In a bad mood? come here and rant till you feel better

[AniMajor]

Yeah, I never quite understood touching. People always want to hug me and it only makes me feel awkward. Like they get way more out of it than I do.  

[FlySammyJ]

I'll go ahead and apologize because I've definitely done the "touching without asking" thing before. Being touched is one of my favorite things about being corporal, and it took me a little bit to realize that sometimes folks just aren't into sharing themselves sweatdrop When I was a little girl I was one of those really pretty little girls that everyone likes to pet and feed, so I just sort of got used to it early on. I actually kind of wish it were more normative in our society. In the big cities I feel like everyone's using sterile technique.  

[Aino Ailill]

Celeblin Galadeneryn

I get the hair thing too, mostly due to colour, however my hair makeup is near the same as Col's, individually it's really fine, but there's a lot of it, so it's rather thick.

Honestly I'm fine with some people playing with my hair, and I get that red, even a red heavy auburn, as I am is a rare colour...

...BUT STOP ******** TOUCHING ME WITHOUT ASKING >.> Some people just lack respect.

I wouldn't necessarily call that a lack of respect but rather different standards of respect. I know that among a great number of my acquaintances, touching while lacking permission is not considered invasive, abnormal, or awkward. That one should ask to do this every-day act wouldn't occur to a number of these people because of this and the commonality of touching.  

[CuAnnan]

demisara

I'll go ahead and apologize because I've definitely done the "touching without asking" thing before.

Likewise.
I'm an incredibly tactile person. In fact, it's the only way in which tact applies to me (see whut i did dar).
I hold hands with friends, without it even occuring to me that it might look to outsiders like we're a couple.
I will drape their arm over my shoulder and cuddle up for body heat (I get cold very easily) in a way that, while affectionate, is not romantic in the slightest.  

[Fiddlers Green]

I am divided in the opinion.
On one hand, I enjoy the tactile sensation and the closeness. Really I don't bite and I have all my shots. I like being trusted that close.
On the other hand, I am skittish, nervous around strangers, and have sometimes crippling trust issues. I often assume affection is ridicule in disguise.

As for passing...
Many Californos accept me as one of their own, while lambasting wholesale the people from my actual region of origin. It is often hand-waved off with, "Oh, not you Erich, you aren't like them.". I expect this as a foreigner. I also find, once the communication barrier and my pasty flesh are gotten past, I seem to culturally pass quite well amongst my Hispanic peers. I once had a co-worker defend me as a German-Argentinian, rather than an American. To say I have mixed feelings about the matter would be an understatement on par with comparison 'twixt our Sun and a match flame.  

[rmcdra]

Update:

I think I may have found a way to deal with my "flashback". Also I starting to get out of my emotional slump. I'll be back to posting soon but I want to finish Magirangers before I get fully back into Gaia.  

[Recursive Paradox]

Celeblin Galadeneryn

Recursive Paradox

Is there as much stock put on passing in racial groups as there are among trans folk? Or are my people a bit of an anomaly? Cuz it seriously feels like it's pushed on us by our own to pass as cis.

Would depend on the locale. I would imagine that some European Rroma would prefer to "pass" rather than be overtly noticed, but that's for much of the same reason why some of them wouldn't report births, since certain European governments like to take catalogues of them at times.

Okies

Celeblin Galadeneryn

I get the hair thing too, mostly due to colour, however my hair makeup is near the same as Col's, individually it's really fine, but there's a lot of it, so it's rather thick.

Honestly I'm fine with some people playing with my hair, and I get that red, even a red heavy auburn, as I am is a rare colour...

...BUT STOP ******** TOUCHING ME WITHOUT ASKING >.> Some people just lack respect.

My hair is really smooth and thick and very red, so folk really like to touch it and I really get pissed off when they don't ask me first. I like touch but only with trust.

Collowrath

Recursive Paradox

Is there as much stock put on passing in racial groups as there are among trans folk? Or are my people a bit of an anomaly? Cuz it seriously feels like it's pushed on us by our own to pass as cis.

Like Celeblin said, this depends on the community. For communities like Slovaks, Poles, etc that have been accepted by Anglos as "fellow whites," it isn't such an issue. For the Balkans and people who are "ambiguous" like myself, it's somewhat of a different issue altogether; we're part of the white fold so to speak, but we look different. It leads to raised eyebrows and people asking "How come you look Mexican?" or other such inane things.

That's really uncomfortable.

Eugh, that sounds uncomfortable.  

[Bastemhet]

Fiddlers Green

I am divided in the opinion.
On one hand, I enjoy the tactile sensation and the closeness. Really I don't bite and I have all my shots. I like being trusted that close.
On the other hand, I am skittish, nervous around strangers, and have sometimes crippling trust issues. I often assume affection is ridicule in disguise.

As for passing...
Many Californos accept me as one of their own, while lambasting wholesale the people from my actual region of origin. It is often hand-waved off with, "Oh, not you Erich, you aren't like them.". I expect this as a foreigner. I also find, once the communication barrier and my pasty flesh are gotten past, I seem to culturally pass quite well amongst my Hispanic peers. I once had a co-worker defend me as a German-Argentinian, rather than an American. To say I have mixed feelings about the matter would be an understatement on par with comparison 'twixt our Sun and a match flame.

You're Argentinian? biggrin  

[Recursive Paradox]

Fiddlers Green

I am divided in the opinion.
On one hand, I enjoy the tactile sensation and the closeness. Really I don't bite and I have all my shots. I like being trusted that close.
On the other hand, I am skittish, nervous around strangers, and have sometimes crippling trust issues. I often assume affection is ridicule in disguise.

Physical affection is usually the only affection I trust actually. Verbal affection is constantly analyzed by my inner eye of distrust, seeing it as either hidden ridicule or obfuscation and falsehood.

Physical affection is one of the few I can't turn against myself.

Quote:

As for passing...
Many Californos accept me as one of their own, while lambasting wholesale the people from my actual region of origin. It is often hand-waved off with, "Oh, not you Erich, you aren't like them.". I expect this as a foreigner.

Holy ******** I hate when people do that.

I get that all the ******** time with being trans. People are talking about trans folk in all sorts of awful ways and go, "oh, we don't mean you, you're fine. You're not like those types."

It makes me want to scream and break things.

CuAnnan

demisara

I'll go ahead and apologize because I've definitely done the "touching without asking" thing before.

Likewise.
I'm an incredibly tactile person. In fact, it's the only way in which tact applies to me (see whut i did dar).
I hold hands with friends, without it even occuring to me that it might look to outsiders like we're a couple.
I will drape their arm over my shoulder and cuddle up for body heat (I get cold very easily) in a way that, while affectionate, is not romantic in the slightest.

I'm really similar. Very platonically affectionate and cuddly.

In fact, I often flinch or become upset when someone becomes sexually affection with me while I'm being platonically affectionate with them.  

[Bastemhet]

As for the touching issue, I've never had this problem. Could be the "leave me alone" aura that I supposedly give off, or my tallness with which I could stomp on you if I don't like you. xd  

[too2sweet]

Why bother asking for opinions if you are going to completely ignore everything that is said. confused  

[TeaDidikai]

too2sweet

Why bother asking for opinions if you are going to completely ignore everything that is said. confused

They don't actually want opinions, they want people to pat them on the back and tell them how smart/right etc they are.

When they don't get that- they shut down.  

[Fiddlers Green]

Sophist

You're Argentinian? biggrin

Nope.
However, in Argentina, there are several communities that are primarily of German stock, a large number of whom immigrated there after WW2. Thus, we have people who are to most appearances, very Caucasian, yet many have joined with the greater community of Argentina, giving them a cultural outlook similar to the norm there.
As a mechanism for reconciling my physical appearance with my apparent cultural positions (which often contrast with that of my fellow born-Americans in my current area), it was suggested, and accepted that I was obviously Argentinian, the descendant of German immigrants. I have three internal reactions to this.
I am somewhat flattered that I "obviously" don't belong to group that is largely seen as negative or undesirable. surprised
I am irked that a group I am a part of is seen so unpleasantly. confused
However, in the end, I am just amused by the whole situation. rofl

Quote:

Holy ******** I hate when people do that.

I get that all the ******** time with being trans. People are talking about trans folk in all sorts of awful ways and go, "oh, we don't mean you, you're fine. You're not like those types."

It makes me want to scream and break things.

Yeah, so, there we have it. I am in agreement.
I often shore up with a condescending attitude as a defense as well. "Of course they have such narrow views, they are, after all, lesser creatures."
I either get violent or dismissive when I feel insulted. Part of it is cultural. Where I am from, one is expected to do something about insults. By not acknowledging it, by treating the person as a child or non-entity, I free myself from the obligation to take more direct recourse.
I am trying to curb these impulses, however, it is a work in progress.
Also, if I can make a joke about the matter, I can usually let my temper cool.

Celeblin Galadeneryn

This.

My best friend often has her hands wrist deep in my hair and I won't care. Random people going for my braid and saying "Oh, is the colour natural?" just raises my hackles.

It probably has to do with similar but more negative experiences that demisara had. As a child people would touch my sister and my hair and ask my Mother if she dyed our hair. At which point Mom would grab us away from them, rather insulted at someone suggesting that she would put chemicals in the hair of her three and five year old daughters.

The weirdest thing is when people smell my hair. I mean yeah, I use really good organic shampoos, but seriously people stop being fecking weird. gonk sweatdrop

Okay, that is something else I aught address...
If someone snifs me, I take it as a direct come-on. That is possibly the only thing that might be possibly considered subtle that I pick up on. And it sets of every one of my "this person is gauging me as a perspective mate" alarms.
Mind you, my usual reaction is to lock up and become about as reactive as an iron ingot, but I do register it.

Quote:

I always occupied sort of a weird space as a child. It was hard to identify as a Canadian living among so many people, both family and neighbours, who's primary home culture was one of a different country. And I could tell a difference between "Canadian-Canadians" and "Immigrant-Canadians." It's probably one of the reasons why I lash out at people who think I'm American because it took me so long to find a Canadian identity. I literally didn't even speak like other people, and was apparently more fluent in modern Greek than English at one point when I was about three because of how much time I spent across the street with the neighbour's little girl

okay, I'm about to say something very ignorant...
Aren't the majority of Canadians, like people of the U.S., immigrants or the descendants there of?
Other than that, I do not savour the feeling of being a foreigner in my own home-nation either. I have a habit of abusing those assumptions at times, when I am feeling spiteful or petty, but it does get old.

too2sweet

Why bother asking for opinions if you are going to completely ignore everything that is said. confused

Either the person is fishing for support
or
Wants to create the illusion of actual interest in expansion of perspective as a trap.  

[Bastemhet]

Fiddlers Green

Sophist

You're Argentinian? biggrin

Nope.
However, in Argentina, there are several communities that are primarily of German stock, a large number of whom immigrated there after WW2. Thus, we have people who are to most appearances, very Caucasian, yet many have joined with the greater community of Argentina, giving them a cultural outlook similar to the norm there.
As a mechanism for reconciling my physical appearance with my apparent cultural positions (which often contrast with that of my fellow born-Americans in my current area), it was suggested, and accepted that I was obviously Argentinian, the descendant of German immigrants. I have three internal reactions to this.
I am somewhat flattered that I "obviously" don't belong to group that is largely seen as negative or undesirable. surprised
I am irked that a group I am a part of is seen so unpleasantly. confused
However, in the end, I am just amused by the whole situation. rofl

So you're German-Argentinian. Were you born there? I reckon there are also many Italians and Jews under that same situation, and possibly more that I'm forgetting. I didn't know that those populations were disliked, however.