Musician Sex Jokes!

[Dark Inferno of Music]

our old music teacher, who everybody hated, had "talent day" at school for one week. during that week, kids had to perform a musical talent they had, whether it be dancing, signing, or playing an instrument. my friend, Zack, a child who constantly needs attention, was bored while waiting for our music teacher to come into the classroom while she was talking in the hall to a co-worker. he began to "make love" to his trumpet. he was sticking his tongue in the mouthpiece and moaning, and doing inappropriate gestures, and our music teacher said, "Zack, please don't make rude noises during class. it's distracting, and if you do that again i'll call your mom." she probably got the joke, but she didn't call Zack's mom. (thank goodness)







also, brass players are horney. especially french horns.

and french horn players don't just french the horn, either...  

[Kaye Kilowatt]

The mellophone section in my band has this printed on the back of our brass shirts:

Sectionally Active Horn Stars  

[HazyKoala]

Well, the tern for someone who sticks out of line in a marching band formation is called a "n****e". This gets alot of laughs from people as we yell across the field "(Insert boy's name)!!!! Stop being a n****e!!!!  

[thesavvy]

we blow, tongue and finger all at the same time.  

[Baddicus B itch]

In middle school band, my teacher would yell, 'Follow my stick!' And then look at me when I smiled widely.
Then, she'd say, 'Pull out your horn!'  

[Fred 124]

There's this kid in my school's band who plays saxophone. His instrument squeaks a lot and he messes up often.
Well, I guess you could say that bad sax is better than no sax at all.  

[pinkapple99]

DeviantHarlequin

• • •

I'm a guy and I play Piccolo.

=]

I think that speaks for itself...

I'm straight though...

• • •

GO PICCOLO!  

[pinkapple99]

I dont suck, I blow  

[Mirienne]

Last year a baritone was complaning about the music, and he said "Why do they think I can play this? Man, if I could tongue this fast I'd have so many girls..." Haha.

Oh, and our band initation involves getting covered with paint, so the secretary always warns the recruits beforehand "Please let me know if you are allergic to latex!" Everyone either goes o_o or snickers loudly when she says this.  

[Animallover2332]

I dont know if they been used but-
The sexyphone
"Dont put your hand in the bell! The poor instrument will feel uncomfortable!" (french horn)  

[iMarimba]

For percussionists its:

We may not know how to finger, But we sure know how to hit!

 

[Rugi-chan]

Marching Band Fun:

"Can you do me?"

"Let me do you."

"Can someone do me?"

Meaning to non-band people:
WTH?!

Meaning to Band Geeks:
The clasp on our collar uniform needs to be closed, since we can't do it ourselfs XD Can you close it for me?

Ahhh I love using that joke, seeing peoples expression when they hear that XD

 

[Spectacular Kerii]

Rugi-chan

Marching Band Fun:

"Can you do me?"

"Let me do you."

"Can someone do me?"

Meaning to non-band people:
WTH?!

Meaning to Band Geeks:
The clasp on our collar uniform needs to be closed, since we can't do it ourselfs XD Can you close it for me?

Ahhh I love using that joke, seeing peoples expression when they hear that XD

Ahahahaha!
We were talking about that today at a band party. (It was someones b-day) Its hilarious!!!  

[poeticmelodies]

There's one us saxophones say in marching band (ex. the vets tell the rookies, or we just shout it across the field):
"Practice safe sax, use a mouth piece cap!"  

[ClarinetGoddess]

Haha, well:

my friend randomly texted me this: "I just did myself!" I looked across the auditorium to see he had in fact done himself: Our uniforms zip and button in the back, and he had managed to get it zipped himself.

"I suck wood and blow plastic." Clarinets.Wooden reeds, plastic isntrument.

"I'm fingering wood." My wooden clarinet.

No human chord demonstrations. 4 humans, representing the 1st, third, fifth and 7th of a scale. third and 7th were girls, 1st and 5th were boys. When we got to major/minors and minor/minors, it got bad. She had the 3rd and 7th kneel to demonstrate a half step down. Just pcture that one.