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 Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:40 am
Pink Fregia Leon was an old man. He was sick
and in the hospital.There was one nurse
that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk
to him like he was a little child. She
would say in a patronizing tone of voice,
’And how are we doing this morning',or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry?'
Old Leon had enough of this
particular nurse. One day, at breakfast,
Old Leon took the apple juice off the
tray and put it in his bed side stand.
Next, he was given a urine bottle
to fill for testing.
So you know where the juice went!
The nurse came in a little later, picked
up the urine bottle and looked at it.
'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today. '
At this, Old Leon snatched the bottle
out of her hand, popped off the top,
and drank it down, saying,
'Well, I'll run it through again.
Maybe I can filter it better this time.'
The nurse fainted!
Old Leon just smiled!
DON'T MESS WITH 'OLD' PEOPLE!!!!
lol where do you find these?
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:40 am
Pink Fregia Sex is like a gas station.....
Sometimes you get full service,
sometimes you have to go and ask for service,
And sometimes you have to be happy with self-service.
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 12:33 pm
My 13-year-old son came home from school today and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," I replied, "What is it?"
He said, "There's a pretty girl in my class who keeps flirting with me. She has great tits and is dirty as hell, but she has a boyfriend. What would you do if you were in my situation?"
"About 4 years in prison." I replied.
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:56 pm
Nei1 My 13-year-old son came home from school today and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question?" "Sure," I replied, "What is it?" He said, "There's a pretty girl in my class who keeps flirting with me. She has great tits and is dirty as hell, but she has a boyfriend. What would you do if you were in my situation?" "About 4 years in prison." I replied. nice joke. Here's a link to a joke http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKLBUcZMTeg&list=UU-vSh8UCm0tFaLYAIXqqKLA&index=3
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Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 3:42 pm
Yoko Ono turned 80 recently, all her family and friends were at her party, but when she arrived - the party broke up.
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 4:03 pm
Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter. He replies "Yes I do", and hands over a 10 inch long BIC lighter. Surprised, the guy asks, "Where did you get this?" The guy replies, "Oh I have a personal genie". The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure", says the other man, "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing." "Okay I will", he says as he rubs the lamp. A genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says "I want a million bucks". The genie says "Okay", and goes back to his bottle. Then, 10 seconds later, a million ducks fly over head. And the guy says to the other, "Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn't he?" The other man replies "I know. Do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:27 pm
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:29 pm
Nei1 A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus." My night just got a little better. lol
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:30 pm
Officer Hot-Pants Nei1 A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus." My night just got a little better. lol Oh?
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Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:13 pm
The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college.
As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard.
Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns.
Being pleased with his new facial adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.
On the back of the photo he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"
Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:18 am
hehe I've got one!
David's Brother David
Previous Next
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:20 am
Baking Chocolate Chip Cookies
Next
Q: How can you tell that a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?
A: There's M&M shells all over the floor.
lol
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:21 am
hehe wink
Forget About It
Previous Next
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:21 pm
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ' working girls ' and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ....UGH! " " Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!" "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!" This goes on for the whole hour.
Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, ;
" How did it go?"
The first mutters,
" It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head.
" You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get on the bed. "
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Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 5:38 am
Nei1 My 13-year-old son came home from school today and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question?" "Sure," I replied, "What is it?" He said, "There's a pretty girl in my class who keeps flirting with me. She has great tits and is dirty as hell, but she has a boyfriend. What would you do if you were in my situation?" "About 4 years in prison." I replied. lol good one!
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