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 Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 11:07 pm
Flashback
Jay could remember her time as a minipet. She remembered it fairly well. The warrior could recall being a blue, feathered minipet with wings that matched her own in an oddly fitting manner. She could remember the unusual lands she had encountered as a minipet. Jay could recall meeting Senga, white and furry with antlers decorated with bright lights. She remembered Shaheen, dressed like a war vaisel and looking very much like one of Jay’s very own minipets. She could even remember Shikoba as a soul eater, floating and glowing a dark red. Those were the moments she remembered the most clearly, but Jay could drudge up memories of other things. She remembered the skellyvision sets and the endless maze of doors that were filled with keys and monsters and even more doors that took her back to even more rooms, old and new alike. She even remembered the giant squid.
It was the ending that had the horsewoman confused. She remembered meeting an owl who controlled a dragon, but what happened after that? No matter how hard she tried, no matter how long she spent meditating in silence, she could not discover the answer. It vexed Jay, but not for too long. The question had tugged at her thoughts for most of the first few days, but eventually as life began to return to normal, the inquiry slowly disappeared from her mind. It didn’t matter what had happened in the end. What mattered was that she was no longer a minipet, but herself.
She could have turned her back on this incident. She could have filed it into the vast archive of her memories and then let it collect dust as she gradually came to forget, but fate wouldn’t allow her to erase the incident so easily.
Jay remembered life was not normal. She walked through the reserve, treading lightly across the ground until her eyes widened and she stopped in her tracks. The dull brown and murky green and evening colors of the sky had disappeared, suddenly shifting into greyscale in the blink of an eye. She blinked again, but the grey still pervaded her sight. Tiny hands rubbed at her eyes to see if the monochrome world would disappear then, but this time the scenery distorted. She could see inverted colors and it was almost as if everything was glitched before things returned to normal. The muted colors were back. The war horsewoman blinked a couple more times, rubbed her eyes for good measure, then tentatively began to walk again as is nothing had happened. It had only been a trick of the eye, right?
But then it happened a second time. A third time. A fourth time, even. This was not something to be taken lightly. Something was awry with Jay, but she wasn’t sure what exactly. Would it go away? Maybe it was like one of those things where if she ignored it and continued with her daily routines, it would eventually disappear never to be heard of again, but it was wishful thinking on her part.
Then the voice came. It had been soft at first, a mere murmur in the morning when Jay gradually awake from her slumber and began her duties for the day. The voice had only been a whisper that she could automatically tune out. It was the last thing on her mind as she gathered more supplies, built small buildings, sparred with her fellow clansmembers.
But then it grew louder, insistent.
Why did you push me away?
You could have had more power. You’re weak.
There is more than this. You could have had it.
You could have. You could have. Youcouldhave. Youcouldhave. Youcouldhaveyoucouldhaveyoucouldhave—
Bandaged hands grabbing her ears, Jay rushed for the nearest tree to take shelter under. She crouched low, placing her head between her legs and curling into a tight ball as if it would shut out the voice that would not cease. Jay squeezed her eyes shut, pressed her back against the bark in hopes the pain would be enough to drive the presence out of her mind. “Get out,” she muttered. “No please no no get out stop talking don’t say nononoIdon’tneedthatIdon’tneeditnoIdon’twantitstopstopIDON’TWANTIT.” A strangled squawk left her lips as she fell onto her side and dug her nails into her skull.
No, she didn’t want to admit it. Jay didn’t want to give into the voice about her wants and desires and temptations. Behind closed eyelids she saw flashes of her minipet self, but sometimes there was something else in the corner of her eyes as well. Something distorted and looking a bit like herself. One arm clutched her stomach as she felt the burning desire for power churning inside her again. A want for power was not wrong. It was not unhealthy, but there was something about this sensation that was offoffoff.
You could have had power. Why didn’t you take it?
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:54 pm
Blue Rose
Jay had never been much of a gardener. She did not have the green thumb, what could she say? The jabberjay was not the kind of creature that could meticulously care for another being. She had enough trouble looking out for herself. It was sometimes difficult to see what kind of qualities of Jay made her a viable horseman. It was sometimes a mystery even to herself, but then she would summon her weapon and throw it against a target, and she would remember once more. It didn’t matter how she came across to others so long as she had the skills to perform whatever task the priestess bestowed upon her. Jay would obey it carefully, zealously. She was better with fighting, not cultivating plant life. It wasn’t one of her interests anyway. She was keener on foraging through the forest for things to make her jewelry out of. At least she could wear what she made and give it to others If she wanted. Making jewelry seemed more productive than growing useless plants that could only be looked at.
She had never been much of a gardener, but she was willing to try it just one more time. The bluejay held the lone seed in her hands. Sea-green eyes stared at the seed before she looked around for an ideal location to grow her plant in. Attempt to, anyways. Jay walked around the reserve for a while before she chose to plant it near a tree. A rose bush nestled next to a tree made for a pretty sight, did it not? She hoped so.
Silently, Jay bent down and placed the seed down in a place where she could see it clearly. She dug a hole with both of her hands by scooping out dirt. The bird gave the hole a quizzical look before she decided it was deep enough, plucked the seed off the ground, and dropped it in. Jay moved the dirt back into place and patted the ground a couple times before she brushed her hands together to get the dirt off. When she failed to clean her hands completely, she frowned and chose to wipe her hands against her torn skirt. Jay didn’t mind having stains on it. It was a dark color anyways. Not many would notice the dirt smudges.
Hands on her hips, she cocked her head and thought. There was supposed to be something else about growing plants that she had to do. Maybe she had to water it? She scowled at the pile of dirt that now covered the seed. Sighing loudly, Jay let her hands fall to her sides while she walked away in search of water. She couldn’t remember if she was right, but she would try it anyways and see if it would work. Sigh. Taking care of plants was so troublesome sometimes.
But still she would come to care for the plant on a regular basis. She couldn’t completely understand why she did it so routinely, but perhaps it was because the seed had come from someone with wings just like own. After her parents’ deaths, it was only her who toted around the bluejay-colored wings, but at last she had found someone with the same pattern. That someone was a student, but students were tolerable. Isra was the student that Jay liked the most, if only for his wings. He seemed kind, happy like herself. Jay would like to talk with Isra more, but she didn’t know where he was. She hadn’t seen him since he had come to drop off the seed to her. Jay wondered what had happened, but would then divert her attention back to the plant, burst out of the ground and beginning to mature into its final form.
A smiling horseman patted the green plant before walking away. She was glad to see that she did not have death’s touch when it came to growing plants, but Jay didn’t want to tell Isra the good news just yet. She would tell him as soon as the bush was full grown and blooming pretty blue roses. Jay hummed happily as she walked away to begin some lair tasks.
How long had it been since she had first planted the seed? Jay couldn’t tell, but now the flowers were in full bloom. She smiled cheerily as she reached out to delicately pick one out. The warrior was careful to avoid the thorns. Tiny fingers reached out to stroke the silky petals while she admired the stunning shade of blue. Jay smiled stupidly and ran off the sanctuary in search of the student. She would gladly show him the fruit of her labors and his faith!
But in the end, Amity’s bluejay would never see the Clans’ bluejay ever again. She had never even gotten to say goodbye before he was gone forever.
And one by one, the petals of her first rose fell to the ground.
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 1:42 pm
Goodbye Jabberjay
She hummed. It seemed like the jabberjay always hummed—whenever she was bored or happy or confused or skeptical, she would hum. Sometimes it would be a simple one-note hum and other times it would turn into a song, perhaps one she had heard before on the radio or perhaps one she had made up on her own. But Jay always hummed; it was a simple comfort.
Even now, after stepping into the Inverted Haunted House, she hummed. Perhaps she needed it now more than ever. As always, Jay found herself planted in a tree. She could never free herself of the habit of flying into trees and lounging on the thick branches. It was an easy way to escape the business of having to perform multiple tasks for the sake of the Clans. She had no qualms of performing them, but sometimes she just wanted to fly somewhere high above the ground so she could escape the worries of being a horseman and just relax. Some horsemen relished in the idea of doing something for the clans every waking moment, but Jay was more playful. She had always been playful. She had always been the jabberjay that bugged Senga and Iyari as children. She had been the ball of excited energy that pulled the siblings into various tasks and events and opportunities, whether they wanted it or not. It always ended with mixed results, but why wouldn’t it? She was the one that forced them out of their comfort; she was a catalyst that did good and bad. But she had no regrets about her behavior.
Until recently, that is.
One of her legs dangled over the edge while her folded hands rested on the other leg. Lips were set in an unusual frown as she tried to clear her mind. She couldn’t get the idea of dependency out of her mind. Somehow, the jabberjay had grown too fond of her childhood friends, she had grown too attached to them. It had grown to the point of clinging to them helplessly whenever one of them came into her sights, and yet they never tired of her silly antics despite their protests. They had unwittingly spoiled her too much and she had unwittingly let them spoil her.
She pressed harder against the tree trunk, lifted her head back until it touched the trunk as well. A hand reached up to gingerly cover her eyes while she moaned, “What do I do now?”
At first, no answers came to mind, but then her mind spoke simply, “It’s time to grow up.”
Silence.
“You always had it in you to grow up. You just didn’t want to.”
Jay shushed herself as she now used both hands to cover her upper face, the palms pressing against her eyelids. “Shhh, no I don’t want to. I want to stay this way.”
But the bluebird knew she couldn’t stay this way, not if she wanted to wean herself away from the company of the siblings for her own sake. Her lips twisted into a sad grimace as she rasped out, “Okay.”
Good.
She leaned forward and shifted her position so she could hug her knees close to her chest . Jay rested her chin between her knees and closed her eyes. She raised a hand to tug at her bandana until it covered her eyes. Her shoulders relaxed as she attempted to lull herself into a peaceful sleep. It hurt too much to think she would have to change herself. She would have to kill the part she loved the most. Would she even be Jay after everything was said and done?
Oh, but it would be a slow process. It would be a slow, gradual one, because such changes couldn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t as easy as killing a habit like humming.
Jay sighed as she thought of what she would have to do. She would have to stop hugging others so easily. She couldn’t tackle others anymore. She would have to try and stop her random spazzing. She would have to…
Another groan. No no no no she didn’t want to think about those kinds of things. Maybe she could devise a compromise for herself.
She shrieked and suddenly jumped off the branch, her wings unfurling as she took flight. Maybe she could just fly and clear her head, maybe she would conjure up a magical solution for all of her problems. She could stay herself and wean herself away from Senga and Iyari. She could do both at the same time, right? She just had to think of it.
Jay let the cool wind brush her face as she pumped her wings faster, willed them to take her higher and even higher.
But in the end, she never really did think of a plan.
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