Tonya wants to get down to 115 before Germany! x_x;;

[StilettoReject]

9. June 2007

Weigh In!

Current Weight: 125lbs!
Weight at Last Weigh In: 128lbs.
Weight Lost: -3lbs!

Yay!

 

[StilettoReject]

21. June 2007

Weight: 126lbs
Difference: +1lbs

crying

Anyway, I need to get ready for the beach in 8 weeks! My parents just dropped the bomb on me that they were going to the beach and would like Robert and I to visit with them for a couple days. Since we're moving into our new apartment on the 15th of August and they're staying the 11th-18th, we can only stay for the second half of the week stay, but still. gonk

I have a bathing suit that I can wear, and it's cute. . . but it'll give me the strangest tan lines in the history of man, so I wanted to try to sport a bikini. . .

. . .that is if I can get in shape by then! I'm really going to try hard to lose the rest of the 10-15lbs I have left until my goal weight before then, but I'm not going to do anything too horribly drastic to get there.

Not exercising is no longer an option!

Today, at about 3pm, I'm going to pop in the SHAPE Abs DVD and do that.

Intake:
Breakfast ~ Apple Sauce & bread + lite butter + honey = 260 cal
Dinner ~ Rice & Jyoti Potato Dumplings in Sauce = 275 cal
Total from B & D = 535

Since that's low, I'll throw a snack in there, probably an orange and // or a cereal bar.

Orange = ~85 cal
Cereal bar = 140 cal
Total = 225 cal

Total all together = 760 cal

I'd eat more, but I can't stop thinking of that bikini crying

 

[StilettoReject]

25. June 2007

I did the In Shape with Rachel Mcsomethingorother yesterday and I was absolutely sure I would be waddling in pain, today! But I'm not :] So that's a good sign! Anyway, I'm thinking I'll do something high energy today, maybe one of my YBB DVDs... or maybe boxing.

Anyway, I'm on the special K diet for, well... basically until I go to the beach! Cereal for breakfast and lunch, some fruit here and there, and a light dinner. I like cereal, so I might even have it for dinner sometimes, too x3 And I love oatmeal, so that'll play a big part in it, too. heart

I have another interview at TJMaxx, tomorrow... so hopefully that'll go well, I'm just hoping they'll still be interested in hiring me after I say no to more than 20 hours a week during the school semester.. but dude, school comes first.. so, yeah, crossing my fingers!

 

[StilettoReject]

26. June 2007

I feel like everyday I'm getting fatter rather than more in shape. For some reason, everyday, the fat covering the muscle just seems to get flabbier and flabbier. . . maybe I'm just getting more and more aware of it and more and more frustrated because I want it to go away?

Ugh.

Special K and Coffee for breakfast.
Special K for lunch.
Oatmeal and an orange for dinner.
I'll through some V8 in there, too, somewhere.

I have another interview with TJM, today. I really don't want to go. The more it seems like I'm going to get hired there, the less I want to work there. I would rather get paid less and get less hours to do campus security at 10pm-2am than work at TJM u_u;;

I feel so gross right now. . . all I want to do is exercise forever until all of this flubber goes away.

 

[StilettoReject]

27. June 2007

Breakfast:
Special K Cereal = 150 calories
1 Apple = 65 calories

Lunch:
V8 Smoothie = 80 calories
Special K Cereal = 150 calories

Dinner:
Oatmeal = 120 calories
Orange = 85 calories

Total: 650 calories

I'll throw something else in there since it's a little low. I also exercised quite a bit earlier, so I burned about 400 calories, so the total's more like 250 ^_^;;

Anyway, you know what frustrates me? When people ask me to tell them a little bit about myself, I like to flaunt my weight loss a little bit (mostly because I find that it inspires those around me to eat a little healthier, too.. or at least it used to), and they applaud me for having lost 30lbs+, but then frown when I tell them I'm trying to lose a little more and tone up. They tell me I'm "skin and bones," which makes me frown, because I know for sure that they're lying to me (and that's not because of BDD, that's the truth). While a few of my bones do portrude more than someone's bones who's 500lbs+, there's still a LOT of flab that I'd like to get rid of. You know? I mean, I'm at a technically healthy weight, but I'm still in a weight area that could be risky when I get older, so I don't want to stay here neutral And what's wrong with that?

Why is it that when I was fatter and wanting to lose weight everyone was happy for me and applauded me, but now that I've lost a good amount of weight but am still eating healthy and exercising a lot and watching the scale everyone thinks I'm still ill? What's wrong with wanting to be healthy?

 

[StilettoReject]

28. June 2007

Intake: Same as yesterday.

Breakfast:
Special K Cereal = 150 calories
1 Apple = 65 calories

Lunch:
V8 Smoothie = 80 calories
Special K Cereal = 150 calories

Dinner:
Oatmeal = 120 calories
Orange = 85 calories

Total: 650 calories

I got called fat at work today, by a girl who's bigger than me. (yay, story time!)

Amanda was going to put me in register for a little bit because the jewelry lady wasn't in until 2pm. We walked over there and Amanda went to answer a call behind the register, I was still outside the register kiosk. While I was standing there and Amanda was occupied:

Girl one (I can't remember her name): *points at me, points at Amanda* they look alike.
Cece: *raises an eyebrow* no they don't.
Girl one: Yeah they do. *puffs her cheeks out like a chipmunk* they both have fat faces.

e_e

Okay, Amanda is on the huskier side, so her face is a little chubby. . . but I have a square, broad face. Square and broad =/= fat. neutral Yeah kthnxbye.

I'm unhappy.

 

[StilettoReject]

25. July 2007

I wish I owned a tredmill...

...and I wish I could just stroll into the rec center with my one card during the summer, but it's like... $64 for students to have membership during the summer u_u;; And, since there's only like... 3 weeks left in summer vacation, $64 is not worth it.

They have a tredmill over in the service building here at the apt.. but it's out in the open (it's in a common room thing next to the office and wash room) and I'm paranoid someone will walk in and see me and... I don't know why it's bothering me because I'm out in the open at a gym... but it's different because it's a common room with a TV, a couch, and a pool table. That and anyone can walk in it, and we're near a bad part of town.. where as only people with memberships or students/staff with one cards can get into the school rec. center.

I'm just getting tired of the same exercise routine.

Robert and I were already planning out an exercise routine for when the semester starts back up, and Anthony and Michelle are planning on doing it with us. We're just going to go to the school rec. center every morning since none of us have classes before 11am all week, then shower there and head to class. Brasswood's a little ways away from campus; a little too far to be driving back and fourth 5 million times a day. Anyway, yeah.. it should be fun. I was planning on jumping on one of the tredmills for about 30-45 minutes and then jump in the pool for 20 laps or so.. and then do some weight training every few days. I know Robert and Anthony will be concentrating more on weight training, but they're also interested in swimming. :3 It should be fun, I like having people to go to the gym with x3

 

[StilettoReject]

26. July 2007

Once the semester starts, I'm going to go on a major detox diet.

Since I have no monies now, it will for sure have to wait until the semester when my loan is disbursed. :[ Sadly. But, at least it'll get done. :]

I'm taking things from the actual "Detox Diet," but I want to make up my own thing. I tend to follow things like that for longer when I do it my own way.

Lots of nuts, brown rice, beans, fruits, veggies, and wheat-ish products. Oatmeal, wheat bran, etc. No meat (for a while, then I'll allow myself some chicken and fish.. no pork, lamb, or beef though... never really liked the red meats.. yuck)! Low-sodium, sugar free... the whole 9 yards.

The last time I attempted this diet was when I was in high school and still drinking soda and eating lots of gross s**t. :] Needless to say, it didn't last long (2 days, I think it was). We all (my immediate family - mom, dad, sister) got seriously dabilitating headaches, so my sister and I straggled to Whole Foods and bought ourselves organic chocolate and veggie burgers to scarf down and my parents allowed themselves coffee. x3

Anyway, now that I don't drink soda and eat a lot of gross s**t, I think it'll go over a lot easier. I'll still be craving sweets (I have an unbeatable sweet tooth, no joke), but with the help of my sweet, sweet Robert, I think I'll do fine. :]

If you have any suggestions, please let me know!

 

[StilettoReject]

14. August, 2007.

Going to Kitty Hawk tomorrow, after Robert and I move to the new apt!

cool

I'll be back sometime Saturday.

 

[Groovy Spleen]

I noticed you mention something about the fat over your muscles getting squishier.

This is a GOOD thing, it means the fat is breaking down. If your fat feels hard and solid, it's not going away easy, the soft, quishy fat is in the process of going away 3nodding  

[Soi Tsuba]

wow you lost alot of weight, but i really wish you could have done it a little bit more healthily.

that's why you get those so called cravings. You talked about fearing breakfast b/c you knew you'd just want something else. That's your body saying, "damn it, i'm hungry" Snacking (on healthy things) is actually good for you. You should eat every 4 hours or so, keeps the body from freaking out.  

[StilettoReject]

I do eat every three hours. I eat breakfast usually between 30 minutes and 1 hour after I get up, then I eat every (about) 3 hours, and then I don't eat 3 hours before I go to bed. I'm scared to eat breakfast, but I usually do. I only don't if I'm not hungry, because if I eat before my body is completely awake, then I get really sick to my stomach.

@ Spleen: I know it's a good thing. x3 It just feels icky. gonk

 

[Soi Tsuba]

then as you said wait a bit, but if you eat breakfast that helps to jump start your metabolism.  

[StilettoReject]

Soi Tsuba

then as you said wait a bit, but if you eat breakfast that helps to jump start your metabolism.

I know. x3 I usually just wait until after my first class, because seriously, if I eat really before 10-11am, I get really bad indegestion.. which I should probably talk to my doctor about.. because that can't be healthy. gonk

 

[StilettoReject]

29. August 2007

And the process begins! The deadline for applications to study abroad is February 1st! So.. I must get my butt kicked into high gear, because Germany happens next Autumn!!

15-10lbs shouldn't be too hard to loose, right? WRONG! Those last 15-10lbs are the hardest to loose! Since the body realizes it's at a healthy weight, it no longer feels the need to struggle to loose it! So. . . arg! I'm going to work my butt off to get down to about 115 before leaving for Germany! I want to look awesome and approachable and.. well.. AWESOME. That way all I have to worry about IN Germany is maintaining. Hopefully I'll get there. :]