|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:00 pm
 |
|
|
 |
Rei Uchikino Winter Of Whispers broken_bleeding_angel I respect your opinion and views. I realize this may work for you, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone. Though I agree with only a few of the things you've said, I personally have to disagree with a lot of it. But that's only based on my culture and view of dating and relationships. If this works for you then that's fine. But it's just not for me. ^w^ Um, okay. How was I a b***h? I was actually being rather nice. neutral
Seriously. I was the only one really being somewhat mean... |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:01 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:06 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:13 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:16 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:17 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:25 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:27 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:58 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:03 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:22 pm
|
|
|
|
Winter Of Whispers Hester Peche That's a lot of stuff...that I do not agree with in the slightest. And dating is not about marriage. It's about finding some one you can spend time with. It's getting to know people. That does not mean marriage. I don't think you realize that love and relationships are complicated and do not always go hand in hand. You can have lust without love, you can have love without lust. Being a little lusty isn't going to make you a whore...it's perfectly natural. And sleeping with someone, is just as important as dating. You can be emotionally compatible without being physically compatible. And a lover is someone whom you "LOVE", a ******** is someone who is there when you don't want to sleep alone. As for your ideas on abusive relationships it's much more complex than that and incredibly naive and narrow-minded. Relationships are complex, because people are complex. And blaming the person being abused is just wrong, it's never their fault that they landed themselves in that sort of situation. You would know that if you knew anything about relationships. And it's quite obvious that you are young--or at least naive and that you have never been in love. Because a person typically says "I love you" when they feel it is appropriate. And that could be one day or even one year into a relationship. I find your "advice" very insular and bigoted, if you are going to talk about love and relationships you should explore all possibilities. You have no right to judge how other people act in their relationships.
If you can't handle someone's opinion then keep your narrow minded posts to yourself. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:23 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 11:32 pm
|
|
|
|
Matron Mord Sith Winter Of Whispers Hester Peche That's a lot of stuff...that I do not agree with in the slightest. And dating is not about marriage. It's about finding some one you can spend time with. It's getting to know people. That does not mean marriage. I don't think you realize that love and relationships are complicated and do not always go hand in hand. You can have lust without love, you can have love without lust. Being a little lusty isn't going to make you a whore...it's perfectly natural. And sleeping with someone, is just as important as dating. You can be emotionally compatible without being physically compatible. And a lover is someone whom you "LOVE", a ******** is someone who is there when you don't want to sleep alone. As for your ideas on abusive relationships it's much more complex than that and incredibly naive and narrow-minded. Relationships are complex, because people are complex. And blaming the person being abused is just wrong, it's never their fault that they landed themselves in that sort of situation. You would know that if you knew anything about relationships. And it's quite obvious that you are young--or at least naive and that you have never been in love. Because a person typically says "I love you" when they feel it is appropriate. And that could be one day or even one year into a relationship. I find your "advice" very insular and bigoted, if you are going to talk about love and relationships you should explore all possibilities. You have no right to judge how other people act in their relationships. If you can't handle someone's opinion then keep your narrow minded posts to yourself.
This.
You can't really expect to post a massive wall of text saying we should live our lives a certain way and have no one disagree with you. It's quite obvious that you didn't want a discussion here, just people to agree with you and affirm your values. Sorry, but that's not the way the internet works. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 11:50 pm
|
|
|
|
Winter Of Whispers This is something I wrote in my class And I believe this are good thinsg to know...please comment^^
Before I get down to it, I wish to point out that by stating the above you have implicitly opened the floor for criticism, disagreement, and dissent. You asked for it.
Quote: For a good relationship
I believe the first thing you need in a relation is honesty. Because in every long term relationship hiding things wont only be hard but you will be some what trapped and wont ever be able to really understand or be understood with the one your with. And also say the man/woman you are with is not being honest with you. How would that make you feel? Well in a relationship; not only your feelings matter but their feelings matter too.
Ok, I can agree on this point. Honesty is very important in any relationship, no matter why you might be in a relationship or for how long. It is absolutely necessary for both parties in order to be sure that there is informed consent on both sides, which is right up there in my list of necessary elements for a relationship.
Quote: You have to remember what they want just as much or more that what you want. Honesty in very important to have a strong family because if every one is trying to dodge the possibility of being caught constantly, or constantly faking or not acting how they feel things well always feel awkward, and your hole relationship will be built on a lie. Another Very important thing is the people you date. Dating was made for people to look for some on you would like to get married with. So if you are dating some one even if you don’t plan on being married any time soon try to imagine being married to them.
If you don’t date to marry but to simple be happy for how ever long it is you are to young minded to even date. Dating just for a short time lust is very foolish and can lead you down many bad, bad paths and pains. Also, when you date people you should not simple do things ‘by the book’ or how every one ells does. Such as say every one calls there girl/ boy friend ‘Hunny or Pumpkin’ so you do it for the one you are dating. But then if the awkwardness is not noticed by you it will be noticed by some one ells. Nothing should be done just because every one ells does it, it makes it tacky and fake.
Here our opinions diverge. I emphatically do not agree. There are many reasons to date without the intention of marrying that have nothing to do with lust or society's expectations. For example, I have dated for practice. So that when Mr. Right comes along I have some idea of the social protocols that go along with dating.
Plus, there is a reason that people look at other's relationships as guides for their own. What if, as in your example, you and your significant other end up really liking being called 'Honey' or 'Pumpkin'? If you don't try, you never know. If it's awkward, you just don't do it again.
Which is why it is good to practice dating. You are better at reading social cues after you've run into those situations before. You build up a larger vocabulary of things that you do and do not like. Plus, the mistakes you make while you are Learning to Love make you more aware of what you want in a potential mate, and it makes it easier to recognize and avoid what you do not.
Also, by limiting yourself to only dating the people you might want to marry, you cut yourself off from ever experiencing a close connection with someone you never expected having things in common with. You limit your dating pool significantly.
More confidence, more experience, more knowledge, a greater chance of actually meeting the person you want to marry. Plus, dating is fun. Why would you ever date solely for the purpose of a ceremony?
Quote: Now by ‘playing by the book’ I don’t mean being safe and do what your parents say. I mean just follow the lines of how every one ells dates. No when you date you need to be very careful of the things you do that may lead you to pregnancy, or never being able to say you are clean to your future husband/ wife. Also remember the one you might choose to sleep with might be the future husband/ wife of some one ells, maybe even one of your friends. Another good tip in having a relation ship is don’t do it just because you want some one to sleep with.
This is such a Victorian attitude to take. It is outdated and, yes, naive. With today's knowledge and technology it is possible to seriously reduce the risk of both pregnancy and STI/STDs. You can't eliminate them entirely, of course, but there are many very reliable forms of prevention.
Plus this is where your first point comes back to bite you. Honesty in a relationship includes honesty about past relationships, including sexual. Now, there is such a thing as too much information, but if there is any small possibility that you have ever contracted an STD/STI you MUST disclose this to your partner BEFORE you have sex. Then you can go get yourselves a full blood screening and take all appropriate precautions.
There are a lot of reasons that a lot of people have to have sex before they get married. Those reasons work for them, and I respect those reasons and those people.
However, you have made the fatal assumption that modern dating is for one purpose only. I have this to say to you:
DATING=/=SEX
Not everyone who is dating with no intention of getting married is getting sexed up. There are lots of people who date casually who wait to have sex. It is the choice of the people in the relationship how they wish to proceed with the physical aspect of their relationship.
The final argument I have against your Victorian attitudes is as follows: You have the idea in your head that you should not date if you are not going to marry the person. You date the person for a while with the intention of eventually getting married. For one reason or another the relationship just isn't working out for you. But you are supposed to date for the purposes of getting married, and you've been in this relationship for x years already. It would be a waste of all that time to break up with this person now.
I have encountered people with that flawed logic before. Surprise surprise, they rarely end up happy.
Quote: By doing that not only are you setting very low standards for yourself but the one you are dating. Also if you do that, you will never really have a good relationship. To some whom have very low standards and date only for that reason, just remember the few people who have good relationships will not be you. You will be the one having no one to turn too when things go wrong. A lover is just there for you when you don’t want a night to be lonely.
Another fatal assumption you have made here is that people who sometimes enter a relationship for casual sex will always enter a relationship for casual sex. Not the case. At some times in your life or with certain people, casual sex might be exactly what you need. However, it does not follow that this will be a lifelong pattern. It's all a learning experience.
Quote: But a good relationship will stay with you through thick and thin. A good relationship should be built around trust and willingness to change not filling a satisfaction for a small moment in time to simple feel good for a moment then for it to be gone with no long term satisfaction. Not to say sleeping with each other is not a good part of a married life but that is something I wont get into, and don’t understand enough to get into. Also in a good relationship might have to know even the good ones get hard and might make you very angry sometimes.
But remember frustration with you or the one you are dating should not just lead straight to breaking up. Just like a family relationship and friendships; when you have a problems you work until it is straightened out. And if you really can’t or don’t want to work on things then DON’T HAVE A RELATION SHIP. You have to be willing to change and willing to look at yourself even if you as sure the other is wrong. Now if you are dating some one and there is a problem they have that really bothers you, and you have tried to talk to them yet they deny it and ignore you, then it is not hard to see they are not mature enough to handle criticism and should just not date.
Oh, I hope you see the irony of that statement.
Moving on.
To a certain extent I can see what you are getting at here. To a certain extent I can agree with you. Yes, relationships are hard. Yes, they take work. Yes, compromise is needed.
However, you walked straight to "You need to change yourself in order to keep the relationship going" and that is never healthy. You do NOT go into a relationship with the intention of changing either yourself or the other person.
And you completely left out the part where even in a relationship with two mature adults, sometimes things just don't work out. Although a healthy relationship does not end because of a little spat or a rough patch, sometimes the best thing to do is to end a relationship and walk away. Even if the relationship is not abusive.
Which brings me to...
Quote: But, also remember many, MANY girl date some one who is abusive either physically, verbally, or both and choose to date them because either 1; they like being victims, or 2; they are foolish/ think they are needy enough for the attention so they stay with the man/ woman. If some one is dating some one ells like that there should be no talking. He does not love nor respect you and you should not date some one like that. You should date some one whom lifts you up and encourages you. Otherwise if you are dating some one like that you are being a fool.
So If you know a friend or this is your problem what she/he or you is wrong in taking it. If you accept abuse from the one you are dating it is just as much your fault as it is theirs. We all know the word love. It means deep, deep caring for some one. Love is when you put some one ells before yourself. But this word is thrown around way to much and is overused.
Like my fellows in this thread, I have so many problems here it's hard to know where to start.
Firstly, you have unjustly victimized half the human population while unjustly demonizing the other half.
Yes, many women find themselves abused by the men who they are in relationships with. What you forgot is all the men who end up being physically, sexually and emotionally abused by women. Women can also be the abuser. Men can also be the victim.
It is not fair to either gender to forget this fact. You have made women into vulnerable shrinking violets, and have set up men as the perpetual villain, which entirely negates everything that the feminist movement has fought for. Please do not make this glaring omission again.
Secondly, please go look up the definition of "victim." People do not set out to become victims, and it certainly isn't their fault when they become so. The way you are talking here it actually wouldn't surprise me if you turned out to be one of those people who thought that rape victims "were just asking for it," "must have been acting like sluts," "just didn't fight hard enough," "were just being a tease," etc. These people sicken me, and you are using their language. You are blaming the victim for their attacker's crime.
By definition it is NOT THEIR FAULT. Once the cycle of violence has begun it is very, very hard to break out of. In fact it is almost impossible to do without help. In domestic abuse, one very common pattern that is seen is the attacker isolating the victim so that the victim feels that they do not have anyone to turn to. Often the abuse is normalized over time, meaning that the victim does not even recognize it as abuse. Sometimes the victim has other people telling them that they need to stay with their abuser, for one reason or another.
And yes, quite often battered partners have never had experience with the kind of love you are talking about. You assume too much.
Quote: Now for me when my mom says she loves me I know she is telling the truth, when my little sister says she loves me I also know she was telling the truth. But out of the men I dated ‘which is more than you would probably believe’ all of them said they loved me and only one was telling the truth. When a lot of people date they start saying ‘I love you’ to the other to early, in fact they have said it to almost every (if not all) the people they have dated. The truth is they probably don’t love you like that. They are probably just doing was daters do and one of those is saying ‘I love you’ even if they truly do.
Love should not just be a word who you say to the one you are dating or ells it would mean nothing when and if you really mean it. Save that word for some one whom you really do love. And that probably wont happen with in the first week of dating. Love my people is a verb. And no I don’t mean in the ‘grossy, grossy’ kind of way I mean if some one loves you they will show it in every actions towards you.
You might end up loving more that one person, but remember to make the word count when you use it. And remember to always show that you love some one if you do. Take care for them when they need some one, Be kind even when you are mad at something And, again be willing to change for them ‘in a good way I mean’. Love is when you put some one ells before yourself, and most of us can’t do that. So this is what I believe will be a good relationship and above all the most important thing I believe is love.
This was a weak, convoluted argument.
As someone else has already said, people say "I love you" when they feel it is appropriate. So maybe they have said "I love you" to every person they have dated. Does not matter. This does not make it untrue in any of those cases. It is something that is entirely in the domain of each individual couple, and I will not comment on this farther.
Oh, and by the way, your spelling sucks. |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 6:38 am
|
|
|
|
Winter Of Whispers Hester Peche I did tell you that I disagreed and why. I realize that my post may have been a tad harsh, but what you saidd rubbed me the wrong way--particularly the part about abusive relationships. You wouldn't be saying things like "it's all the victim's fault" if you've had to deal with victims of abuse. I found it very irksome that you would even say something like that, since I have delt with women who have been abused, working at a battered women's shelter. Also, I wasn't suggesting people go out and whore around, I was saying that one should keep their mind open and not limit themselves in a relationship. And if you can't take people's comments and criticism with respect and grace then maybe you shouldn't post because that's what you're going to get.
I'm sorry but that is minor to the hell I went through over a man. I'm really trying to be nice but I wasted two and a half years on an abusive relationship. I loved that man and even accepted when he proposed. But he beat the s**t out of me and never had anything nice to say about me after about a year of being together. I stayed because I knew he wouldn't stop with just me if I left with the attitude I had. It took me growing some balls and fighting back to leave and make sure he didn't try to harm anyone I knew. I really would like to not see you post another thread until you can take criticism. By calling the dissenters in this thread bitches will make them real bitches. Just a warning. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
