Vreslo Tigre - Orangeblood (Crits please?) - FIXED! *again*

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Sugi Kawakita

Nah, you don't bother me at all C: I really love your critics; not critics that makes you feel down, but makes you feel stronger, and want to keep going on C:  

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Sugi Kawakita

Done fixing :3  

[matisha]

I am finding the fear of loneliness to really conflict with where she has chosen her home and her personality.

Maybe take that major fear out, I know she has her lusus for company but it seems to be a big thing that if I was her I would try and live in a largely populated area so I could never be on my own! I know that conflicts with her desire for adventure but she could always visit the mountains and lakes etc for that!

I would like further info on her Arrogant nature. Also does she like to collect things she finds on her adventures to show off to other trolls? You could create a kleptomaniac flaw (a need to steal/take things of value (or little value!) that way she will always have something new and unique to show off to others making her feel more big headed and proud (of herself!) Trolls may see that as being very arrogant!

I am also finding the tie between being loyal but mistrusting a little sketchy. It needs further explanation. After being treated by the other troll so badly could she ever gain full loyalty to another troll? Would she be forever second guessing her friends? I like the mistrusting flaw and believe maybe the loyalty flaw should be changed to adapt more to her lone wolf personality.  

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Matisha

Thank you for the crit! :3 Sorry for the late reply D: ---FIXED!  

[melona-pan]

hey there! o vo

what does vreslo think of the caste system?

overall i feel like she needs more elaboration and development; she feels sort of flat. but you're off to a good start! perhaps try giving her a few more flaws/strengths? * U* some more elaboration on her currents ones and personality, too. <3 it helps me to look at a list of character adjectives when im brainstorming a new character ~  

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melona-pan

hey there! o vo

what does vreslo think of the caste system?

overall i feel like she needs more elaboration and development; she feels sort of flat. but you're off to a good start! perhaps try giving her a few more flaws/strengths? * U* some more elaboration on her currents ones and personality, too. <3

About the caste system, she thinks everyone should be equal, since it's unfair that just because the difference of the blood color, you could get into a whole new higher level of caste there is in Alternia. :3

Thank you very much for the crit! I really appreciate it~ :3

----FIXED! (added more flaws + strengths : hyperactive and independent).  

[melona-pan]

hmmm i dont think you really added much/elaborated on prexisting qualities. try looking at other accepted quests/journals for the kind of thing we're looking for! :3

here, let me give you some jumping off points :3

personality:
what did vreslo learn on the mountains? did her lusi's treatment have anything to do with it?
Why does she just steal things, for no reason? Are there certain things she likes? Is it random? It it opportunity-based?
Why does she not like complicated things, if she can think through stuff with a clear mind? That is sort of contradictory (and seems slightly misplaced for her overall personality). If there is some reason for it, elaborate!
Vreslo doesn't like the caste system, how does she treat higherbloods? She is somewhat low on the hemospectrum. Does she avoid them? Is she confrontational-(and if so how does she not get culled?!), or....?
what sort of hobbies does she have?
i noticed you repeat a lot of stuff in this blurb and in your strengths/weaknesses. try adding some other ones!

@strengths
When does she back down? She is fearless, but what are her limitations? does she realize her own limitations, or push herself too far sometimes?

loyal, what does it take to be her friend? why exactly is she so difficult to get along with?

The whole blurb for independent is one sentence haha
Also be aware that although vreslo can live alone on the mountain away from the nameless town, she isn't the only troll doing so. This blurb talks more about where she lives, then her independence.
What does she to do 'manage' them? Does her lusus not help her, like, at all?
Explain what exactly made her the independent troll she is today.

@flaws
arrogance alone isn't a good reason for it to be hard to be friends with someone. i mean, look at eridan? she can be an arrogant show off, but i really dont think it stands as a strong force to keep others away. perhaps you should add a forth flaw that helps explain why she is hard to be friends with?

explain these 'snap outs'.
like i asked before, why does she take the items? what does she take? what sort of situations has she gotten to because of it before? will she dare steal from highbloods? what happens if she gets caught? etc etc. elaborate!

her hyperactivity is a little extreme. why is she so energetic? i mean realistically she is on the side of a mountain, living a hard life, alone. most trolls would be exhausted. is there some secret to this? is it sheer willpower? i just think it is somewhat unrealistic, but with the right explanation it could work.
also, it is also somewhat a strength. dont you think? maybe this belongs in personality :3

What exactly does she do to make herself stop, these boring activities? Explain how it works, because it doesn't really make much sense to me haha.

@lusus does ullal do anything to help vreslo out? does he do nothing, or help out in her everyday life? what kind of parent is he?

also, you have several grammar errors. perhaps give it a proofread? * u*/
like i said you have a great base, but you just really need to flesh her out more. good luck!