Zoe's new attempt

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

November 29

Ugh, I did not escape holiday weight gain. I am now 168, but of course, It is night right now, and I may weigh like three pounds less in the morning. The drive was tiring. I was a good girl today and had my 23 weight watcher points and my excercise, trying to get back into the groove. My grandad called me from china this morning, cannot wait to see him. This farmer couple frr,om illonios sent me a birthday gift, you see, even though this sounds crazy, me and my friend celebrated by seventeenth bday, and said a poem to my bday balloons and set them lose. Well apparently there was a address on them, and the balloon landed in illonios. And the farmer couple saw it, and sent me my balloon back in the mail, with a happy bday letter, a pic of their farm, and their phone number. Three years later, they still send me bday money. I talked to my uncle's fiance, and they sent me something this year because my grandma (whom I do not speak to, as I was abused by my mom, aunt, and grandma. Both girls are daughters of my grandma.) told them. How sweet. So now I need their address to send them back something. My cousin just called me, wanting to know if I got home safe, as one of my tires is in bad shape, and we had a nice chat. I left my straightner there, uggghhhh. So will have to use some of my bday money to buy a cheap one. Since I did not post yesterday, some events happened. Me, my cousin in law, and his friend and my cousins brother, we all went to a free movie at silverado. Since I am twenty, not twenty one, we had to go to see tangled. Well, my cousins friend had a crush I did not really return,but I ended up getting stuck with him and my younger cousin (Because my younger cousin needed a adult who was twenty one in order to see the movie faster with my older cousin). It was nice to get my young cousin interested in a movie other then saw. When we got home my cousin's friend came back at like ten at night, asking my cousin for my phone number. So now he has my phone number. At least he seems like a ok guy, we can be friends. Well, back to routine, and no more slacking off with my eating now that thanksgiving week is over. Haha. Even though I left my straightner at my uncles', maybe it was fate because his fiancee took down the name of the straighner, hoping to buy one for herself. Now she can use it. And I can easily buy a new one.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

November 30 2010
Ok, I was right about the night thing, this morning I weighed myself at 164 pounds, which means I have lost two from my start weight. Ugh, this morning is crazy. I am about to go to class now, turns out my friend forgot to check the mail in the days I was gone he has the key so I have to wait for him to get home. And I have picked my classes for next semester, but cannot decide without a advisor. Wonder if they made it that way so the advisors can have something to do. Honestly, it is easy to figure out on my own. I have done twenty minutes of excercise this morning. And I will post my points tonight. Ugh, I hate this fear and uncertainty. It is really scary, moving away from family, and having to make it. I worry about slippiing up. And honestly I do not think it will happen. Just worry.

Later this night
Well, I feel better, called the postal service, they mailed it in. Made straight A's on all my microbiology stuff the teacher handed back, and I got to go out with a good friend, she works at armani exchange. I used to work at coach, and when I did I treated her to a surprise bday. We took her to a fancy restaurant and got a dress for her and only showed it to her when we got there, and had her put it on. We told her it was celebration for finals. Well she got me a bunch of armani exchange clothes, lots of nice jackets because my aunt stole all my jackets. And she took me to pei wei, got me a nice video game, and we spent time talking. And when I got home my best friend hugged me and gave me my letter, so it was the right address, laughed and said I did not even have to worry about it, and he told me so, and I got my new letters for my honors apartment, and my new advisor and number to plan my classes. They said if I was still going the way I was, that I would graduate magna c** laude, and with my community service, it was possible to run in for best in class if I got more honors courses, and this really sweet guy asked me out on a date this thursday, he is motivated, we are good friends, and he is also into school and work (He is going for law degree in medical malpractice) Which is funny because I was going for a doctor (Medical) Degree before I decided to do school pschology, with a undergrad in education. I made it a joke by asking himi not to sue me when I got there. He is specializing in being a lawyer for medical malpractice. Haha. Ironic. fThe only sad thing that really happened was that my best friends sister broke up with her boyfriend of eight months. It actually looked promising, she always went out with his family, he is a nice kid, really smart, and very family oriented. I mean, the kid is dedicated enough to go to school for neuro surgery, that takes forever, and plays football for a really nice collegee. They matched up, the were both in athletics, they both liked medical stuff, he really respected her, and included her in the family. Well, breakups happen. At least they are both ok with it. So everything evened out. I guess stress is a normal reaction for me, because things wouild go so wrong, and my family would ridicule me. It got riduculous. I was paying most of the bills at my aunts, and she stole my credit card, I was paying for her beauty products, doctor bill, and so much more and she was jealous I was getting successful and she would run in my room, and if she found one wrinkle or speck of dust in my OCD clean room, she would scream and say I would never make it, and I was stupid and immature, and something was wrong with me. Even though she has never payed a bill or held down a job in her live. Her husband is taking care of her because she flunked out of college to party and then get pregnant. I hate that, I try to forget the past, but I am still so angry. I pray I will not be angry someday. My friend always tells me I try to hard, because I get upset if I clean his things the wrong way, or angry if I make a 95. I was even mad when I won top seller in district aant coach, and I was angry for not being perfect and number one every week, even though I maintained being number one for a while. It is because my aunt, grandma, and mother would yell and say I was too stupid to have that job, and I had bad handwriting so it made me 'special' and retarded. Even though I was working full time, and going to school full time, and doing good. I know I maintained what otihers call 'great' but I never really saw it until now. I am trying to get used to my friend's kindness, and the kindness my uncle's family gives me. I am tryning my best to see myself as deserving of the things I earn, because I have been taught to hate myself (Of corourse I dont anymore.) It really helped when my uncle's fiancee told me she went through the same thing, and now she has her own business, beautiful children, and great husband. Things are getting better. I just get afraid sometimes, because I dont want to mess up. I mean, my aunt tried to throw all my stuff in the front yard, screamed and said it was because I le ft a few hairs in the bathrroom, and I would be worthless whereever I went, and called my grandad to lie to him so he would not help me through school, but lucky I had proof she screwed me over and was lying. So now he will not help her anymore. I am blessed my friend has helped me, I do not know what would have happened, I thought every family was like that, and he showed me different, then I saw how happy my uncles family was. I am slowly accepting I did not do anything wrong, that my aunt, grandma, and mother are jealous I am making the right decisions. Well, my friend knew because he saw brusies all the time, and he was suspicious. That was why he came over to see what was really happening, and caught it. Without that happening I would have been dealing with that, and without him insisting to help for a few months, I would still believe I was stupid, ugly, and terrible. And since I was working myself to the point of going to the hospital because my one of my organs were failing, I am lucky he is sweet enough to do this. Without him I do not know if I would haveSigh. evTo celebrate finals (It willi be a easy A) I may have a nice full metal even be alive. Well, he told me he would not have wasted his time with someone who was lazy, stupid, or was not trying. But he saw I was working hard and I was going to make it, but would not have made it where I lived and how I was being treated. He said I only have myself to thank for beiinlng smart and being a good person, not partysing, never doing drugs, making honor roll, and other things like waiting for sex until marriage, well of couse that is ok to do, he just thought it was cool coming from the kind of family I did, with no morals. He said he was just rewarding someone who deserved it. I did not believe it until about three months after getting away from the abuse. Sad thing is my family makes money (My grandma and mom anyway) And they never wanted to share. My uncle does not make that much, and he is providing for his children, and he even took me out for my bday. (My family only held business parties). I do not know why they were jealous I was making the right choices early, not my fault of their choices. alchemist watching night with my friend, and make our special tea.
Points for today 25 (Yep, I even counted at Pei Wei, nice edeme) I know I mispelled that haha. Thank god for spell check on my essays. Aand

excercise (17 Min of walking, and some ab stuff.)
I am so excited, my friend also got me shin megami tensei, persona four. I am happy. Hope my dorm/honors apartment mate does not mind me playing it. Also plan to get a ferret for my apartment if it is allowed.  

[RoseAintMean]

I haven't moved away from family to live on my own but I moved to a different state to go to school last year.

It is so great to be on your own. You get to learn lots of new things. It is like a new adventure. You shouldn't worry so much about making it. Just learn to make things work the way they need to.
And know you ALWAYS can call family in case something does come up that you have a question about something. Like I even had to call about laundry... my older sister called about how to make a check out to someone... things like that are funny but if you didn't learn things yet, it is time to.
And you living away from family also means that you can control everything you put into your body, you buy the stuff, you make the meals, it is on you.
Good luck.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

RoseAintMean

I haven't moved away from family to live on my own but I moved to a different state to go to school last year.

It is so great to be on your own. You get to learn lots of new things. It is like a new adventure. You shouldn't worry so much about making it. Just learn to make things work the way they need to.
And know you ALWAYS can call family in case something does come up that you have a question about something. Like I even had to call about laundry... my older sister called about how to make a check out to someone... things like that are funny but if you didn't learn things yet, it is time to.
And you living away from family also means that you can control everything you put into your body, you buy the stuff, you make the meals, it is on you.
Good luck.

I know, I am living away from my family now, I was just worried about, I guess, not being perfect. (See last diet post from nov 30 and you will understand) I am a pretty good cook, and know how to pay bills, clean a house, and other stuff because I have been doing it. Sometimes I am silly and worry about not being perfect, having the perfect job, and being a burden in any way to any one. I mean, it feels bad sometimes my friend is taking such good care of me and doing everything, getting all the groceries, insisting on cooking all the meals, doing most of the cleaning in his house, and insists that the only thing he wants is for me to do well and have a safe place to sleep. It is extreme guilt because I am not used to being treated nice and feel if I slip up a little, then I rwill wreck everything. It is something I am trying to overcome. Dieting actually helps, becaue if I fluctuate, I am trying to be honest about it, and not freak about slipping up. Ugh, things will get better smile They already are.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

December 1 2010

I have done good today,
excercise- twenty min of power walking, and twenty ab crunchs
So far I have only eaten eighteen weight watcher points. Hmmm I hear the mediterranian diet is healthy, not that I am planning on switching to it. I just study developmental life, and it says it is a common healthy diet, helps increase life expectancy?Hmmm. Oh, I got a pleasant surprise today, my friend's grandma came over. It is lovely to see her. It is really boring and routine today. I am going out tonight to deposit my check, get hair done, and arrange to plan with my new advisor. Hmmmm first time a college has required a advisor. I am getting quite hungry, trying to manage with my healthy snacks until dinner. Hmmm... I think my friend is trying to breed his dog, he needed a picture of her to show for a reason. I may see my hairdresser tonight, she moved to a new location (cost cheaper) Because her mom was sick, she has been doing my hair for four years, so she ran into me outside of work, and got my number. I am going to help her out with her mom. She does need it right now. She is really sweet. She showed me a cool pic a client made of her, they drew her when she had green hair. I can't wait to see how she is doing.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

Hmmmm.... I had a frapp... Ok, I noticed a pattern. I weigh too much, and it may be far better to limit every meal to six or seven points, and use the rest for snacks so I do not eat all my points too fast. Excercise is doing good. Maybe weighing once a month will be better. I tried it before and it worked well. I will see how it goes.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

December 4, 2010 162.4 POUNDS! heart

This has been a busy last few days! I have been making dinner and cake for my friends b day, and wrapping his presents. I went to a concert last night, and to see burlesque the night before that, now I am studying for finals. I have a announcement: I just weighed myself, and I am..... 162.4 POUNDS! And I weighed at night today, which means I must have really lost, and it is still right before my period. I also had some awsome grass jelly drink from china, yay. Haha, for my friends b day, I got him pride and prejudice and zombies, a cafrilander and a book. And the cake had cream cheese icing on it. I still need to excercise tonight. Today I had some subway, yum yum. Well, this morning I found that I will have to drive all the way to the next state over, I was going to leave on the 17, but all my friends insisted I stay until after christmas  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

December 6 2010

Today has been very good food wise, for some reason, I sped walk for fifteen minutes, and stopped. I cooked some awsome rice in the rice cooker (I love chopsticks) And this morning I made coffee and some cresants, and saved the rest for my friend and his family. I am doing some cleaning around the house for when he comes home tonight or tomorrow morning. Finally got a advisor! The doctor called me this last friday about a biology advisor, but missed me because she was moving office (She sounded quiet tired) Now just to look up discount tire. So happy about my new apartment, and being with my family. I also sewed my sheets this morning, because for some reason it ripped and feathers were everywhere. Ugghhhhh... Having probs choosing between nursing again and teaching. The advisor said the 4.0 was good enough for the program, but I am so afraid to risk the two years. Just got to decide I guess.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

december 8 2010

Ok, my internet is back, crazy couple of days. A nail was found in my tire, and my friend is joining national guard.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

I have been keeping up with dieting, and believe I have lost a inch. I am trying to eat more, as I seem to lose when I eat more, I have gone back to calorie counting, the plan is to have three 300 calorie means, and one 200 calorie snack. Today, I have had a cup of rice noodles, with some meat and teriyaki, and a large apple, some yougurt, and something else that slips my mind. I have not had dinner yet and I am about to work out. Lab practical tomorrow yck

For dinner my friend made some fish and corn. Ugh, I noticed in between eating times I want to snack, better find a way to stop that.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

Well, today is lab practical day. Haha, for next semester, I am signed up for bowling as my pe class, do not know how much that will help me with weight loss, but it was the only one open.  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

december 10, 2010
Nothing to report really, studying for finals, eating healthy, and trying to get a little excercise in heart  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

I have not gotten on much. Do not have internet access from my house, but I am doing the no flour, no sugar diet, and it is going splendid smile  

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

Have my own apartment now, loving it. Doing good in school, got a job as a sub teacher, loving that too, and the happiness in turn has made me eat regularly. A big problem I had was drinking my meals or ice cream. The no flour no sugar diet eliminated that problem. I still have flour, healthy flour, and pastas, but sugar is eliminated in this diet. I want it to be a rareity, and I noticed when someone is on a diet, than they reduce calories but may still eat bad, making it easy to gain the weight back. But if I get used to no sugar, than things will go well. It has worked, 8 pounds lost so far smile Most successful I have been.