[Personal] An unusual situation...

[Ethereal Observer]

Alright, I'm going to go ahead and make this clear...I'm straight. Er, I was. I am. Sort of. I think.

....

Okay, sorry, I confused myself just now. But yeah...I'm a 16 year old guy, and to my knowledge, I'm straight.

"Wait, if you're straight, then why are you a member of a Shounen-ai/Yaoi guild?" Well, obviously, it's because I like shounen-ai/yaoi. "Wait, but didn't you just say you were straight?!" Er...yes? I think. And that's my problem.

I mean, I've liked girls my whole life, right? Since puberty began, I mean. I've had one or two girlfriends before, though since I'm so self-conscious the furthest we ever got was holding hands. sweatdrop Give me a break, I was 13. Displays of affection freaked me out then, with either gender. Later on I warmed up to the concept, and I had several crushes on several girls, though none of them got anywhere. Still, if something had come out of those relationships, I felt that I would have been willing to do something with them (not like that... -_-; I mean kissing and stuff, perverts. XP ) So, as far I was concerned, I was straight.

Then...why am I so attracted to anime and manga with guy/guy relationships? Among other guy/guy things... sweatdrop *cough* We won't get into specifics. I think I've always a sort of latent sexual attraction to guys even since 11 or 12, though nothing major, so I always just ignored it or pushed it to the back of my mind. But could those feelings actually mean anything? I've never had a crush or anything on any particular guy in real life, whether emotional or physical, though I have with girls. Has the "right" guy simply yet to come along? Or am I straight and just subconsciously curious/confused/whatever?

If anything, I'd be bisexual rather than flat out gay because, as I've said, I like girls. No amount of SoraxRiku fanfics/doujinshi is going to change that...I think. XP But lately my attraction to guys has grown stronger, and my attraction to girls has grown weaker, at least a little bit (though I suppose that could be attributed to the odd mood I've been in for the past week or so). Does any of this mean anything, or is it just a result of raging teenage hormones? Or am I just imagining feelings that I think are there, but really aren't? I've always been somewhat emotional/sensitive...it's just part of my personality. Come to think of it, most of my friends are girls, too. However, I'd say that using that as a deciding factor would come down to overanalyzation. XP

And it's not that I'm afraid of coming out...several of my friends (mostly girls) are gay/bi, so I'm sure my other friends would be fine with it. And even though my parents are both strong Christians, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't drive me out of the house or anything. XP But this isn't the kind of decision I'd want to take lightly, should I actually make it. Like I said, I've yet to meet a particular guy that I like, so it's not really a pressing issue...but it's still one I'd feel more comfortable sorting out if I can.

So...yeah. Advice? Tips? Anything? sweatdrop  

[Kurai no Kuria]

you know, I had the same problem myself, or similar. Especially when someone question whether there was such a thing as bisexuality or not.
That had me freaking out for a couple of years.

Then I finally figured it out...who the ******** cares. It's so simple. You are what you are and labels, while useful, are only that. Useful and when not useful, only gets in the way. They are made for convenience, not the end-all-be-all.

So in the end, I prefer to think of it as gradient, the Kinsley graph thing and all that. And if you'd like to think of it as gradient too, then it's up to you on how you are placed. ...Actually, it's always up to you.  

[jealous_angel]

Kurai no Kuria

you know, I had the same problem myself, or similar. Especially when someone question whether there was such a thing as bisexuality or not.
That had me freaking out for a couple of years.

Then I finally figured it out...who the ******** cares. It's so simple. You are what you are and labels, while useful, are only that. Useful and when not useful, only gets in the way. They are made for convenience, not the end-all-be-all.

So in the end, I prefer to think of it as gradient, the Kinsley graph thing and all that. And if you'd like to think of it as gradient too, then it's up to you on how you are placed. ...Actually, it's always up to you.

i think everyones bisexual to a degree(you can thank the movie Trick for that. that movie is so nice!!!). how else would you tell if someone of the same sex is pretty or handsome? like Kurai no Kurai said labels don't matter!!! if you choose to label yourself as straight or bisexual, its your choice.

although i can tell you how i found out i'm at the super-sugary-fairy-homo end of the spectrum!!! i thank my cousin (THANKS PAOLA!!! I heart YOU!!!) she used to have a pretty big file of shoujo smut and i found it one day so we started reading it together...then i realized i liked to watch mostly the guy...then i realized i'd rather watch only the guy, and possibly me in place of the girl (yes...scary...i know) then one day my cousin accidentally downloaded yaoi!!! it was Pretty Scoop!!! she told me not to look, but like any normal person, i searched for it until i found it -insert evil laugh- i acted indifferently (even though i secretly loved it) because i wasn't out to my cousin yet. (she's the only family member i'm currently out to) then as time went on we read more yaoi together and eventually i told her i liked guys.

so maybe your going through a phase maybe not. i knew pretty early on but was in denial because i had a crush on the second most popular boy in my kindergarden class in CATHOLIC SCHOOL!!! around fourth grade they were suppressed because i had other stuff to worry about like my parents' increasing fighting and eventual divorce, but then it was over by fifth grade. then in sixth grade i was busy with all the activities for"graduating" out of elementary school. then seventh grade the feelings returned because of the thing with my cousin.

so what i would do is wait for a boy who you find attractive and vice versa and do minor experimentation. if you like it you'll know.  

[Lucca Ashtear]

I think I can't properly answer this question as a straight female... my reason for liking yaoi is the nosebleed-inducing concentrations of beautiful men. Eye candy.  

[Prince of Apologies]

Wow... I have the same exact problem... I feel exactly the same, until I started feeling strongly for guys... I'm even younger than you...
Some days I say
"Screw being gay, I want a great life with a wife and kids"
Other days
"I wanna grow up and live a life with my friend that I really like"
(A boy)

Its hard... If I had a choice, I would make it so people couldn't be gay, It wouldn't be unfair, you see then kids wouldn't have to go through such pain growing up... I mean I kinda like being gay, but its hard and it would be easier so the kids wouldn't know what gay is, so they wouldn't miss it...  

[Lucca Ashtear]

Also, my occasionally checking out tits and a** doesn't make me bisexual. I've never been actually attracted to another woman.  

[Kurai no Kuria]

Yo_guy18

Wow... I have the same exact problem... I feel exactly the same, until I started feeling strongly for guys... I'm even younger than you...
Some days I say
"Screw being gay, I want a great life with a wife and kids"
Other days
"I wanna grow up and live a life with my friend that I really like"
(A boy)

Its hard... If I had a choice, I would make it so people couldn't be gay, It wouldn't be unfair, you see then kids wouldn't have to go through such pain growing up... I mean I kinda like being gay, but its hard and it would be easier so the kids wouldn't know what gay is, so they wouldn't miss it...

adoption could be a choice if the government doesn't rule it out...

I agree with jealous angel, I also think everyone's bisexual to a degree. It's just the stupid christian/bible-based society at fault. But yeah, suckness.  

[Ethereal Observer]

UPDATE TIME ZOMG!!!
---------------------------

Okay, so after much thought and introspection...I came out of the closet. n_n; Er, you know, halfway. So I'm bi now. Actually, I came out Monday, but I haven't had time to get online any until now. sweatdrop

First impressions:
It was a bit weird at first admitting that kind of thing to my friends, not to mention myself, but...after a few days I'm getting used to it. It's actually quite refreshing...I don't have to worry about the way I act or talk for fear of not being "normal". And I can have crushes on boys all I want. XP Only problem is that I live in one of the most conservative countries on the planet, so my options are kind of limited. sweatdrop I go to one of the biggest high schools in the state, and there's only three bi/gay guys that I know of. I make four, of course. XP And that refers to those that I know of, so for all I know there are others that I just don't know of or who are "secretly" gay...sort of like I am at the moment, I guess. About... *counts* 8 people know right now, and I only intend to tell people if I feel the need to.

A) It's not really any of their business, and
B) Again, I live in conservative-ville USA, so that's not the kind of fact about myself that I'd like broadcasted. sweatdrop

I'd rather not tell my parents, at least for now. Not because they're homophobic and would shun me or anything, I don't think they'd do that, but...chances are that my personal freedoms would get a bit more restricted, and I wouldn't be allowed to spend the night at anyone's house ever again. I like spending the night at my friend's houses. ^^; Plus, if my parents knew, that would just complicate matters, and I'd like to avoid that if possible.

Since there is such a small number of date-able options at my school, the chances that I'm going to get a boyfriend anytime soon are somewhat low. v.v I'll manage, though. I've also found out that it's very difficult finding out people's sexualities without blowing your own cover... >.>;;