»SimP is likely INSANE.« [INSANITY 28SEPT-27NOV]

[Stars in my Pocket]

Seraph you are amazing, and what you told me is just what I needed to hear. I'm not one to judge, and I've been telling myself all along to just go with the flow, because it's unfair for me to think about sex/love/anything serious before we've even met, but I put up those walls and it makes things more difficult in the end. I need to just enjoy things, and hold up my morals at the same time.
I've only had one partner at 20 years old, and so it is a really big deal to me. I don't have a problem with people that have sex for sex's sake because that is enjoyable (very! ha) and it's human nature, but I want to reserve it for someone who I can say that I am in love with just as a personal choice. I feel like we're young, and so if he's slept around a lot at 21, and hasn't had a lot of relationships, I can't know that he won't just use me as 'another number'. Again, my fears would really detriment any relationship I could have with him. He's just a smooth-talker so it's hard to know if he's a charmer or for real.
I think I've decided that I'm not going to pursue a physical relationship while I visit (since I'll only have been there 4 days, but I've known him for years) but that I'll see where it takes me. I mean, if it's serious I think that whether or not anything waits a few months won't make a difference, anyway haha. It's like rushing to get married - you're spending the rest of your lives together, so it's not something I rush haha. (:

Your advice is always well-articulated and comes from experience which I really, really appreciate. Thank you for being here for me. ;__; <33
I did talk to a few people and they have varying opinions, but I think that I'll just try to go with the flow and have an enjoyable trip regardless.  

[Tandahda]

Thank you for the flood of compliments. They make me preen and be pleased.

There's nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with having few sexual partners at any age, never let anyone even insinuate otherwise to you. Sex is what you make of it for yourself. You've got a great head on your shoulders and probably didn't need the advice anyway, but its ever so nice to have reassurance. : )

This here is just my own personal point of thought, but this would be a long term relationship if you did pursue anything correct? Long term relationships are not (in my experience) the place for hashing out worries about fidelity, trust and stress. The ones I've had turned out really bad save for one where I was simply busy being happy that I and another (wonderful) person were devoted to each other and reveling in his company. (Though that one didn't work out over time, it was a mutual thing).

Not only are you smart, but you're well grounded. You'll do fine, just keep on listening to yourself in the present tense and don't feel the need to make a decision and stick to it.  

[Stars in my Pocket]

Yeah, it would be a long term relationship. (: I'm just going to test the waters, because I'm very confident in my relationships once I'm in them (surprisingly, based on how I'm acting now haha) and I'm not overprotective/controlling or anything else that one would expect from my fears ha. I figure that if he's right for a LTR then I don't need to worry about fidelity or a lack of trust or anything of that sort. Just from observation a lot of guys in my age group are horndogs. xP

I really do appreciate your advice and your reassurance though, and I'll definitely be in the here-and-now about it and not fret about the what-ifs of the future. (:  

[Euthanasia Phase]

First, congrats on being so close to your goal!
Second, relationship stuff aside, it's not worth compromising an aspect of your health for anyone. Sleep may not be directly related to weight loss, but it's definitely essential for good overall health (and happiness!). If you wouldn't be influenced to overeat or quit exercising under someone's influence, your sleep shouldn't take second priority either.  

[Stars in my Pocket]

Yeah, I know >__<
The thing is that I want to sleep, I just get so hopeful that I can't. .__.; Which is kind of sad haha. Oh well.
I'm so glad he can't read this, he'd think I was such a creeper/loser haha. d: I'm doing better about it and sleeping more though, no worries! I'm trying really hard to get to bed at a reasonable hour.

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IN OTHER NEWS I GOT A FREAKING CITATION TONIGHT.
I was picking up my brother and caught the tail end of the yellow light but I guess that counted as running a red + failing to yield to right of way. /: My luck today, sheesh!  

[Stars in my Pocket]

I really can't tell you guys enough what you mean to me. ;__; <33 Thanks for everything!

IN:
Breakfast: Jimmy Dean D-Light + pepsi max
Snack: oatmeal + vitamin
Lunch: jennie-o turkey burger + arnold multigrain thin bread
Snack: --
Dinner: whole wheat pasta + .25c alfredo sauce

OUT:
Groomed DaVinci for a few minutes, scooped feed, cleaned some tack. Nothing too exerting.

[10:00AM] UGH PLATEAU WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH. 122.0-2 for the past uh week, literally. How long do these things last, anyway? Better holding than gaining but seriously, sheesh! As that 'Days.' number gets smaller I get a little more worried, for sure.

33 Days.
122.2lbs.
+7.2 from goal.

------------------------<3------------------------

I KNOW I WAS HOLDING OUT FOR 120LBS BEFORE I ORDERED THIS BUT...

I did anyway because I decided that I should celebrate myself as I am. Also, it's adjustable! ha ha.  

[Tandahda]

That is a hot hot hot bikini. I wish I could wear them... and maybe someday I will, I have a bunch of scars on my stomach from a horrible, horrible, horrible time in my life. But I'm getting more comfortable with them.  

[Stars in my Pocket]

I'm really sorry to hear that. ):
Knowing things like that is what helps me appreciate people. I doubt anyone can see them, or realize that you have them, but it makes you think about everyone else and the lives they've lived and the experiences they've had. It's a big world and a lot of the time I go about my daily life not even thinking about the fact that each and every one of the thousands of people I can see in a day have lived an entire life and have all of those experiences.
You're a wonderful person and though I don't know a lot about you, you're beautiful inside and out and I know that for sure. ;_; <3  

[Tandahda]

Aw, <3!  

[Stars in my Pocket]

afkaljdhfs!!!! Bye Mr. Plateau! It was nice to have you around for a week but I appreciate that you're gone and I can get my stuff done now. B) <3

IN:
Breakfast: -- (woke up late)
Snack: --
Lunch: turkey burger on sandwich thin with ketchup and relish
Snack: h.c. turkey dinner (more of a second-lunch as I missed breakfast)
Dinner: another turkey burger.
Snack: ice cream eep.

OUT:
coached riding.


32 Days.
121.0lbs.
+6.0 from goal.

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So I have this bad habit of really feeding off of people's emotions, like if they're sad I get really sad, if they're happy I get really happy; this is especially true if they're close to me. My friend was really down the past few days and being macho didn't want to talk or anything hah. So I've just been having really dark imaginings which I shouldn't but can't help. When someone won't talk to me I assume that it's because of me, or about me, etc. So I get insecure and then doubt and it's like a snowball rolling down a hill. .__.
He didn't think that I'd really make it out to see him, and so he was kind of bracing for bad news. I wish I could have seen his face when I showed him the tickets. Haha. I booked a flight last night. (:

OH AND I GUESS THIS MARKS 10LBS LOST THIS YEAR. WOO!  

[Stars in my Pocket]

I'm getting nervous about going to visit my friend. Probably should stay off of CSI, hah.

IN:
Breakfast: 100cal popcorn pack + vitamin + PCH
Snack: --
Lunch: ronzoni pasta (wholewheat) + 1/4c alfredo sauce
Snack: --
Dinner: 1/2 Chipotle Burrito Bol + coke zero
Snack: Baklava + rest of chipotle

OUT:
10 pushups

31 Days.
121.8lbs.
+6.8 from goal.

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I would very much like to be under 120lbs when my bathing suit gets here. I'm not crossing my fingers but that's 1.8lbs in 7 days. We'll see. I need to start walking again, haven't done it the past two days. Going to pull it back to 30-40 minutes instead of 60 though.

Also started taking probiotics yesterday, the "Phillips Colon Health" ones. Going to make that + multivitamin a daily occurance.

I also need to keep working on my law homework. D:<
It's so lame though and all online so I'm not motivated at all to do it.

[4:39PM] BAKLAVA AND CHIPOTLE?! -__- William came over to watch a movie and was hungry. D: At least I only ate half the Chipotle, so I'm not over on calories, but it's only 4:30 and I will be hungry later. >:

[7:55PM] Sho'nuff I ate the rest. Oh well. Over only by like 100 calories, I'll go for a walk.  

[Tandahda]

Yeah. I'm not as motivated as I could be. Sometimes though I get off the computer, make some tea and write in a journal and that can help. There's something about the stuff no one else can see that actually motivates me more than the online stuff.  

[Stars in my Pocket]

That's actually a really good idea. (:
Unfortunately I can't keep anything journal-esque because I'm forgetful and it could get lost, and I have a tendency to gush about things I'd rather people not know about. .____.
Like professors being evil, fights within the household, and crushes (I feel 10 saying that?) etc. I'd feel horrible if I vented to a journal about someone in my family and I lost it and they read it. >: It's happened before so I'm hesitant. If I lived alone though I'd totally do it! For now my Gaia Journal here is the closest thing I have. <33  

[Stars in my Pocket]

IN:
Breakfast: Jimmy Dean D-Light + vitamin + PCH
Snack: --
Lunch: 2 cups of oatmeal peaches 'n creme
Snack: --
Dinner: stouffer's meatloaf
Snack: special k bar

OUT:
riding (40 minutes), coaching (60 minutes), walking 3.5 incline at 3.5mph (20 minutes)

30 Days.
121.2lbs.
+6.2 from goal.

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Ah, coaching day. Love love love some of my clients, can't stand others. That's how it goes, though. And I have to put myself into the mentality of, "even if they aren't interested in riding for the love of horses, it's still $30 an hour to babysit the buggers". Hee. Hopefully it won't be too bad today though. (:

"K" at 10, "T" & "C" at 12, New client at 3. Oy, full day! At least I'll get some walking and riding in, woot!  

[Stars in my Pocket]

[MINI GOAL]:

• Lose 1.2 lbs by next Friday. I want to be 120lbs for my wonderful bikini. :3 And it's doable, I just need to be proactive!
Gonna hop on the treadmill now, woot woot! 20 minutes only haha.

• Another mini-goal is going to be to have my Chapter 3&4 quiz done for Civil Practice and Procedure, so I have until the 4th to study for the exam. I'm trying to get ahead in the class so I don't have homework while I visit WI.