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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 12:09 pm
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Edit: This is not my own, I found this online. I just thought that everyone would like to read this. rofl
10. Noisy Doors: You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" or "fssshhhht!" every time a person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40!
9. Spandex Uniforms: Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.
8. Reversing the Polarity: For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity."
Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.
7. Seatbelts: Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of inventing some futuristic restraining device to prevent that from happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There goes Kirk's torso!"
6. No Fuses: Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.
5. Rule by Committee: Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best Sci-Fi show on TV last year: Star Trek: Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!" Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?" Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat." Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something." Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby." Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first." Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look pensive."
Firefly: Captain: "Let's shoot them." Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?" Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command." Crewman: "Aye, Aye, sir!"
4. A Star Trek Quiz: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?
3. Technobabble: The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunneling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.
2. The Holodeck: I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegee the holodeck clean.
1. The Prime Directive: How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with Roseanne look-alikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be hell. At least until the Kaboom. The Earth-shattering Kaboom.
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:07 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 5:54 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 8:11 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 6:35 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:53 am
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Stuff I've wondered.....
Why was money actually abolished by the Federation? It's obvious they need it when interacting with the Ferengi and so on. How do they pay off Yridians with information to sell?
If the Enterprise-D is filled with the best and brightest, being the Federation Flagship, why was Wesley solving 1/2 the crises?
If the Enterprise-D really is the Federation Flagship, why did it spend so much time playing Astronomy Telescope? "Our mission is to chart this gaseous anomaly..."
Was Starfleet's respect for the rights of its officers really that lax? Data was designed by Dr Soongh. He was found by Starfleet. That no more made him their property than 9/11 First Responders got to keep the rescued people as their slaves. Data applied to the Academy, took all the tests, was accepted, completed his education there, and spent a number of years as an officer, earning commendations of different types. Then one day, Bruce Maddox wants to run "experiments" on him that include COMPLETELY DISASSEMBLING HIM. Data, naturally, says no.
Then Starfleet announces that they own his a**, and he can't refuse this any more than a starship can refuse a refit.
When did Starfleet become able to revoke the civil rights of its officers? Data was a full citizen, person, and officer for decades, but they can revoke that when it's convenient? Is there no equivalent of the ACLU that would contest this? Does Starfleet "own" the other officers? Can they, say, force Picard to accept a hair transplant? Or Sisko to get a computer interface to his brain?
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:53 am
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Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 9:26 pm
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 3:14 pm
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 3:36 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:44 am
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:32 pm
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:26 pm
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Emi Uoza No, Marvin would be in jail for attempting to destroy an under developed planet! Bugs would probably be risen to the rank of Admiral for using Marvin's own weapon against him.
Now why would that not suprise me.
-[.Moo.]- HOW THE ******** DOES THE TURBOLIFT WORK?
The same way Willy Wonka's elevator works. CANDY POWER!!!
MagnusHansen Rule by Committee: Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best Sci-Fi show on TV last year: Star Trek: Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!" Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?" Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat." Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something." Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby." Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first." Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look pensive." Firefly: Captain: "Let's shoot them." Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?" Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command." Crewman: "Aye, Aye, sir!"
Hmm. The Firefly part reminds me of my Drill Sergeant.
MagnusHansen Technobabble: The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunneling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.
I used something similar before to a trekkie teacher of mine before, and he told me to go call Scotty, and tell him to beam me directly to the brig. xd
Emi Uoza If the Enterprise-D really is the Federation Flagship, why did it spend so much time playing Astronomy Telescope? "Our mission is to chart this gaseous anomaly..."
Better question. Ain't flagships ALWAYS commanded by admirals?
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