In a bad mood? come here and rant till you feel better

[Recursive Paradox]

Fiddlers Green

Recursive Paradox

Apparently definitions of words are useless because they don't reach the Meaning of the word (the ethereal "essence" of a word). Oh and this... idea... justifies using whatever ******** word you want to in order to describe yourself because definitions are useless and unimportant and hide the "beauty" of "Meaning". In fact, we apparently give words Meaning by using them to "describe ourselves" with.

Oh and I'm apparently cissexist, pretentiously pedantic and/or care more about abstract concepts than I care about people because I didn't agree with/understand this concept.

Heh.
No mortal word will ever reach conceptual meaning.
But if one is going to worry about it too much, one shouldn't use words at all, and let the rest of us who are working with what we have get on with our discussions. Meta-discussing is fun in only small doses. 3nodding

I got pretty close to saying that. I might be too nice for my own good because I really think it was deserved this time.  

[SammyInsanity]

Happy:I'm happy to have such an amazing fiance smile
Crappy: I'm crappy cause my friends aren't so great all the time.
Indifferent: I'm indifferent about growing up =/

 

[TeaDidikai]

Did folks know that Satanism is synonymous with evil and that the Wica do not include sexual contact in their fertility rites? An M&R Pagan said so, it must be true!  

[Calixti]

SammyInsanity

Indifferent: I'm indifferent about growing up =/

It gets easier, or so I'm told.  

[Fiddlers Green]

Recursive Paradox

I got pretty close to saying that. I might be too nice for my own good because I really think it was deserved this time.

It may help them learn.
Or not.

Methinks I aught watch Welcome to the NHK.  

[TeaDidikai]

Calixti

SammyInsanity

Indifferent: I'm indifferent about growing up =/

It gets easier, or so I'm told.

They lied.  

[Gho the Girl]

So here's the deal, and it's a shitty deal, but it's the deal:

1. Leave NY as soon as I have the money, but leave Lucille behind, to be sold, to who knows. Never will see her again after all the goodness and kindness she's shown me, after all the joy she's brought into my life, and to potentially be put into the hands of one who will not understand or care for her as I do.

2. Stick around for the next couple years, paying off the loan. I'd be getting work outside of Chili's, so I'd be out of that toxic sinkhole, but I wouldn't be out on the west coast, etc.  

[TeaDidikai]

Gho the Girl

So here's the deal, and it's a shitty deal, but it's the deal:

1. Leave NY as soon as I have the money, but leave Lucille behind, to be sold, to who knows. Never will see her again after all the goodness and kindness she's shown me, after all the joy she's brought into my life, and to potentially be put into the hands of one who will not understand or care for her as I do.

2. Stick around for the next couple years, paying off the loan. I'd be getting work outside of Chili's, so I'd be out of that toxic sinkhole, but I wouldn't be out on the west coast, etc.

No chance the folks will allow you to move and pay for her huh?  

[Gho the Girl]

TeaDidikai

Gho the Girl

So here's the deal, and it's a shitty deal, but it's the deal:

1. Leave NY as soon as I have the money, but leave Lucille behind, to be sold, to who knows. Never will see her again after all the goodness and kindness she's shown me, after all the joy she's brought into my life, and to potentially be put into the hands of one who will not understand or care for her as I do.

2. Stick around for the next couple years, paying off the loan. I'd be getting work outside of Chili's, so I'd be out of that toxic sinkhole, but I wouldn't be out on the west coast, etc.

No chance the folks will allow you to move and pay for her huh?

My mother, the official owner of Lucille since the loan is in her name, doesn't feel comfortable about me going off with her.

God damn. I really don't want to leave her behind. Not just because she's a good friend and I don't want to abandon her, that's the main reason, but also it would make job hunting/work harder to do.

This plus some emotional self-inflicted shoulda seen it coming s**t is really harshing my Agape.  

[TeaDidikai]

Gho the Girl

My mother, the official owner of Lucille since the loan is in her name, doesn't feel comfortable about me going off with her.

Fair enough. Hospitality and all.

Quote:

God damn. I really don't want to leave her behind. Not just because she's a good friend and I don't want to abandon her, that's the main reason,

I felt a loss when Madrona and Tayric passed as well. Same with Archi. The flip side of this is also that she might go to a home that is good to her. You've said yourself you have some ill-ease when it comes to maintenance for her.

Quote:

but also it would make job hunting/work harder to do.

I can and plan to teach you to drive Haddie, even if you do have your own car when you come out here. It's a good thing for you to know how to do and I don't mind lending her to you.

Quote:

This plus some emotional self-inflicted shoulda seen it coming s**t is really harshing my Agape.

Deep breath.  

[Gho the Girl]

TeaDidikai

Gho the Girl

My mother, the official owner of Lucille since the loan is in her name, doesn't feel comfortable about me going off with her.

Fair enough. Hospitality and all.

Quote:

God damn. I really don't want to leave her behind. Not just because she's a good friend and I don't want to abandon her, that's the main reason,

I felt a loss when Madrona and Tayric passed as well. Same with Archi. The flip side of this is also that she might go to a home that is good to her. You've said yourself you have some ill-ease when it comes to maintenance for her.

This is true.

I just feel I'd be betraying her, and this breaks my heart. Like I'm tearing up just now.

Quote:

Quote:

but also it would make job hunting/work harder to do.

I can and plan to teach you to drive Haddie, even if you do have your own car when you come out here. It's a good thing for you to know how to do and I don't mind lending her to you.

Quote:

This plus some emotional self-inflicted shoulda seen it coming s**t is really harshing my Agape.

Deep breath.

These things are all true.

Hum. I still have around a month until I'd be able to afford it. I'm thinking if I can find a job, possibly a full time one, Ma might let me take her anyway if I can prove to her I could make the payments. And if not, anyways I still have a job set up.

I've sent a message to WorkSource explaining my situation, and if I don't hear back in the next couple days, I'll try calling again. I did try calling them today, but Madame Secretary was being all breakity in the reception and such, and so I chickened out.

There's also things here that could help me get out of Chili's, but at the same time, I'm still being called to Washington.  

[Fiddlers Green]

I envy not the trials ahead of you, but I am confident you are equal to the task. 3nodding  

[Gho the Girl]

Dear mom;

Please, don't ever, ever, ever, tell me who to or who not to come out to.

Passing over the reeking heterocentrism of that, passing over the fact that there are some things more important than a paycheck or work, like self-respect, integrity, honesty, etc. but the simple fact is, you are not me.

You do not walk in the skin that I do. You have not faced the trails I've faced, and while I do know you've faced your own trials, you've never had to be gay.

Never.

So please, don't presume to know what is best for me. As much as you care, there are some things beyond which you cannot comprehend, nor should you nor would I want you to.

I'm not going to talk to you today, and while before that would be some form of punishment I'd be exercising on you, a practice I'm working to correct, I simply am too stunned to know what to say beyond yelling at you. I don't want to have a huge confrontation, not when you're so busy with other things. But right now I don't have the strength to stomach a calm conversation, at least not for awhile.

You were the one who was supposed to be on my side, and to be honest, I assumed to much. I assumed you understood, but today I'm reminded that there are some things that you won't understand. Not without some lengthy conversation. <******** I'm so disappointed and hurt.  

[Tirissana]

So I got called a stalker by Lupis' girlfriend, because I was overly curious about him since he came into my friend's chatroom and was acting strange and I have a big heart. I decided to im. He was none to happy bout that. And he ******** called me. His girlfriend said that she was real which I doubt just by the tone of her voice. She sounded very fake and threatened. She told me that I liked to start s**t with him which is untrue. I wanted to see if he was okay. She said I was a stalker and told me to stop calling him or else she'd report me for harassment and see my a** in jail.

But I'm sick and ******** tired of people thinking I'm some horrible ******** monster. I have a heart, I care alot about those who are close to me. Even if I break the ties or someone breaks their ties, I still worry about them. Just because I have short fuse with others or I'm a vengeful person in some cases, doesn't mean I'm an evil vile person. It just means I'm sick and tired of people walking all over me and using me. I am a nice, gentle person. I never set out to hurt those unless they hurt me.

But when that fake b***h said the words "My boyfriend", I wanted to tell her about Lupis' infidelity in the past. I wanted to key her in that just because he used me and several other women in the past year does not mean he won't do the same to her. But I figure, if she's smart, she'll figure it out. But I highly doubt it.  

[CuAnnan]

Gho the Girl