Yeah... Don't really have anywhere/one to go to right now so i'm kind of just ranting about how I feel right now in an attempt to make myself feel better. In other words, if you really could care less then you can safe your time and stop reading this. Anyways... I just feel really bad lately because no one I know really wants to be my friend right now. Random people who I never even talked to before say they hate me, my friends stoped talking to me, the girl that I liked likes someone else and and and... I don't know. There's so many things on my mind that I can't talk to anyone about because no one's really my friend... The other day when I was walking through my neighborhood I saw a family moving into a new house. There was a husband a wife and a little boy, i'd say that he was just old enough to walk. The husband was setting up a little swingset for the kid, and I just stopped walking and sat down right there in the middle of the street, wondering if I would ever find someone that I could share some experience like that with... Being lucky enough to find a girl that know's me inside out... A girl that's there for me no matter what... A girl that I can spend my life with... Everytime I walk by that house I just... It makes me think that life might be worth living if I could find someone that meant that much to me. Speaking of living thats another problem. I used to cut... And it's been a year since I have but, lately I feel like doing it again. I know that if I do it it won't solve anything but it's how I feel right now. I feel so stupid. I'm only 14 and i'm having all of these thoughts that I probably shouldn't be having. The worst part is is that theres a girl that might actually care but I don't know if she does or not. She noticed something was wrong and was trying to figure out what it was for like... 2 days straight and me being a big idiot... I told her that she didn't care and that she should stop pretending because she'd get my hopes up, and then she was like "get your hopes up for what." and I just said "Nothing..." but I kind of like this girl and thats what I was really thinking... I just don't want to be let down when she tells me that she doesn't like me but then I think about how she was trying to figure out what was wrong with me for 3 days. No one has ever done that for me... So it kind of makes me wonder about things... Well if there is anything that anyone can say to ease my mind it would be greatly appreciated... Thanks.
-Ky
-Ky