Musician Sex Jokes!

[szowlee82]

xXnononoXx

"well, drummers might be able to bang hard, and guitarists can finger really well, but basses can go deeper" ...oh. snap. xD

Omg I love that! rofl I'm a drummer, that is hilarious!  

[Niko Narshe]

Something i heard from the Trombones.

"I can't slide it in and out,i think i need to lubricate it more."

I know perfectly well what they meant but i couldn't help but laugh.  

[ClarinetGoddess]

This sin't really musician, more of singer but:

-What do you see when you look up the sopranos skirt?
The bass player.  

[Professor Oreo]

Low brass are always the most perverted and the tuba players are the worst (thats me ^.^)

Every time it was time to take off our uniforms someone in our section would yell "Jack it off" and then half the Low brass would repeat it  

[hotboimagnet]

Sikki-MCRmy-

Okay...so we were at all-county practice, and the Director asked the saxophones to play. He looked at the band and said, "The rest of you can just finger around your parts."

I was the only one that laughed....

whee i feel ya on tht one  

[Gateau De Quatre]

I once called a trombone a boner around a bunch of innocent little sevies and they all just stared at me for a couple seconds, then I busted up laughing.
also: "Band ten hut! AND s**t!"
"Spread your legs and have some fun!"
"Be my dirty little piggies!"
"We (the trombones) do in seven positions."
"I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on the drum all day (giggity giggity goo)!"
"Drop your jaw and stick more in."  

[XxSerenity HeartxX]

"Woodwinds, finger your notes. Brass, please blow air through your instrument. And please,. DO NOT TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!" <--- Who does it with the lights on? Wimpy BD -w-

"If an oboe can sound like a raging trumpet, our mission is complete"


EDIT

"Your p***s is showing" (meaning the zippers on the uniform jackets)

"Will you please do me?" (help zipping the zippers on the jackets)

"Can't you go any faster than that?" (Either zipping, or unzipping the jackets)  

[Red and Silver Death]

Whenever we have trouble with the jackets (They're ten years old) we're always like "Ugh I can't find the hole!" "Don't be so rough!" etc.  

[Bassdrummer32]

Imma stick meh fuzzy bass stick up your tuba  

[Nellychan19]

When in doubt, pull out. =D  

[Requiem of Hope]

I busted a G string fingering a minor.


What? I was just playing guitar (or bass). Psh, get your mind out of the gutter. xp  

[TubaTime68]

In my band, the Drum Major is dating a trombone player...

We call them the Major Boner xd  

[redheadsrule13]

Well the only one that I can actually think of from my band class was when this happened. Plus our band director is immature also so yeah, and our highschool band members are sort of immature also so it works out!

Band director: Okay everybody start at the Double D's!

And of course everybody starts laughing/giggling because they are thinking of the bra size not like where we're starting on our music.

Band director:Why do you guys have to do this?

Tuba in the back says: That's my favorite number

this causes us to laugh even harder at the joke.  

[Krazy Kuni]

Ok we were practicing for marching the derctor said this

Band director:"Ok move your hips back and grunt, then thrust them forword and grunt again"
no one did it proprly the first time so
Band director:"put more feeling in to it you guy's"  

[Sakura-H-21]

There were a lot of people who still weren't marching backward correctly

Band Director: "I will come tap anyone who is not marching correctly"
The flute section was in the back of the feild and kinda off on our own, only 5 of us there instead of the usual 30 because it was durring the elite class
Flute section leader: "Did he really just say he's gonna tap that? I will die of laughter." Flutes start laughing, he's also the only guy in the section total.

Band director: "Here's how you march, squeeze your buns together and tap. Now we can't go around and check so..."
The hot drum major who is also bi but gets along with everyone and was joking cuts them off and yells: "I will!"

Flutes...yeah, we have a few of them...like our multitude of battle cries that we would yell everytime before we performed
"Flutes! Because being high is fun!"
"Flutes! Because hearing is overrated!"
My favorite, "Flutes! Because being on top is fun!"

And then there's also the fact that flutes put our mouth on the bulge, finger fast, blow hard, tongue fast, etc etc etc