In a bad mood? come here and rant till you feel better

[Gho the Girl]

Fiddlers Green

Gho the Girl

I might not bear the same wounds, dear brother

but the light within you is not so different from the light that resides in me.

I'm sorry that what you've been through has seperated you so.

It is not the inner flame that makes me different.
The desire to serve, to protect.... love enough to bleed, this dwells in all virtuous hearts.
No, it is the blood on the hands and cadence of grinding boots that makes a Soldier unlike others.
It is not just the will to kill, the desire to shed blood for a cause that defines us.
No, it is those who will never return, who knew they would fall but not in vain.
It is not the seed that is planted, it is the soil it grows in.

The Spark is not dissimilar, but some of us are changed creatures, and we all change in different ways. The Soldier cannot be an individual. In many ways, I would wish more dissimilarity b'twixt myself and others, but some common bonds shall always remain. Every Soldier must be every other Soldier's sibling. It matters not which side one fights on, where or why one became what they are... Men and Women are born, Soldiers are Made.

Truth be told, I would rather have isolation than know others may have to sacrifice their identity. I like my world filled with beauty and variety. And just because something is not as I am, does not mean that thing is wrong or lesser. No, many lights shine just as, if not more, brightly than my own, if only in a different hue. I would have it no other way.

I understand.

I just worry that that seperation might cause division or difficulty in love.

It's possible that my last partner, Norman, may have been a good match for me had he not been a Marine. But he was, and the man he said he used to be was long gone by the time I arrived. I bitterly blame him for a lot of the difficulties in our pairing, but it just might have been the training. The life of soldiers is difficult, and all I have to offer is love. I don't want anyone to feel alone or seperated, because I know these feeligns too well.

You are different, but you are not seperate, not in my view. Even if our flowers grow in different fields, we still bask under the same sky, still sprout from the same Earth.

I honor you, your ancestors, your sacrifices, your gods, and your light. Hail.  

[Maze]

I think I understand the theoretical statements. Was even aware of it on some level. But I fail to comprehend the emotional component due to lack of experience. And I guess it's that lack of experience that is the issue in this case, since that shared experience is what you base your sense of community on?

No trial by fire = no street cred.  

[Gho the Girl]

I screwed up, for while in a state of distress, I reached out to someone's gods who aren't my own in a plea of aid that they get the one I wanted to hear from to call me. This I should not have done, and now I fear I've angered some gods as well as the one I wished to reach. I
am slowly dying from work. I've been a dishwasher for 5 years at various places, and I feel trapped, utterly and totally trapped. My bosses don't care enough to save me, and I think I may have to quit, soon, even if my application for the Lodge doesn't go through. Also, I can't leave well enough
alone and be patient anymore. I'm so ******** stressed about the application. I don't know if it's been recieved yet. I sent it a day or two ago with next day delivery. I should call, but of course, I'm terrified, and waiting for word from the ones I was trying to reach. I'd almost have some good news about the guy I'm going out with
except he's not interested in a relationship. As per usual, I'm a failure at love. Just
for once I'd like to have what I want in my hands without having all the regular bullshit thrown in. Something simple, something present, something with a ******** chance, something with some ******** potential. I was crying while petting
Lucille because for as much as I push her and run her ragged, she waits patiently, always happy to see me when I come out of work. Always grinning. God, I don't deserve her at all. She's such a blessing
and a friend. I wish I had more money to take her to a repair shop to get her tuned, get her oil and stuff changed, give her a good check up, you know. But that s**t costs so ******** much, Damnit! I feel so lost, so alone, so unsure, so scared. But so many have it so much worse than I do, what right do I have to even feel sad? I'm a failure. I seriously wanted to die tonight. I also considered just getting in the car and picking a direction and driving off. In the end, I'm home, feeling like s**t, not looking forward to the morning shift I have to go to sleep for around two hours ago, and watching my joy crumble. It's so hard to find
God in the storm. I know he's there, but yet, I feel so abandoned. I've failed you God. I've lost faith when the waters swirled around me. I need to go to sleep.  

[Lance Kibagari]

My back hurts, spinal area to be exact. This is nothing new. Whenever work gets stagnant for a bit and I end up doing nothing for a few weeks or a month, it ends up happening due to bad posture.

But it really hurts, to the point where I think I'm going to have to go see a doctor. This crap makes me scared, to the point of being terrified. Why can't it just be muscle strain or something?  

[Fiddlers Green]

kage no neko

It was me. So you're the second person to say you didn't see me. That's amusing. I wonder why.

crying Probably the reason why I've been ignored lately, noone could see me..
(no clue how or why it happened)

Ah, I see.
Well, I am sorry for your invisibility, I hope it has cleared up and you can interact with us all without a hitch. smile

Lance Kisgyr

I understand your position, and respect not only your words, but your service in all of its forms. Thank you.

I could never be a Soldier, however. I am not fit for taking orders; my mouth has always been too quick, my mind too unwilling to bend, and my heart burns too fiercely. Having said this, I will be among the first to fulfill my duty as stated in the documents that founded our nation and throw off the chains of a tyrannical government should it become necessary and right.

I like to believe that there is a revolutionary candle deep within me, waiting to be lit. Should my blood be needed to feed the tree of liberty, so be it. I would have it no other way.

Not only Soldiers fight for freedom. Others fight for it in different ways. As you said, just because it is different does not make it greater or lesser.

And still the translation from the language of the heart to the language of men is never completely accurate. Forgive me if it seems as though I ramble- it is certainly not deliberate.

I ramble as well.
I find the company of fellow ramblers comforting.
I am... not as I was.
Tho I can only speculate on intention, I take what is said in the best way I can, and I appreciate it. Besides, miscommunications can lead to very interesting learning experiences. 3nodding
I do not know you, but I would be proud to water that fine tree with you any day.
Any who would bleed for liberty are my siblings, just not always on the same side of the family as fellow Soldiers.

Gho the Girl

I understand.

I just worry that that seperation might cause division or difficulty in love.

It's possible that my last partner, Norman, may have been a good match for me had he not been a Marine. But he was, and the man he said he used to be was long gone by the time I arrived. I bitterly blame him for a lot of the difficulties in our pairing, but it just might have been the training. The life of soldiers is difficult, and all I have to offer is love. I don't want anyone to feel alone or seperated, because I know these feeligns too well.

You are different, but you are not seperate, not in my view. Even if our flowers grow in different fields, we still bask under the same sky, still sprout from the same Earth.

I honor you, your ancestors, your sacrifices, your gods, and your light. Hail.

Dare I let the strong facade down a bit?
Will I be ridiculed for being overtly emotional, is this the appropriate place? Will anyone even really believe me? Does it matter... At the end of the day, only I own my words.
It does.
It hurts in ways that, 'twere I a hateful god, I would fashion an afterlife of punishment upon.
Everytime I have had love, I have either consciously or unconsciously sabotaged it. Even now, I would avoid it, as much out of a cowardly fear of the pain as a desire to not hurt someone else when it invariably collapses under the burden of my own feelings of inadequacy.
Thank you for your esteem and your understanding. I am often chided for putting such investment in relations I have only in the realm of lightning and innovation, but it is enough for me.
There are sacrifices we all make.
For me, they define who I am.
I am not what has remained, I am defined by what I have given up.
I haven't internalized any other way to show love than by suffering for it.
To me love is all about placing the well-being of another before my own.
I worry that I am weak for that, I know it is arrogant.

Oh, and you aren't alone. Even if it is only in the realm of lightning and innovation, there are those who treasure you. If that is not enough, then when you do finally drive in a direction, drive to the west coast. My home is a haunted, fog choked, place... and the building shabby besides... but you are welcome there.

Maze

I think I understand the theoretical statements. Was even aware of it on some level. But I fail to comprehend the emotional component due to lack of experience. And I guess it's that lack of experience that is the issue in this case, since that shared experience is what you base your sense of community on?

No trial by fire = no street cred.

Very close, except for the last line, mostly because I have never really understood what street cred meant. The rest sums it up pretty well. There are very distinct details, these make all the difference.  

[TeaDidikai]

BWAHAHAHA! The ******** handle broke!  

[rmcdra]

Take this *wooden sword*
It's dangerous to go alone.  

[TeaDidikai]

Don't listen to him, he's in league with the dragon.  

[Lance Kibagari]

Wait, wait... are we going through the dragon thing again?

'Cause I will throw down if I see that pretentious crap again.

Edit: Does anyone even know what 'throw down' means?  

[rmcdra]

Yes I culture raped away the Yamoto Kingdom, the TyrannoRanger's seal, the Dragon treasures, and soon all the Dinosaur Kingdoms and the Dora Fairy Kingdom will belong to me BWAHAHAHAHA  

[Gho the Girl]

So, I have to not laugh so hard, not sing quietly when an all time fave comes over the radio, and be less outrageous in order to be taken seriously? Can't my 2+ years of working there, all those call ins I covered, my dedication to my job and work be enough?

Not only that, but in order to get the upfront truth, I had to confront one of my managers.

Sure, I'm different. I get that. But I work hard. I know what I'm doing, and care about it. Sure, my speed's been decreasing, but I've been dishwashing for five ******** years, and I can feel the absence of strength in my body. I've been worn down by you and this job.

All I know is that one day very soon I will be leaving you. Whether it's for a new job, school, or just to save my sanity, I am already gone. I feel it in my bones. I'm not cut out for here, no matter how much any of my friends try and convince me I'm the man.

Were I the man, I'd be holding the position I wanted. Were I the man, I'd be this imaginary person you all make me out to be.

But I'm not.

I'm the queer.  

[Gho the Girl]

rmcdra

Yes I culture raped away the Yamoto Kingdom, the TyrannoRanger's seal, the Dragon treasures, and soon all the Dinosaur Kingdoms and the Dora Fairy Kingdom will belong to me BWAHAHAHAHA

. . . confused

I feel I've missed something.  

[Lance Kibagari]

Gho the Girl

rmcdra

Yes I culture raped away the Yamoto Kingdom, the TyrannoRanger's seal, the Dragon treasures, and soon all the Dinosaur Kingdoms and the Dora Fairy Kingdom will belong to me BWAHAHAHAHA

. . . confused

I feel I've missed something.

Join the club...  

[rmcdra]

Gho the Girl

rmcdra

Yes I culture raped away the Yamoto Kingdom, the TyrannoRanger's seal, the Dragon treasures, and soon all the Dinosaur Kingdoms and the Dora Fairy Kingdom will belong to me BWAHAHAHAHA

. . . confused

I feel I've missed something.

Just letting out my inner nerd and fascination with the Zyuranger season of the Super Sentai Show. I have nearly appropriated all the episodes of this season. I was running low on harddrive space so I'll need to transfer some things to some CD's, hell maybe even a few DVD's.  

[CuAnnan]

The flames will continue to burn for only so long.
Fuel, air and heat. All limited commodities.