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 Posted: Mon May 13, 2013 10:57 pm
He almost panicked as she moved nearer, backing up enough that his back hit the wall of her little home, and there was no further for him to go. Lifen stood in front of him, her small frame, as always, dwarfed by his own, and her hand touched his chest, sending sparks of heat spreading across his face. She looked so small, so very fragile, compared to him.
But her words were not so fragile. Mengyao drew a sharp breath, his fingers trembling slightly. Each word she spoke burned into him like a brand, searing into his mind, into his thoughts.
And then he slid slowly down the wall until he was sitting on the ground, his face in his hands, his legs drawn up to his chest. He was not crying; no tears stained his cheeks, but his body shook violently with the effort of keeping himself together.
I can't do this.
How much longer can I hold on to myself?
He was drowning, breaking, shattering into a thousand pieces. He was barely holding on to what little sanity he had left, grasping desperately at the fragments of himself that had once been, holding tightly to the ideals and visions he had once had because maybe, just maybe, one day he might be able to have them once again.
I can't hold on.
Everything is collapsing around me. I am weak I am weak I am weak -
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Posted: Mon May 13, 2013 11:06 pm
"M-Mengyao," a simple word, stated quickly when she saw him suddenly collapse in to himself slowly, hands to his face, shaking violently, making the woman worry more and more, going to follow him - holding her hands out over him, hovering in uncertainty. She did not wish to harm him, but she did not want him to be like this.
"Please speak to me, Mengyao." She tried to plead with him, her past angers already lost to this worry, a hand going towards his hair this time, lightly going to pet the Nobleman, hoping it would soothe him, like it did for a child. Lifen just wanted him to be calmed, a fret showing on her face.
"You do not have to settle with this, I just wish to help."
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Posted: Mon May 13, 2013 11:12 pm
He felt as though his mind were exploding from the inside out, the pressure building to the point where it was difficult to see. The voices whispered against his thoughts, sliding along his skull, and Mengyao squeezed his eyes tighter, pressing his fingers against his temples.
He heard Lifen's voice as though from far away, worried and uncertain, and he did not deserve it, he did not deserve any of it, not after how he had treated her, and not after how far he had descended.
Her hands were gentle.
"You - cannot help me," said Mengyao, and his hands found her waist, gripping tightly, fingers digging into the cloth there as he pulled her towards him, his words not matching up with his actions. "There is no helping me, I have - I have gone too far already - "
She was so small, so very small in comparison to him. Mengyao's arms wrapped around Lifen's waist and then his face was buried in her neck, and he was hugging her as though she was his lifeline needed to breathe - and perhaps she was.
She smelled of lotus flowers.
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Posted: Mon May 13, 2013 11:29 pm
She couldn't help the softest sound when he pulled her close, trying to maneuver around the taller horseman as he wrapped around her. A long sigh escaped the woman when she heard his words, willingly leaning her cheek in to the dark hair at her neck, slowly petting his head still, just allowing the moment to continue.
It hurt so much see him suffering like this, knowing that he was digging his own hole. She has decided many times before, that no matter would happen, she would be here for him - even if he disappeared for, say, a month.
"There is no such thing as being completely helpless, Mengyao. All you need is a reason to fight back." She murmured to him, willingly allowing herself to leave a soft kiss on his hair, trying t make it better, the only way she could.
"I will not hesitate to assist, even if you say other wise, for I am stubborn."
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Posted: Mon May 13, 2013 11:35 pm
He heard her words, but he did not believe them, could not believe that there was a path for him that did not involve the darkness that surrounded him, that had already sunk deep into his bones. It was too late for him, but it was not too late for Lifen to escape.
"All you need is a reason to fight back."
Mengyao pulled back slightly, and his hands slipped away from Lifen's waist, moving so that they were against her neck, his fingers gentle, shaking a little as he lifted them further, cupping her face in his hands. He drew her closer and kissed her again, pulling her into his lap, trying to communicate through actions what his words would not and could not seem to say.
"You are my reason," he whispered, and it was against her lips, imprinted there for her to remember. He kissed her once more, firm and pleading, and said softly, his eyes filled with a desperation, as though he were trying to convince himself of the truth of his own words,
"You are my reason for everything."
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 12:05 am
The sudden change in his demeanor was a little startling when the words left her mouth, feeling him almost jolt up when she offered up the though, red and gold trying to read his own mis-matched eyes, before his words and kisses were spilled on to her lips, a full blush showing on her cheeks, but she wouldn't deter him from his actions.
In fact, she was rather content to know he had turned around and was willing to accept her again, even after she had scorned him pretty bad. If she was his reason, she would definitively take it to heart. With a small, yet curt nod, she willingly leaned in to return the gesture, a soft little firm kiss with dark lips, a quiet promise to him.
"Then, I will continue to be so. One day at a time, mm?" She asked him, even if her words were light, she intended every inflection - it was a promise. A very big one, that she would take to her grave, even if that felt grim. "Just . . ." She strayed for a moment, eyes flicking down for a moment. "Please, do not do this again, leaving me behind. It seems to hurt both of us. I am not porcelain." She reminded him, sighing softly.
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 12:10 am
His fingers spread across her face, gentle and searching as they slipped around to the back of her neck, sliding through the shortened strands of her hair. Mengyao nuzzled Lifen's cheek, his thumb brushing against the underside of her jaw, then kissed her once more - a convincing of himself, rather than of her.
He could not speak, so he nodded, swallowing hard. She felt so small in his arms, but it was true that she was not porcelain. She was not about to break as easily as he had - she was strong, she had always been strong, stronger than he was, and he had always known this about her. It had been part of the reason why he had liked her so much in the first place.
Part of the reason why he had fallen in love with her.
Mengyao's arms went back around Lifen's waist, and he pressed his face against her shoulder, in the small crevice where it slid into her neck, exhaling slowly. He had missed her warmth, missed her scent, missed everything about her, though he knew it would not be easy to keep her safe.
"...let me stay with you," he mumbled, his voice half muffled. "Please. Let me stay with you, I beg you."
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 1:23 pm
Watching him as he reacted to his words, she decided that the conversation was mostly done for now, the weight of both their words were weighing heavily on the noble's shoulders. He would have much to think about, she knew, and he would have to come to his own decisions - she would help him if he needed it, but this was Mengyao's battle, his war with those dark thoughts in his mind.
Sighing out of her nose softly when he placed his head against her neckline again, she lightly wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his back slowly, a soft action, hoping to soothe him. She allowed the silence to wrap around them, before his pleading question rumbled from her shoulder, making the little horsewoman tilt her head a little to regard the man lightly.
Normally, she would consider the social ramifications of such a request, but this was not one of those days.
"Alright." She answered, a stiff nod of her head, feeling her face redden a little. "That is alright, I do not think I could turn you away with how you are, anyways." She murmured to him, her voice soft as she continued to rub his back idly, leaning in to kiss his hair again. She figured this was best - soft, calming actions.
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Posted: Tue May 14, 2013 10:21 pm
Some of the tension left his shoulders, Mengyao not realizing just how much his path had depended on what Lifen's answer would be. He did not deserve this; he did not deserve any of this, but she was the one thing in his life that he could no longer be without. And perhaps it was a sad fact, but it was a true one, one of the only truths which he could hold onto anymore.
He slid his hands up her back, leaning away slightly so that he could look at her. She was still in his lap, but now Mengyao moved so that he could gently cup her face in his hands, his thumbs stroking along her jawline, fingers brushing against the soft strands of her hair.
"...you cut your hair," he murmured, and ran a hand through across the dark locks, sifting through the silk.
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 9:45 pm
It was almost like magic, feeling the layers of guilt and stress starting to wash away from him. The tension leaving was rather calming to her, knowing that she had gotten through to him, even if it was just a little. It was a small life line, a worried edge of this cocoon he had woven himself in to.
After a moment, she felt him move, and softly, turned her head up, tilting it just a little to regard him when he started to pull back. At the feeling of hands crawling up her back, she couldn't help but shiver a little, which elicited a soft chuckle from her - involuntary, but well received, leaving a small smile on her face when she heard his question, lightly resting her face against his hands, closing her eyes slowly. This was something new to her, being this close to someone, but she found that she was alright with it - Lifen was rather calmed.
"Yes. It was . . . a change." she started, figuring she could tell him. "Mainly for me to break out of my old shell - we have grown from the Isle - both of us - and I decided that this was a concrete way of marking my ascent in to a new life." She murmured, feeling content with his hands running through the short hair she wore. "It doubled as a sacrifice for the dagger we were given, also." She finished, before giving him a little look, eyes opening again to search his face.
"Does it look fine?" It was a bit of a serious question, and part of her felt silly that she needed to know how he felt about it, but it seemed important to her, ultimately.
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 7:11 pm
She looked much different, somehow. Older, perhaps, more confident, more in control of what afflicted them both. But where Mengyao and Senga had given in to the blackness, Lifen had managed to hold herself above such things, keeping herself graceful and proud where Mengyao had not been able to be.
He envied her strength.
Without answering her, Mengyao pulled her close and kissed her, and this time it was not brief, it was filled with every bit of passion he could possibly give her, letting the emotions that he had buried so deep come spilling out now, his fingers tangling in the short strands. And it felt so very right to be here with her, to be with her, that he wondered why it was that he had allowed himself to push her away in the first place.
He smiled against her lips; a soft, gentle smile.
"Does that answer your question?" Mengyao murmured, without opening his eyes.
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 8:51 pm
He was already looking much better, even if grey permiated his face more and more since they came to this Lost Clan. It made her feel like breathing easier, almost like as if she was helping him claw his way out of his abyss, one hand at a time.
Lifting her hands lightly, she softly placed white hands on the sides of his face, lightly rubbing a thumb over his golden eye as he kissed her again, sighing in to the interaction. She was willing to return the emotion, as much as he did, feeling that there was something quietly agreed between them during this kiss, an answer that they were originaly not looking for.
At his quiet words, she couldn't help but reply with a more open, wide smile, allowing a soft laugh to break through once again.
"It was lost in translation a little at first, but I think I have it." She finally replied, leaning foreward to rub his forehead with her own, still holding his face with her hands. "Thank you for being honest."
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 9:18 pm
He could have stayed here forever, but forever would not happen. Mengyao sighed a little, his hands resting lightly on Lifen's face and hers on his. She was so very perfect in his eyes, so very beautiful; something bright and wholesome in his otherwise dark world.
Carefully, Mengyao maneuvered himself away from Lifen and stood, smoothing down the front of his robes. He pulled her to her feet, and then back up into his arms, taking a few steps backwards towards the bed, one arm around her waist, the other sliding down Lifen's shoulder to her hand, fingers encircling her delicate wrist. Something flickered in his eyes, a passing shadow perhaps, and he sat down on the bed, pulling Lifen to stand between his knees as he slid both arms around her waist now, pressing his face into her stomach.
"Thank you for letting me return to you."
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 10:44 pm
Eyebrows raised lightly when she heard the sigh and felt him suddenly startle, going to extract her from his lap and move around, making the Artisan tilt her head a little, eyes lidding a bit as she willingly followed his directions. She wasn't entirely sure what he was doing at first, hoping that he was not going to do something silly like run at the last moment.
As he went to sit on her bed, though, and moved his hands around her waist softly, she lightly started to feel the red flush show over her cheeks again, hearing the muffled statement from against her stomach, hand lightly gracing the side of his head, lightly petting dark hair.
"I never wanted you to leave in the first place." It was the simple truth, a quiet statement sent down to the man at her stomach. "I have always wanted you next to me, even after you stated you loved me," a sharp nod accenting this, "It would be nice to be able to keep you, you are always welcome to cross my threshold."
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 11:00 pm
Her voice was soothing, relaxing, familiar. Mengyao melted into it, into her touch, the way she stroked his hair with affection and gentleness, and he felt almost too dirty for such a pure touch; too tainted by his own deeds for someone like Lifen to even be around.
He lifted his head to look up at her, the gold of his eye bright and glowing softly.
"I never wanted to leave," he said, and there was a desperate note to his voice, as though he were pleading with her to understand, to realize why he had done what he had done. "I just..."
Mengyao closed his eyes, inhaling a sharp breath before he opened them again. "I could not bear to think of you turning into what I have turned into," he whispered, and he felt raw inside, somehow unhinged. "I could not bear to think that something should happen to you while I am near to you, because of this...this affliction."
With a sudden jerk of his arm, he pulled her down onto the bed with him, rolling over so that he was perched over her, arms on either side of her head, his expression pained.
"I have always," he said, and took one of her hands, linking their fingers together tightly, pressing their hands back against the pillows. "always loved you. I have loved you for so many years that sometimes I cannot bear to think of it because I do not deserve you."
His eyes were oddly bright now, his grip on her hand tightening ever so slightly.
"But I also cannot bear to live without you."
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