Weight Loss Humor

[__penguin__]

http://www.nataliedee.com/022310/the-american-carmen-miranda.jpg  

[phloid]

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/
Not really humor per se,
but it's still fun (and disgusting) to look through sometimes
xD
 

[Roslin]

I don't understand people's need to add bacon to everything D:  

[Roslin]

Live, damnit, live!

 

[Roslin]

 

[Roslin]

Well... this is awkward.  

[Tandahda]

... I'm certain that this person is doing some kind of modified push up wrong... Egads.

I'm sure we've all seen at least one of these.  

[Roslin]

Your explanation makes more sense because I was just thinking "stability ball fetish?"

The hip abduction/aduction thing is always uncomfortable, even for girls I think. I wore some new shorts to the gym the other day and they ended up being shorter than I thought and I was just constantly tugging at them because I didn't want to give the whole gym a panty shot. Ironically when I wear my too big shorts I have the same problem but in different positions.  

[Euthanasia Phase]

Seraphsody

... I'm certain that this person is doing some kind of modified push up wrong... Egads.

I'm sure we've all seen at least one of these.

Oh man, the talker....
I go to Curves, and for those who aren't familiar there are a bunch of resistance machines arranged in a circle with jogging platforms between them, and you rotate every 30 seconds. Some people will start chatting, and completely forget they're there to EXERCISE, so they'll basically sit on the machines and do nothing but talk and rotate like it's no big deal. Then they don't make up for it later.
And my college's gym had plenty of "makeup queens" (people there in general were WAY too critical about appearance). Glad to be away from that.  

[Roslin]

Funny story, kind of. Me and my mom were going out for lunch at Friendly's, so I looked up their nutrition but everything was just not worth the points. It was so high calorie, even the salads so I asked for a children's menu when we got there because I was going to get a child's portion of chicken fingers and a side of broccoli. The waitress looked at me really weird. I guess I don't look like I'm under 12.  

[Dizzy Aquarius]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjdQa-yc0QM&feature=player_embedded

these two love working out!
















I thought those were funny.  

[iLadyShira-chan]

I just made my first motivational poster!
 

[vanilla_bean_frappichino]

Roslin

The America Burger reminded me of this real life place: [ The Heart Attack Grill ]

They have a Quadruple Bypass Burger and make fries in pure lard. Also, people over 350 pounds eat for free.

It's not really as funny as it is sad ):

wasen't that place invented by a old heart doctor?  

[Almost Poetic]

Effective Weight-Loss Plan

Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, etc. and none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small ad that read, "Lose weight $1.00 a pound." And it simply listed a telephone number.
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
To which the man responded, "ten pounds."
The voice replied, "very well, put you check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can screw me".
Well the overweight fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally he did catch her and when he was through enjoying himself, she said, "quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself!" He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!
That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
To which the somewhat less overweight man replied, "twenty pounds".
"Very well", the voice on the phone told him, "put your check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
At about 8:00 A.M. the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can screw me". The chase took awhile longer this time but the man finally did catch her.
When he was through she told him, "quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself!" He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!
"This is fantastic!" He thought to himself.
Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked,
"how much weight do you want to lose?"
"Fifty pounds!" The man exclaimed.
"Fifty pounds?" The voice asked. "That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time."
The overweight man replied, "my check's already in the mail. You just have your representative over here in the morning." Then he hung up the phone.
About 6:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets out of bed and gets all fancied up, ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 A.M. he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stating, "If I catch you I'm going to screw you."

Could not stop laughing with this one! rofl

 

[Almost Poetic]

Quote:

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Quote:

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

Quote:

The Garlic Diet:You don't lose weight, you just look thinner from a distance.

Quote:

T'was the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
nothing would fit me, not even a blouse;
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I had to taste,
at the holiday parties had gone to my waist;

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared;

The wine and the rum balls; the bread and the cheese,
and the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself, as only I can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'til all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Quote:

One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

Quote:

Since Twinkies cannot technically be considered food (in a nuclear war, they will outlast even cockroaches), you’re welcome to eat as many of these as you want. They are also VERY valuable for appetite control. Don’t believe me? Eat a dozen of these colon-stoppers and see how your appetite is.

Quote:

I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time's gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.

-Christian Finnegan

Quote:

You can't blame the kids for what they weigh 'cause you have to look at the toys they have. My little cousin owns a Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Oven. Now, I wish that was a joke, but that's true. In eight minutes, in his bedroom, he'll get you a meat lover's with extra cheese, and that's not healthy or fair. It's not fair. I had a Snoopy Snow Cone machine: in four hours, you could crush one cube.

-Josh Sneed

^^ Not really about weigh loss, but if you've ever had a snoopy snow-cone machine, you know it's too true and too funy to exclude! xd

Quote:

I have unfortunately developed a medical condition. I don't know if any of you people have ever heard of it, it's called 'office a**.' You get it from sitting on your a** and eating M&Ms all day. It's at a pretty advanced stage right now. So, I looked in our benefits brochure to see if they cover, and they don't, which I just find so rude because I definitely got it at work.

-Marta Ravin