Time's Weakness

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 15

"Ethen? Are you home?" Someone was knocking at the door. Did he bother to get it? It would be rude to not respond, but that didn't matter to him, really. Could he open the door. That was a better question. Every thing was such an effort now. The knocking increased in volume.
"If you don't open I'm just going to come in." Who was that? The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it. Who would be coming over anyway? He truly doubted if anyone cared enough to show up unannounced. Logically that didn't make sense, he knew, as past experience had shown otherwise. But past experience had shown him that Anja had been in love with him. Past experience had shown him people change, can become cruel and cold.
Leave you forever.
The woman he'd thought would always be there had left him here. If only she'd been able to take his feelings for her along, leaving him less in pain. The past days had been nightmarish, her abandonment sending him in vivid recollections of the aftermath of Sam's suicide. Looking at it in the most selfish way possible, to him they were nearly identical. In his own mind he'd never been able to completely absolve himself of responsibility for her death. And now he blamed himself for not being able to follow Anja where she needed to go. Because if he was honest with himself he knew she was right; he would not have done well leaving the city. An impartial observer may have more noted that Ethen was simply a mess and needed the security of a single unchanging place, but none of those were handy.
"Alright then, Nevi gave me her key so I'm just going to come in." Ethen heard his lock click and the door swung open. He glanced down quickly to make sure he was dressed, and he decided the boxers and t-shirt were more than adequate. In through the door came Dr. Whitaker, as he still thought of her. She and Nino had been joined at the hip for the past 3 months, and she had taken an especially great liking for Ethen of her new beau's friends. What was she doing here? Probably acting under Nino's auspices. "Dear God, Ethen, look at you." He did. There was a mirror next to his bed and when he sat up he was greeted by a face that was nearly unrecognizable after not shaving and barely eating for a week.
"I've been worse."
She sighed. "C'mon, let's get you out of bed."
"I'm good here." She did not try to force him, but instead stood at the foot of the bed, hands at her hips. Her jet hair was pulled back in a ponytail that gave her normally kind face a look of harshness. "Amy, what are you even doing here?"
"It was my shift."
"What?"
"Think about it, Ethen. Your sister called me, Anthony, Nino, Genevieve, and that guy that works at her bar whose name I can never remember. She's worried about you, deathly so. Last time you got like this she said you were getting suicidal. Nino said you aren't nearly as bad as then, but still we're all worried about you."
"Well don't be. I'm fine." Ethen kicked the covers off his legs and stood, making for the bathroom where he washed his face and decided to start to shave.
"Ethen, losing someone you love is hard. I think everyone knows that. But you shut yourself up to deal with it on your own, which isn't healthy. Really I'm just here to remind you that you have friends and family that care for you."
"You hardly even know me, Amy."
"True. But I feel like I've known you forever since Nino never shuts up about you. I think he's your biggest fan; did you know he has all of your books?"
"You've got to be joking."
"No, but don't tell him I told you. Hell, even your romance ones are at least written skillfully." <********!" Ethen nicked his jaw in surprise at the compliment, but continued on. "Well, thanks, I guess. They paid the bills. Still do, some of them."
"Ethen, can I ask you a personal question?"
"You are already in my house watching me shave, trying to help me get over my ex. You probably know as much about me from Nino as anyone. I think you can just ask me what you want to ask."
She took a deep breath, sat down, and settled her hands across her knees. "Are you still writing?"
Ethen stopped with the blade halfway down his cheek. No, he wasn't. But that was not something he wanted to share with anyone. Or more importantly why. Ethen had never understood writer's block, having never been afflicted. Inspired or no he could sit down and bang out something in a week. But for the past months...nothing. He tried to write and just found himself scratching anything after the first sentences. Previously he thought it was because he'd been so happy, that finding a conflict was more or less unfeasible. But now...he didn't know. And he was realizing that was what was making it harder than anything to get up from pit Anja had sank him in. He had no release, no way to process. He was thinking of publishing something he'd wrote a while back, just to keep Bernard happy. "No Amy. I'm not."
"Ethen, come out with us tonight."
"I really don't think being the third wheel would make me feel any less distraught."
"Well, really this is an invitation from Nevi, since Anthony is working late."
"I'll think about it, ok?"
"Ethen—"
"That's the best you're going to get, Amy. Don't press it."

That evening, Nevi was waiting in the lobby of her apartment building with her cousin and Amy, hoping against hope that Ethen would show. She was so pre-occupied that she didn't register Amy speaking at first. "—As far along as you was already looking like she swallowed a beach ball."
"What, Amy?"
"I said, you're lucky, Nevi, when my sister was at 4 1/2 months she was already showing quite a bit. You barely look like you've gained a pound."
"Oh, thanks. What do you think we should give him, five more minutes?"
Nino answered. "We're already late, so let's do ten. The restaurant probably isn't going to be that busy on a Tuesday anyway." They sat down on the couch and chair that decorated the entrance way.
For some reason she could not describe, Lara was feeling more and more anxious about seeing Ethen, almost to the point of not wanting him to show up. She doubted he would, they'd been waiting for him for almost half-an-hour already, but the long wait was simply drawing her more tense. She'd been worried about him, terribly, but he wouldn't answer the door whenever she came around. Or Anthony. Or Nino. Only Amy had even been able to get him to talk, and she guessed that was because they had little history so he viewed the doctor as a neutral presence. She hadn't seen him since Anja had left.
Maybe it was because she felt guilty, like she had put the idea of leaving in Anja's head. But she'd felt her loyalties divided and had decided that Anja leaving was best for them both. Though really Lara wished that she had stayed, not only for Ethen's sake. She missed her terribly. Or maybe it was because she'd seen Ethen like this before and she'd been terrified for him. And how would he be now? Certainly losing a real relationship would be harder on him than theirs stopping before it started. Or maybe it was because she couldn't stop worrying about him... except when he was on her mind in other ways.
She wished Anthony was there.
The the elevator opened and there was Ethen, not quite looking his best (Amy said he'd hardly eaten all week,) but much closer than Lara had anticipated, in a suit and tie, clean shaved, looking rested. There was an undeniable darkness settled over him, but he was doing a fair job of putting on a brave face. "Oh, hell, I'm sorry I'm so late everybody. I was taking a nap and set my alarm but my phone died so it didn't go off and I couldn't call anyone. Sorry."
His remorse seemed genuine, and Lara looked him over quickly. No signs he hadn't been sleeping, or had been drinking a ton, or anything like that. He looked like he'd lost maybe 5 pounds that he couldn't afford to lose, but Ethen often forgot to eat in any case. "Alright, then. Let's get going, I'm starving." Amy sprang to her feet as she said this and grabbed Nino by the hand, pulling him off the couch. Momentarily, Lara's mood lightened at the sight of them, for as short as Nino was he'd managed to find someone he towered over.
It was only 5 or 6 blocks to the restaurant, so they had decided to walk. Ethen looked glum and was walking a bit behind, not joining in the conversation, but when she glanced back at him he met her eyes cheerfully enough. Amy and Nino where chatting happily about something so Lara slowed her gait to walk next to her friend. "You look gorgeous tonight, Lara." He said this analytically, as though appreciating a painting, but still this sent a tingling she didn't expect and had to beat away running through her.
"Oh, thank you." They were quiet for several steps. "How are you, Ethen? You have not spoken to me for a week."
He looked sideways at her, and she caught the anger and hurt in his eyes. "Not...not very good."
"Is there anything I can do to help you?"
"Lara, you're doing it right now." He smiled at her, and then unexpectedly grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Making me come out and pretending to have fun. I might just accidentally have some for real."
"That was my hope." He let her hand drop. Involuntarily she reached for his again, but stopped herself. What the hell was wrong with her?
"I know. Thank you. I miss her, though, Lara. So much." He lapsed into silence, and left her without a response. Leaving her to wonder why she wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him everything was fine so badly.

"So if you can set this portfolio up for me, what am I looking at?" As much as he hated it, Ethen had to admit that sometimes speakerphone was a very useful function. Right now he was looking at the sales for his second book, a traditional novel, called The Wanderer. A fantasy, he wasn't quite as happy with it as he was the first, but it had taken off in the US like no one's business. So he was factoring his percentage against the total sales while speaking with Nino who had confrenced in Emily and Jackson. Nino responded.
"Well if you want to play it really safe, I could do this as covered calls. Not great a great return, but probably above inflation. Or you could take the safest route and go into US Treasury notes. With that, though, you have to know the real value will decrease even as dollar amount goes up with the interest. Or you could let me invest it and I could probably get you at least %8."
Emily broke in, frustrated. "English, Nino. Please.
"That was English."
"She means explain what you are talking about, Nino."
"Oh." He heard Nino take a deep breath. The man was phenomenal with numbers. Even had an offer from UBS as an adviser. But he hated having to explain what he meant. "Ok, so Mina's 7, right?"
All three of them answered in the affirmative simultaneously.
"Right. She's in third grade now. So in ten years most likely she will be going to college. So, if $150000 is in the the treasury notes, the yield is about %1.56 annually compounded. That means in a decade the 150 will be about 178 grand. But if you let me invest it it would most likely get up to about 320."
Jackson now. "Wait what?"
"Simple compound interest. Or we could do half and half, 75 in the bonds and 75 in the market. But in good faith I have to tell you this: it is true, in the market it is theoretically possible to lose every penny. However, a decent adviser could keep that from happening unless there was a crash like the one in '29. Even in '08 I still made my clients money. And a decent adviser could almost guarantee you a rate of 7, and most likely get you 8. I have never taken a portfolio below %5, and I average 9.6. I can't be positive, but I could probably bring this 150 in to over 350 in ten years with no additional investments."
Ethen heard Emily and Jackson conferring, when something clicked. He hadn't told them. They thought this call was for them to invest. Nino probably did to. "Well, maybe do the half and half? That sounds good, right Emily?" That was Jackson.
Finally Ethen spoke again. "Well you guys can invest as much as you want however you want. But I'm putting up 150K for Mina, and I want it to grow as much as possible."
There was a chorus of confused inquiries. "I realized that I didn't tell any of you this plan. I'm setting this up for her. My money. I don't want her to ever have to worry about school, even though chances are she'll have people begging to give her scholarships. Ok?"
Emily now. "Ethen, that's...can you afford that? I mean...that's a lot of money."
"Maybe. But what do I need it for? I own this place outright, it's not like I don't have enough saved to last me...I want to do this, guys. And it's not like you two never gave me anything." Fact was Emily had invested her half of their mother's and uncle's estate in his college and grad school years. Sure he paid her back, but still.
"Ethen...how can we thank you?"
"Don't. I want to do this."
They all were silent for a while, then Nino spoke up. "You know I'll charge you a commission, right?"

Lara was now 5 months along and Ethen thought she was looking bigger everyday, an observation he was careful not to share with her. Anthony was getting increasingly frantic as they were still looking for a bigger place. Ethen kept telling them to buy the larger flat across the hallway, as it was for sale, but for some reason he didn't seem interested. To be frank he'd seemed a little cool towards Ethen in general lately, but he had no clue as to why. Or maybe he was just imagining it because the last night of august Anthony called him out of the blue at about 2am.
"Anthony, this had better be important."
"Can you come out for a drink?"
"Is everything ok?"
"Kind of. Well, no, but...I don't know. I could just really use a drink and getting one alone seems weird. And you don't really keep normal hours."
"I guess not. Sure, tell me where."
It was a bar right across from the hospital, and when he arrived Ethen found Anthony already on a second or third drink. Never a heavy drinker like his fiance, he was...pretty far gone.
"Wow, Anthony are you alright?"
"Hey! Ethen! What do you want?" The bartender wandered over to take his order.
"Um, Rob Roy with Glenlivet if you can." The man nodded and walked off. "Anthony, what's up? You've barely talked to me for a couple weeks and then call me at 2am?"
"Enough about me, how are you doing? You were pretty broken up about Anja leaving, weren't you?"
"That was only a month ago, man. There is no past tense."
"Sorry, sorry. I just...you know I've never gotten the whole story from you or her? Never seemed to matter until now. But you can tell me." A shot appeared in front of Anthony as Ethen's drink was set down. He drained it at once and called for another.
"Slow down there, friend. What whole story? Of me an Anja? You were there."
"No." He took another shot, and waited a moment before he spoke. "Of you and Genevieve."
"Oh." Was this why he was drinking so much? Was something going on with them? "I...That's why you didn't want to meet at her bar, huh? Henri's not the best with secrets."
"No he isn't."
"And I'm guessing you don't want Lara to know that we talked about this."
"No I don't."
"What's going on, Anthony? I'll answer you, but first tell me."
He sighed deeply, took another shot. "Nothing, really. Nothing's changed much. Just little things. Whenever we come up with an idea for a house she says we should ask what you think or it's too far from you. Planning a vacation she didn't want to go at the best time because she would miss your birthday. Things like that."
"Ok, I admit that would be a bother but..."
"It's not just that. She...it's like she holds your opinion, your needs in as high regard as mine. Now I get it, you two have known each other longer, are the best of friends, but don't you think that her fiance should come before that?" Ethen nodded. "And then last week...ok, so this has happened before, and not just with her. But you are with someone long enough and of course you might get a little crush on someone else. It just happens, doesn't mean anything unless someone does something stupid. But then she admitted to me that she kind of had a crush on you. I got it, ok? You were hurting, she's a fixer, and you two have a lot of history. But...it...she told me she used to have feelings for you. And then they were being dredged up again. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried or j—oh, 'scuse me—jealous. I kept my distance hoping Nevi would too."
"Ah." Ethen was surprised enough by this to, for a moment, forget all about Anja. Why on earth would Lara let herself feel like that for him again? Wasn't it bad enough what happened last time, without her having a fiance? "I can see that that would be upsetting."
"So what is the deal with you two? No matter when she hasn't wanted to talk about it."
"Well, it's simple. When I moved next door we hit it off right away. When she threw her ex out, I was there for her. She desperately needed a friend. So that kind of...it tested us, made our relationship even closer. Then Christmas before last we went to Hawaii together—"
"I know, you've told me before."
"Yes, but not what happened. Anthony, has anyone ever told you what happened to my girlfriend in high school?"
"No..."
"No one wants to talk about it. Emily and Jackson where as close to her as I was. Nino met me when I was working through that mess in college; not a great time for me. And Lara...well she was the one that finally got me to move on a little bit. My ex, Sam, we were friends for most of our lives before we got together, but she was bipolar or schizophrenic or whatever. Our senior year she killed herself. And that was like a curtain over me for almost a decade, until Lara insisted she come with me to visit her grave, and I for all intents and purposes had a nervous breakdown. Lara talked me through that. Afterwards I made a move on her and she shot me down, and that made things a little off but we worked through that too. By the time we got home she was the most important person in the world to me. Then the night we got back she came over and we slept together and the next morning we decided that was a mistake. But the even worse mistake was that we both tried to handle the fallout from that without the other. By then we should have known that our friendship was too important. But I was paralyzed, she was despairing, and nothing was getting better until you showed up. When you first knew us you were watching as we patched our friendship back together. And you know the rest."
Anthony took another shot and was silent. Ethen wondered how much of that was he was mulling things over and how much was the alcohol. "Did you ever love her, Ethen?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"It wasn't actually until I saw you two together that I realized. But I think since we'd met."
"Do you love her now?"
"No Anthony, I don't. She's my friend, but nothing more."
Anthony sighed, long and deep, and took another shot. "Thank you, Ethen. For being honest. That would be a hard story to tell to me." Then he froze, put his hand to his mouth, and ran outside. Ethen ruefully dropped some cash to pay, and wandered out to where Anthony was throwing up in the gutter.
"C'mon, man. Let's get you home."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 16

"So, where is Anthony again?"
"I told you, Nino, he's in Phoenix for a conference. They actually are having him as one of the speakers this time." Lara was getting frustrated, as this was the third time he'd asked that in just this conversation.
"Oh, that's cool. What are you up to tonight then?"
"Not much. I was going to watch Day for Night."
"Again!" Nino sounded incredulous. Lara shifted her weight as she sat on her couch; she guessed she shouldn't have eaten so much cheese as she was getting a stomach ache, but dammit if she couldn't eat what she wanted then what the hell was the point of anything? Inwardly she noted how cranky she sounded, and tried to dial it down.
"Yes again."
"Haven't you seen it like 10 times?"
"And how many times have you watched Thunderball?"
Silence. "A fair point. Can't you come out with me instead?"
"What about Amy?"
"She's at work."
Nevi felt another sharp pain, lower this time, but she responded to her cousin. "What about Ethen?"
"He said he's too tired to go out. Normally I would call bullshit on that, but you know, he just got back."
"Yeah." Lara then started to feel something warm and sticky beneath her leg, and at the same time felt another pain, far worse than before, so bad she cried out into the phone.
"Nevi? What's wrong?"
"I—I don't—" She saw her room start to fade into grey, as the pain redoubled, then reached down onto the seat of her couch. Her hand came back red.
Blood.
There was blood on the couch.
Staining the floor.
There was blood everywhere.
"Nino? I—" She doubled up in pain know, felt her heart hammering in terror. "I think I need an ambulance." Then she fell forward, dimly noticing as her head banged against the coffee table.

"Nino, I already told you, I'm too tired. I—"
"Ethen, get next door now!" Nino sounded panicked. Nino did not panic.
"What's going on?"
"An ambulance is on the way. Get next door!" Nino hung up and Ethen leaped from his couch and grabbed his keys. He fumbled them into the lock next door, almost dropping them, then flung the door ajar. Lara was lying on the ground in front of the couch, unconscious, blood all over the couch and floor, her hands, her legs, a smear of it near her head. There was a nasty gash above her left eye, still bleeding heavily, but soon enough he saw that wasn't the main concern. Oh god. The baby.
Ethen did what he could to stop the bleeding on her head, but he had no idea what else to do. She was breathing, but shallow and rapid, and Ethen saw things start to turn unreal. He felt himself getting faint, but forced himself to cough to send blood to his head. He knelt next to her, talking to her, trying to get a response, but she was in a dead faint. It was only about 5 minutes but to Ethen it seemed like hours before the paramedics arrived. They brushed him to one side, and in a moment had her wheeled out of the apartment. One asked if he wanted to ride with her to the hospital.
They made him wait in the same room as before. Nino showed up about a minute later, but neither of them spoke.

"Hello?"
"Anthony? It's Ethen."
"Ethen what's wrong?"
"We don't know. Something happened with the baby and Lara's in surgery."

It was another six hours before they heard anything. Amy had joined them as she came off shift, said she'd seen her getting taken to the OR, but she didn't know anymore than they did. Henri had closed the bar immediately and gotten to them about midnight, and it was now almost five. In one of the hardest moments of his life Ethen had called Anja, not letting anyone else do it though they all offered, and told her what happened. She said she would be there the next day. And then finally a doctor came out, begging Ethen to sit as he had been pacing for the past three hours, and told them what happened.
"Ms. Jeunet will be alright. She lost a lot of blood but should recover in time. Now...is Dr. Shay here? No. um...Mr Montgomery? and Jeunet? Could I speak with you alone?"
The doctor, a dark-skinned man of about 60, led them into a side hallway, which immediately gave the feeling of privacy. "We can wait if you wish, but she has both of you listed as Emergency contacts. I can give you a more detailed update."
"Is the baby alright?" That was Ethen, who hearing Lara would make it had no other concerns.
"The baby...didn't make it."
Nino leaned back against the wall, his face blank.
"What?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Montgomery. Ms. Jeunet miscarried, and there was extensive hemorrhaging. We had to perform a hysterectomy."
Ethen was silent for many long seconds. "So she won't even be able to try again."
"No. I'm sorry." The doctor glanced between them. Nino had slid down to the ground. Ethen was on the verge of a nervous collapse. "I'm very sorry."

Nino and Ethen were led back to the waiting room, but everyone else decided that they didn't want to know until Anthony arrived. But the moment they sat down Ethen stood back up and walked off into the hospital. He didn't want to face them, and even more so he just had to find her. Be with her wherever she was. He couldn't stand the thought of her being alone, now or when she awoke. A couple nurses and doctors and one security guard told him he had to go back to the waiting room but he didn't listen. Finally he reached the recovery ward and begged and badgered anyone and everyone at the nurses station to tell him what room she was in until a sympathetic surgeon took him to her. She was hooked up to something monitoring her vitals, but otherwise appeared to simply be asleep. There were two chairs inside and he scooted one next to her bed to sit in, and took her hand that was untrammeled by IVs or wires. There was still blood on it. She didn't react. Ethen held her hand in both of his.
No one deserved this. No one. But least of all her. She was a wonderful, caring woman, and that child would have been one of the luckiest in the world with her as a mother. And while it had never been something that Lara was sure she wanted, Ethen had watched her become so committed to the idea, and to love her child so much. It was cruel, unbearably so, and he couldn't fathom it. Why had this happened? Whose fault was it? Who could he take out this terrible rage on? But deep down he knew it didn't matter, and he started to struggle more so with the fact that this shouldn't matter so much to him. It wasn't his child that had been lost. It wasn't his fiance that had miscarried. Why was this hitting him so hard?
He must have fallen asleep or blacked out or something because all of a sudden Ethen snapped awake, still lying over her bed, to find Anthony sitting next to him. He took a deep breath, preparing to tell him the worst.
"They already told me Ethen." He wasn't prepared for that. Anthony sounded detached, almost harsh; Ethen guessed he simply was unable to come to terms with what he was seeing. What he'd lost.
"Do you want me to go?"
"Ethen, you were here for her when I couldn't be. Stayed with her all night. If you want to stay I am not going to ask you not to. I would rather you be here."
Neither of them left. About 1400 the next day Anja arrived. Ethen would have thought seeing her again would have been like a punch in the stomach, but it stirred only the barest additional sadness. She brought in another chair and likewise refused to leave the room. Nino and Amy drifted in and out. Henri wanted to stay but everyone could see he didn't know how to handle this and convinced him to go home. That evening Anja needed to get some rest, and Ethen gave her his key. Then just two of them sat and waited, not talking, until eventually Anthony drifted off to uneasy sleep. And Ethen was left to wait for all purposes alone.
The whole time he waited he'd barely let go of her hand and as such he now had her blood all over his fingers. He stared at it, nebulously tracing a path back to the memories of Sam's death, but those thoughts failed to even stir a vague grief in him. Too tired, he guessed. And he began to wonder more why he was even here.
But that was absurd. He was here because she was his best friend.
True. But Nino was his friend, too. Would he have stayed up almost all day and night just to be sure to be there when Nino woke up? No. So why was Lara different?
Well, they'd slept together, for one.
Yes, but they'd worked through all that. It wasn't anything. If his feelings for her were strictly platonic, would he be here? He doubted it.
Then you probably don't strictly care for her as a friend, he found himself saying.
Stop that. She's engaged. Engaged to my friend and a good man besides.
That didn't stop you in the first place. She was engaged when you fell in love with her.
Yes, but he was over that. And hadn't that just been a crush, an infatuation? He'd barely known her at the time.
You loved her just the same. Like you did for over a year. Like you still do.
Ethen put his head down, willing that thought away, but it was relentless, swirling around the edges of his consciousness, unable to be banished.
You never stopped loving her. Maybe you put it to the side, and that really didn't make your love for Anja any less real. Maybe you just loved them both. But she's gone now, nothing to temper your feelings for Lara. And you know in the end you can't be happy with anyone else.
But she's happy. She loves Anthony.
True. Maybe it's not in the cards for you to find happiness that way.
And then Lara woke.
She was disoriented at first but soon found Ethen and Anthony at the side of her bed. She looked at them bewildered, and then Ethen saw the realization of what was gone hit her. And she covered her face with her hands and screamed. She started to sob then, great tremors of grief running through her, and in an instant Anthony was at her side, holding her, trying to comfort her. She barely seemed to notice, but quieted somewhat, and then Ethen felt her squeeze his hand.

"How is she?"
"She could be worse, I guess. Thanks for coming over."
"Anytime you need me to. I cancelled my tour for now."
"Ethen, You didn't have to do that, you know."
"Yes I did. So, what has she been doing today?"
"Nothing. s**t, I have to get going, I'm supposed to be in surgery in ten minutes. Thanks again."
Lara was asleep. That was more or less what she did these days. Sleep, get up to eat maybe once a day, go back to sleep, 6 weeks now. She was looking thin, pale, sad, that was nothing compared to how Anthony looked. Ethen knew he barely slept anymore, and never in their bed, relegating himself to the couch or carpet or the on-call room at the hospital. He was working like mad, but whether because they needed him or because he needed work, Ethen wasn't sure. While never heavy, he was starting to look emaciated, wasted, and Amy was seriously concerned for his health.
But between the four of them they had agreed to not leave Lara alone, and since the other three worked 60+hours a week, that mostly fell to Ethen, who would watch TV or write or do whatever while keeping out a close eye. Today though he had finally summoned enough resolve to call Anja, who had left him message after message with questions about Lara's state. He didn't bother to answer, since he knew she was getting plenty of information from everyone else, but he wondered what that was an excuse for.
"Hello?"
"Anja? Um, Hi."
"...Ethen? Oh my god, is she ok?"
"She's fine, she's asleep."
He heard a deep sigh from her, one of relief, mingled with apprehension. "Are you calling to talk to me, then?"
He nodded, then realized obviously she couldn't see. "Are, um, how are you?"
She didn't answer for several seconds, and when she did there was a torn sound in her voice, but the words where cheerful enough. "I'm doing great, Ethen. They just posted class rankings and I was 3rd."
Ethen was unsure how many people there were in her class, but that sounded impressive, certainly. "Well congrats, Anja, that's great."
"Thanks. And no need to ask how you are doing, I see your face all over the place."
For a few moments he had no clue what she was talking about. "Um...what?"
"In the bookstores, silly. At newsstands, all over. This is exactly the kind of place your boys targeted for marketing and it looks like it's taking off."
Ethen was still a bit bewildered. "I had no idea it was getting that kind of exposure."
"Are you kidding? There were angry letters in the paper here when you cancelled your thing in Boston."
This was simply beyond Ethen's comprehension at this point. "That's just...really weird."
"You'll be getting stalker letters and death threats any day now, as befits a good author."
"Thanks, I think."
They both were quiet for a moment then spoke at the same time.
"You first, Ethen."
"No, you can go."
"Ok." She sighed obviously preparing herself for something. "Are you still angry with me?"
Ethen sort of wondered about that himself. It had been a bit of a jolt to see her in his apartment again after he'd left the hospital that day, but not one of anger. Just grief. And he didn't even think he would haven taken her back right then if she wanted to do that. It was more like he was just grieving the relationship, not losing her. "No, I'm not. And I'm very glad you're happy there, Anja. I...I do miss you sometimes but I get why you left. And that made it really hard to stay upset."
"It's just...Ethen I haven't liked not talking to you."
"Me either."
"Maybe we should give our original plan a try."
"What was that?"
"Maybe we should try being friends."

When Lara woke up it was dark in the house, but she heard something in the living room. It was getting cold at night now and she wrapped her heavier robe around her. In the living room the TV was on, but it was facing towards the window, instead of towards the kitchen like it usually did. She wondered why. In the love seat in front of the window Ethen was sleeping, his coat and a blanket over him. He hadn't turned on the heat. The TV was on. Ethen didn't look comfortable, his head to one side, so she shook his shoulder, planning to tell him to go home and sleep. She didn't really want him there anyway, but somewhere in the fog that seemed to have settled on her appreciation was veiled but present.
He started and looked confused for a moment as he remembered where he was, then he focused on her in the washed out light from the screen. "Hey, Lara. Hungry? I can make you something."
She thought about it, and decided the convenience of him making the food outweighed the inconvenience of his presence. It was so minor anyway. "Ok. Whatever you want to make."
"Ahh...don't be like that, c'mon what do you want for—what time is it?—breakfast, I guess."
"Anything. I don't care."
"I'll make pancakes, then." Ethen rifled around in her kitchen after flipping on the lights, and Lara winced at the sudden glare. "Let's see, Milk, eggs...Do you have any—oh, never mind found it." He didn't speak as he prepared it until he couldn't find her griddle, so he ran next door for his. She thought about locking him out, she could cook from there and just wanted to be left alone, and was getting up to do so when he returned. She was still staring at the lock.
"Where you going to lock me out?"
"Yes." She half hoped he'd be hurt enough to leave her alone, but he didn't seem to care.
"That would be silly, I make much better pancakes than you. Um, neither of us have syrup. Jam or powder sugar on them?"
"I don't care, Ethen." It slipped out; some of the anger and desperation managed to escape in her voice, but she pulled herself back under control. "Powder sugar. And some lemon, I have some in the fridge."
"Sounds good." He seemed to happily go about the business of cooking, but as she stared at him something started to be clear. Something hidden in the half-smile and the too-cheerful mannerisms, in furtive glances at her and her...and her belly. Unconsciously her hand slipped beneath the hem of her t-shirt she wore beneath the robe, and felt the new scar on her skin, running from below her navel to almost between her legs, a slightly curved diagonal from right to left. She saw him looking and guiltily pulled her hand away. It didn't do to pity herself, but try as she might she wasn't able to do much else. But there was no judgement in his eyes. Nothing telling her she shouldn't do that, nothing saying it's time to start getting on with things. Nothing saying this was your fault, your body's fault. Maybe she'd just been imagining it, but to her everyone she saw had been saying all of that silently. Even Anthony, the last straw that had sent her into this haze. But Ethen...he just looked scared.
Scared for her, that she might not recover. He came over and gingerly set the first plate of food in front of her, as though undue noise might shatter her. Maybe it would. She didn't know anymore. She tried her best to speak normally. "Ethen these are delicious, thank you. I do not think I have eaten since day before last."
"That's never a good idea."
"I guess not. But these are really good." It was good. He made them better than she did, even with the same recipe. Maybe it was in how much he sifted it before adding the eggs? She had no idea. "They are really good, Ethen." And then it was like she felt a dam burst in her chest, and everything that she'd been hiding somewhere deep in the mists of sleep and hunger rushed to the forefront. She tried to hold it back, but failed. Instead she stood up and walked quickly towards her room, but when she heard Ethen's step behind her she dashed inside and slammed the door shut. She leaned back against it and then sank to the ground, her knees up to her chin, gasping for breath. She wanted to cry, to dissolve into tears again, but couldn't. She felt beyond that. She felt like she had finally hit bottom after falling down an abyss. For the first time, and the last, she thought she understood how Samantha had felt, how she had been pushed over the edge of what she could bear. But she couldn't wallow, because Ethen was pounding on the door.
"Lara, open the door." She didn't respond. "Open it, please!"
"No! You'll just try to make me feel better or fix things or tell me it is time to move on, like everyone else. But I cannot do those things, Ethen, I will not! And nobody will just let me be!"
There was several seconds of silence before his voice came back. "I'm not going to tell you anything, Lara, except this. You are waiting for things to get better on their own, but they won't. You have to do something to make it so. I'm not saying you need to do it now, or anytime soon, but when you're ready it's up to you. You taught me that. I had to accept your help to make things better with Sam. When I couldn't get over you I had to do something and Anja was perfect. I just...I won't even come in, just please, unlock the door."
For a few moments, everything else in her was replaced by pure hatred for him. She didn't want things to get better. She didn't want to move onward with anything. Didn't they get it? She'd lost her future. She'd never known if she wanted kids but as she got closer to her due date she had come to want to be a mother more than she had ever wanted anything. Now she couldn't. No matter what it would never be the same; she wanted her own family. Anthony had mentioned adoption and she had gone to pieces. She wished with all her heart that she could do that for someone else's child, but she didn't see how it could ever be possible. But deep down she knew Ethen was right. She couldn't live like this forever. She didn't move her back from the door, but she reached up and unlocked it.

It had been almost three months since Lara had been released from the hospital. Anthony said she was maybe doing a little better, getting up to eat and taking a few work calls, but not much else. Ethen was preparing his thanksgiving dinner with Anthony's help, who was especially excited since he had missed the holiday last year, it being just a regular Thursday in France. Emily, Jackson and Mina had arrived the night before, and were working on the various desserts and sweet potatoes. Nino and Amy were going to be there any minute.
Ethen had devoutly wished that Lara would show up, but had not expected it, so when she appeared at his door he was stunned. She stood on the threshold, not entering.
Her voice sounded gravely and weak, probably from lack of use. "Ethen? Can I borrow Emily and Anthony for a few minutes?"
"Of course. Can I ask why?"
"I want to get married on the first day of Summer, but I wanted to ask Emily if that would be enough time, and if she could help me some. And I wanted to ask Anthony if he thought that was a good date."
In a split second, Ethen felt his heart do a somersault. She was doing it. Throwing herself into something in an attempt to move on. Setting her mind and body to work, trying to heal. But the flip side of that elation was it made it all the more real to him that he was losing his chance with her forever. Ethen nodded to her, and motioned her inside, but she stayed put.
"Ethen, what's wrong? Do you think that's a bad idea?"
"No. I think...I think it's amazing."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 17

"So do you think Lara would like the Plumeria or the Hibiscus?" It was June 15th, a week before the wedding. Sometimes Ethen marveled at his sister, how she had mobilized himself, her husband, Nino, Amy, Anthony to all be at Lara's beck and call for six whole months. It had certainly been a whirlwind, doubly so after Anthony had finally spoken his mind and admitted that he didn't want to get married in France, but preferred somewhere in the states. Immediately Emily had decided they would do it in Hawaii, and Lara had loved the idea. She said she had wanted that in the first place but didn't want to impose that flight on anyone. She projected her fear of flying rather proficiently. The only problem was Anthony's family.
Lara had met them all and loved them, and each and every last one of them wanted to attend the wedding. All 44 of his brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and of course his mom and dad. But his family was from a very small, very rural town in Eastern Colorado. They had been having particularly difficult times since they had lost so much of the value of their homes in '08. His mother and father could afford to come, but that was it. Anthony had been crushed, and Lara doubly so; she loved them and also really wanted more than twenty people at her wedding. And with neither her, nor any of her close friends having much family to speak of, that would be a stretch.
But without Anthony's knowledge (Lara had to be told because it affected the planning so drastically,) Ethen had paid to have all of them flown out and have accommodations at the hotel where the weddings was taking place. Lara had been stunned and still thanked him several times a day. But Emily was being insistent about the flower for Lara's hair during the ceremony, so he finally snapped back to the present. "Oh, uh...Plumeria, definitely. A hibiscus is too vibrant a color for their palette."
"Good point." Emily was looking at him curiously. She remarked almost daily that she was very impressed with the way Ethen had tackled the wedding planning. He contended that of course he would, his best friend was getting married, and she needed all the help she could get. But when he started to somewhat slavishly devote himself to the excruciating minutia of the ceremony, Ethen began to wonder if maybe Emily was trying to say something else with those comments. Like maybe he should dial things back a bit. Or it was a roundabout way of questioning why he did this. Turns out it was the later, because finally Emily just asked him out right. "Ethen, are you alright?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, the way you've been helping the wedding along. You've spent more time on it than anyone, Lara included."
Ethen felt something rise in his throat. "I just want it to go well. You know how much Lara means to me. And the best man should chip in."
"Yes, but putting all that down to bring his family out?"
"I could afford it."
"True, but...Ethen, have you even written a word this year yet?" Emily concern was obvious now. He knew his sister had been worried about him for months, but finally was speaking her mind.
"No. I'm just taking a break. Why are you so worried?"
"Because this isn't like you. You hate everything like this, from picking colors to choosing a venue, any sort of party planning. And yet here you are, taking on every task with alacrity. Why is it so important to you it go perfectly?"
"I just want it over with, Em." He didn't mean to say it. It just slipped out. But such is the obvious nature of conversation that now he could never take it back or deny it.
"What, why?" They were standing in a farmer's market, and Ethen pretended to be engrossed in a display of white pineapples. "Why, Ethen?"
Ethen's heart was hammering. It didn't help that it was 90 degrees and raining. He still was not a big fan of weather in Hawaii. He started to feel a little faint. He only looked at his twin in a sidelong glance, but he saw her expression go from mild irritation with him to pity as she realized what was happening. She was putting things together in a way that, as far as Ethen knew, only Emily could.
"You want it to be over so she's finally married. So that there are vows and conventions and her publicly delcared love for someone else between you two." Ethen felt his face turn bleak. He nodded. "So it is clear to everyone, you most of all, that she is choosing someone for life." He nodded again. "And after the ceremony, you know you have no hope of ever being with her. And with no hope, maybe you can move on." He nodded one last time. "Oh, God, Ethen, you're still in love with her."
"And I thought, maybe a perfect wedding was something I could do for her. She deserves so much better than she's had in the past year." He was now actually examining the fruit, seeing if one of them was ripe enough to eat for lunch, so he didn't see why Emily was not responding. "Em?" He turned to his sister to see her wiping her eyes.
"Does she know, Ethen?"
"Don't be silly. Of course not. She's in love with another man, a good man, and telling her would just make her sad that she doesn't feel the same. She doesn't need that in her life."
"But...but what about you? What are you going to do?"
"Me? I'm going to find a good pineapple for lunch."
"You know what I mean."
He was quiet as he marshaled his thoughts. "I'm going to finish getting these flowers. Then I'm going to make sure the venue is in perfect order. Then I'm going to check that their confirmation numbers for their honeymoon flights are right. And anything else that needs to be done. Then I'm going to watch my best friend get married to someone else. And then I'm going to find someway to be happy without the woman I love."
Emily spent the rest of the day in tears. She tried her best to keep working on things, but when Lara came by to talk to her and see how everything was progressing, she locked herself in her room. Lara was obviously confused, but Ethen assured her things were fine, and she left, but not before trying to check on Em. "Oh, do not forget, Ethen. You, Nino and Anthony have your fitting on Wednesday." Privately Ethen wondered about the wisdom of not getting their tuxes until only two days before the ceremony, but Nino wasn't getting back here until then. He assured her that he wouldn't forget, and she kissed him on the cheek as she left, thanking him for all his help. For a moment she looked guilty about that, then blushed and left.

For Ethen, it had been a terribly harsh 7 months. At first he had tried to stay away from the planning entirely, ignoring it, wishing it ill. For obvious reasons he was hoping it wouldn't happen. But his lack of participation began to way on his conscience, and he knew, somewhere, that there was nothing he could do anyway. So he did any task anyone gave to him. He was remarkably useful especially because he did not have a job in any traditional sense, and had no tours or anything on the horizon. He had shelved his writing and decided that the best thing he could do would be to make his friend happy.
For him, though, the worst part had been when Anthony had asked him to be his best man. As the months had gone by, he had come to respect Anthony more and more but could barely stand the site of him. It was a layer of confusion and dissonance that Ethen truly did not need. But he fought each day to overcome that, because it wasn't like Anthony was going anywhere.
The one bright spot, before the final trip to Hawaii and seeing his family, had been Anja arriving at the end of May to assist him. In what was surprising to no one but her, Anja had been asked to be Maid of Honor, and as such had scrambled to help as soon as school was finished. Ethen surprised himself by being very glad to see her, and also having no desire to explore their past relationship. They had become what Anja had wanted, and she was a vital support for him throughout that last month.
But through everything only Emily was ever told about how he felt for the bride. And she handled it only slightly better than he did; that is, she went to pieces. The last week it was entirely up to Ethen, Anja and Jackson to complete the million remaining details. The high point was when Anthony's dad and oldest brother surprised the groom at dinner one evening, and then he was led to the beach where his whole family was waiting to congratulate him. He thanked Ethen profusely but Ethen could not give a single sincere "you're welcome," so he just nodded and kept quiet. The family, all the guests had arrived at least two days in advance (with Ethen footing most of the bill, but no one else knew that,) and everything was going perfectly.
But for him, everyday that drew Lara and Anthony's ceremony closer was torturous. He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to see anyone being happy that Lara was marrying someone else. He wanted the wedding stopped. But he couldn't do anything about it. Or rather, wouldn't. He didn't dare risk anything happening to or with Lara, and therefore he had suffered in silence until he'd told Emily. The night before their fitting, the final detail, he and his sister where sitting in his hotel room, Jackson and Mina off enjoying the pool.
"Ethen, are you going to do anything?" Emily was very drunk, Ethen much more so.
"About what?"
"About the wedding. Are you going to try and stop it?"
"I think I wrote a book with this exact plot."
"Don't avoid the question. Are you?"
Ethen paused. Was she saying what he thought? "You want me to, don't you Em?"
"Yes. I do."
"I'm no good for her, Emily. I know this. You know this. And so does she, most importantly."
"But...it's just not fair, Ethen. What about you?"
"What about me? I'll live. I'll still have her in my life. And I'll have to learn to make that be enough for me." He felt his voice getting angry, bitter, and didn't care in the least.
"It's just...It's not..." Someone knocked on the door, as Emily began to cry.

Nevi was about to knock again when the door swung open violently, and she caught her breath. Ethen was clearly drunk. Very. The room reeked of cheap whiskey and vodka, and behind him on the couch sat Emily, weeping bitterly. Neither of them looked pleased to see her, Ethen doubly so. "What do you want?" She drew back from the anger in his tone. He wasn't just angry; he was angry at her. Livid. And he was far gone, and obviously exhausted as Lara caught sight of the rings under his eyes.
"I...I just wanted to see if Emily wanted to come out for a drink."
"She doesn't. Now leave."
"Ethen, what's wrong?" She tired to sublimate the hurt his tone was causing her, but did a poor job.
He took another pull straight from the bottle he was holding, which was almost empty. "Nothing, except you're still here. Now leave me alone."
What was he doing? What was going on? The confusion was worse than anything, and she felt that familiar vice under her breast. "Ethen, what are you doing? Why...why are you so angry with me? Did I do something?"
"No. Now get the ******** out of here." He slammed the door shut in her face, leaving her bewildered and distraught.

The next morning Ethen woke with his worst hangover in years, feeling like a skunk had found a way to burrow into his head to die. He was on the floor of his hotel room, and he saw Emily on the couch. He shook her shoulder but she groaned painfully, and he decided to just let her be for now. He stepped gingerly into the shower, and was nearly finished when he remembered Lara's brief visit the night before. s**t.

"Hello?" Lara tried to keep the sadness from her voice, but to no avail. She attempted to make herself believe that she wasn't terribly hurt by what Ethen had said to her last night, but was not having much success.
"Lara? It's me. Ethen."
Her anger blazed up. "What do you want?" She snapped.
"I'm sorry, Lara I had no business speaking to you like that." He sounded so ashamed that she felt most of her anger evaporate. Most of it.
"But why did you? What did I do?"
Silence. Then: "You didn't do anything."
"Then why?"
"I can't tell you. I can never tell you. I just need you to know I'm very, very sorry."
Normally, Lara would have pried and dug at him until he cracked. He was not very good at keeping secrets from her, she knew, but he sounded...awful. Desperate. She decided to let it go, but she started to worry.

Ethen was dressing while talking to her, and hung up as he managed to find a pair of socks. He was running a little bit late for the fitting, but not too bad, and he might be able to make it up. He wound up getting to the store on time, but as was about to open the door, he stopped. He felt trapped, guilty, like he was doing something wrong, and it took him several seconds to understand why.
He wanted Lara to be happy, he did. But every part of him screamed that she was marrying the wrong man. Intellectually he doubted this was true, but he felt it without a doubt. He belonged with her, not Anthony. And now this? Helping so much was one thing. But he didn't think he could watch her go down the aisle to someone else. And he knew he had to leave. Now. But he had to tell someone why, and if anyone deserved to know it was the bride and groom. He saw Jackson going into a candy shop across the parking lot, and he and Mina waved to him. He acknowledged them distractedly, then took a deep breath and walked into the store. Anthony was being fitted by young woman.
"Ethen, hi! Rough night?"
"Maybe a little." He turned to the seamstress. "Can you give us a minute." She nodded and walked away.
"Hey, wait! Ethen I still have pins in me. What's wrong?" Anthony looked worried, and Ethen realized just how bad this was going to be. Who would be on his side for this? For leaving right before the wedding? No one. Anthony was as stressed as anyone, and he wondered vaguely if he would ever forgive him. Nino would think he was a pansy for not sucking it up for just another 48 hours. Amy he had no idea. Emily? Maybe. But he felt in his heart he was about to ruin a friendship for good. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't stay.
"Anthony, I have to go."
"What? You just got here. Do you want to do the fitting later? I don't have much going on until the party, and—"
"You don't understand. I have to go. Leave. Go home to Paris. Now." He watched as Anthony's face fell. Shocked did not begin to describe how he looked.
"What are you talking about? Did something happen?"
"No, it's nothing like that it's...Anthony, I can't do this. I can't be there."
He could see him starting to get angry, the hurt starting to make itself known. "And why is that?"
"Look, don't get me wrong. You...you're perfect for her, man. And I never saw Lara happy like she is until she was with you. I don't want anything to get in the way of your or her happiness. So I have to go."
"I don't understand, Ethen. She'll be devastated. Why are you going? Why can't you be here?"
"Because...I..."
"Or you going to tell her you're leaving at least?"
The thought of that was like being hit in the head by a wooden plank. "I can't. I can't see her. I...I don't even know what would happen."
"I don't—Ethen why are you leaving? Why are you doing this to us? Why are—"
"Because I'm in love with her." As stunned as Anthony looked, it was nothing compared to how Ethen felt. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have said that, here, now, to Anthony? But he continued. "Because you're better for her and will make her happier but she's the love of my life and I can't just stand there and watch her marry someone else, even if it is you." Anthony looked too stunned to do anything. And before he recovered suddenly Ethen felt like he had to run. "I'm sorry, Anthony. please don't tell her." He bolted from the store, nearly baring Mina to the ground as she was standing right inside the doorway. He was so oblivious he didn't even say hello or stop to think where Jackson was. He just ran.
When he got back to his hotel room he found his sister was fortuitously already gone; he didn't think he could see anyone at the moment. Luckily he had packed light because flying around the room like he did he was packed in less than ten minutes. He nearly forgot his wallet but he checked out of the hotel and was waiting for the shuttle to the airport when he happened to glance back into the lobby of the hotel and saw Lara arguing frantically with reception. He did his best to look away, but before he did he saw the clerk point him out to her. She turned and walked towards him as fast as she could without actually running. He quickly stood. Near the entrance to the lobby was the head of a trail down to the water, and it was rocky and dusty. He hoped that might deter her. He couldn't see her. He couldn't. He had to get away before she spoke to him. Had to get away from her and the wedding and everyone else. He was maybe fifty yards down the trail when he heard her shout his name. He ignored it, and began to walk faster. His name again, louder, seemingly closer, but he didn't turn around. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Ethen, stop!" Lara sounded dangerously close to tears, and he whirled around to face her. He peripherally noted that her shoes where in her hand. She had her rich brown eyes directly on his, but he did his best not to meet them. "Ethen, what are you doing? Someone...someone said you are leaving? That cannot be right. Can it?"
Her shoes where dangling from her fingers. She was just wearing a bikini and a sarong. She smelled exactly like the perfume he'd given her for Christmas the first time they'd been here. "That is right. I have to go. Now please move so I can get to the shuttle." He tried to step around her but she moved in front of him. The trail was quite narrow and there was not really room to go around her without stepping off the trail and onto the sharp lava rock.
"Ethen...why would you do this? Do you not know how much it means to me to have you there?"
"I do." She leaned down fractionally, trying to catch his gaze, but he turned away.
"And you planned so much of it, and helped all these people get here...why would you leave?"
"I have to."
"But why? Ethen," She had been trying to not tear up but it was proving futile. "Ethen, you are my best friend. I am closer to you than I am to anyone. I...I need you there."
"You're going to have to do without me. I'm going back to Paris."
"Merde! Will you not listen to me? I do not want you to go, Ethen. I want you here!"
"I'm sorry, Lara. But I can't." He didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the utter despair that he let show through. But she turned to let him pass. He got a few steps up the path when she seemed to think better of it and started to follow behind him.
"Are you not happy for me, Ethen? I found a good man, a kind man that I love and all I want is for you to be there with me."
He didn't turn to face her. "Lara, I...yes, I am happy for you. You deserve all that anyone could give you and more. And Anthony can give that to you; but I can't be there." She tried to grab his arm, wound up clawing his skin instead. She was sobbing now, could barely speak.
"But why? Why can you not be here?" He was walking away more quickly now, and she was struggling to keep up, keep her questions going. Ethen felt his resolve to leave dwindling, to not tell her why evaporating. "Ethen, is this it? I do not even deserve an answer? I thought you cared about—" And she was interrupted as his final defenses crumbled. He couldn't do this, not without at least telling her why. Even if that was better it seemed too cruel. She was interrupted as he decided he may very well never see her again. That their friendship, whatever it was they had, had finally gotten too snarled with other things, other feelings, and that he could never be there for her again. She was interrupted when he spun around and suddenly kissed her
She half-yelped in shock, but to his surprise she didn't jump away. He held her head in his hands, and for a moment, tentatively, he felt her lips moving against his, a soft and warm response. But then their lips broke apart, and she looked at him, to confused to speak. He still was holding her in his hands, his forehead to hers, and he spoke quietly. "I can't, Lara, because it should be me up there, waiting for you as you come down that aisle." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "It should be me." Then he stepped back, slowly, as if waiting for her to respond, but she was far to stunned. "I have to go." He turned and walked, fled, more like, towards the shuttle that was just now arriving. He made it, barely, and at the airport he got the next available flight that would get him home.

The wedding had been beautiful. Everyone said so, and several people were disappointed that Ethen, who had more or less planned the whole thing, was not around to be congratulated. Nino had stood in as best man, and the ceremony had gone without a hitch after Anja had calmed Lara down beforehand. It wasn't quite cold feet, but she was in a bad state. But everything went smoothly afterwards. Afterwards they had flown to Lana'i, one of the smaller, more secluded islands, for their honeymoon, which Lara would always remember as two of her happiest weeks. But literally the morning after their return Anthony had to be back at the hospital. She guessed that was going to be a regular part of being a doctor's wife. She had taken one extra day off. She had meant to spend it with Ethen, tell him about married life but...
She didn't know what to think about what had happened. He had kissed her. And more than anything in the world she had wanted him to keep kissing her. But she had been so shocked she couldn't even tell him. Or respond in anyway. And he'd said he wished it was him she was marrying. Something had happened between him and Anthony as well, and her new husband looked pained and angry whenever someone mentioned him. He wouldn't say what had occurred, though. Now that they were back home, it made it harder to block out the memory of that morning when he'd left. And harder to ignore the fact that no one seemed to have any idea where he was. She had thanked Mina a thousand times for telling her that Ethen was leaving, in hopes that he was talking with his niece and she could get it out of her where he was, but no luck. She was fairly certain Emily knew, but she was far more stubborn even than she. So all she knew was that he was not in his flat. No one was. He was gone, and she wondered if for good. That thought sent a jolt down her back of terrible loss, but it seemed that he was. There was nothing to indicate that he would ever return.
That first morning, after she had eaten and gotten dressed, she did something she could hardly believe. It just didn't seem right. But she felt compelled, and using her key that she'd never had a chance to give back, she went to Ethen's door and unlocked his flat. She pushed the door open slowly and stood in the threshold. It was empty. She didn't know what she'd expected to find, but she hadn't expected him to just be...gone. She didn't even know if maybe he was still there, just being quiet. But he was gone. Everything about him, everything that she'd seen him do to make this place a home now pointless. She spent the next fifteen minutes restlessly pacing around the living room there, trying over and over again to call him, but it simply went to his voice mail, and she left over a dozen messages she knew he would never return. Finally she went into what had been his bedroom, and memories she'd rather not have dwelt on surged back. It was empty, though, too.
She was about to leave, to go down and give the key to the super, when she saw something on the kitchen counter, she had to think waiting for her. Just before they had gone to Hawaii together the first time, she and Ethen had stopped by a photo booth in the airport. On an impulse, Ethen had made them get their picture taken, and Lara had always loved the photo strip, though she had never told him. The first they both just looked kind of uncertain. The second, they were hugging, their faces pressed cheek to cheek, both smiling broadly. The third Ethen was kissing her cheek, her feigning surprise but not the delight she was showing. The fourth was them kissing, and she'd never noticed how happy they'd both looked, even with their eyes closed. She guessed Ethen had known how much she loved these, and had guessed at some point she would come over. She picked up the strip of photos with her hand trembling, then she sat down and turned so her back was to the wall. Then she ducked her head to her knees and started to sob. She clutched the picture, held it close. He was gone. Though it felt like he should be right there, waiting with a hug and some sharp little quip, he was gone. And she didn't know if she would ever see him again.  

[Gnomes-san]

Four Years Later

Chapter 18

"So Thursday we'll start on writing groups again, and just remember everyone, you have until then to finish the assigned reading." That elicited a chorus of groans, and Ethen gave them all an admonishing glare. "Seriously? You sound like a bunch of middle-schoolers. You've had a month to read it, and it's not like Ishiguro is very difficult. Be glad I didn't go through with my original plan and have you read Ivan Denisovitch." The mere mention of anything Russian was usually enough to quell any complaints, further solidifying Ethen's suspicions that none of them had actually read that book. The students all grabbed their bags and began to shuffle out, all but one.
Was it unfair? Maybe, but this one was his favorite by far. She was sharp witted and talented, and while he could see most of his students getting better, she was phenomenal. Her name was Annabelle Larson, but he only remembered it so easily because he'd taught in her in two other courses as well. She stood in front of his desk until the other students had left, then spoke. "Professor Montgomery?"
"Annabelle. What can I help you with?" He gestured for her to sit in the chair next to his desk.
"You don't have to hurry off somewhere, do you? This might take a few minutes."
"The afternoon is mine, actually."
"I just...I wondered what you thought of my story." Ethen was an assistant professor in the English department at the University of Washington. Relatively low on the rank ladder, he still mainly taught composition courses, required courses, not his favorite. But he was also now teaching two creative writing ones, and this class, his 200 level, had just turned in the final draft of their first of three original works.
"Well Annabelle you're first on the list for conferences, and that's just tomorrow."
"I know. It's just that if I ask you here, now, and it was really bad, you won't be able to form some kind but totally useless re-assurance about my skills."
Ethen laughed. "A fair point. The pancake story, right?" She nodded. "Ok, honestly? Before I answer, I need to know if you've ever written creatively before."
"No."
"Well I am surprised. It's hard sometimes to see an author just in a short story, but this was tremendous. I was going to ask you tomorrow if I could submit it to the school magaznine plus a couple other's around here for publication."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. You have a great voice in your work, Annabelle."
She didn't respond. She just looked thrilled. Then Ethen saw something else occur to her. "Two other things. I'm thinking of applying to grad school—"
"I would recommend it."
"—and I was hoping you could write me a letter of recommendation."
Ethen paused and considered. "Are you sure? A letter might be better coming from a full professor."
"Maybe, but you're really the only one in the department I trust to get what I can do."
"Yes, great writer, humility not her strong suit."
"um..."
"Annabelle, I would be happy too. Where is it going?"
"I was looking at Colorado State and Stanford."
"Wow. Go big or go home, right? I had a friend that went to CSU." He never really new why, but Ethen had always noticed that off-handed personal comments like that tended to de-rail conversations. Annabelle had no response, and Ethen watched as she glanced around his desk. He kept it sparse, the only personal effect was a framed picture of Mina with her scale model of the Central Nervous System at her science fair.
"Professor? Is that your daughter?"
"Her? Oh, no, I don't have any kids. She's my niece."
"Oh." Annabelle fell silent. Maybe she'd heard the edge in his voice. But something compelled him to keep speaking.
"Yeah, I took her in when her parents died a few years back. She's a smart one."
"Oh, I'm sorry. About her parents, not that she's smart."
"Thanks." She sat awkwardly for a few moments, then stood up to leave. She got to the door before she seemed to remember something and spun back around.
"One last thing." She reached into her bag and pulled out a book. It took him a moment to recognize the cover, but when he did he almost felt himself blush. It was his second book that he published, a rather explicit romance that his agent had actually considered releasing as an erotica instead. "Is this one of yours?"
"Um...ah, yes, it is. How'd you find it? It's not even under my name." She just smiled mischievously, idly fingering the pages of it, then left.
Well great. As Ethen drove home he was wondering quite how to deal with that. He was always uncomfortable with those sorority girl crushes, and had had to deal with a couple over the past few years. He pushed it out of his mind, hoping it would just resolve itself. They usually did.

"Mina!" Ethen got home at about 5 each day, leaving Mina alone for maybe an hour and a half. He'd thought about getting some help around the house, and to keep an eye on her when she got home from school, but realistically she didn't need that kind of supervision. He thought 12 was plenty old to be home by herself for part of the afternoon. But where was she? "Mina?" He walked up to the second floor where her bedroom was abreast the stairs. He heard some weird British electronica music filling the hallway so he guessed she must be home. Her door was open and she was on her computer, chatting with someone, and as well as having her stereo going she had headphones on. He walked up behind her and unplugged her headphones. Suddenly The Who were mixing weirdly and blurring with her other stuff he didn't know. She yelped in surprise and jumped out of her desk chair.
"You scared the living s**t—You scared me!"
"Why are you listening to two songs at once?"
"It makes it easier to think."
"Who were you chatting with?" Mina looked down, out the window, anywhere but at him. Ethen felt concern rise in his throat; smart as she was, she was still just 12. "It better be someone we know."
"I..."
"Mina?"
"Ok, fine. It's a boy from school."
"And?"
"He's a freshman too, Uncle Ethen, and he's only 13." She looked up at him pleadingly. "He skipped a grade." She finished lamely.
Ethen really didn't know how to feel about this. Mina was almost a teenager, he knew, and he guessed he should have expected this. Play it cool and see how it turns out, he guessed. But keep a close eye on her. "Well, what's his name?"
"You aren't mad?"
"Unless you've been going out on dates and things, then no."
"I haven't, I promise."
"Ok."
"His name's Andrew."
"Ok, and how do you know this Andrew?"
"We're in Geometry and History together."
"Ok." Ethen considered. Even from his own experience, he didn't know how to handle this. He'd never really had adolescent crushes. "And you like him?"
She went beet red. Mina may have been almost half Hawaiian, but she was as pale as they come. He had no idea where her red hair had come from. All this made it far more obvious when she was embarrassed. "Jesus, you don't have to just ask it like that."
"Well do you?"
"...Maybe."
"And...?"
"Does he like me? No. No way. I don't see how he could."
Inwardly, Ethen sighed. He didn't know what it was, but his family seemed to be cursed with a lack of self-worth in the romance department. "Invite him over for dinner sometime, ok? Even if he is just a friend I want to meet him."
"What?" She let this out in a yelp. "But...but—" She stammered.
"But what?"
"Don't you think that's kind of obvious?"
Ethen laughed. "There's a lot to be said for being blunt, Mina. Oh, and I don't want you chatting with anyone until after your homework is done, remember?"
She was defiant. "It is done! I finished it like an hour ago."
"Alright then." He turned to leave, not sure he had the stomach for what he was about to have to do, but at least now he had leverage over her. But this was important, and Mina was actually endangering herself. At the doorway he turned back to her. She was just getting back into her chair, but when she looked up at him she saw her instinct for survival kick in. She knew something serious was happening. "Oh, yes, Mina? All this, you chatting, having your friend over, not being grounded for the rest of the school year is contingent on one thing." It was like looking at a deer in headlights. She was petrified, and knew she was caught. "You need to give me the cigarettes you have hidden in your hope chest." She started to cry, silently, as she did slowly. This next part was going to be even worse, though. "And now the marijuana in your lining of your backpack."
If anything, she looked even more terrified. She pulled out a plastic bad of weed and another of rolling papers and lighters. When she handed it over she flinched as he reached for it. "Is there anything else, Mina?" She looked at him, eyes full of guilt, shame, then went to her closet and popped up a floorboard. Inwardly he wondered how in hell she had managed to do that, but she pulled out a shoe box filled with mini-bar sized bottles of Bombay, Grey Goose, Jack Daniels, pretty much anything you could think of. "Did you steal these?" After a second she nodded. Ethen took the box from her. "Anything else?"
She shook her head. "No one at school would sell me anything else."
"Well good for them." Ethen put everything in the shoe box and sat down on Mina's bed. "Mina, why? And don't say for fun, or to experiment. You're too smart for that, the cost-benefit ratio isn't high enough."
"I...I..." She almost melted into sobs. He knew how she felt. When he was only a year older than her his uncle had caught him with a bottle of brandy he'd stolen from the Foodland. Maybe the scale was different, but...he got it. He'd felt like not only was he in trouble, but that he'd lost his uncle's respect. It had taken him a long time to realize that that wasn't the case, his uncle probably had been the same way. Most kids were; his uncle had treated him exactly the same after his punishment was over. And even more so, now, he got it. Mina was Mina. And yes, it had been a shock when he'd stumbled across a cigarette in the hallway in front of her door. A much bigger one when he'd found the baggie. But she was just a kid; she had a lot more mistakes to make, and he just had to make she he caught her before she fell too far. "I'm sorry Uncle Ethen." She finally managed to choke out.
"But why? Your friend Andrew isn't into this stuff, is he?"
"No! It's just...to make things better." She sounded bitter. A twelve year-old should never have to sound bitter. Ethen sighed.
"Why didn't you come to me, Mina? We could have talked or taken you to see someone if you wanted."
"Because it doesn't seem fair."
"What do you mean, fair?"
"I mean..." She stopped, taking a deep breath. "I mean...I didn't want to bother you."
"What? Mina, I'm always here—"
"No, Uncle Ethen, that's not what I meant. I mean...you still hurt so much, too."
For second, Ethen's heart lept into his throat. "That might be true, Mina, but...to me, you come first. If you need to talk it out I can put all that aside."
"But it's not fair! You shouldn't have to...why are you so...so..."
"What are you talking about."
"Other kids' dads would have yelled or screamed or hit them or something. You...you just want me talk about something that makes you even sadder than it does me."
"Mina, I told myself I would always put you before me."
"So does every grown-up. But no one actually does." She sat next to him on the bed and put her head against his arm. "So what are you going to do?"
"Mina...maybe I'm a failing you. But I trust you. Do you promise me you'll stay away from this stuff?" She nodded vigorously. "Then that's that." He stood up and left, leaving her stunned silent.
He walked out to the dumpster to throw the shoebox away, though he seriously considered keeping the mini bottles. As he turned back to the house, he stopped for a moment. He wondered if he was doing right by his niece. Honestly he doubted it, but he didn't know what else to do. He could never bring himself to do much in the way of punishment, and all he had was that she wanted his respect. And trust. So he trusted her, hoped nothing else was going on that he didn't know about.
Was he failing her entirely? It had been three years since...since he'd taken her in. Some of Jackson's siblings had offered to take her, but Mina had wanted to go with him. She was 9, old enough to have some say the court said, and Ethen was wealthy and stable, so the judge had given him sole custody. Jackson's oldest sister still wouldn't talk to him, especially after he had moved with Mina to Seattle. But she wanted nothing more to do with Hawaii than he did. And now he was trying his best to give her some kind of consistent life. But this was a big setback. Maybe he could use this Andrew kid as a way to keep Mina more honest. But that was secondary. What really worried him was Mina thinking he was still so hurt that she couldn't bring up what was on her mind. He wondered though, if she was right.
Ethen had already felt so cast adrift before they'd died. After Lara's wedding, he'd lost her, Anthony...even Anja had thought it had been pretty low of him. Nino had surprised him by sticking by his side, saying he'd been a better man than could ever be expected by bowing out. Amy was pretty much his personal cheerleader though that, too. And Emily had been just so angry with Lara. Jackson had worked hard to repair the friendship between the two of them, but he had no idea how far he'd gotten. That semi had ended all those efforts, and he hadn't spoken to Lara in over four years. Deep down he knew Mina was the only thing keeping him sane, and that made it even more important that he do things right. He realized that he was still sitting on the stairs up to the house, but didn't really think to move.
Mina was coming down the front steps gingerly, as if scared to be noticed. "What?"
"Do you miss her still?"
Ethen thought she meant Emily. "I don't think I'll ever stop missing her. We were a lot closer than most siblings and—"
"No, I meant Genevieve." She guilty handed him a framed photo of her. Ethen started. He had kept one picture of the her, from their trip to Hawaii. They were on Hapuna beach, and Lara had jumped on his back, and Emily had snapped it before he finally put her down. And this wasn't it. It was Lara and Mina at the Eiffel Tower.
"Where'd you get this?"
"She sent it to me, right after that trip when we met Dad coming home from Italy."
"Have you been hiding this?"
The girl nodded. "Just this one last thing was secret. I was there when you told Anthony, and I told her that you where leaving." Ethen had always wondered how Lara had found out. "I know...I knew how you felt about her, and thought you wouldn't want to have pictures of her around. Especially when I saw you get rid of yours."
"Mina..."
"It's just I couldn't get rid of it. I miss her almost as much as mom and dad."
"Mina, I would never ask you to get rid of it. And I'm glad you didn't." He paused, and she looked at him expectantly, hugging the picture to her chest. "I miss her too. Everyday."
"Why don't you call her or something?"
"It's not that simple. Think about it from her point of view. She's getting married, and her best friend suddenly tells her he wants to marry her too and then runs away? How would you feel?"
"Really really weirded out."
"That's a good way to put it. And then she didn't even come to the funeral, I guess because she didn't want to see me, which...I'm really not sure how that makes me feel about her."
"So why don't you ever go out with anyone else?"
"Because I haven't been interested in anyone else. And besides, I've got a more important girl in my life."
Mina smiled. "But that's just an excuse, isn't it?"
"Yeah, probably."

"Nevi, phone!" Henri was yelling at her from the back, but she was in the middle of explaining how to work the register to Michel, the new guy, and ignored him. Henri came out to the bar, instead. "Nevi, it's Anja." Lara sighed. She hated this time of day. Between eight and ten the restaurant and both bars were open, meaning she often had to field calls concerning all three. Usually anything about dinner service Anja could field, but sometimes she was still needed. She sighed and deputized Henri to finish the training. Michel seemed pretty quick and didn't really seem to need her personal advice.
"What, Anja?"
"Two things, girl. First of all, that guys from the paper was here again, and wanted to talk to you, but settled for me. He wanted to give us a heads up that he gave us 3.75 stars."
"Holy ********." It just sort of slipped out. Lara had known they were being reviewed by one of the food critics, but she'd expected maybe 3 starts at best. Still, she and Anja had worked hard to bring their standards up as high as could be, and she guessed it had payed off. Though really: "Anja, that's great. You deserve it."
"We deserve it, you mean. But it's nice to know, right? I guess he liked the simplicity"
"Right. I thought you must have bad news to call me now."
"No. But I do want to talk to you after work. Something besides business."
"Ok. I'll drop by afterwards. Henri's closing with the new guy so it shouldn't be too late."
As it turned out, Lara was out by 2330, pretty early for her, and happy for it. Michel had been looking at her all night with disconcerting intensity. She been rather ham-handed with her ring, making it very clear she was unavailable, but he didn't seem to care; he just kept staring. Possible problem there, especially since he was so cute. But she decided to worry about it later as she walked up the stairs to Anja's flat. Whenever she went over to her friend's home it recalled to her how fortunate they'd been lately.
Ok, the first year of marriage had been rough. She and Anthony had fought more than ever, but then she'd never been so stressed. The bar had been suddenly, on her return, immensely popular and she struggled to keep tabs on everything. But after that first year Anja had returned, MBA in hand, and immediately Lara gave her a stake in the bar. Then they'd opened their long planned restaurant, which was as close to a simple steakhouse as you could get in Paris. A year later, they decided to open a second bar, meaning they had three places within a few miles. They'd each been successful in their own way, and now they'd finished paying off the banks and were turning a real profit.
There'd been bad, too, though. She still had not spoken with Ethen. Anja kept telling her to forget him, but for some reason that was beyond her. Each day was filled with anticipation, and she'd recently began to realize that her life was waiting for him to go on. Obviously, this didn't make Anthony very happy. She'd known Ethen long enough to knew exactly what he was capable of, so disappearing like he did was surprising, heart-breaking, but something she could fathom. Anthony had thought he'd found a lifelong friend in him, so compounded with the fact that he'd abandoned their wedding, she didn't think there was anyone Anthony despised more after he vanished. Needless to say, it still upset him the impression Ethen had made on her life.
Not that she blamed him. It was now four years since they'd seen each other, and before that she'd only known him for a bit over three. Shouldn't she have forgotten him by now, or at least stopped having the lack of him be a day to day concern? Sometimes she wondered if one day Anthony might just crack. She knew he wouldn't, really, but still there was that idle worry. And besides, even without talking to her, Ethen had been pretty awful. He hadn't even called Anthony to let them know about Emily and Jackson until after the funeral. If for no one's sake but Mina's Lara would have been there no matter what, but she hadn't even had the chance. Or even the chance to say goodbye to two of her dearest friends. She went afterwards anyway, to where they were buried right between Samantha and their Uncle James. But sometimes she still couldn't believe Ethen hadn't told her.
She found Anja's door unlocked and went in without knocking. Anja had decided to invest quite a bit more in her home that she had. While she and Anthony still lived in the flat she'd bought years ago, Anja had bought a tremendous loft, and it was one of the most gorgeous homes Lara had ever seen. Sometimes she wondered why neither she nor Anthony ever thought about getting a place like this; either of them could have afforded it on their own. But on the far side of the cavernous great room Anja was lounging on her couch, a glass of red wine in hand.
"Lara, hi!" She called out. "Do you want a drink?"
"No thanks." She slipped off her white buttoned shirt that she wore for work, leaving her in a tank-top, and left it on the coat rack. Then she sat in the love seat that cornered Anja's couch. "So, what's up?"
She actually looked a little uncertain, very unlike her. Anja was quite a confident woman. "I...got something you might want to see. It actually came to the restaurant, but it's a personal letter."
"Um...okay, why would I want to see a letter to you."
"Well, let me just read it." She cleared her throat and sat up straight.

Hi. I hope this is the right address. My uncle told me the name of the bar, and that doesn't have one listed, but according to public records this is the same company. If this is the wrong place please let me know. And I'm guessing I'm writing to Anja Ehrlichmann, but your website only has you listed as "A. Ehrlichmann." Also I really hope you read french, since your name is so German, but then why would you have a business in Paris? Anyway, I think you used to date my uncle Ethen. I'm trying to get the other enclosed note to Mrs. Lara Shay. If you could give it to her I would appreciate it. If not, please return this letter in the enclosed envelope, either telling me why you can't, or if this is just totally the wrong address.
-Sincerely, Mina Montgomery-Kalakona.

Anja turned to her expectantly, as Lara stared at her, stunned. "Give me that!" She snatched the letter from her friends' obliging hand and read it over and over. It was Mina's handwriting, that was for sure, in flawless french. She felt a little flicker of pride that she'd managed to master it so completely. "Where's this other letter?"
Anja pulled another note out of the envelope, still folded tight, with "Genevieve" written in calligraphy across it. Was there anything this girl couldn't do? She unfolded it and started to read.

Hi Genevieve. I really hope this gets to you. I'm writing because I'm worried about Uncle Ethen and I think hearing from you would be a great thing for him. He's been dealing with a lot lately and really it's all my fault. I got into trouble with drugs and luckily he found out and not a teacher or the cops, but more and more I can't believe I did that because I see every day how much I hurt him. And now I see him almost every night, up late, with that damn bottle of scotch, staring at your picture. He still has one, and I kept the one of us at the Tower, too. They're both in the living room, and he sits up all hours writing with them next to him. I know this might be really weird, with you be married and all, but really he just needs his best friend back. Never mind how much I miss you myself. So if you could, we would love to get a letter or a call or a visit from you someday. You can call the house at 425-XXX-XXXX, or his cell's the same number, still.
Love, Mina.

Lara sat motionless, unsure how to feel. Mina, drugs? She could hardly believe it. Like she could hardly believe that Ethen still kept her picture. She thought he had been furious with her, and that was why he hadn't told them about the funeral. Maybe not, though? Or maybe he wasn't any longer. But wasn't she still angry, hurt by him? She found herself wondering what Ethen was working on: it wasn't since before the wedding that Ethen had put anything out. "Nevi? Are you ok?" Anja reached over and put her hand on her leg, and Lara stood up suddenly, and headed for the door.
"I—I don't know...maybe?...I have to go." She grabbed her shirt and fled the loft. She walked home as fast as she could, trying to keep a lid on the emotions Mina's letter had dredged up. Was he drinking too much? Was that why Mina was worried? What about her? What drugs? She was only 12, for god's sake, what did she think she was doing?
Why did Ethen keep her picture?
She got home in a matter of minutes and found that she was very relieved Anthony was still at the hospital. She went to her closet and pulled down a small box, filled with pictures from when she was a girl, ones with Emily and Nino and her grandmother, and went to the table and poured out its contents. At the bottom, tucked under the cardboard flaps were no one would find it accidentally, she extricated the photo booth pictures of her and Ethen. She found that she still remembered that kiss, and even more so than the one on the path right before he left.
The phone rang several times before someone finally picked up. It sounded like a young woman, not the girl she knew. "Montgomery residence." Lara found it hard to form words, but in the end managed to get something out.
"M-Mina?" There was no response for long seconds, but she didn't think she could repeat herself.
"Genevieve? Is that you?" Mina sounded about as emotionally fragile as she felt.
"Hi, Mina, how are you? I got your letter, and—" She was interrupted as sobs erupted from the other end of the line.
"Why weren't you there? Why didn't you come?" Mina sounded so distraught Lara for an instant didn't have an answer. But then she continued. "No, don't go, Genevieve, I'm sorry. I...that's not why I wrote, I didn't mean to say that." She sniffed a couple times. "You got my letter?"
Lara took her time responding. Mina had sounded so heart-broken it only recalled to her how she'd felt when she found out about her parents. "I did. That was smart of you to find the business address."
"You aren't in the directory, and Uncle Ethen doesn't have your number anywhere that I could find."
"How is he?"
"Not so good, but at least he really likes his students this semester—"
"He is teaching?"
"No one told you?"
"People know better than to mention him when I'm around."
"...He teaches at University of Washington."
"Where do you live? Where am I even calling, actually?"
Mina giggled. "We live in Seattle, ever since...well ever since...that."
Lara took a deep breath. "Can we talk about that for a minute?"
"I guess so."
"Mina, I was not there because Ethen was so mad at me he did not tell us until after the funeral."
"That's not true, he called you the day of the accident! I was there!"
Confused, now, he wondered if maybe Ethen had lied to her, tried to keep from her how hurt he was. But that didn't sound like him. "Mina, had I known I would have been there as fast as humanely possible."
"But-but Uncle Ethen said he thought you were just too mad at him to show up. He was really hurt and didn't get it at all why you weren't there. He'd called your husband the day of the accident and talked to him, I heard it."
In the background on Mina's end she heard a door slam and someone calling the girl's name. And Lara felt as if someone had stabbed her in the heart with a shard of glass. Four long years and now just hearing his voice through the phone was enough to set her heart racing. But what was Mina saying? "You mean, Ethen called that day? The funeral was not until five days later. No one told me until the day afterwards..." Peripherally she was aware of Ethen asking Mina who she was on the phone with. He sounded curious, not angry or suspicious, and still she couldn't even think straight, knowing he was right there. "Mina? I'm sorry love, I cannot do this. I have to go."
"No, wait—!" And she hung up. She ignored the phone when it rang, instead sitting in her kitchen chair, feeling something beyond grief.

"Who was that?" Ethen was putting down a bag of groceries for dinner. He wasn't sure about this kid Andrew, but regardless he wanted to make an impressive meal.
Mina stammered out nothing of any consequence. She actually looked pretty sad. "I don't want to say."
"Was it someone that's bothering you, or anything like that?"
"No. Just a friend, but we've been arguing lately."
"That's too bad. Do I know this friend."
"Yes, but I don't want to say who. You'd just try to fix it and I'd rather do it myself."
"Fair enough." He busied himself unloading the groceries. Mina wandered off upstairs.
At 7 that night the doorbell rang. In case anyone had had any doubts about how she felt, Mina had done herself up in her nicest green dress, and even put on earrings. Ethen had shook his head over that, but didn't interfere. Ethen went to the door, while she waited in the living room. As had been arranged, Andrew's mother was dropping him off, but the two adults wanted to meet briefly first. On the stoop she waited, a shorter black woman who, despite her stature and kind face, Ethen somehow doubted you would want to cross.
"Mr. Montgomery?" She extended a hand to him which he shook.
"And you must be...Mrs. Bremming?"
"Nice to meet you. And you're Mina's father?"
"Oh, no. Her parents passed away a few years ago. I'm her uncle."
"Ah. That would explain why Andrew was hesitant to explain that. He doesn't do well with tragedy."
"I see." They both were silent, Ethen out of awkwardness and he could see she was trying to steal herself for something.
"Mr. Montgomery, your niece seems like a very sweet girl, but I'm concerned about my son. I understand she was drinking and using drugs."
Ethen sighed. "Where did you hear that?"
"She told me herself."
"It's true, she was. I found alcohol and some weed in her room. But I will not allow it to happen again, and I can assure you they won't be out of my sight tonight." She looked at him evaluating, then nodded. She waved to someone in her car and out came Andrew, a very earnest looking boy, and then Mina was at his side.
"Hello, Mrs. Bremming."
"Mina, don't you look pretty?" She looked at Mina with obvious affection despite her reservations about her, and Ethen vaguely recalled how she'd mentioned that Andrew's mother helped out after school. Then Andrew was there, and staring at his niece in a way he recognized all too well. This boy was head over heels for her.
"Thanks Mrs. Bremming. I think dinner's about ready." She nodded goodbye to him and he closed the door.
Andrew turned out to be every father's, or in this case uncle's, dream date for their girl. He was polite, but not fake, maybe a little bit awkward. He wore glasses that he kept fiddling with, cleaning them, adjusting them, and from wearing them for so long himself Ethen knew the boy was deathly nervous. He kept glancing surreptitiously over at Mina, but since she never stopped staring she caught him every time. Ethen mainly talked to him through most of dinner, finding out he was a bright, sharp-witted boy, and that he'd been dumbstruck when he'd heard that he wasn't the youngest in their geometry class "And I just had to get to know someone who was better at me than math."
Everything was going smoothly until Andrew just simply blurted out how pretty Mina looked, and that kind of stunned her. He misinterpreted her silence and got flustered, and then she got upset and left the table. It was up to Ethen to calm her down and bring her back, and then he left them alone. From the living room he heard Mina say she'd liked him since they met and would he like to take her to the movies someday? He fumbled out that he would love her, then quickly corrected that he would love to.
After dinner they watched Thor, one of the few movies Ethen had that they'd all agreed on, and soon enough the two of them were asleep, Andrew on the couch, Mina on the love seat next to Ethen's desk. About 11:30 Andrew's mom arrived.
"How was he? He's so quiet that I worry that he can be irritating."
Ethen laughed outright. "Believe me, he's far more verbose than I was at that age. I'm used to it. And I think they want to go to a movie together next week, but I'm going out of town for a lecture. I was wondering if maybe you could take them."
"Gladly."
"Thanks. Um...Andrew fell asleep while we were watching a movie, do you want to come in?"
"Thank you." Ethen led her to the kitchen. "So what do you do, Mr. Montgomery? Mina has never said."
"Oh, Call me Ethen. I teach at UDub. But mainly I write."
"Anything I might know?"
"My most successful one came out about 5 years ago, called The Wanderer."
"Nope, sorry."
"Before that I wrote a graphic Novel called The City. HBO picked it up, and that pretty much payed for this house."
"Ooh, I've seen that. Pretty grim stuff."
"Quite."
"Oh, I didn't realize it was so late, I'm sorry. I should get him home. Thanks for having him over. He really does like Mina a lot, and I'm glad that that stuff is over with."
"Not nearly as much as I am."

It was 1900 the next day, almost time for her to be at work, but Lara was sitting at her table. Anthony had just finished a 24 hour shift a half hour ago, and should be home any minute. Since last night she had come to conclude that here was only two things that could have happened. One: Ethen had lied to Mina. Had either faked a phone call or Mina just remembered wrong. Neither of those seemed plausible, as she doubted Ethen would have had the wherewithal to try that hard to deceive his niece after that kind of trauma. And she knew Mina's memory was flawless. But the other possibility was far more upsetting. Two: Anthony hadn't told her Ethen had called. And as hard as that was to believe and come to terms with, it made more sense. Anthony had had motive; he had wanted to scrub Ethen from their lives. And now—
The key being turned in their lock disrupted her train of thought, and then her husband walked in. He looked around, confused as to why there were lights on, then he saw her. "Oh! Hi, love, I thought you had work." He walked over to give her a kiss, but all of a sudden it seemed way to likely to her that he was responsible for this. She stood up and stepped back, sent her chair violently to the ground.
She began to cry again, as she had been off and on all day, and her voice came out as a choked growl. "Did you not tell me when Ethen called?" Her tone made it as harsh an accusation as it actually was.
He was slow in responding. "What was that?"
"When Emily and Jackson had their accident. Did Ethen actually call before the funeral. That's what I asked."
Maybe it was the fact that he'd been working for a day straight. Maybe something else was bothering him. But Anthony lost it. He slammed his fist on the table, sending Lara's glass and some papers flying. "That son of a b***h! He called, didn't he? Trying to worm his way back to you, huh? I can't believe this. Is this what he's telling you? Answer me!"
She hadn't seen him like this in years. She actually started to feel scared, but she answered anyway. "No. He didn't tell me anything. I haven't spoken to him."
"Then—"
"Mina wrote me, telling me she wanted to talk, she'd gotten into trouble with drugs. In the course she started sobbing, asking why I hadn't been there for her when she needed me. And I told her. I didn't know until too late. But she said that Ethen had called you the day of the accident."
"And you'll take her word over mine?"
"She has no reason to lie."
Anthony was pacing across the table from her, hands clenched, face flushed. Then: "Fine. He called. I didn't tell you."
Lara felt her heart snap.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 19

"How could you?" Lara was trying her best to speak, but it was hard. She could barely believe what she was hearing, even if she had worked it out for herself. How could anyone do that? But she knew. Anthony had been trying to keep her away from—
"Ethen would have done something, I'm sure of it. He would have tried to get you to leave with him or to stay there, or something. I know it. I couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk losing you to him."
"Anthony! I picked you; I married you. I was not going to...what about Mina? She needed me, not him. I would have gone for her sake most of all."
"She had other family, not just him, there for her."
"Yes but she hardly even knows them!" Lara stopped for a moment to catch her breath. "And me, Anthony? What about me? They were my friends, dear dear friends, and I didn't even get to say goodbye, because of you!" She was shouting now. "Maybe I could have even seen Emily, she was awake until the end. But because of you, your groundless fears that I might leave you for him at a funeral , his sister's funeral, for God's sake, I couldn't even say goodbye." She sank to the floor, defeated by her grief, and he came over to try and put a consoling hand on her shoulder. She smacked it away violently, catching his arms with her nails, gouging it half on purpose. "NO! Get away from me, you b*****d!" She bolted upright and grabbed her bag and fled out the front door.

And that was when Lara decided she was done with him. She'd never been betrayed like that, and by the man she thought she could trust completely? It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair! Why couldn't things work out? She knew this was the end of it. And now she was angry. And she wanted revenge, too.
"Anja?"
"Nevi, you're late, what's wrong?"
"I can't come in. Henri and Anne are going to cover. Could you tell Michel to meet me outside?"
"...Nevi what are you doing?"

It was kind of a cheap hotel, but it was the closest to the bar that Lara could find on short notice. "Aren't...aren't you married, Ms Shay?" She had brought Michel to the room, he looking very uncertain, and then the moment they'd shut the door she'd started kissing him. Then she pulled off his shirt and pushed him back onto the bed. As she stared at him she felt her anger transform into a deadly lust, like she could hardly get his clothes off fast enough. She was still by the door.
"Why? Is that a problem for you?"
"Uh..."
"Here, does this help?" She slid off her wedding band and engagement ring, dropped them to the floor.
"Ms. Shay, I really—"
"Does this help then?" She slid her shirt off over her head, then slipped her skirt and panties down her legs.

"So you can stay here if you want, Anne's covering your shift. Or you could go and finish it, you really only would miss about 45 minutes." Lara was getting dressed. She'd showered hastily and was now getting ready to leave. She wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.
"Ms. Shay, what...what just happened?" Michel was still naked. As Lara slipped her rings back on she stared at him, but felt no recurring desire. "I mean, it was wonderful but..."
"Fine, you want to know? My husband betrayed me, I'm not in love with him anymore. And I wanted him to be hurt how he hurt me. And when I tell him this, he'll probably want a divorce, which suits me just fine. Now you can go to work or no, up to you. But I'm leaving. Thanks, by the way." Lara walked out of the room, down the stairs and onto the street. It was raining lightly. And all in a rush Lara felt more guilt than she could imagine.
What was happening? Why did she feel like this? She didn't have any love for that man to betray anymore, so why should she care? Oh, maybe only those vows you took? She told herself bitterly. Those were promises to yourself, too, not just to him, and you broke them, for something as useless as revenge. For the first time in years she felt herself start to panic, her vision go fuzzy, starting to hyperventilate, but she managed to calm herself down somewhat. She started walking as fast as she could, stumbling somewhat in her heels, and without a destination in mind.

Ethen was watching the Seahawks, for once playing a game well, when the he saw an incoming call on the screen. International number. Huh. He muted the game.
"Hello?"
"Ethen?" And just that voice turned his world upside down. It was a long time before he could respond. "Ethen? Are you there?"
"Hi Lara."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to just call you out of the blue like this, and I have no idea what time it is there—"
"It's fine, it's like 1300."
"And I just...I need someone to talk to. No, that's not it, I need to talk to you."
She sounded awful, angry, hurt. "What's going on?"
He heard her start to sniff back tears. "I...I cheated on Anthony."
"...Lara, I—"
"It does not really matter, it is over anyway but I was so angry, I wanted to hurt him, get back at him somehow and that was the only way I could think of and now I just feel like...like some worthless—" And she started to sob. Ethen didn't even know how to feel. Lara, cheating? It just didn't seem plausible. Sure she'd slept around while with Anders but that had been a mutual thing. He just...only a minute into the conversation and he saw this was barely the woman he knew.
"What happened?"
"I don't even really know, I just found out he'd been lying to me for years and I went out and grabbed this new guy at the bar and took him to a motel."
"Lara, I don't even know what to say. I don't know if I can help you at all."
"You don't have to say anything." She paused, took a breath. "I just had to tell someone else first. Thank you, Ethen. More than you could know, I appreciate you listening." And she hung up.
That night, for the first time in 5 years Ethen started to write something that he was happy with.

"So you've got everything, right? Toothbrush, comb, everything?" Ethen was at SeaTac with Mina, who was leaving on a field trip to Washington, D.C. with the rest of her GT History class.
"Yup, got everything."
"Your phone? Charger? That battery won't last five days."
"Jesus, Uncle Ethen, I'm good."
"Ok then." It was the middle of November, and Mina's class had been having frantic bake sales, collecting donations, etc, since the start of the year. Privately Ethen had promised himself that if they came up short that he would finance the rest, but they'd reached their goal and more. But though he had signed off on her permission form and and helped her pack and been all for her visiting a pretty amazing city, now that it came to it he was rather hesitant to let her go. Not that he was scared for her, just that he would have no idea what to do with himself. Maybe he should have been worried, but Diana, Andrew's mother, was one of the chaperons, and if anyone could keep a bunch of 12-14 year-olds under control it was her. "Um, I guess I'll see you next week then."
"Ok. Bye, Love you."
"Love you too. Oh! Say hi to Andrew for me."
"I will. Bye!" Ethen waited until he saw her joined by Diana, then drove off. So, now what? He thought to himself. He didn't have classes or office hours on Fridays, had finished grading the essays from his ENG 100 course, his hands were too cramped to write anymore that day...he had little or nothing to do. When he got home, he found himself feeling anxious, directionless. It was amazing to him how much he relied on his niece to give some sort of coherence to his day-to-day. Spur of the moment he called Lara, but it occurred to him as the phone rang that she was probably at work, most likely didn't want to talk to him anyway.
He settled himself on the couch with a drink, the fact that it was 10am be damned, and thought about the one and only, exceedingly brief, conversation he'd had with her since her wedding. He could just barely believe what he'd heard, but the more he thought on it the less incredulous he became. Lara could be impetuous, and if pushed there wasn't really any telling what she'd do. More now he just wanted to know what had happened. He pulled out his phone.
"Allo?"
"Nino? It's Ethen." Nino and Ethen, despite the rift between the latter and the former's family, had remained close friends; they rarely saw each other but spoke regularly. Ethen, Mina and Amy's sister had been the only guests at their abrupt wedding.
"Hey! What's up, it's been a while."
"Not a whole lot, Mina's on a field trip for a week so I'm bored as hell."
"Then you should go out and get laid."
"Right, 'cause that's going to happen."
"Whatever. Hey, listen, I'm going to be in...I think it's called Tacoma? Anyway, is that anywhere near you?"
"Yeah, that's not even out of the metro area."
"I have to see a client there on Monday, but really the appointment will probably take only a few minutes. Are you up to anything that morning?"
Inwardly Ethen was a little disgusted at some of Nino's clients, that would fly him from Zurich to SeaTac for a five minute consult, but that was how the super-rich were. "Monday? No, I'm free. That'd be pretty cool to see you. How's Amy?"
"God, busier than ever. If I hadn't started working from home I would never see her." When they'd gotten married Amy had moved with Nino to Switzerland, a change that suited her just fine. Ethen wasn't sure what it was called there, or even if it was different, but Nino made it sound like she was the residency director at a hospital, so clearly she had little free time.
"I can't imagine working as much as she does."
"Or really working at all, eh?"
"Hey! I work...three days a week."
"My point exactly." The barb skewered the conversation, so Nino changed direction. "So, have you been writing anything?" Eventually he'd admitted to Ethen that yes, he loved his books, and wished he wrote more.
"Um...yes, actually, a ton. After Lara called I started something that night. Actually going pretty well." Nino didn't respond. At the mention of his cousin, Nino had lately tended to get upset. But Ethen plowed on. "How's she doing, Nino?"
"Ethen, are you ever going to let her go?"
"You know the answer to that."
He sighed. Loudly. "Not good, my friend. I don't know who was more angry with the other, her or Anthony. The only upside is both of them just want the divorce over with, so legally it's been rather amicable." Ethen felt his heart sink. Ok, he knew half of marriages end in divorce, but still he'd really thought things would be good for Lara this time. He still didn't know what had caused her to want out, but he knew it must have been something terrible. "Ethen? Are you there?" He'd hardly realized how long he had been silent.
"Oh, yeah, sorry. I didn't know they were going through with it." Even to his own ears his voice sounded dead.
"They are. Anthony's moving back to Colorado, too. So," And now, thought Ethen, a pathetically blatant attempt to change the uncomfortable subject: "What's this one about?"
"One what?" Ethen knew damn well but he was feeling irritable.
"Your new book. Are you doing another genre one?"
"No it's pretty realistic."
"Oh." The disappointment was palpable. "Why?"
"It's just a story I want to tell. Doubt it will even get noticed but I'm happy with. But don't worry, writing this has given me a slew of other ideas that you'd like."
"Good. Oh, Amy's home early, I should go. So, Monday?"
"Yeah, awesome. Just tell me where you are and I'll come pick you up."
"Thanks. Hey Ethen?" He'd been about to hang up but froze.
"What?"
"I really don't know if I should tell you this but...she's going to need her friend back, by the end. I can see it."
"What do you mean?" But Nino had already hung up.

It was almost 1700, Lara had to be on her way to work soon, but she couldn't stop sobbing. She was sitting on one side of a ridiculously fancy table in a ridiculously ornate room, Anthony and his lawyer on the other, and a mediator at the head. Anthony kept telling his adviser to leave, but she refused. Lara hadn't wanted one to begin with. The mediator had been strongly against this but she didn't care. Now he was handing a form each to Lara and Anthony. "Since the two of you are being rather civil about this, this shouldn't take long. This is a summary of your combined assets, and Dr. Shay's suggestion for the division. Sign at the bottom, and your marriage is legally dissolved."
Lara stared down at it, idly hoping that tear-stains wouldn't invalidate it. It was exactly what they'd agreed on.
Paris Flat: Mrs. Shay
Bar #2 and stake in Restaurant: Mrs. Shay
Home in Loire Valley: Dr. Shay
1964 Shelby Cobra: Dr. Shay
Shared Savings, Checking and Investments totaling € 1.1 million: equal division.
She signed without hesitation.
Anthony was staring sadly at her, but he signed a moment later. The mediator stood up, snapped shut his briefcase, shook both of their hands. "Then that's that." And he left. The lawyer lingered, whispering something to Anthony of which all she caught was the word "infidelity," at which Anthony banished her from the room. For a while he sat there silently as Lara began to calm herself down, taking deep breaths. Then Anthony spoke.
"I just never thought this would be us."
A bitter laugh crept through her grief and shame, and she nodded. "I thought we could be forever. But I guess we were both wrong."
"Lara—"
"No, do not talk, Anthony. I can't do this. I know you want some big scene, some resolution. Some kind of long, deep, meaningful conversation were we hash out what happened and what we each did wrong. What brought us to this pass. But we both know that is not going to happen."
"Why? Why not?"
"Why would it? Maybe you do still love me, but it could never be the same. We can never trust each other again, and—" she stopped to take a deep, trembling breath, but wasn't able to speak again. Instead she fell back into her spiral of self-pity and despair. Anthony was quiet for a while before answering.
"I know." That was all he said. Then he grabbed his copy of the agreement and stood.
"This is over Anthony. The sooner we put each other to the side, the better for us both."
"I know."
Now she stood, taking her copy as well, and was staring at him. Feeling like she should have still loved him. Feeling like she should be so broken that he didn't love her anymore. But she didn't. Her grief purely stemmed from shame, shame that she'd broken her vows, that she was divorced, that she twice now had had her commitments just...fall apart. "Then I guess we say goodbye."
"Goodbye Lara." He brusquely strode from the room, not looking back at her. Not waiting for her response.
"Goodbye." She whispered this, long after he could have heard her.

"Nevi, you're smoking. Are you okay?"
"Oh, Anja, I'm great! I am...officially, amazingly, apparently destined to be terminally, single. Come girl, we should go out!" Nevi was utterly lost as to why Anja would be looking at her in such a concerned way, then she saw the table and two chairs she had apparently just born to the ground. "Oh, sorry, let me pick those up—" She stumbled as she leaned over, winding up prone against the wall. She heard some movement behind the bar and then Anja was at her side.
"Christ, Nevi, how much have you had to drink."
"Not too much."
"How much is not too much?"
"Only that bottle of Old Pulteney."
"The whole bottle? In how long?"
"Finished it about...about an hour before, maybe?"
"That was Ethen's wedding present to you."
"Well it just seemed appropriate, done with him for good, done with marriage, why keep that around, huh?" Anja was staring at her sadly now. "What are you doing, girl? Do not look at me like that, I'm totally, 100%, fine. Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all."
"Henri! Watch the front!"
"Where are we going?" Dimly Lara felt the smaller woman hoist her up of the floor to her feet where she let Anja lead her out into the street. "It's cold out here."
"Probably because you don't have a jacket. I'm taking you home, Nevi." Convulsively she grabbed for Anja's hand, and then promptly went to pieces.
"No, no, I can't! Please Anja don't take me there. Please." She started sobbing again.
"Woah! Okay, I'll take you to my place. Why not?"
"Because...cause..." She couldn't finish it but Anja seemed to grasp her intent anyway.
"Because it's like he's still there. You finalized your divorce today, didn't you."
She nodded. "And it's like he's still just right next door." She choked this out. She didn't even want to admit this to herself, and especially not to a friend that was forever telling her to forget him, for her own good, but Anja's response surprised her.
"You never are going to move on from him, are you?"
She didn't have an answer.

"Professor Montgomery! Professor, over here!" Alone, bored, and lacking inspiration Ethen had made his way down to the waterfront and into the first bar he saw. It wasn't one he was familiar with, mainly because he hadn't gone out at night for a long while. Now hearing his name called he seriously considered just spinning right around and leaving but he vacillated for a moment too long and then Annabelle was at his side. "Professor, Hi!"
"Hello, Annabelle." He wondered if he seemed awkward enough if she would simply leave, but instead she grinned.
"It's so funny, you're so imperious and intimidating in class, but whenever I see you around campus you look like a lost little kitten. Doubly so now."
Ethen wondered how he could leave without seeming like a d**k. "I'm not a very social person. And if you'll excuse I was just going to sit at the bar."
Her face fell but it was mostly an affectation. "Don't be like that, come sit with us."
"Us?"
"My husband and I. My sister, too, but watch out for her."
"Why?"
"You'll see." Ethen allowed himself to be led over to the table, so bewildered was he by the fact that his student was married. Granted, several were, but none had been quite so openly flirting with him like Annabelle. There sat an Asian man who really looked barely out of his teens, and a blonde woman that starkly reminded him of Anja. The same cobalt blue eyes, the same delectable curves...and watching him with the same sort of predatory attraction she'd always exuded. "Professor, this is my husband Gary and my sister Elizabeth." He shook both their hands and Annabelle was right, Elizabeth was looking him up and down, lacking any shred of shyness or subtlety.
"Nice to meet you all. Wait, Gary? Annabelle, did you keep your last name?" She shook her head, smiling, and her husband glowered. There was a few moments of silence, finally broken by Elizabeth.
"Wow, you weren't kidding Annie; he's gorgeous." Gary laughed, making Ethen wonder just what sort of relationship they had, and Annabelle flushed.
"Now look, you just embarrassed him!"
Truthfully, Ethen was taken aback slightly but far from embarrassed; textbook projecting, he thought to himself. Elizabeth laughed at her sister as well.
"He's not the one going red." Then she turned to him. "Tell me, Professor, are you seeing anyone?"
"Lizzie!" Annabelle sounded scandalized, but Ethen found her directness reminiscent even more so of his Ex.
"No, not right now." Ethen decided to answer truthfully, and the blonde girl was staring at him with such obvious intention that it was hard to not wonder what she could be up for.

The next morning was Monday, Ethen waiting idly for Nino's call when a knock came at his door. Off-handedly Ethen wondered if he should put on more than a robe but decided he didn't care enough. He opened the door to find Nino in his business suit. "Nino, hi! I thought you were going to call." While confused, to Ethen it was a pleasant surprise. He really hated the drive down to Tacoma.
"Ah, I had your address so I figured I'd save you the trouble. Wow, you look...exhausted. Long night?"
"Um..." And with perfect timing, Elizabeth chose that moment to come to the door to leave.
"Oh! Sorry, professor, I didn't realize you had company." She was back in her skirt, top and coat from the night before. "I was just going anyway." Ethen nodded, really rather neutral on whether she stayed or no. She stood on her toes to kiss him passionately. "Thanks for last night...it was fun." Normally Ethen would take that with a grain of salt, but she seemed sincere. "See you around." And she breezed past Nino as though nothing had happened.
His visitor looked more than a trifle bewildered. "Um...did I come at a bad time?"
"Oh, no, not really."
"So...?" He looked at Ethen expectantly.
"So, what?"
"So who in hell was that? Bit young for your tastes I'd say."
"Maybe a little bit but she certainly wasn't that young."
"So who was she?" Nino really was not wanting to let that question go unanswered.
"The sister of one of my students. I ran into her at a bar last night, she would not allow me any solitude, and her sister wound up coming home with me."
As Elizabeth drove off, Nino glanced back at her vehicle. "You know, I really didn't think a pink Volkswagen was quite your kind of car." Finally Ethen remembered they were standing on his porch and led them inside. "So is that something serious, or what?"
Ethen laughed outright. "Are you joking?"
"When was the last time you just took someone home?"
"Good point. No, it's nothing serious. I don't even know her last name, and she made it clear she just really wanted to get laid last night."
"Are you thinking of getting back out there? I'd say it's about time." That gave Ethen pause. It was a legitimate question. He'd had no interest in anyone for years, and suddenly this girl he hadn't been able to resist. Why? Sure she was gorgeous but equally attractive woman had made themselves available for him beforehand (mainly he was thinking of a colleague in the history department.) So why this one?
"I don't know. I...she was just irresistible for some reason."
"Well, good for you, in any case, she was crazy hot. So, what does one do here?"
Nino had fixated on the Space Needle even more than the average tourist so that was their first stop. Then the Sci-Fi museum, then place after place after place. By dinner Ethen was exhausted, and implored Nino that they stop at a brewery near the Pike's Place Market. He agreed with alacrity, and some hours later found them weaving drunkenly back to Ethen's house. They were singing a song in French that Ethen could barely remember the meaning to, and were most of the way up the stairs before Ethen saw he had another visitor. Nino started, then said quietly that he'd be in the house making up the guest room, which he insisted he could find fine on his own. Nino cautiously slipped past the interloper at the top of the steps, and as Ethen gained the porch Anthony stood.
"Ethen. It's been a while." Ethen didn't respond. He was confused by the sudden appearance, and also kind of alarmed. Nino had said his divorce had been finalized the Friday before. And no matter how vehemently he denied it afterwards, when Ethen had asked Nino if he thought he, Ethen, had played any part in their break-up, he taken a little to long to reply for his liking.
"Anthony." He nodded warily in greeting. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you. Why else would I be here?"
"You tell me."
"Ok, the thought of coming here and punching you in the gut was an appealing one, but what good what it do?"
"None for me."
"Ethen, I'm here for her sake."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 20

Ethen had led them both into the living room, offered his guest a drink which he declined. Ethen poured himself one anyway, feeling like he might need it even with as much as he'd already had. "Ethen, I still care for her, I want you to know this. That's not why we got divorced. "
"Then why? No one will tell me."
Anthony looked like he was wrestling with something. "I lied a long time ago, about something that was very important to her; I would rather not elaborate. But she found out and went and cheated on me in retaliation. Not that I blame her, but I couldn't trust her again. Nor she me. And that was that. How can you be married to someone you know you can't trust?" The question was a supplication, a plea for justification, but Ethen didn't respond. Anthony went on. "Well maybe not everyone feels that way, but I couldn't do it. But I still...I don't know. I want her to be safe and happy."
"That still doesn't explain why you flew halfway around the world to see a former friend that you haven't spoken to in over four years."
"Really? I think it does." Anthony was looking at him as if genuinely confused before Ethen understood.
"Woah woah woah, just because she's divorced doesn't mean I'm going to try and swoop in to catch her on the rebound. That would a: be pretty low and opportunistic, and b: be assuming I still care for her like that."
"Don't you?"
"Anthony, I hardly even know her anymore. Or her, me. I wouldn't even say we're still friends."
"Don't you want to be?"
"More than anything." Ethen blurted this out before he could catch himself. Anthony looked pained, but he relaxed.
"Ethen, I really didn't assume you would fly off to Paris tonight to try and hook up with her or anything. Just, she's going to need her friend back. Her best friend, the person that knew her better four years ago than I even do know."
"Anthony, I—"
"Just promise me, if she calls you that you'll answer."
"I always would anyway."
Anthony stood to leave, but as he reached the door he spoke to it, though addressing Ethen. "Are you still in love with her?"
"Always." Again, Ethen cursed the fact that he'd drank so much, because he would have given anything to take that last word back. Anthony didn't respond; he simply strode out the door without looking back.

A few minutes later Nino appeared, freshly showered. "You don't seem to have been beaten; what did Anthony want?"
"I'm not...not too sure, really."
"People don't fly 8000 kilometers for nothing."
"You do all the time.
"Ok, most people. But really, what did he say?"
"It was weird it was like...he wanted to justify his decision about the divorce to me, of all people."
"Who else does Nevi have that he wouldn't have talked to? It makes sense to me."
"Did he speak with you?"
"No, but he knows I won't. Genevieve may have been the one that was unfaithful but he knows I blame him." Ethen didn't respond. "You should call her, Ethen. I think she might need to hear from you sometime soon."
"Anthony said the same thing."
"Really? Huh." Nino obviously didn't care. He wanted to call her. He did. He would give almost anything to just hear her voice again, but he still had no idea where he stood with her. And often Ethen realized he was kind of cowardly in this regard. Nino was looking down at him while he still sat on the couch.
"Why are you wearing my robe?"
"You are focusing on the wrong things. Ethen, Genevieve has wanted to hear from you for years, you know that."
"Yeah but why? Nino, I skipped out on what, to her, was the most important day of her life. I planned it, helped her all the way, then in the space of twelve hours got drunk and insulted her, told her I was in love with her, and fled half way around the world. I don't know if a friendship can come back from that. You know better than anyone what she's like."
"It's been a long time, Ethen. A long time for her to forgive you. Don't you think she's over it?"
"Time doesn't have anything to do with it. All that is is marking how close I'm getting to never seeing her again."
Nino looked confused. "What?"
"It's like...it's like every day that passes is another missed opportunity. A missed chance to change what I want changed in my life. And the longer I wait the further everything gets from the certainty and security I had when I left. Months and years slip by and all they are is a mounting pile of loss and failed attempts to make something of my future, or maybe more importantly make some sense of the past. Maybe it is just a random collection of events, but that shaped the present and if for no other reason than that I have to find some purpose to what's happened. Otherwise their wasn't anything that shaped now, meaning nothing I do can change where I'm going."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm saying that people saying time heals all wound is bullshit and cowardly to boot. Nothing changes in any way that can matter unless we make it happen ourselves. "
"So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying...if I truly want her back in my life I have to do something to make that happen."
"Then you better start doing something. For her sake, if not for yours."

Ethen barely remembered the next two months. Nino had left the next morning, Mina had arrived home full of stories she wanted to tell, but he barely registered them. She didn't really seem to mind, though, not that Ethen would have realized either way. After Anthony's visit Ethen felt something stirring in him that had been years absent. The first time it had arisen, he'd almost flunked out of school. But that was when he'd written his first novel in a matter of two weeks. 500 pages, banged out by night after night hardly sleeping in front of the computer. The second time he'd drafted The City in a matter of hours, then began story boarding it. That had been such an arduous process that it had taken him far longer than the inspiration lasted, but it had gotten him well into the third part of six. But each of those times he'd still managed to sort of function. This time, had it not been for Mina and Diane's intervention he may very well have ended up in the hospital. He didn't eat, didn't sleep, hardly drank anything for three days. They had forced him to eat, take a nap, and Mina begged him to stop the creepy obsessive behavior. He did, for the most part, but still through the end of the year he spent every moment he was not sleeping, teaching, or eating in front of the computer, endless streams of thoughts and emotions appearing on the screen behind the flickering cursor. At the end of November he finished writing and began the horrendous task of editing the incoherent vomit into something that would make sense to another human being. On December 22nd, as an early present to himself, he said, he finished it, printed it, and mailed it to Jason, his former agent, to see if he could make anything of it.
That was at about noon, and immediately afterwards Ethen fell asleep at his desk, but at about 10:00 he was woken up by Mina shaking him. She had been at Andrew's, and Diane was still there. "Uncle Ethen, are you ok?" She sounded worried and frightened, and Diane was hovering around the kitchen, he guessed making sure he was okay before leaving Mina alone. He jerked upright. "Uncle Ethen?" He stretched out a crick in his neck, doubtless from sleeping on his keyboard, but he realized he otherwise felt pretty good.
"Mina, hi. How was the play?"
"That was last night."
"Oh. Um...what were you doing again?"
"We were just having dinner. We tried to get you to come along, Andrew's Dad is back from Afghanistan and wants to meet you, but you didn't even respond when I invited you."
"Or when I did." That was Diane, joining in. "Mina's been terribly worried about you, you know. Andrew and I as well."
"Huh. I guess the last time I wrote like this Mina wasn't even born yet. No one to tell you that I'm fine. Sorry, I just get inspired sometimes and have to take advantage." That looked like it satisfied Mina, as Ethen had seen her do similar things. Maybe it was a family trait. But Diane still looked worried.
"Alright, but if you ever need anyone to watch after Mina just let us know. Oh, and my husband wanted to invite you both over for lunch Christmas Day. And you, Professor, look like you could use a good meal."

It was like coming out of a fog onto a beautifully clear-skied shore. Ethen had barely noticed that winter had come, or that his semester was over, and he hoped he hadn't done too poorly at his work. It was reminiscent of when he'd heard of people going into a fugue. But he felt good. He felt like what he'd written was something worth while, and while he doubted he could get it to a wide audience, he was happy to merely have finished it. It was years of turmoil and emptiness redirected into a story that he felt echoed the emotions if not the actual events of what had been his life since he'd left Hawaii behind.
The downside was he realized he only had two days to do shopping, but he and Mina handled that deftly. It wasn't as though he had many people on his list. Mina loved the earrings he got her, even before she realized they were actual platinum and diamond, and Christmas afternoon found them trekking through a feeble snowfall to her beau's family home.
Mina admitted to Ethen afterwards that she and Andrew had been scared that he and Andrew's father wouldn't like each other. Will, his dad, was an Army Ranger, and had just finished a tour in Afghanistan. Andrew admitted he barely knew his father, but that he loved sports, Bud Light, fishing, hunting...pretty much all the "manly" pursuits that either offended Ethen (the beer,) or bored him to tears (the rest.) But instead they instantly liked each other, and the evening passed in peaceful enjoyment of the meal and company. It wasn't until nearly night that Ethen glanced at his phone. Holy s**t, he had 14 missed calls. All from Jason. He excused himself from the third game of Settler's of Cataan the rest were starting in on and went into the comparative quiet of the kitchen.
"Jason? This is—"
"Ethen, you son of a b***h, you don't send me anything for years and then drop this on me?" He was clearly very agitated. Oh well, Ethen wasn't really disappointed. He had doubted it could get published anyway. But Jason went on. "This...I don't even...this is the best Christmas present I've ever gotten." Wait, what? What was he saying. Ethen was confused and told him so. "Ethen this...I couldn't put it down. I knew you were good but this...I don't even know what to say. I think Jim actually started to cry a couple times. Not really but it wouldn't have surprised me." Jim was Jason's husband. "I...I can get this published by next week, Ethen, I will bet you anything."
Ethen laughed. That simply didn't happen. "Jason, if you get that done I'll double your percentage."
"You're on." Had it been anyone else, Ethen would have been upset that he'd given away an extra 15% of the proceeds, because on January 2nd the presses started rolling on Something Fleeting and Empty, the new novel from the creator of The City.

"It is a sad fact that when an author abruptly changes genres or style, the result is usually far from pretty. Stick with what you know too often sounds like sound advice; I for one would be reticent to plunge into a Mystery novel written by someone like Nicholas Sparks. Also in my experience when a writer takes a lengthy hiatus his or her first venture back into print is going to be far from their best. So with those two strikes against it I picked up Something Fleeting and Empty just waiting for the third.
But it never came. Maybe the years away from the pen allowed Montgomery to tease out the threads of poignancy and grace from his earlier works. But the simple fact is there is nothing in his oeuvre of 'romance' and genre stories to prepare you for this. A seemingly simple story of a young man whose place of employment has been bought be a larger competitor, it gently and gracefully becomes a defining work of the time, the time where individualism is rapidly giving way to corporate and social homogeneity. But beyond that it's a delicate story of an orphaned boy and the people that made him the man he is, and then abandoned him. It raises the question over and over, if our own children, whose morals and convictions directly stem form us, turn their backs on us, mustn't it be us that changed and failed them? But even more than that, this is a love song, an ode to the ability of people to put together a truer family than they were given to start with. And with such wrenching verses to the song, we wonder who it's being sung to."
And that was one of the more negative reviews, from the Chicago Sun-Times. Still gave it their best score." Mina was sitting backstage on her iPad, scrolling through the various papers and magazines that had reviewed Ethen's book. They were preparing for his first TV appearance after publication."I really think you're not going to get mocked here, Uncle Ethen. Everyone genuinely seems to love it."
"Well I thought everyone loved the show, too, but you know what happened that time." He was referring to an interview he'd done just after The City had become something of a hit, when the interviewer had asked him how he felt to be responsible for such a terrible thing.
"Well, he was an idiot. He didn't like Alan Ball's stuff or Game of Thrones either."
"True. Wait, what are you doing watching those?"

"So, Professor, your new book. It's so sad and romantic, I think I'm not the only one that wonders who are those woman that you dedicated this to?" Ethen swallowed hard. He wondered how far on the tour he would get before someone asked him this.
"Well, the first, Emily, was my twin sister. She supported me through school, and really was the stronger of us two."
"You say was, what happened? If you don't mind me asking."
"She and her husband were killed in a collision with a tractor-trailer."
"Oh, dear, I'm very sorry. What about 'Mina'?"
It was now March, Ethen was interviewing in Dublin, and he hadn't seen his niece in almost a month. Amy, on sabbatical, was looking after her, and Nino was there most days. He let it be clearly seen on the cameras just how much he missed her. "Mina's my niece, that I took in after her parents died. She's more or less everything to me. And I really hope she isn't watching because she's supposed to be at school right now, but if so I'd just like to say hi."
Ethen had been on so many shows, talked across so many desks, he couldn't even remember this woman's name. But she smiled broadly at that, and Ethen wondered how much of her warmth was genuine and how much was artifice. It mostly seemed to be the former. A good host, either way. "And the last? Your wife or girlfriend?"
Ethen laughed, but managed to keep it from sounding too bitter. "Neither. I'm not actually married or seeing anyone. And before you ask, sorry, I'm not looking right now." The interviewer laughed, as did the crowd arrayed around the stage. "But no, she's an old friend, one who has given me a lot of inspiration through the years." Ethen was returning the interviewers smile quite honestly until she asked her next question, when he felt it go brittle. "And would you like to say hello to her as well? Lara, isn't it?"
"No, that's fine. I kind of doubt she's watching."

It was May, now, finally the end of the tour. Ethen had been getting exhausted, just he and Jason together on the road. And whenever Ethen got stressed he had recurring nightmares about Emily and Jackson's accident, that had been depriving him of even more sleep. And this interview had been causing him no small amount of anxiety ever since Jason had announced it, and insisted that he do it. Ethen didn't want to, but he admitted that Jason had a point, that it was such a big market he would be a fool to cancel. But though he'd agreed, it didn't mean Ethen was any more comfortable. The last stop was in Paris.
"Do you need an interpreter or anything? Someone to help? We have like fifty people that could do that." This was the very young stage manager for the show, a nightly thing that reminded Ethen eerily of the Daily Show. Ethen responded in French. "I think I'll be ok, honey. I lived here for years."
"Oh! Oh, alright." She walked away about grumbling about how no one tells her anything. The bit went fine, the host obviously impressed that an American spoke french so well, and many in the audience cheered when he came out. Probably owing to the fact that he'd lived here so long, and his publisher was pushing that fact, the book was doing better in France than anywhere outside the US. In fact the only reason it was in any non-English speaking country was because Ethen had insisted he translate it himself into French and German. After the show was over there was actually a line outside his door of people wanting him to sign their copies. Ethen had never done book signings, preferring to keep his appearances in public brief and for the camera, so this was a new experience for him, that to his surprise he found he loved. But the biggest surprise was the last person in line, the only person who had the German edition. He was obviously very distracted, and had been looking around for a pen, so he didn't see the woman's face. He opened it and made to sign it.
"Who do I make this out to?" He asked in the same language as was present in the book. He was still looking down, and the woman answered in English.
"Should have gotten me or Amy to help you translate. Your German's pretty rusty, Ethen. "
He looked up slowly. Shorter woman. Amazing curves. Long, slightly wavy blonde hair. Cobalt blue eyes and a dazzling smile he had missed terribly. "Anja!"
She threw her arms around him in a enthusiastic embrace, and squeezed him tight. "You didn't think I'd miss your big TV spot when it was here in town, did you?"
"Um..."
"Never mind, don't answer that."

She waited while he gathered up what he'd brought, and then they struck out for somewhere that was still open for coffee. They were only a mile or so from their old flat, but there was a restaurant that Ethen was certain was new. Anja didn't seem to want to go in, though she admitted the food and drinks were excellent, but she wouldn't say why. Eventually they did go in, but she kept glancing around nervously.
"Everything ok, Anja?"
"Fine, it's just...I know the owner, and she's really someone I'd rather not see right now."
"Ah. We can leave, I don't mind."
"No, no, I'm sure it will be fine. So how's Mina?"
Ethen guessed that Anja had no idea the torrent of speech that would unleash, but she listened with obvious interest. Mina was great. She was on her way to being Valedictorian even if she was only a Freshman, and just 12 to boot. She had straight A's and was ridiculously good at Math and Sciences. She was over her trouble with drugs, it appeared, and he had no reason to suspect otherwise. Her boyfriend was a great kid, and even though Ethen was a little hesitant to have her dating so young, Andrew was nothing if not a perfect gentleman and as smart as she was. "Here look, I have a picture..."
"Oh, nice. We're friends online but she never posts pictures with her in them."
"Yeah, that's one thing she's not very secure with."
"I wasn't either when I was her age—Holy s**t, Ethen she's gorgeous." Anja grabbed the wallet sized photo of her away from him. "Is that her boyfriend?" The picture was of Andrew and Mina at their Spring dance, which Ethen had insisted to Jason that he be home for. Ethen nodded. "He's adorable; he looks really sweet."
"They are lucky to have each other, I think." They chatted for a couple hours, and Ethen the whole time was regretting that he hadn't tried harder to get back in touch with her. He assumed Anja had still born him ill will after the wedding, but that clearly was not the case. Eventually she admitted she had wanted to call him long before, but felt guilty for being so angry with him.
"Because, really, Ethen what you did was just make the best of a shitty situation." They had both done their level best to avoid bringing Lara up, but now it was unavoidable.
"How is she, Anja?"
"Are you still in love with her?"
"Yes."
"Terrible." They both asked their question at the same time, and answered the other's simultaneously as well. Ethen flushed red and hoped Anja hadn't heard, which it seemed she hadn't. But he'd heard her.
"Terrible? How?"
Anja sighed and looked around warily. "How long have you known her, Ethen?"
"Almost 8 years."
"And in that time, how long was the longest time she went without sleeping with someone?"
Ethen felt kind of uncomfortable, but it was a legitimate gauge of Lara's well being. To say she had a pretty voracious appetite would have been accurate. "Um...I don't know." This was a patent lie, but he felt kind of creepy knowing it.
"You are a terrible liar, and you forget I know this."
"Fine. The month after we slept together."
"Exactly. I've known her since I was 16, and well...she's kind of needy in that respect. But she hasn't even had anyone over since the divorce. And she's smoking again. And drinking more. She even came to work drunk once but I sent her home."
"That's not like her at all." Ethen's voice was quiet, but Anja hissed in vexation and pulled out her phone.
"Oh, s**t. Ok, confession time, Ethen. You know how I said I really didn't want to run into the owner right now?"
"What?"
"The owner of the restaurant."
"Yeah..."
"Yeah, this place belongs to me and Lara. It's my night off, and she was at one of the bars. But apparently she has to deal with something here, and she just texted me to ask if I could cover the bar for her. So she's going to be here in about ten minutes. She'll come in the back but you never know when she might come out onto the floor."
Ethen felt his fingertips go numb, and began to get flustered and sweaty. "Uhh...Anja I really don't think I can...I should—what should I do?"
"That's up to you, friend. But she would love to see you, I think."
"I don't...I don't know if I can do that."
"I get it if you can't, but either way, you should—god damn it." She glanced down at her phone again. "Great, now she wants to meet me here, Michel's watching the bar." Her phone pinged again. "Great, she's already here. Guess the first text was late or something. Ethen, what do you want to do? I can run interference for you if you want, but—"
"No." Anja's eyes widened slightly in surprise. "I want to see her. Can you distract her for a minute?"

Lara stamped out her cigarette on the trash bin ashtray at the back door of their restaurant, and did her best to calm her anger. It was way too late for this. One of their suppliers in Maine was insisting that he hadn't received payment for some lobster. Lara knew damn well she'd paid it, but Anja was far better with the books than she was. So in the interest of expediency she'd called her in after securing someone else at the bar. Why the guy couldn't wait until the morning, she had no idea, but she wanted this done ASAP so she could go back to bed. It wasn't that late, but it had been an arduous week. She had gone in the back door when Anja ran full into her.
"Ouch! Watch it, girl!"
"Sorry, sorry. So what's up?"
"Ech. That jackass from Portland is complaining that we didn't pay him yet, but I did on Tuesday. So we need to track down the transaction report and fax it too him as quick as we can. You're so much better at this than anyone I just thought I could use your help. Wait, how did you get here so fast? I texted you like two minutes ago."
"Oh, I was having dinner with someone." And then for some reason she looked stricken and actually slapped her hand over her mouth. Lara had never seen anyone do that except as a joke.
"Um...ok. Do I know this person?"
"Yes."
"Can I go say hi? Who is it?"
"Shouldn't we get to work finding the invoice?"
"Transaction report."
"Whatever. Shouldn't we find it?"
Lara tried to push past, but Anja moved in front of her, now even blocking the view of the dining room. "Anja, what are you doing? No, it can wait a minute."
"Lara, don't, wait. He wanted me to make you wait for just a minute."
With dawning comprehension, Lara felt her head go light. "It's...Ethen's here?"
"He had an interview tonight and I went to see it. We saw each other afterwards and he saw this place and wanted to try it. He wanted me to make you wait a minute."
"Anja, move. Now." Obligingly she did and Lara burst out into the dining area. she looked all around but so no trace of him. "What are you to talking about girl? Why would you say that?"
"What?"
"He's not here."
"What?" Now Anja followed her out, and she looked even more confused than she was. "But...we were sitting right there." She pointed to a corner booth.
"You mean the one with a note on the table top?" Lara walked over and read the briefly scribble missive, shoved it in her pocket, and grabbed her friend's arm. "C'mon, we've got to find that report."

Ethen was walking briskly away from the restaurant. He felt like a coward, a fool, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't see her. It had thrown into sharp relief the fact that just about the only thing keeping him going most days was the fact that he hoped sometime, somewhere, they might find each other again. And right then and there he might have found out that wasn't the case. Maybe she didn't want to see him. Maybe even if she did it wasn't for anything good. So instead he had run. Like he always did. s**t.
But something felt different his time and he was growing more and more angry with himself because he couldn't figure out what.

At 0100 that night Lara finally, gratefully stumbled into bed. It hadn't been a bad week. Just so busy that she was giving serious thought to hiring more staff at the second bar. Not bothering to shower again, she simply stripped off her clothes and climbed into bed before she remembered the note. She'd read it already a dozen times, it was so brief, but she pulled it out to read it again, to remind herself again that that really was his handwriting. All it said was: "I'm sorry, Anja, this will probably make you look foolish. But I can't do it. The thought of seeing her scares me like nothing else, and I can't face it right now. I'm sorry. -Ethen."
Why was he scared to see her? Probably one of the dozens of reasons she was scared to see him, like what would he think of her now that she hand't kept her marriage together, or had been adulterous, etc. Or just it had been so much time that would they even be able to have that relationship again? And how horrible would it be to know the couldn't? She didn't blame him for leaving at all. But dear God did she wish he'd stayed.

"So what happened?" Mina and Ethen were in a small town on the far side of Puget Sound. They were walking along the beachfront, Mina barefoot, and Ethen telling her about what had happened in Paris. Mina had been asking about the restaurant.
"Nothing. I got scared and left."
"Scared of what?"
"I don't even know. But this isn't fair. Ever since I got here this morning I could see something's bothering you. What's going on?" Mina didn't answer. Instead she stopped walking and looked up at him, her eyes slowly filling with tears before she started sobbing. "Oh, Mina, what happened? It's okay. Whatever it is it'll be ok." The words were empty and they both knew it, but Mina calmed down somewhat as it was anyway.
"Andrew broke up with me."
"He what?"
"He said I was pressuring him too much and he was getting uncomfortable. He broke up with me."
"Wait, pressuring him to do what?" There was a suspicious edge to Ethen's tone that earned him a warning glare from his niece.
"Nothing like that, I just wanted to actually kiss him."
"Oh. Well that's kind of a big thing for people."
"I know. That's why I wanted to kiss him."
Ethen sighed. "I'm sorry Mina. Did he tell you he felt like you were forcing him or anything?"
"No. He said he was too scared to tell me."
"Figures." For a few seconds they both walked in silence. "What a pair we make, Mina."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean we both lost so much so young. We love other people intensely and yet we're so damaged we can barely even show it in any real way. In the very process of trying to bring people closer to us we scare them off."
"Is that what happened with you and Genevieve?"
"I think so." Mina stopped to watch a clam bury itself in the mucky sand closer to the water.
"Do you think I could tell Andrew that I'm sorry and I won't do that anymore? It can't hurt to try, right?"
"It most certainly can. But it's usually worth it anyway." Ethen realized he had said that almost more to himself than her. And he thought maybe for once he should follow his own advice. "Mine, let's go."
"What why? We just got here."
"Because I left my phone at home and I need to find someone to watch you for a few days."
"Again? But you just got home! Where are you...oh."
"I have to go back, Mina. Whether it will hurt to or no, I have to try, right?"

Since she was still on sabbatical, at this point wondering whether she would ever go back to work, Amy was available and said she would love to watch Mina, she'd be there the next morning. That night as Ethen scrambled around his room packing, Mina came and stood in the doorway. "So what are you going to tell her?"
"I don't know."
"Are you going to tell her you love her?"
"I don't know."
"I know you went to Tiffany's today, are you going to propose?"
"I don't know."
"Jesus, what do you know?" Her tone was teasing, not harsh, and Ethen turned to smile at her.
"I know I'm going to apologize for abandoning her wedding."
The next morning Ethen bid his niece and Amy goodbye and caught a cab to the airport. In his distracted state he went to the wrong terminal and nearly missed his flight, but after that frantic game of catch-up he was able to relax on the plane. It was nearly empty, and he had a row to himself so once in the air he moved to the window seat. He couldn't stop his heart from hammering. Was he really doing this? It wasn't like him, at all, to take the initiative and try to change things. But while talking with Mina he'd seen that that was the core of more or less everything that he was unhappy with. And every other time he'd taken a risk, a chance on something, he'd been at the very least happy that he tried. He'd moved to Paris. He'd decided to try things with Anja, who'd been a phenomenal lover and now a dear friend. He'd risked his pride every time he'd tried to get published. And it had taken every ounce of courage he'd had remaining, bound with the pleading from Mina, to stand up to Jackson's family and say no, he was taking Mina in, because that was what she wanted. And now she was the closest thing he would ever have to a child of his own, of that he was almost certain. He didn't think he could even hope of things going that well now, but still it was there nonetheless. And the more he dwelt on it the more he realized that just how much his life had always been about Lara from when they met.
"Ethen, this is my cousin Nevi."
"'We're neighbors?' 'So it seems.'"
"You remind what its like to be cared about."
"Say what you will about her engagement, but I think you might have had more to do with that ending than either of you seem to think."
"I don't know if you can do it, Hon, but if you can she's your ticket out of this mess."
"I think this was a mistake."
"We've had a particular sort of relationship, haven't we?"
"You remind what its like to be cared about."
"'It hurts just to see you now.' 'The don't look at me.'"
"You're still the best friend I've got. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."
"I think this was a mistake."
"You are waiting for things to get better on their own, but they won't."
The past eight years spun around in his head, events and times colliding and losing context, until all he was left with in memory were words and emotions floating free. But it was like he could finally see sense in it all, everything from when he'd met her to now, and it became he saw just a long, sad story of people trying to find their ways to each other. Him, Lara, Nino, Amy, Anja and Mina most of all, the second generation of children losing their parents, all of them trying to become that which would take them through their lives as something more than just individuals. And now Mina had him, always. Nino and Amy were the ideal that Emily and Jack had been. Anja...whatever she was Ethen had seen her life was a happy one. And it was just him and Lara, the two that had never quite fit with the rest, left outside now. Maybe he could change that.

For months, even long before her divorce, Lara had felt something deep in her chest that never left her alone. She could hide it, bury it under work or sadness or longing for a lost friendship, but it was still there. And that morning Lara realized what it was: she hated what she was doing with her life. And more it more it came to her that almost everything in it was wrong. Maybe that was an exaggeration. The biggest thing wrong had been her marriage; that wasn't the problem anymore. And daily she agonized over whether or not to call Ethen, but he'd had every chance to see her that night and had left. That hurt her all the more and she didn't know what to make of it. But finally it settled on her that she wasn't happy in her work.
She loved what she and Anja had made. Saying their places were successful was a vast understatement. But more and more she saw what she was going to have to commit to if she wanted anything more out of this business. Either she was going to have to relinquish control of a lot of day to day decisions, or she was going to be overwhelmed. And she saw now that she didn't want either of those things. She wanted...she wasn't sure. She felt restless and off-balance, and as she often did when feeling like that she began to dig around in her closet aimlessly when she stumbled across something.
She'd never even taken it all the way out of the box, she'd been worried about it getting damaged on their way home, but that first Christmas they knew each other, Ethen had gotten her two things: a bottle of perfume she'd had her eye on for months but was so expensive she couldn't bring herself to buy at the time, and a set of paintbrushes and paints. Then that march an easel and canvasses had arrived for her, and Ethen had explained he'd thought they were perfect but were on back-order, so he'd bought them for her anyway and they'd taken that long to arrive. Those were at the very back of her storage room, where she hadn't looked literally in years. A long-forgotten conversation made itself known that they'd had, about her wanting to do more with art.
She spent the rest of the morning finding drop clothes and more brushes, more paints, better skin-tones, because she she had something in mind to work on. In school, though she'd never done anything with it she'd loved her courses in that field, and had excelled at portraits and the like. Then around noon, feeling hot and grubby from the dusty streets she showered and called Anja.
"I need you to come over."
"Why?"
"Remember back in school when I started that portrait of you? But I never finished?"
"Yeah, I took that semester in Chicago."
"I want to do another one."
Anja was quiet for a long time, but when she spoke her voice was cautiously excited. "Really? I know you've been saying forever you want to do more painting but that never seemed to go anywhere."
Lara grinned ruefully, but of course her friend could't see. "Really. And I need a model and can't think of anyone better."
"Well, you would be."
"Don't be silly. And I'm not going to stand nude in front of a mirror for hours on end."
"Wait, nude? I'm not—"
"Oh for god's sake, I was kidding. Just get over here when you can."
Anja was not long in coming, at it was barely 1300 when she was composing herself on a stool in Lara's living room. Behind her were the floor to ceiling windows that had convinced Lara to buy this place, and it gave her more or less perfect lighting. Anja had always been a remarkable model, and with barely a direction to her Lara began.
It wasn't until the light began to change, much to her frustration, that Lara realized how late it was. "s**t, it's almost 7. Aren't you on tonight Anja?"
"I was, but when you called me I had that new girl fill for Henri and had him run the bar. I figured this would take a while." She stood and stretched languorously, and Lara watched attentively. Anja sighed. "Alright, fine, we can do a pose nude. I knew you weren't joking." Lara flushed. Not that she had ever reciprocated Anja attraction to her, but rather in school Lara had tried to get her to pose several times simply because her figure lent itself to being caught on canvas so much better than hers did. And Lara had always been a bit jealous of her friends' ample curves, so that probably figured in. "But first I want to see what you have."
Ah. She'd wondered what Anja would demand in return for doing this, and she should have known. Lara had always hated anyone seeing her stuff incomplete, even when she was painting all the time in school. Now after being years out of practice, her reluctance was increased tenfold and she blocked Anja from coming into that half of the room. "I don't really think that's a good idea, Anja, it's—"
"Oh shut up." She tore the canvas from Lara's hands. "Holy hell."
"I know it's not that good, I can do way better, but I'm so out of practice and—"
"What? Lara, this is amazing. Do I really look like that to you?"
"More or less..."
"You make me look gorgeous."
"...I just paint it, Anja."
She started to unbutton her blouse, pulled it and her bra off, then slid out of her jeans and panties. "If I look that good to you than this better turn out amazingly awesome."  

[Gnomes-san]

She painted long into the night, stopping only to pull a light out from her storage, and Anja barely stopped talking. She obviously, despite her confidence, was feeling a bit awkward being so exposed. Not that she had anything to be ashamed of but Lara couldn't blame her. So she did her best to keep the conversation flowing naturally, but in a lull she asked something that had long been on her mind. "Why don't you call me Nevi anymore?"
Anja looked abashed. "I'm sorry, does it bother you?"
"No, no it's not that. I just wondered."
"I don't know, I guess I got started when Ethen and I were together since he always called you that. and really it just seems to fit you."
"Huh."
"And I don't know...most people don't call you that. Most people don't even know that's your real name, and you can be so guarded and closed with people it's like...I don't know. Still only Ethen and I call you that, and I'm your oldest friend, and he was your best." Anja was quiet for a few minutes, thinking on her words. "To me it's like that was a family name for you. And you're like a sister to me, though really that would make this even more awkward, so maybe that's not quite true. But as close as a sister would be."
Lara smiled. "Yeah, I would never have done n***s of my actual sibling if I had one. But I see what you mean. I do like that you use my real name, but am glad that pretty much only you and Ethen do."
"Oh, are you coming to the party tomorrow?"
"I don't know, girl." Michel was throwing a party, and all the women were supposed to dress in a style he called "Victorian Temptress." And it did sound like fun but Lara was a little hesitant. The main point of all the costumes really seemed to be to dress as slutty as possible, and she never actually managed to look attractive dressed like that.
About midnight Anja fell asleep. Lara had had her be draped invitingly across her couch, up on one elbow, but eventually she hand't been able to keep her eyes open. She wouldn't even leave or put her clothes back on she was so tired so Lara merely put a robe over her. The nights were warm and she wouldn't really need anything else. For some time Lara stared at her canvas. It was gone; the tearing bursting feeling of claustrophobia in her chest had diminished with every stroke of the brush. She felt like she'd gotten out of a horrible forest into an open field. She felt peaceful, and could finally focus on what had been truly bothering her. She felt incomplete, lonely. She glanced at the couch were her friend lay, and wondered if Anja ever felt that, but she doubted it. She was made to be independent and master of her own time and life, but Lara knew she herself was not. No, lonely was the wrong word. She just missed her friend. She spent the next two hours trying call him, hoping he would answer, but to no avail.

At 0300 Ethen was in Heathrow, waiting for his 0600 flight to Paris, when he remembered that he hadn't turned his phone back on. Instead, he found that he had never turned it off and subsequently it had died. Dammit. He'd hoped to call Anja to make sure Lara was home and available, but now he would just have to show up, and if she wasn't there just wait. But really he had all the time in the world, so a bit of a wait wouldn't kill him.
But instead of 0600, Ethen didn't wind up leaving until 1600 and wasn't into the city until almost 1800. He got a hotel room by the airport where he showered and changed, then realized how stupid that was because he still owned his old flat and had people taking care of it. Oh well, Ethen knew full well he wasn't thinking very straight. His heart wouldn't stop racing since he'd touched down in Paris, and he from time to time was feeling dizzy and nauseous. What was he going to say? Hell, why was he even there? He didn't know. Was it just to apologize, try to be friends again? Was it to tell her he loved her? Ask her to come home with him? What? He had no idea, but the taxi was getting closer to their building, so he better decided fast.
At the curb he paid and got out and, to his surprise, saw Anja in the lobby of the building. More surprising still was that she was wearing a rather provocative black dress with a black bustier and plunging neckline lined in red, flowing lace below her waist, strapless, with elbow length gloves. To Ethen she looked like an 18th century call girl. He walked into the lobby and she immediately caught sight of him and stopped in her tracks.
"...Ethen?" She whispered it like she couldn't believe it.
"What on earth are you wearing? You look like a vampire prostitute."
"What? Oh, thanks. We're going to a theme party but I wound up getting here way too early, too hard to explain why. But I can't really sit down without the bodice shifting up and I'm not confident that I could get it back perfectly where it was. Also, I might flash someone. What are you doing here?" He had managed to calm himself a little, but now he was as anxious as ever.
"Um...I'm not entirely sure. I came to see Lara. Wait, why aren't you just up there?"
"Oh, she's still getting ready I'm sure and I would get in her way so for her sake I was just waiting down here." Ethen felt her eyes on him while he tried to avoid her gaze. He was nervous enough as it was without her hoping for something to happen. Then she spoke again. "I should probably just go to the party by myself, huh? Yeah...I think that'll be best."
"No, really, I don't think this'll take long and—"
"Then you're an idiot. Mind if I steal your cab?" And she glided out of the lobby, leaving Ethen alone with his pounding heart.
He surprised himself by being able to get to the elevator and to her floor without fainting, which more than once he felt like he was about to do. The lift stopped at 12, and Ethen stepped out. It looked the same, even after 5 years. It even smelled the same, vaguely of cleanser and cigarettes from Lara's flat, no matter how much she'd always tried to hide the lingering traces of smoke. He walked to unit F and knocked on the door, trying and failing to keep his hands from trembling. "Il est ouvert, Anja!" Despite everything, how many times he'd gone over in his head how this moment would be, he still wasn't prepared to hear her voice. She sounded happy, maybe a little tired, but happy. He opened her door.
She wasn't facing him, didn't see him at first. Out her windows Lara's flat now had a small deck that faced the river, and she was leaning against the wrought iron banister. She clearly was in the process of getting ready for a night out, wrapped in a robe, her hair, shorter than he remembered, not even to her shoulders, still clearly somewhat damp from a recent shower. She had a cigarette between her fingers. For a brief moment Ethen registered how little her place had changed, but he also noticed the easel and drop clothes near her couch, and still on the stand was a masterful nude portrait. He wondered how long she'd been painting again. "Anja? Allez-vous so—Oh my God." She'd turned around and then froze at the sight of him, her half-smoked cigarette bouncing off the iron and falling to the ground. Her face was expressionless, and she didn't move from the banister on her deck for several seconds then she came in and closed a glass door behind her.
"...Hi Lara." He didn't know what else to say. and suddenly, completely unexpectedly she started to cry. "Hey, hey girl, it's fine. What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I did not know. I would have been there but I was never told. I'm sorry." She managed to get this out between sobs as she hugged Ethen around his waist, crying into his shoulder.
"Didn't know what?" Frankly Ethen had no idea what she was talking about.
"I did not know about the funeral until too late. Anthony never told me. When I found out, that is why I divorced him." It was like it had just been a flash flood that now receded, and in a moment Lara had herself back together again. "Has Mina forgiven me?"
"Yes. And I already had before I knew that."
"I wanted you to know I would have been there for you in an instant." Ethen felt a great relief spread over him at her words. He had forgiven her, but still couldn't understand why she'd not been there. Now he knew, and for once he was glad she'd moved on from her marriage. That wasn't right, what he'd done.
"Lara...I'm sorry as well."
"For what?" She sounded genuinely confused, which threw Ethen off balance.
"I, uh...for leaving. I shouldn't have told you what I did, or kissed you or any of that. I should have been silent and watched and not done that right before your wedding. It wasn't right of me."
"Ethen..."
"No, I only did it because I half hoped that you would...that you would leave with me. But I couldn't even ask. So what was the point? All it did was make you upset, like I knew it would."
"Ethen, it is nothing. I...I almost did, you know."
"Did what?"
"Leave with you." They were both silent for a long while, long enough for Lara to walk to her room and slip on some jeans and a t-shirt. When she sat back down she didn't continue that thought. "So...how's Mina?"
"She's ok."
"I was worried about her for a while."
"Me too. I don't know if I've ever been more shocked than when I found that stuff in her room. But she's been doing better." Ethen hesitated a moment, and Lara caught it.
"What?"
"Oh, just...her boyfriend just broke up with her, and I have no idea how to comfort her at all."
"Ah." She was thoughtfully quiet for a second. "That must be hard, Ethen. Acting as her father, more or less, on your own."
"It is. But it could be so much worse, if she wasn't who she was."
"Or if you weren't who you are."
"What do you mean."
She smiled at him, and Ethen caught sight of her dimples briefly. "Ethen, I know how much you care for her, and you a kind man besides. And I bet anything you make a great father."
"I hope so." Ethen felt at a loss. Awkward, like he did with strangers. No matter what he thought this would be like, it never occurred to him that..."Are you painting again, Lara?"
She laughed. "I actually just started again yesterday. I had Anja sit for me."
"You always did want to paint her."
"It...it helped, a lot. It's been kind of rough, lately."
"I see you two have been doing well with the bar. Or Bars, now, and restaurant."
"That's mostly down to Anja."
"Well, whatever. You two are a great team." ...occurred to him that maybe they wouldn't be able to be friends again, but that was how he felt. He didn't feel that warmth from her, that bond and intimacy they'd had since the day they met, and Ethen felt his heart breaking. He'd taken too long to come, or there simply never had been a chance. And though they talked for nearly two more hours, finding out what was happening in the others' life, that feeling never came. Instead he felt more and more like someone was trying to toss him out the door. So when it was almost ten he stood up and said it had been great to see her, and then made to leave. But when he reached the door she grabbed his wrist. Her voice was thick.
"Tell me, Ethen. Are we not friends anymore?" She looked scared and her lip was trembling the way it did when she was about to cry.
"Lara—"
"No, I mean it. You must have felt it, too. That... emptiness."
"I don't know, Lara. I came her to find out and, no, I think you're right. Maybe too much happened, or we were gone for so much when the other needed us. But I don't think we are." Ethen felt his heart sink as he said this, felt a little faint, but it was all he could think of why things were so tense with her. "And I came to see if we could part of each other's life again, and it looks like we-we can't. So the sooner I go the better for us both."
She didn't answer, instead slumping against the wall next to the door. And Ethen left.
He expected to hear the door slam shut behind him, but instead he started to hear sobs again. He didn't turn. He was about to press the call button for the lift when something hit him, though. A feeling like that if he took another step he was going irrevocably to the wrong end. Then it came to him; he didn't want to be friends with her anymore. That was what was between them. That had been enough before but not now. He walked back to her door, almost breaking into a run, and she was now pacing in her living room. She stopped when she saw him, looking bewildered. "Ethen? What—"
"I don't want to be your friend, Lara. That used to be good enough but it's not anymore."
"What?"
"...I'm a coward, Lara. Being your friend was never enough for me but I could never say anything. Until your wedding, at which point it was pointless. I...Lara...You know how much you mean to me, and for the past five years I've only gotten through because I thought that one day when we met again it would be like it was. and now I'm here. And it could be, I feel that from you. But I realize that's not what I want anymore."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying..." He stopped, unable to go on, while her expression went from confused and expectant to hardened, insulted.
"Fine, you don't want to be in my life, I get it. You didn't need to come back to tell me. Now can you leave me alone?" Ethen didn't move. "Please...just, just leave me alone." He retreated a step, but still didn't leave. "Ethen, please just—" He couldn't do it. He couldn't tell her. The words simply wouldn't come and he'd been standing there cursing himself, his own fear, his lack of courage in anything. And suddenly he could't take it anymore. She was in the in the middle of telling him to leave again when he took a step forward and took her in his hands and kissed her.
She went stiff for a moment, then she was kissing him back, her arms around his neck, holding herself as close to him as she could, and it was only when they needed to breathe that they broke apart. "I love you Lara. I've loved you since that first morning you took me to the cafe, and—" She kissed him back now, deeply, and she stood on her tiptoes to make it more comfortable as the kiss stretched into long seconds. "And I finally figured out I will always be in love with you. Always."
Lara was still recovering from her tears, her face red and mottled, but when she looked up at him it was almost like seeing another person. He'd never seen her so happy. "Well why didn't you tell me before?"

Lara was lying awake late that night, watching as the clock clicked over to 0200. Ethen was asleep, but had his arm around her waist, holding her close, her back to his front. She reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear that kept falling into her eye and she felt how matted it was. She moved a little bit closer to Ethen and felt his bare skin against hers and for once felt complete contentment ripple through her. She reached down for a sheet to cover them, it was getting chilly, but in the process she nudged Ethen accidentally.
He let out a sleepy groan, but didn't really stir. Her bedding was an absolute mess, kicked halfway around the room, but still she found her comforter and tucked it around them, and lay back down this time facing him. It wasn't until then that she realized he was awake. He kissed her, long and deep and with a thrill she noticed she could still taste her on his lips. All of a sudden she felt that need for him start again. But he just propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at where she lay.
"Hey, my love."
"Hey, to you."
"Can't sleep?" he reached out to put his hand behind the small of her back and pull her closer. She shook her head.
"No, don't want to."
"Why not?"
"I'm enjoying having you here too much." And she kissed him back, and unlike his hers was not soft or sweet. It was deep, passionate, and when pulled away for a moment she whispered how much she loved him.  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 21

"When did you fall in love with me?" In the end, though they both were too tired to make love after a point neither of them slept that night. They instead were lying close, Ethen on his back and Lara resting on his chest. It was Lara that spoke, lifting her head to look him in the eyes. She saw him smile even in the dim pre-dawn light.
"It was that morning, when you were taking me to the market."
"The first morning after we met."
"Right. You had just put out a cigarette and said you didn't think you were supposed to smoke there, and I looked up and felt...I didn't even know what I felt. Content. At peace, for the first time in years, just sitting there with you, barely even talking because I was so reticent to talk. I didn't even want to get to know anyone at that point, and the only reason I had gone with you was because I didn't want to alienate my neighbor."
Inwardly Lara had to fight down a laugh, but she made her tone hurt. "That was the only reason?"
"Um...yeah, it was. But sitting there it-it...well, that was when the feelings began but I didn't really see them for what they were until you started dating Anthony. But that was when I started to be very, very attracted to you."
"Really? It didn't seem like it." Really it hadn't seemed like Ethen even found her passably cute until after she broke up with Anders. "Not even that time you came over and I was just in my underwear."
"Well those were just funny, and very far from sexy." He gently ran his finger tips down her back. "When did you fall for me?"
"I did several times."
"what?"
"Like on the plane to Hawaii. Or...or at my wedding. But I think more those times just reminded me. Like when you showed up at the restaurant last week. I..."
"What?"
"It was the day after I broke up with Anders. I had gotten drunk and had come on to you and you had held me off and just put me to bed. And while I sat there waiting for you to sit down to breakfast I felt safe like I hadn't since I was a little girl. I felt like I was home. I have never felt that since unless you were with me."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why did you not tell me, Ethen?" Her tone was teasing but she thought it a valid question. She felt him take a deep breath before answering.
"I...I guess I was still to hurt by what had happened with Sam to, you know, put myself out there. To risk any sort of emotion, really. And after you helped me through that we slept together and we decided it was a mistake and I was far too freaked out to speak my mind. And then, well, you know. Things came up. Now why didn't you?"
Lara had never really been able to satisfactorily answer this even for herself. But now the explanation came easily. "Ethen you were a mess when we met. And I had already fallen for you before I knew why, but when I did...it made it hard to tell you. I just felt like it would be wrong to make a move on you. Then that happened in the car, and I was so close to letting you just go on, but at that point it seemed like you just wanted someone, not me. And then I jumped you and afterwards I felt...nothing. I realize now that I knew it was still to soon for you, and it would have gone down in flames. Or rather, that's what I thought. If I'd known you'd loved me all this time we probably could have skipped about 8 years of crap."
"Maybe not. Maybe I couldn't have gotten over things. Maybe..."
"Maybe I could never have been sure about us since it was so soon after Anders."
"Exactly."
"Oh god, Ethen look. It is light already. We did not sleep at all."

"So what are we going to do?" Lara and Ethen were sitting hand in hand on a bench at De Gaulle. His flight was leaving far too soon for either of their liking. Lara's question was tremulous.
"I don't know. You want to stay here, don't you?"
"I do, Ethen, this is my home. And my work is here, and Anja."
"I know. I feel the same way. And Nino and Amy live so much closer...I just worry about Mina."
"She would be fine here, she is fluent in the language, and—"
"I know. It's just I know at times she feels as displaced as I always have. And I think she's finally feeling at home there. And if that's the case..." He let that hang in the air.
Neither of them spoke for long seconds , and when she answered Lara's voice was a whisper. "Then I would move there with you. I hardly even care where I am anymore, Ethen. I just want us to be together for good." For Ethen her saying that was like kicking some sort of trigger. He hugged her shoulders from the side and kissed her, while deftly slipping a small box from his backpack into his jacket pocket.
"Maybe I could convince Mina to come here." Ethen glanced up at the departures board. "Christ, I should go, Lara."
She nodded sadly and stood. They walked together towards security, Ethen making sure they were close to the street. Hoping, hoping she remembered, she noticed that —
"Hey look, it is that photo booth!" Lara pointed to a now battered kiosk. "That was our first sober kiss. We should do it again." Ethen made a show of making sure he had time then agreed, seemingly reluctantly. When they reached the booth again Ethen took the stool and Lara sat across his lap.

The photos were quite different this time, and Lara decided she loved them far more, finding a frame and putting them on her wall the moment she got home. The first they were kissing, but Ethen's right hand was out of the frame. The second she was looking down perplexed at a small box he was holding in front of them. The next the box is open, the ring clearly visible even in the grainy black and white, and Lara's face is somewhere between shock and absolute joy. The last the ring is missing from its padding and the two are embracing each other. They hadn't broken that kiss for long after the last flash had flared.
Lara was exhausted but far to excited to sleep, and was making herself a second pot of coffee when a knock came at her door. Long before she reached it she heard Anja yelling.
"Lara, God Damn it, I've been calling you all morning and—" The door swung open and she caught the rest of her tirade at Lara's disheveled appearance. "Jesus, girl are you ok?" Lara nodded. "I wanted to hear what happened last night but you didn't answer your phone so...I got kind of worried."
"Oh, sorry, I forgot to charge it. But why would anything have happened?"
"Did ******** hell, did he wimp out again? Ethen was here and...I do not like that you are laughing."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Yes, of course I saw him last night."
"And...?"
"And what?"
"Lara, please, stop messing with me. Ethen was really upset when I saw him and I want to know what happened."
Lara sighed. "Well, he came up and we talked for hours. It was weird to see him, but it was great. And then..." Anja was watching her intently. "And then he left. His flight left earlier this morning."
"What? What aren't you telling me Nevi?"
"Nothing."
"Hey! Tell me!"
Lara was having fun, but she was having enough trouble trying to keep from telling her as it was. "He spent the night, Anja. And this morning he...he gave me this." She held out her hand, palm down, and Anja brought a pillow up to half cover her face. "He asked me, Anja; I said yes. I've loved him for years and..."
Anja was looking at her so intently that a slash of fear went through her gut. Did she still have feelings for him? But no, she put down the pillow and she was smiling broadly, silently, until she grabbed her in an almost suffocating embrace.

Ethen slept the entire flight to New York. He jostled his way through the crowds to his connection, for once utterly oblivious to the frustration in the air around him, and managed to fall back once the next flight was in the air. He woke up with more than enough time to worry about what he would tell his niece. As the plane hit the tarmac he still had not come to a decision about how to tell Mina.
The problem was this: he was almost certain she would want to stay. She had desperately wanted to leave Hawaii and had latched onto Seattle like a barnacle the moment they arrived. She had friends and a circle that she moved about in, and he knew she would not want to give that up. She was not good at making friends and therefore was very attached to the ones she had. Ethen had picked up his one bag from the luggage carousel and was hailing a taxi, and was so distracted that he had to be reminded to give the driver his address.
To be exacting, this seemed to Ethen like Mina's home, and she wouldn't want to lose a second one. When he made it to his house, after tipping the driver for being so quick, he saw Amy sitting in one of his porch chairs, coffee in hand. She waved happily.
"How was Paris?"
"Great."
"What wa sit you had to fly back for? Mina wouldn't tell me."
"Um...I'll tell you in a minute. Is Mina here?" She was on summer vacation.
"Ooh, yeah, about that." Her tone was wary.
"What? What happened? Did I miss your call?"
"No, no, nothing that you could have helped with while away, so I let it be."
"...oh."
"Mina's just having a rough time of it, and I think she really needs someone to talk to right now. I should re-phrase that. She really needs someone like a parent to talk to."
"Ok...that doesn't sound ominous." Ethen clumsily bumped his luggage inside, then stuck his head back out and addressed Amy again. "Don't go anywhere. I have news." She assured him she wouldn't and Ethen climbed the stairs hastily. He guessed she had spoken to Andrew and that it hadn't gone well. Her door was shut and he soon found out locked, but he knocked persistently and eventually she responded.
"Amy, please go away." Mina sounded...well, she sounded like crap.
"It's me, Mina." There was no answer, but after a few seconds the door was unlocked and Ethen came in. Mina was crawling back into bed. "What's wrong, Hon?"
"What's wrong is people are mean."
"Agreed. But in what way does that come to bear on your situation?" She sniffled. While she was considering her answer Ethen flew the drapes that had been covering her windows open, letting some modicum of light in. In the wan morning he could see his niece looked terrible. Eyes puffy, face red and blotchy. "Mina, have you slept?"
"Not last night, no."
"What happened?"
Mina rolled away from him as he sat on the edge of her bed, but she answered. "So, I did what you said. Andrew, Caroline, JJ, that whole group usually goes down to the park on Sundays, and I usually go to. So yesterday..." She paused ot take a deep breath. "Yesterday I went down there and asked to talk to Andrew away from everyone else. He said ok and I told him I was sorry and I really wanted to still be his girlfriend and I wouldn't push him anymore."
"Do I have to give this boy a talking to? Something like that?"
"No, no...nothing like that. He said he was sorry but he just felt weirded out by me now, but he said it nicer than that. I started to cry and he said he was really sorry. I want it to be clear I'm not mad at him at all."
"Ok."
"But when I came out crying the rest of them were really mean about, either saying I was creepy stalker-like for following them to the park or that I was a loser for not being tougher."
"That's...cruel."
"And I yelled at them to...well, I would be in trouble if I told you, and they got mad at me and we all said some more things and...I don't think I really have any friends left."
"I just...I can't believe they would be like that to you. Especially Caroline, she was like—"
"She has a crush on Andrew. And I found out last night, from him, that she'd been spreading rumors that I had stolen him from her."
"Ah." That did make more sense. It was awful, but made sense.
"And I don't know if they ever really liked me anyway, they never really liked that I was so much younger."
"I have sometimes wondered if you should have skipped that second grade."
"Me, too."
The both fell silent, until something occurred to Ethen. "You talked to Andrew last night?"
"Mm-hmm."
"What about?"
"He wanted to apologize to me for them hurting me so much. He tried to get them to lay off but...you know, he's younger too."
"That was kind of him."
"...How do you know if you love someone?"
Ethen held his breath. He wondered if Mina would start to think like that, and while his instinct was to brush off this whole relationship of hers as an adolescent crush, as something she wouldn't even remember in five years, not even a seconds' thought told him how hypocritical that would be. Instead, he dodged. "Mina, I am far from the best person to ask."
She laughed bitterly. "Probably true." She turned back to face me and seemed to rather suddenly remember where Ethen had gone and with what intent. She became more animated, her eyes suddenly alert. "So did you see her?"
"Ah, about that." Ethen kept his voice neutral, and she looked at him with wide eyes. He really wasn't sure how she would react to this, and suddenly Ethen felt selfish. He'd acted as if his life was still entirely his own, and he felt the words struggle to come out. "Ah...I...asked her to marry me." He watched as his niece's face went almost white with shock, but with what accompanying emotion he couldn't tell.
"And?"
"And what?"
"And what did she say, you jackass?" That was a phrase she had picked up from the same woman in question, and Ethen had never said anything against it. In fact it ususally made him laugh as he did now.
"And she said yes."
Mina froze, didn't move or speak. In fact she was like that for so long he was worried something was wrong. Suddenly she leaped across her bed and grabbed him around the neck. "When? When are you getting married? Is she going to live with us?" And the question didn't stop, each as jubilant as the last.

Mina was making herself breakfast when Ethen went back out onto the porch. "Thank you for watching out for her Amy. Actually, thank you for all the times you do. It's a great help."
"Ethen, I have been bored out of my mind but can't even fathom going back to work. This is exactly the kind of distraction I need. Plus you know how much we all care about her." She nodded towards Mina through the front windows. "Now can you tell me why you had to go back to Paris? I'm guessing by Mina's improved mood and that shriek she made a few minutes ago you had good news there."
"Um..."
"Was it about Genevieve?"
"You could say that."
"Well what happened?" She sounded about as eager to hear the story as Mina had been.
"I showed up at her flat and we talked for a while, and...it was really awkward. So I left but before I got to the elevator I went back and told her everything. I proposed...well I guess it was just this morning and she said yes."
When he had said he'd proposed Amy had started to choke on her drink and he finished the story over her coughing fit. "You proposed? Ethen..."
"I know what you're going to say—"
"I doubt that."
"—That she just got divorced and this is too soon and believe me I thought of that but I didn't care. Amy I've loved her since we met and it was about time she knew. And when I found out she felt the same I just had to...you know."
She was grinning broadly at him. "I was going to say, Ethen, that it's about damn time."  

[Gnomes-san]

Chapter 22

It took almost no persuasion to convince Mina to leave for Paris. In fact she left with alacrity and after what had happened with her "friends" Ethen couldn't blame her. Andrew had shown up twice and asked her to stay in touch, and Mina promised she would. Ethen had never seen Mina as happy as when they reached Paris and Lara met them at the airport. She practically flew into Lara's embrace, and Ethen was pretty sure that his fiance was even happier. They hugged and kissed for so long that Ethen had time to get all the luggage and assemble it where Nino was waiting with his car.
A month later Ethen, Lara and Mina moved into their own place. Ethen and Lara had both managed to sell their single bedroom flats, and had bought the two bedroom across the hallway, that had been empty for as long as either of them could remember. Mina had a large room to herself that faced the river off the back of the building. And as soon as their mail caught up with them, Mina had a letter from Andrew.

It was actually almost two years later, and ten years to the day since they'd met, that Ethen and Lara married. Anja and Nino served as maid of honor and best man again. For the most part it was perfect; they had chosen to be married in the Loire Valley, and the only pall was during the reception Mina began to cry. Ethen couldn't even get her to speak, but to Lara she admitted that it reminded her of Genevieve's first wedding, when her parents had been with her. Amy finally managed to cheer her up, and get her to dance. And even at his own wedding, everyone mostly just spoke to him about what an amazing and beautiful girl his niece was, his own wife included. They took their honeymoon in Hawaii; even though both of them had such strong memories there it had been their only choice.
The following summer found Mina filling out applications for colleges and scholarships from all over the world. The next six months she was inundated with acceptance letters and scholarships. Her hardest decision was deciding what she actually wanted to do. Through her teen years Mina had become nearly obsessive over gaming and programmed her own, and while for as long as she could remember she had thought to become a doctor, she finally confessed to Lara that that was just what she thought she should do, not what she wanted. In the end Ethen convinced her that it was fine to actually do what she wanted and she decided to study Engineering at Stanford. That school had been one of many to offer her full scholarship, and it wasn't until Mina was nearly ready to leave for California that Ethen remembered the trust he had for her. He decided to not mention it, though, maybe make it an 18th birthday present.

Since they had moved to France, Mina had kept up a close friendship with Andrew, and though she dated boys Lara could always see that she was not really interested in any of the others. The two wrote each other about everything, including Mina's other suitors, but as they got older, and Mina shared every word of his letters with them, Lara couldn't help but notice that Andrew never seemed to mention any other girls. She told her husband this and they both agreed that it meant one of two things; either Andrew thought telling Mina about other girls would hurt her so he didn't mention them, or, (as Ethen was adamant was the case,) he simply didn't see other girls. Mina never seemed to notice this lack and Lara was careful not to point it out, but eventually she came to suspect that Mina wasn't the only one that regretted their not staying together. When Mina told them that Andrew had struggled his last year of school and hadn't been able to secure any scholarships, Lara was certain.
The second to last week before Mina was to leave, Lara noticed her husband being extra secretive. As a matter of course Ethen was rather close-mouthed, but that was just how he was and in truth he never was trying to keep anything from her. But that week he was being very evasive. She wondered why, but thought little of it. It was the same week that she and Anja were finalizing the sale of most of their properties. She wanted to focus more on her painting, which was garnering some attention in obviously one of the hardest towns for an artist around, and Anja was just tired of the daily grinding. The were going to keep their original bar, and that was it. It had become a neighborhood landmark and neither of them could fathom giving it up. A week to the day before Mina's departure the sale was finalized, and she, Anja and Mina were celebrating, to hell with her step-daughter not being old enough, and were on their third bottle of wine when someone knocked on the door to their flat. They were all in Mina's bedroom, and Lara told the other two to wait, she'd be right back. She wondered if it was Ethen but he wasn't due back until the next day (he was in Zurich with Nino.) She opened the door to see a very tall, thin, handsome black boy, maybe 17 or 18. He greeted her in terribly clumsy French, but he seemed more nervous than unfamiliar with the language.
"H-Hello, I'm looking for the Montgomery home?"
"Oh, you're in the right place. Come in! Would you like a glass?" She hoisted her wine. "We have plenty. Celebrating, you know." she had spoken very fast and he hadn't seemed to be able to follow her. "Oh, I'm sorry." She repeated herself in English, an added on: "I'm Mrs. Montgomery. You can just call me Lara, though. I don't think anyone has ever called me Mrs. anything."
He offered her a nod and his hand. "I'm Andrew Bremming. I think your step-daughter might have mentioned me."
"Holy ********." Lara was so shocked she almost dropped her glass but Andrew took it from her hand. "I'm sorry! Excuse me, Andrew? How... How did you get here?"
"Didn't he tell you? Professor Montgomery and I spoke a few weeks ago. Or rather, we chatted online. But I told him how sad I was I wouldn't be able to see Mina, since I wasn't able to afford Stanford or anywhere even in that area. I was accepted but...you know. So he said it wouldn't do to not see her and two days later my mom came to me and told me to stop moping, I was going to Paris. The two of them had arranged it."
"So that's what he's been up to." Just then Mina came out of her room.
"Mom, are you coming back? Anja wants to know who was—" She stopped dead when she saw who else was there. She stared at him, mouth agape, unable to speak for the shock. But there was no mistaking how she was looking at him. If ever Mina had wanted to hide how she felt from Andrew, she would have been entirely found out.
"Hi Mina." Andrew's voice was shy, quiet. She didn't respond, so he continued. "You look...wow. Um, it's great to see you." Still nothing. "You look...what am I saying? You look beautiful." Mouth still agape. "It's funny, we never talk on the phone. I had no idea how french you sound now." Still inert. "Mina...look, I came here mainly...um...mainly because—" He had taken several steps towards her and was standing right in front of her, and was interrupted when Mina grabbed him by the collar and kissed him.
Lara was almost as stunned as Andrew was, but she slowly crept around them and down the hall, where she waved Anja out of Mina's room and into her own. Anja stopped in surprise to stare, but Lara grabbed her hand and pulled her on. "Give them some privacy!" She whispered. And as she closed the door she heard Andrew apologizing, and Mina saying shut up, kiss me again.

Ethen arrived home that afternoon, and the five of them sat down to supper soon afterwards. Lara had smacked her husband for failing to tell her about Andrew, but he was enjoying his little surprise so much he didn't even notice. He had a bigger surprise, though. Lara had vaguely remembered how about ten years before Ethen had had Nino set up investments for Mina's school, and now that that would not be needed she had wondered what he would do with it. Now, especially after the sale of their establishments and Ethen's last book being optioned by New Line, the amount wasn't exactly a ton, but it was still plenty for what he had planned. At dinner he gave Andrew an envelope with a letter from UBS, stating he had funds set aside for 8 semester of out-of-state-tuition for Stanford, and more besides. Lara knew the trust had been worth almost double that, but Ethen kicked her under the table when she tried to ask about it. Later that night, after the elation of the two young lovers had died down, he explained what that was for. "It's always the Bride's family that pays, Love. And unlike the groom's we could afford that easily." He left ambiguous if he thought Mina and Andrew specifically would be someday wed. Lara hoped they would.

In fact, four years later, Mina and Andrew were married. Mina was also two months along and had just told everyone (except Lara, who she hold told about three minutes after she'd found out.) That had raised some eyebrows but they'd had the date set long before Mina knew. Ethen had voiced some concern that 20 was awfully young to get married, and to have a kid, but Lara had shut him up but good. And in truth she saw he had just been worried about Mina's schooling, but she knew he ought not to be. Mina had graduated Summa c** Laude in three years, and had just finished her first of Doctoral work. Andrew had just graduated with similar honors and was going to pursue an MBA. He and Nino had become quite close and his dream was for them to work together, an idea which Nino was all for. In fact Ethen suspected that he really planed to bring Andrew in so he could retire in a few years. He often lamented, though he mainly worked from home, how little time he actually got to spend with his daughter Genevieve, now almost 3.

Ethen was now in charge of the American and British literature program at the university in Paris. Monday's were his early days finished, and he was packing to leave when a knock came at his office door. He told the entreating to enter, apologizing for the fact that he had to leave in just a moment, but what could he help with. He was filling his bag with student papers and did not look up to see his guest.
"That's fine, professor, I just wanted to say hi." The English and familiar voice jolted him to give his intruder his full attention.
"Annabelle? My god, it's great to see you! How are you?" For the first couple years after leaving Seattle, Ethen had tried to keep track of his favorite student's progress, and it had been a bit upsetting to him when he hadn't been able to make it to Connecticut for her PhD ceremony. After that he saw her writing in several magazines and then she seemed to disappear.
"I'm starting here next week, my professorship, but I'm pretty rusty on my french. So really I came by for two things. One, could you help me brush up on it, since most of the other teachers really aren't fond of us Quebecois, and two, can we grab some coffee?"
"Yes, and yes."

"So what are you teaching? The college is so expansive it's hard to keep track sometimes." Ethen had led them to a small cafe a block away, mainly frequented by faculty.
"American Literature, early twentieth century." She was quiet, and for the next few minutes only spoke when Ethen asked her something directly.
"Is everything alright, Annabelle? You seem...I don't know."
"I don't even know why I asked you to come. I just wanted to talk. I got divorced about a year ago; coming out tends to make it hard to stay married to someone you more or less married under false pretenses."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Gary seemed like a good guy." Ethen didn't really know what else to say; having someone tell you after not seeing them for years that they are now divorced and out of the closet is a bit much all at once.
"He was. Is. But you were the last man I actually felt any attraction to before realizing that's not what I wanted. But it's still a struggle and I thought maybe seeing you again might...I don't know. I think I should go." She stood up to leave, looking miserable, but Ethen grabbed her hand.
"Annabelle, wait. Why would you go? Even when you were a student we were sort of friends. And if you're in my department I'll probably see you all the time. Wouldn't you rather us be friends than not?" She paused and seemed to consider. Then nodded slowly and sat back down. Neither of them had anything to say.
"Are you married now, Professor? I saw your ring."
"Please don't call me that. We're colleagues now, at the very least." She smiled, though she still looked distracted, upset.
"Ok, Ethen. Are you married?"
"Seven years now."
"Was it...is it that woman? You mentioned a 'friend' you had here in Paris a few times and you always seemed so sad when you spoke of her. And you dedicate all your books to the same."
"You read all my books?"
"Of course. Seeing you in bookstores and all over the internet...it's enough to make me want to write my own."
"You would be great. And yes, it's that woman. Her name's Lara."
"And...it was your niece, right? That you took care of? How is she?"
"She's enough to give us all an inferiority complex. She was married in May, she's due in December, and she's a third of the way through her PhD at Stanford, and she's not even 21. I really hate her sometimes."
Annabelle laughed. But before she could respond Ethen heard someone calling him from behind. Anja was coming up to their table, her long blonde curls tied back loosely. She'd been in Macau for a week, and so greeted him a little more affectionately than usual, a hug and kiss on the cheek. Ethen surreptitiously glanced at Annabelle before inviting her to sit down, but she looked too stunned to object. Anja was in her forties now, too, and Lara was constantly and jealously remarking how she was simply getting more gorgeous as she got older. Ethen agreed. And clearly Annabelle thought more or less the same.
"Who's your mute friend?"
"Oh! Anja, this is Annabelle...wait, what's your last name now?"
"Chase."
"Annabelle Chase. She was a student of mine at UDub and now works in my department, as of today."
Annabelle was clearly flustered, Anja not making her any more comfortable by sitting just a little to close, staring at her just a little too long while they shook hands. "And this is Anja Ehrlichmann, my wife's business partner."
"And?" Anja turned an admonishing eyes towards him.
"And one of my oldest friends."
"Pleased to meet you." Annabelle half stuttered this.
"The same. Anyway, Ethen, I have to get to the bar, just wanted to say hi. Bring Lara over for dinner tonight." She waved away the waiter that was coming towards her, and stood up to leave. Pretending it was an afterthought, Ethen saw, Anja turned back around and though talking to him she had her eyes on Annabelle, who went red. "Oh, and you can bring this one along, too, if you like."
Anja turned and walked away, and immediately Annabelle turned around to see her. Anja glanced back and smiled at her. "Who on earth was that?"
Ethen laughed. Anja was definitely someone that seemed like someone. "She and my wife own a bar together. She's also one of my best friends. And my ex, actually, though I tend to forget that now."
"Oh." Annabelle looked crestfallen. "Really? She seemed..."
"Like she was into you? She most certainly was. I haven't seen her like that for years."
"Is she single?"
"I don't think she's dated anyone since me. And that was over a decade ago."
Ethen did take Annabelle along that night, and though he and Lara stayed until well past 0100, Annabelle was still there when they left, she and their host on the couch, drinking and laughing.

Annabelle and Anja used the bar for their reception, barely a year later. They were the first two to leave, off to Hawaii, where Ethen had offered them the use of his family house to stay at. They'd accepted gratefully. Eventually Mina, her son James, Andrew, Nino, Amy, their daughter Genevieve, Anja's parents, Annabelle's father, all the other guests trickled out, until Lara and Ethen sat alone at the bar top. Just a few weeks before the place had been renovated, redecorated, back to how it had been when Lara first took over. It now looked nearly identical to when Nino had first brought him here over 15 years before. Lara took his hand and kissed it. "I think we did good, love." The two of them had planned and organized much of the wedding. He nodded.
"They seemed happy with it, so I guess that's really all that matters in this case."
"True." They both were rather exhausted, and Lara was resting her head on Ethen's shoulder. "Could you make me a drink. Ethen?"
"Sure." Ethen made his way around the bar, poured himself a scotch and mixed his wife a Manhattan. "Now what are those?" Ethen was pointing now to a row of framed book covers that hung over the bar. It had only been a week or so since he'd been in there, so it clearly must have been brand new.
"I thought it might be nice to have something of yours, since you're so important to everyone here." Lara sipped her drink while Ethen examined them. It was all of his books since The City, all of them the first copy, since he'd given each of those to Lara. Even for the two when they'd been apart, he'd held onto them himself and later made them a gift to her. His last published one, Exodus Second, she'd hung the NBA he'd won for it below. Ethen had wondered where that had gone. "I'm thinking of hanging Annabelle's book, too, since she was like your protege."
"And the owner's wife."
"Doubly I should." He sat back down and she kissed him. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened, Ethen? What if you had not come in here?"
He smiled. "I do. I can't even imagine what it would have been like without you."
"Oh, you would have found someone."
"Someone that put me back together again? Someone that I could share my life with? Someone that could be the best mother for an orphaned girl that any could ever hope for? Someone that I could build some sort of family with? Maybe. But I doubt I could have found any other one person to do all those things."
"You are correct. I'm pretty amazing."
"That you are." He kissed her, long and deep. when he drew back she was breathing a little hard. "I always wonder what would have happened if I'd just told you the moment I felt anything for you."
"I think one of us would have screwed it up. I think we came around to each other at exactly the right time."
"Probably." Ethen tossed back the rest of his drink as Lara finished hers. He grabbed his wife's coat and wrapped it around her shoulders as she stood. They stepped outside and Lara locked the bar. She swore and lit a cigarette.
"Why is it so cold? It's freezing."
"I don't know. C'mere." He pulled her close as they started to walk towards home.
"That's better." She whispered. Ethen looked down at his wife them kissed her cheek. It was; she'd always made it so.

End