»SimP is likely INSANE.« [INSANITY 28SEPT-27NOV]

[Tandahda]

Well, try not to add the stress of gaining to your overall stress. Lots of water, your vitamins and relaxation will help you prepare. You're very likely not gaining 'size' so don't worry too much.  

[Stars in my Pocket]

Seraphsody; You're right, I am feeling a little bloated lately though. It's weird, the difference in a pound or two of my weight makes a huge difference about how I feel, right now even though I DID weigh ten pounds more at the start of the year, I feel really bloated now. ): I think it's the simple carbs that do it, because feeling full and feeling bloated are different for me now. Thanks for your support always always <33  

[Munkers]

Stars in my Pocket

Seraphsody; You're right, I am feeling a little bloated lately though. It's weird, the difference in a pound or two of my weight makes a huge difference about how I feel, right now even though I DID weigh ten pounds more at the start of the year, I feel really bloated now. ): I think it's the simple carbs that do it, because feeling full and feeling bloated are different for me now. Thanks for your support always always <33

Now that I'm smaller, I'm noticing bloated feelings WAY more than I used to. Just a pound or two makes a big difference in how I feel.  

[Stars in my Pocket]

IN:
Breakfast: peaches n' cream oatmeal
Snack: chewy bar + PCH + vitamin
Lunch: 2x chicken breasts
Snack: sugar free pudding
Dinner: turkey burger + sandwich thin + 1c cottage cheese
Snack: .5c fiber one + LOTS of nilla wafers D:

OUT:
3.5 miles walking, 8 MA

7 Days.
119.4 lbs.
+4.4 lbs from goal.
+1.4 lbs from travel goal (11 cool .

[x] 8 minute abs.

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So my friend wasn't in a bar fight. Turns out he was beaten pretty badly for the color of his skin and nothing else. I really thought this country was over that; people make me sick.

I didn't walk or do my abs exercises for the past 2 days. For some reason I've been REALLY tired. Like, unnaturally, sleep 14 hours a day, just really tired. So I've been taking naps, and then sleeping all night. It's just as well, I guess, because I'm not eating too much at night ha ha.

Munkers; That's how I feel! Even though I was 10 pounds heavier when I started this journal, the difference between 119 and 120 is huge for me now. Which is good I guess since it encourages good eating habits to avoid the I-swallowed-a-balloon feeling.

Plans for the day:
☆ Draft PLA Complaint
☆ Clean out back seats of Volvo
☆ Tan 30 minutes
☆ Client: Rogers + King at 4:00  

[Stars in my Pocket]

IN:
Breakfast: 7Eleven Pita + nerds
Snack: --
Lunch: Grilled Chicken Sandwich + Loaded Fries DDDD:
Snack: --
Dinner: roasted chicken breast
Snack: --

OUT:
walked 4.0mph (61 minutes), hard riding (60-90 minutes)

6 Days.
120.0 lbs.
+5.0 lbs from goal.
+2.0 lbs from travel goal (11 cool .

[ ] 8 minute abs.

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I ate terribly today, and I blame myself of course but the fact that I was meeting my coach at 8:30am didn't help either (finished at like 3:30?). So I ate fast food in lieu of nothing to avoid both killing my metabolism and being socially awkward. I could have made healthier choices, but it was 100 degrees ++ outside and I had ridden for an hour and a half and needed calories so it wasn't too bad I hope. I'm logging my ride as 45 minutes though.

I leave in 6 days. Can't mess this up.

Plans for the day:
☆ Day's Over. /:  

[Stars in my Pocket]

IN:
Breakfast: chewy bar + 1c fiber one
Snack: nilla wafers (not in moderation)
Lunch: chicken breast
Snack: --
Dinner: steak, broccoli
Snack: frozen yogurt

OUT:
--

5 Days.
120.0 lbs.
+5.0 lbs from goal.
+2.0 lbs from travel goal (11 cool .

[ ] 8 minute abs.

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LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM OFFICIALLY TERRIFIED OF GOING TO WISCONSIN. I'm feeling queasy and uneasy and anxious, and excited and breathless but mostly terrified. Hah.

[9:22PM] I need to realize that ruining my day eating-wise ruins my day completely. And that ruining my day eating-wise also ruins the subsequent few days as I try to reverse damage. I'm shutting down and need to cut it out. Bah.

Plans for the day:
☆ sdlkfjlsdkjf  

[Stars in my Pocket]

IN:
Breakfast: --
Snack: --
Lunch: --
Snack: --
Dinner: --
Snack: --

OUT:
--

4 Days.
118.8 lbs.
+3.8 lbs from goal.
+0.8 lbs from travel goal (11 cool .

[ ] 8 minute abs.

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[BLAHBLAHBLAH HAIR] I'm feeling better about myself as of about 7pm yesterday. I only get my hair done about every six months because it's expensive ($75) but I love love love my stylist and she's like a goddess of hair color, so now it's beautiful. I darkened it, not lightened it, for summer, and it's like a dark-cherry-cola-red-brown. You can't see the red until it hits the sun but when you do, it makes my eyes look greener, which is always nice. (:

I was also retaining a lot of food/water weight which is down now. Yesterday I felt terrible about myself because I went shopping and nothing looks good on me so I cried a lot and went home and slept for like 5 hours, which only has a little to do with what I weigh now, I can't even explain it. Oh well, fighting my demons ha. So I ended up buying nothing, I have to go on my own and just take it slow.

Plans for the day:
☆ Draft the fxcking complaint, already!
☆ Tan 30 minutes (15-flip-15)
☆ Clean out the back seats of Volvo
☆ Ride DaVinci  

[Stars in my Pocket]

EMOTIONAL DUMP:

So I leave on Tuesday morning for a 6AM flight. I'm terrified, I'm excited, I'm queasy. Mostly terrified and queasy. I don't know how this is going to work out and I'm just being really doubtful. I feel like I'm either going to have an amazing time, fall for him hard(er), and everything will work out, or I'll fall for him hard(er) and find out what our mutual friend says is true and that he's basically a womanizer. We'll see. I feel like I have to know, either way, and I keep asserting to myself that that is the reason I am going. As a blank slate, just to see. No expectations, no standards. I think it'll be better that way.
I think he has his eyes on other girls though, which is upsetting, but I'm also not a real option to him yet anyway. Gah.

I'm trying still to let myself feel feelings without getting my hopes up too high and all it's doing is killing me.  

[Stars in my Pocket]

-insert form here-

ate decent, didn't go over calories, had lots of veggies. GOOD.
coached a lesson, walked around. OK.

Bought 3 pairs of awesome jeans and a bra. AWESOME.

Scale says nicht so gut. I say I'm okay for now.
Likely will not hit my goal 'cause I keep jumping from 118-121.
Food weight is effecting my like crazy lately. ):  

[Stars in my Pocket]

Words cannot describe how amazing this week was.
My dear friend boyfriend is fantastic. Ha. C:
But the distance is going to be difficult. Hell, he waited 4 years for me, and I waited for him a long time, too. I can just focus on school and riding knowing that I am loved.

-------------------------------

Other than that, my trip was very fun. [insert gushing here]. Ha. (: I ate a lot of fast food unfortunately, like diner-style not McDonald's but still not great. I think I restricted a little too much on calories, but I didn't do anything physical for 4 days, either, so it's ok? I know two wrongs don't make a right but... damage control? haha, I don't know!

I had so much funnnnn! jgdhfgljhdfg.

I weighed myself this morning, 117.2
I need to work out and stuff myself with protein though, 'cause I've been a little lacking in it lately.

I'm surprised though, 'cause I've been really enjoying everything I've eaten. I had frozen yogurt (tart-flavored which was awesome) with strawberries and blueberries for lunch at the airport yesterday. I don't feel like I'm on a diet anymore, so I guess that's the big breakthrough! Ha!

-------------------------------

To do;
- read for tuesday AML
- do PLA work, get the chapter powerpoints
- AML discussion posting
- clean up part of my room
- do laundry / unpack  

[Stars in my Pocket]

Ok, so maybe I got a bit ahead of myself thinking "Oh I'm so close to my goal I'm not gonna keep track of what I eat~" haha because yesterday was my first day home and I ate like a COW. Actually, that's about all I did. I sat at my computer from 2pm-12pm and did a TON of hard homework (which is to be continued, by the way, ugh!) and ate all day.

Luckily this somehow did not affect my weight. 117.2lbs but honestly I don't want to push my luck. x___x;

Plans for the day:
☆ Finish up AML for Tuesday
☆ Go for a RIDE I MISS MY HORSE ;o; <3
☆ Read for Wednesday AML
☆ Figure out teaching/coaching schedule for fall  

[Stars in my Pocket]

118.2 lbs.
+3.2 lbs from goal.

------------------------<3------------------------

My boyfriend (it sounds so weird saying that again, hah) was let go from his job, and I can't help but feel partially responsible. /; Long story, I know I'm not really to blame but if I hadn't come up to visit he'd still have a job.
It could be a blessing in disguise, though, as I think he's got a friend to move in with here, about 20 minutes from my house and about 10 minutes from school. It'd be a big move if he did do it, though, so I don't know, I can't get my hopes up yet. Things are happening kind of fast but I'm alright with it. I've learned to be honest with myself about what I'm okay and not okay with from my last relationship, so I really am okay with this. It won't be easy but I'm up for working for it.

I went run/walking with a friend of mine yesterday and twisted my ankle so all I've done today is eat. /; Tomorrow I'm going to be at the barn from like 2 until 6? So I'll be getting lots of physical exercise in.

Plans for the day:
☆ AML Mod 3
☆ Ride DaVinci, clean stall, make feed bags. soHOT ;0;  

[Stars in my Pocket]

118.2 lbs.
+3.2 lbs from goal.

------------------------<3------------------------

I'm going to start on the C25K program again. Tomorrow is going to suck because of it, haha. I'm going to do W1D1 and ride and teach, and I'll be fried by the end of the day. But my a** needs to be kicked into gear.
If I stick to the schedule, I'll be running a whole 5k in 9 weeks. My boyfriend moves to Winter Park in 8 weeks? So I need to do this. I really, really need to do this. I know he doesn't care about how I look but he makes ME care about how I look. Because he weighs like 2 pounds. >: He's got like a 6 pack but he's super lean, it's not like bulky at all. So I feel like crap standing next to him right now haha.

Plans for the day:
☆ AML Mod 3 & notmuchelse D:  

[Stars in my Pocket]

117.2 lbs.
+2.2 lbs from goal.

------------------------<3------------------------

I don't know how I'm eating like a cow lately and still 117.2lbs, but I'm not complaining. Going to swap for more healthy options though; if I can't see it outside I'm not going to shove it in my mouth (i.e. doughnuts, but whole-grains are ok; etc). W1D1 of C25K begins today. :D I'm excited. I'm not going to be excited at all when I'm on the treadmill, though. u__u but I have 8 weeks to get hot! ;D haha.
I swear my motivation isn't bad, I'm really doing this for me and not him. I'm just glad he's that little extra push I need. <3 [insert gushing here]

I'm just so overwhelmed with everything, I've adored this guy for four years but dated other people because he was far away, I was young, he was young.. I just realized one day that I couldn't settle and that I couldn't be happy where I was in life if I didn't at least TRY. So I did; I found the answers I needed (and wanted!) and we're going to make it work. (:

So that's one of my many dreams to cross off of the list. ha.
The next is to be able to run as far as my legs will carry me!
Which will happen, because I'm determined.

I have a twisted ankle as of two days ago (I went running with a friend and landed on it wrong so it was more like a limp-walk-ow for 3 or 4 miles) but I think if I'm careful and don't do an incline I'll be able to walk-jog for 30 minutes or so on it.

Plans for the day:
☆ AML Mod 4
☆ C25K W1D1
☆ Riding at 2pm
☆ Teaching at 4pm  

[Stars in my Pocket]

117.2 lbs.
+2.2 lbs from goal.

Daily Miles: 2.0 mi.
Week Total: 4.0 mi.

------------------------<3------------------------

I'm thrilled to be able to maintain this weight, really. :D But I'm not stopping because I may or may not want to lose weight, I think it's just body fat that is a concern now. Which it was all along, but the closer my goal gets the more I'm thinking that I just want to shed fat and build more muscle so my weight might actually go up a bit, and I'm ok with that.

Today I've got a lot of studying to do, and while C25K says I should work out every other day, I'm feeling up for another run today for sure. Then I'll take tomorrow off, and do Sunday again, I think. Or I'll just run every day as long as I'm not sore.

I did C25K W1D2 (I guess? Today was supposed to be a day off but I felt good enough to do it! ha) and I feel awesome. Definitely sticking to this!

Plans for the day:
☆ PLA Ch 5-7 Outline + Discussion
☆ C25K W1D2