.I secretly want to beat him until he gets some "smart thoughts" knocked into him.He doesn't listen when i tell him to stop doing all the bad drugs and he hasn't called me in 3 weeks.He's been skipping school with those girls and now i hope he fails in highschool. I know its bad that i want to hit him and hope he fails, but its really sad that hes doing this to himself.I dunno what to do D:  

[XxXluna eclipseXxX]

ok, this is kinda a rant. you dont have to read it all if you dont want to.

since the 3rd grade ive been contemplating suicide. i have a lot of highs and lows. in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade, i was one out of 5 white girls in a whole school with a majority race. i got into fights every day. when i came home, i had to deal with being in a rat infested house.when i went to bed i had to be in a room that was the only room the cats were allowed in. there was excrement everywhere, and puke and fleas. every day i would get into bed and then have to take a shower because i had rolled into pee or worse. the shower was filthy, so i didnt get very clean. my mother was constantly in and out of the hospital with cancer, and my step-grandmother was really mean to me. the only time i was ever happy was when i went to the library. i considered it my home because my house was no home to me. i went to the library whenever i could, enjoying the books and clean spaces. but i knew that i would always have to go back to that house, that school, that life.

nowadays, i switched schools, so now i am a different minority in a different majority school. i still get many racist remarks. i am bullied frequently. my own friends treat me like total crap. they make me do things like i was their slave, they ditch me, tell my secrets, lie to me, bully me, and always give me the worst attitude. my mom died of the cancer, and i cry every night when i go to bed. i know that there is still worse to come because we are moving back in with my step- grandmother in a different house. i am only alive today because i know that some people would miss me, and i dont want to cause them more pain after the other deaths that have happened recently. i am not sure what to do.

crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo crying crying crying crying crying  

[XxXluna eclipseXxX]

willowbear9

ok, this is kinda a rant. you dont have to read it all if you dont want to.

since the 3rd grade ive been contemplating suicide. i have a lot of highs and lows. in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade, i was one out of 5 white girls in a whole school with a majority race. i got into fights every day. when i came home, i had to deal with being in a rat infested house.when i went to bed i had to be in a room that was the only room the cats were allowed in. there was excrement everywhere, and puke and fleas. every day i would get into bed and then have to take a shower because i had rolled into pee or worse. the shower was filthy, so i didnt get very clean. my mother was constantly in and out of the hospital with cancer, and my step-grandmother was really mean to me. the only time i was ever happy was when i went to the library. i considered it my home because my house was no home to me. i went to the library whenever i could, enjoying the books and clean spaces. but i knew that i would always have to go back to that house, that school, that life.

nowadays, i switched schools, so now i am a different minority in a different majority school. i still get many racist remarks. i am bullied frequently. my own friends treat me like total crap. they make me do things like i was their slave, they ditch me, tell my secrets, lie to me, bully me, and always give me the worst attitude. my mom died of the cancer, and i cry every night when i go to bed. i know that there is still worse to come because we are moving back in with my step- grandmother in a different house. i am only alive today because i know that some people would miss me, and i dont want to cause them more pain after the other deaths that have happened recently. i am not sure what to do.

crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo crying crying crying crying crying

and no, i am not emo cause i dont cut myself.  

[Angel Nicholson]

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



I play a lot of sims games.
I love creating a house like my old one, before I moved out of my mom's house. Making a family of me, my mom and my brother and sister.
When it was just the four of us.
Before my stepfather came back, before my two baby brothers were born...I love them, but it was so much easier before them...
I liked it better back then. Because things were so much easier when it was just the four of us. It was easier to cope and my brother wasn't an a*****e.
We had more money then. My sister was just a baby.
Everything was so much easier back then.

I create a sims family like that just to replay those years of my life. It doesn't have the same effect, but it helps to remind me of a happier time.

Also, my sister is getting curves now and because of my "second mommy" role to her, I really, really hate it. I love her and I'm proud of her growing up, but the thought of her swinging her little hips and wearing bras scares me and makes me feel old. She was my baby sister and now she's into boys and make-up. Although, I try not to let it show, it hurts that she's growing up, even though I'm happy for her.


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

 

[.Vindicated.Of.Sanity.]

I'm starting to think about university next year, having been accepted and with the year drawing slowly to a close. I'm worrying constantly about not making the cut and not getting accepted, or of flunking out because I can't handle the stress. I'm not doing very well by my standards in high school, why would I thrive there? I'm afraid my mom is going to be disappointed in me.
I have one elective next year, and I want to take a nude drawing class, like my mother always joked, but I can't find one anywhere and it's actually really upsetting D: I'm amazed at how much I would like to take it. XP But I don't want to do like, a whole art major just to take that class (it's not even in the book so I don't think I have to worry about it.)

 

[Jenitorturer]

I like men who are 20+ years older than me.  

[alienli]

Just came back from out little adventure outside of our little house.
I saw the cutest girl today.
. u .
I've only been to the Kroger's Gas Station on our road in the wee hours of the morning, so nobody's usually there,
but we went in the evening today.
And I saw the cutest girl behind the counter.
I wanted to keep staring at her,
she was gorgeous,
but I didn't want to freak the pretty girl out. [/loser]
Oh man, I'm such a weakling for pretty girls.
I can't help but want to see her again sometime.
I feel horrible, because I have a boyfriend.
But she was gorgeous. ♥  

[Dame Sesquipedalian]

★☆★ ɗαмє sєsɋυιρєɗαℓιαɳ ★☆★

•·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´

I actually want to be a teacher. Not a doctor. But I can't tell my mother that, because she's dead set against me being anything that won't make me lots of money.

I'm desperately in love with my best friend, but she has a boyfriend and thinks I'm straight.

I really don't care if people think I need to lose weight. I'm happy the way I am. But it bugs the heck out of me when people try to subtly hint that I'm overweight by telling me that I should work out with them.

•·.·´¯`·.·• •·.·´¯`·.·•´

ωнєɳ ωє ʀємємɓєr ωє αrє αℓℓ мαɗ, тнє мysтєʀιєs ɗιsαppєαʀ αnɗ ℓιғє sтαɳɗs єxρℓαιɳєɗ.
мαʀк тωαιɳ

 

[The Angel Monster]

These are the names my boyfriend has called me the past month, and some of the stuff he has said:
b***h. GD retard. F--king b***h. a*****e. Dumbass. Insignificant. A waste of time. Cant do anything right. F--k you.
Will someone tell me why I can't just get my sorry a** out of the relationship? I dont want to be the helpless victim in this situation, and that seems its all I am. Im tired of being used by him. It seems like after we have sex, its the only time he's happy. He tells me that if we do it, it will nullify our relationship and make it stronger, when it only makes me cry, and think of how I got used by the man I lost my virginity to. I feel the same as I did when that happened. He used to scold me about losing my virginity to him. I just want to scream "GOD DAMMIT, I was FIFTEEN, he was FOUR YEARS OLDER than me! It was basically statutory rape!" I was dumb and thought it would mean something when it meant I screwed up my whole entire life!"

(If you dont like cursing, dont read the text below. This is just something I need to vent about. It's been almost a year and I haven't vented to anyone about it, since I wont dare talk about it to anyone.)

That's the one thing that is constantly on my conscience a lot. Is that I lost my virginity to him, someone older, someone I thought would take care of me. All he wanted was a good time, and I ******** let him. I ******** let him take advantage of me, when I tried not to whimper when I broke. When I tried to hide my tears so he wouldn't see. I wanted it to last. I wanted to be strong. I wanted him to love me. But after he got what he wanted, I just wrestled my pants back on and I turned away from him. He held me and said that I had "done good". I hadn't done anything good. He had used me for sex, and I was too stupid to know any better.. I wouldn't let him see my tears. I sat up all night, crying. I wasn't innocent anymore, and I know a new nothing would go back. I could feel the shame. And the agony that struck me when I thought I was pregnant. He told me he would rather me kill it, if I was... How could I kill it? How could he be so insolent? How could he be so uncaring of my body? If I were to even carry a child, I would have a risk of dying, as I have a blood vessel disorder. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that he would be with me, to tell me that it would be okay. But he told me to kill it.. He told me that I was to kill my baby. It would grow up a b*****d child, outside of marriage, outside of the legal system. It would grow up in poverty. But at least I wasn't. Through all the stress, through all the tears, and through all the pain and torture, i finally started my cycle. I wouldn't have one. At least I could survive.. I wouldn't have his child.. I wouldn't be his lover.... At least he's out of my life...

I want to take it all back so bad. Just this one thing. I thought I loved some one at fifteen.. I thought I was older than I actually was....
.. God, I can't stop crying.