My mission: My heart or my job?

[Shuro2009]

She giggled like a child as she threw them back with surprising force and speed.
"But...it's not suppose to be like this!" She managed between giggles.
She couldn't remember the last time she had really laughed.
Man, my life has been so pathetic! She thought giggling some more.  

[Snowflake109]

Haru swiftly dodged most of them and caught the last one,throwing it back.
"What's the point to life then?" he questioned throwing them back with a lil more force. He then dissappeared again grabbing the blanket off his bed. He came back running at her at full speed then jumping on her bed and wrapping her up in his blanket to restrain her.  

[Shuro2009]

She kicked and struggled.
"Let me up, jerk!" She cried, laughing.
She let out a few more giggles while taking a few breathes to calm herself.
"It's hard to smile and laugh when you don't see a reason to." she whispered once she was calm.
She laid still for a moment, letting the sadness enter her face. he couldn't see it so she had nothing to fear.  

[Snowflake109]

"You know," he said, looking down at her now soft expression. "I can see you."
"Let yourself be happy there has to be some reasons..." he held her tighter to him so he could be heard as he was whispering. "Let go. Find reasons to be happy. You can't let the past haunt you forever...."  

[Shuro2009]

Her expression hardened immediately.
"I...I chose to give that up....a little less than four years ago." She whispered. "Now, out of no where, you bring these...childish behaviors back and....and..."
She couldn't think of how to explain it or where to take her explanation. It's was...complicated.  

[Snowflake109]

"I'd like to call it carefree behavior. I don't let a lot get to me," Haru said, truthfully. He smiled, hugging her gently.
"Is it happiness that you are feeling? Is that what your trying to say?" He said ever so softly. "Are you happy? Even in the slightest?"  

[Shuro2009]

She tensed a bit and felt a slight flush in her face.
"M-maybe." She admitted softly. "It just seems...foreign, out of place....wrong."  

[Snowflake109]

He chuckled softly. "It feels good doesn't it though?" he questioned, resting his head on top of hers. "Allow yourself to be happy. Life is to short to be sad all the time..."  

[Shuro2009]

She was surprised when a few tears sprung loose, but she was powerless to wipe them away. She tensed a little more.
"How do you do it?" She whispered. "How can you possibly be so happy all the time? Not let things bother you?"  

[Snowflake109]

"Rena, I'm not happy all the time,"Haru said. "Things do get to me. I'm not a god." He chuckled at that. "I just try not to dwell on things. Its better off that way."  

[Shuro2009]

"I still don't understand." She shook her head and gritted her teeth slightly as a few more tears broke free. "how can you not dwell? Especially on that which has changed you?"
She felt a sob wanting to break through, but she pushed it back and forced her voice steady.
"Do you have any idea what it's like?" She whispered.  

[Snowflake109]

"I have experienced losing someone close," Haru said, softly. "That's the way life goes though..."
He cleared his throat. "You just have to think of what they would want. Would Alex want you to mourn for him all your life? No, I don't think so. He would want you to be happy."  

[Shuro2009]

"It's...it's not just Alex." She admitted. "It's true....i can't get him out of my head....it's hard. That day will always haunt me. But...but he's not the only thing."  

[Snowflake109]

"It doesn't matter," he said. "Just let things go. It's as simple as that don't beat yourself up."
He sighed softly. "Want to talk about it?"  

[Shuro2009]

She was silent a long time and took a deep breath.
"I had to leave my family long before i was ready and haven't been able to see them since." She whispered. "That's not something I can just 'let go'. 14 going on 40....that's the way it's always been. That's the life I had to choose and these are the consequences I have to pay."