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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 3:04 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 3:45 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:54 pm
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Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:07 pm
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 8:44 pm
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I have only liked people I was not in a relationship with - I have never liked my boyfriends in a romantic way. I haven't had a crush in over a year. My best girl friend asked me out recently and I said yes. I don't like her in that way. I don't know why I said it or what to do. Maybe I felt I should prove that I'm bisexual, because I've never had a girlfriend before? Everyone thinks I'm an amazing student because I get good grades but I never study and procrastinate the hell out of my assignments. I pretended to be sick on Tuesday so I could stay home and write an essay that was due that day, and ended up not starting until 10:30 PM. Sometimes I look at my friends and feel nothing for them. I used to want to be just like my mother so that she'd like me more. All she does is complain and talk about me behind my back, and she is a hypocritical lazy person. And I still love her.
I think I have a hero complex. My string of best friends (including the current one who asked me out) have all been self-harmers, and depressed. Once they are happy, whole, self-sufficient people, we drift apart. I have fantasized about saving someone from being hit by a car or bullet, and dying myself. It would, to me, be the ideal way to die.
I did not expect to write that much.
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 12:45 pm
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 12:56 pm
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 12:57 pm
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:18 pm
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The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...![User Image](https://i716.photobucket.com/albums/ww165/aiko_mickeymouz/image2-1.gif) My boyfriend thinks I was just going to hang out with some friends today. But I made out with another guy earlier tonight. I'd lied to him. The worst part is, I love both these boys the same. I can't look at one without thinking of the other. I feel horrible for doing what I did tonight.
-I don't feel pretty anymore when I used to feel beautiful and proud.
-I secretly wish that sometimes, I was anorexic. Occasionally I even try, but I love food too much.
-I just want my brother to be who he used to be. I want my baby brother back.
-I sometimes think about just how easy it would be to end my life, simply because it's too hard.
-I try way too hard to find an easier way around things.
-I secretly wish I was pregnant. Why? Because I want to be a mother. No more, no less. Not even for a selfish reason, I want to genuinely care for and raise a child.
-I secretly hate how everyone always looks at me and asks "Are you native?" No. I look native because I'm chinese. (No offense intented, sorry, it's just sarcasm).
-I wish my mom would just get rid of her husband.
-I don't care about school and secretly have no desire to go to college or anything, even though I'm doing it anyway.
-I feel like I'm constantly failing. I feel like I just can't succeed. I have three psychological problems that only fuel this fire, one of which, I can never fix. I have FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, I'm pretty low on the spectrum though) and will never succeed in life because I'm not "programmed" to be able to.
-I really just hate everything about myself but I keep going and I pretend to be strong for my little sister.
-My stepdad puts so little into helping raise the kids, that when he's not around, my mom and I refer to my 4 younger siblings as "our" kids because I'm more of a parent figure than my stepdad.
-I secretly despise people using "angel" somewhere in their usernames if their name isn't angel or anything related. (For the record, my name is Angelina, but all my friends and some of my family call me Angel)
-I hate it when you rp with someone and they always try to make their character more miserable than yours. I mean, your character was perfect in the bio, don't make up all this sad s**t for it now. I'm not trying to be an attention whore with my characters, but don't try to hog all the pity. The other characters need some too and just like in real life, a hard time isn't the end of the world. For Christ's sake people, make some of them happy.
-Whenever we went out, people would always look at my sister and say she was beautiful, while adding that I was pretty as an afterthought. I grew my hair out for the simple fact that my sister's was down past her waist (almost to her knees) and she got all the attention from that. I wanted to be told I was beautiful from complete strangers like she was.
-Even though I helped raise my younger siblings, I somehow find myself standing in their shadows, and I hate it.
...and knows what the mind cannot understand.
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 1:36 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 4:54 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 1:09 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 5:53 pm
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