[PRP] Riptide [Wander + Sonnie]

[Gl!tch~]

I got a lump in my throat 'cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

 

[zeflamigo]

Sitting on a quiet dock by the edge of the village, Sonnie plucked a few chords on his banjo. He picked up a couple of books on how to play, but without anyone to teach him, he had to rely on what he thought sounded good. And, well, he assumed it all sounded bad. Still, he enjoyed strumming, and hummed the notes in tune.

It hadn't been long since helping out with the ground crew, meeting the purpleblood and that robot that blew up. Sonnie came out of it feeling somber, though he wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps he would be able to figure it out in song, in due time.  

[Gl!tch~]

With a victory under their belt, the swamp's energy seemed to shift a little. Maybe it wasn't as intense as a celebration or anything, but Wander couldn't help but feel a little more hopeful. They had pulled so much stuff from under the royalists' nose, and it hadn't hurt anybody, either!

At the same time, not much changed in Wander's own life. Which one might not thought mattered. She was still a kid, not much she could do, and she didn't expect for doing oddly well on the ground crew to mean she suddenly mattered more. But things still felt different. She couldn't put her finger on it, though. Wander fell into her own quiet, reflective moods, which did help with her practice and studying. Didn't do much else, otherwise.

As she continued on in this way, needing to talk but not knowing how or who to even go to, she could hear something in the distance. An interesting sound, a new sound, not one she heard around the Outpost.

She turned and quietly followed it. Wander only halted to see where it was coming from. In the distance, there sat Sonnie. The banjo boy.

Wander walked onto the dock boards, and soon plopped down next to him. Still, she didn't find herself much more social. Considering the drama with the ground crew, she could only expect things might still be a little awkward.

Instead, she kept listening, swinging her legs a little as they dangled off the end.  

[zeflamigo]

The sudden shift of weight on the dock sent Sonnie into a slight panic, which was calmed when he discovered it was simply his friend, Wander. It took him a short moment to find his breathing again, trying to play at the same pace as before. It didn't work. He simply wasn't good enough or confident enough for this. Soon enough, he spoke up.

"Sorry..." He mumbled, mostly about the fact he stopped playing. Although, there were always more apologies hidden in Sonnie's sorries. Sorry for being a bother, sorry for that thing I did earlier, it all got lumped into one. Now what was it? Sorry for losing his temper with Cynril, sorry for leaving them during the afterparty, sorry for everything. It was... a lot.

Gl!tch~

 

[Gl!tch~]

"I-it's okay..." Wander kept swinging her legs, though loose and slow. Part of her wished Sonnie would come join her. She looked over at Sonnie. "I...I-I know p-practicing around people c-can be hard sometimes. It s-sounded really good, though." She gave a little reassuring buck-teethed smile. Wander started feeling a little, well, bad for intruding. But at the same time, part of her refused to get up. She didn't have a reason to be here, not really, but she didn't want to run off, either. Maybe because it was Sonnie, she didn't feel like a total screw-up so much. And if he was uncomfortable...he would say so. And that's when she could feel bad.

"I h-haven't s-seen you in a bit. S-so it...it w-was nice to be able t-to find you tonight. I mean..." She turned and looked towards the horizon, in the deep swamp. "I w-wasn't hunting you down or anything, I d-d-don't want to make it seem l-like it's going to b-be a talking-to..." Just rambling on brought connected thoughts to her thinkpan. Did Sonnie think she was cornering him? Was he worried they would have a Talk? She looked down, and raised a hand. Wander started snapping her fingers, sparks going off. The stimming helped her from letting her panic start up, like it was so good at doing. "I g-guess there's s-stuff to talk about, but. W-w-we don't h...have to, if you don't want."

She took a deep breath she didn't even know she needed. "I guess...I-I guess I j-just missed you, b-because you're my f-froggy friend."

Kimbley Kitty

 

[zeflamigo]

"Oh Pennie..." Sonnie smiled at his own little joke. His fingers glided against the strings again, not in a beautiful chord, but it was something to do with all of this tension. It was something he could do, no matter how messed up his thoughts felt. That was beautiful on its own. He kept plucking at the strings, with no intended rhythm or pace.

He supposed they did have a lot to talk about, but he didn't know how to get into it. Regardless, it was nice enough for Wander to seek him out and bring it up. It would be rude to not let her ask the questions first, though. "We can t-talk. I-It's ok. I'm not s-scared or mad at you," Sonnie said, waiting patiently for an answer.

Gl!tch~

 

[Gl!tch~]

"O-okay... You were gone a lot a-after the stuff that happened with C-Cyn... I-I guessed you just needed space b-but I wasn't sure..." Nerve-wracking in and of itself to worry that she helped make someone mad. But he wasn't, so she could breathe a little easier. "And I'm glad y-you're not scared, e-eith. It's nice to f-feel trusted... Ahhh... Um. Hm."

She thought for a bit, but found some blanks. Wander had images of things that happened...but had a hard time finding the words to discuss them. Even making a list of what to go over.

"Jeez, n-now that I'm here, I... d-don't know what to say." Wander paused. She shot a small, somber firework. "I-I g-guess I f-feel bad about a lot of stuff that happened. I sh-should've kept a b-better eye on Cynril... I should've not h-had a fit about p-people being loud... I should've not told a-a-any Outside trolls my r-real name... I guess I m-messed up a lot." She fell silent.

Well. Not really where she wanted the conversation to go, or how she wanted to feel. But she was in it, now. Softly, Wander started up again. "I-I-I wish I c-could d-do better... B-be a better friend... I w-want you and Cynril to be okay. And I w-want you t-to want to be around me. I've p-probably d-done a bad job at that, too..."  

[zeflamigo]

Watching Wander talk her heart out, Sonnie could feel his own slowly breaking. With only a second of apprehension, Sonnie put a hand out to touch Wander's arm, a physical reassurance that she was ok. He looked at her with an earnest stare, speaking fast to get his feelings out.

"I'm not mad at Cyn! Not anymore..." He watched her with an earnest, desperate look. "He... He didn't know better. And I have a lot of puppets. It's ok." He tried to explain himself, but he wondered if it would sound empty. Really, he didn't know how to say anything else to make her feel better, but he wanted to make sure she believed him.

"I made 'im a gift for the next time I see 'im..." he explained. An old water bottle and a sock was hardly a gift, but he knew the other troll would probably appreciate it anyways.

"A-and it's ok Wander... we all made mistakes. It's-s okay, really." He said, face pulled into a desperate pout. "I shouldn't have ran off w-without talking. I d-didn't like being mad..." Looking at the space between them, he scooted over to be closer to the brownblood, resting his head on hers.

Pulling his hand away to pluck at his banjo again, he started to kick his legs, albeit slowly and almost sad. "Sorry I made you worry. Sorry I've been... weird..." He said, slouching over his banjo and looking away.

Gl!tch~

 

[Gl!tch~]

Wander nodded slowly at everything Sonnie had to say. Sonnie had been really thoughtful about what had happened. She wasn't surprised, that wasn't the word...maybe cool? Impressed? Yes! And it felt reassuring. She could even sit up a little straighter after all that. Initating touch helped, too. Friendly solidarity... And she liked holding hands in moments outside of coping. It just felt nice, for some reason, between friends.

But at the tail end of Sonnie's words, she had to frown a little. She gently leaned her shoulder on his. "D-do you wanna talk about it? If...i-if it's s-something that wasn't...a-all the o-other stuff y-you said?"

Even though Sonnie wasn't looking at her anymore, she did a little trick just in case he might look back in time to catch it. Specifically, apparently pulling a beetle out of Sonnie's spongeclot. "Beetle f-for your thoughts...?"  

[zeflamigo]

Sonnie smiled at the trick. It was nice to know Wander was willing to listen, and doing everything she could to make him feel better. But could he articulate those feelings? And could he do it in a way that wouldn't make her upset?

"Mmm..." Sonnie mumbled, trying to finalize what he wanted to say. He waited another moment, plucking at his banjo. Finally, he spoke. "Before we left for Chittentown... We... disagreed on what Poe sh-should have done..." He played a couple of notes before picking up his head again.

"I wanted him to go... because I wanted to go. I still want to go." Sonnie admitted, too sad to look Wander in the eye. He wished she could understand, but even he didn't understand why he wanted to go so bad.

"I guess... I wanted to do something important." Sonnie said, voice getting lower with every syllable. He stopped playing.

Gl!tch~

 

[Gl!tch~]

Wander put the beetle down next to Sonnie. She tilted her head, listening to the noise, and Sonnie, while watching the banjo as if mesmerized. But, with the look on her face, it was clear that she was listening still, the wheels in her head turning. She couldn't help but look down after not too long, then beyond the dock.

But, her head snapped back at the final, quiet comment. "I th-think you're important!" She looked at him, sorrowful but resolute. "B-but I-I guess... That...th-that's not enough. A-and that's okay. M-maybe you a-also want more p-people to like you. Th-that's h-how it is f-f-for me..."

Voice trailing off, she looked down, brows furrowed like she was frustrated. Wander exhaled through her nose. Finding the right words was hard.

"I d-didn't w-want Poe to go b-b-because I was s-scared. A-after he disappeared...and c-came back without...without..."

She bit the tears back. Poe's okay, he's still here and he said so and he's okay

Wander swallowed and sniffled. "...I-I-I was scared th-th-that m-more bad things c-c-could happen, a-and I wouldn't know...or b-be there to help... if...i-i-if..." If he lost more limbs, or worse.

She wiped at her face and tried to breathe. After a moment, she said, "I-it's okay to w-want to do things. It's s-scary, but..." Wander tried to give Sonnie a reassuring smile. "Y-you always s-seem like y-you're okay w-when you do stuff by yourself. A-and that's really good!"

The orangeblood started swinging her legs again. "Y-you're doing s-stuff o-on your own at scary things l-like Bloodfest a-a-and in Chittentown! I-I'm really h-happy for you!"

As her mind continued to go on, her face fell, and the swinging stopped. Wander had to look away again.

"But... it's... i-it's s-still scary...knowing b-b-bad things could happen t-to you, too."  

[zeflamigo]

Sonnie stopped playing his banjo, looking over at Wander with a mixed expression. He was sad for her, of course. It was always painful to see a friend so torn up. It hurt to know just how scared she was for him. Sonnie pouted, turning his head away.

His heart stayed unshaken on the matter. He didn't know how to disagree with Wander, and he didn't want to. It wasn't like she was wrong. Sonnie was scared, too. He heard a little about the things the older rebels faced on the old spaceships. It was terrifying, but the overwhelming urge to prove himself won out over any of that fear.

Sitting silently, Sonnie laid his head low and his hair obscured his face. He couldn't help it, the tears were going to fall no matter how hard he fought. The sobbing followed shortly after, and Sonnie quickly reached up to wipe away his tears with the back of his hand. Sniveling through a couple of raspy sobs, Sonnie cried out loud.

"I don't want to be scared!" He yelled, quickly gasping between words, like hiccups. He doubled over his banjo, frowning down at his reflection in the dirty water, unhappy with himself, disgusted. "I want to be strong!" He complained, still crying between his words.

Gl!tch~

time 2 cry

 

[Gl!tch~]

The orangeblood flinched back. Tears started pricking the sides of her eyes again. Her pumpbiscuit thundered, and her thinkpan felt full of static. Pressure in her chest.

Wander really, really didn't like being yelled at. Or having her words that she struggled so, so hard to say, be ignored. The pressure burst. "I don't want to be scared, either!" She snapped. "B-but we live in a s-stupid, s-scary world! Bad things happen all...a-all the time! People g-g-get hurt, people die! And I can't d-do anything on the Outside without being scared for my life! A-always! You're lucky because i-it d-doesn't matter as much for you!" They couldn't escape the hemospectrum. Even in the swamp, it still mattered because no one could just stay in Salamire forever.

"It's n-n-not fair!" The tears ran down her face like a flood. At some point her fists had clenched without Wander realizing. "I h-hate hating e-e-everything about myself and I hate everyone f-feeling sorry for me and I hate that y-y-you're n-not listening to me!" That one really, really hurt.

"Y-you're already stronger than you think! You've done s-so much stuff! It's hard, b-but you're doing it! And you'll get e-even better at it! You're b-braver th-than when I f-first met you! Can't...can't you s-see that...?"  

[zeflamigo]

Whatever tears had not yet bubbled to the surface, were now falling down Sonnie's face twice as fast. He gave up on trying to wipe them away. A distinct pain lobbed in his throat like a croak, and the greenblood was at a loss for words. He wanted, needed to apologize, but he stayed motionless and afraid as Wander cried back at him. It was only a minute or so after she finished talking, that Sonnie could find the words to speak up again.

"I'm s-s-sorry," he croaked out, still sobbing, "I-I'm s-so sorry, W-Wander". He blubbered between his words, reaching out hesitantly. He wanted to hug Wander as an apology, but didn't think it was the right time. "I d-didn't want to yell. I was m-mean. I'm s-s-sorry..." He looked down at the dock, choking out another sob.

"I'm not brave, Wander." He curled up defensively, holding his ankles. "I p-pretend like I'm n-not. I p-pretend to be s-someone else. Froggy, my p-puppets..." He choked out another sob, and tried to gulp it down. "But... I'm so scared, all the time... I'm scared for you, me... the whole village..."

He hid his face, mumbling into his legs. "I just wish I wasn't... I wish I was like A-Aandes LaMode..." Aandes was cool, suave, charismatic. He wasn't scared of people, of cameras, or of anything, as far as Sonnie knew. Aandes saw a glimmer of something special in him, something Sonnie still didn't see himself. He went to sleep thinking about it, constantly.

After a moment of quiet, he picked his head up, if only to look back at Wander. "I w-want it t-to be easy. It h-hurts to be scared..."  

[Gl!tch~]

All the apologizing in the world couldn't make Wander feel much better now that she let so much out. Because, honestly, almost none of it had anything to do with Sonnie. She would have to deal with it...somehow. She didn't know. But somehow. It didn't seem like Sonnie could help, and she felt bad for unloading on him.

So she just listened as he talked more, sniffling and rubbing her eyes sometimes.

"O-oh. The TV judge...?" And tied to Odette. But she didn't know much about him otherwise. Sonnie having a role model was good, though, she thought. Wander had her own trolls she idolized, but...

She pulled her legs in, thinking about it.

Wander let Sonnie hide in the meantime. When his face popped back up, she slowly reached over and patted his head. She understood that pain all too well. A lot of other swamp kids were alway so bombastic and didn't seem to have these sorts of issues. Even fellow lowbloods! Comparing hurt even more.

Still, she had to give Sonnie a soft, sympathetic smile before she went back to thinking, retracting her hand and looking off and away.

Did she admire Odette and all her accomplishments? Yes. But as she thought about it, Wander found some deep discomfort in the idea of trying to replicate someone else to succeed as well. Even for something as basic as being a brave lowblood.

"I-I think..." she said after a moment of deep reflection, "I th-think wishing we w-were like o-other people won't help. B-Because we c-can't be other people. We can only be u-us. And i-if y-you were like someone else...you w-wouldn't be Sonnie anymore... A-a-and that wouldn't be fun."

"But feeling bad l-like this... It's a lot w-worse, but. I-I don't know."

She thought about what Sonnie said earlier.

"D-d-do you th-think doing s-something important w-will m-make you less scared?"