[META PRP] Grow Up (Elidae + Kursha)

[Green Minuet]

Where: Space Tower, Kursha's Office
When: After several missions, continued from Kursha's Office

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Captain Kursha Vidari

The minute he heard the door open, Kursha hastily dropped threw the darts under his desk, swivelled around his chair, and frantically shuffled the paperwork in front of him. “Ever hear of kn...” He raised his eyes to meet the gaze of a familiar yellowblood. “Oh, hey Elidae,” he said. Dropping the papers in a sprawl across his desk, he leaned back in his chair, legs crossed.

Since the mission with Furore, the yellowblood had kept her distance and remained curt with him. Kursha noticed but paid it little attention. He was not about to open up a discussion about a problem when it might disappear on its own if he waited long enough. He wondered if the yellowblood had finally brooded long enough to mention it herself. As he regarded his moirail however, he could not help but notice the lack of her signature pep. Even when irritated, she maintained a kind of energy.

Kursha glanced towards the report she laid on his desk, then returned his gaze to Elidae. “Nice work. I'll be sure to read it in full later.” He meant it. He studied the yellowblood for a moment longer, lingering on her words, then said, “I'm sorry you had a rough time.”  

[blackbird cake]

Her gaze flickered up and she gave him a slight smile in response to his praise. It vanished with his apology. She shrugged halfheartedly, unable to verbally communicate her thoughts, though it weighed her pusher down when she realized she must have appeared different for him to comment on it. Did she really look that bad?

“It’s alright.” She finally replied, giving him a slight nod. Only taking a few steps towards exiting his office, Elidae paused with her back turned. Despite her frustrations… Elidae needed him. She knew this. It took her some time to realize a moirallegiance was a two-way relationship and sometimes she just needed that guidance.

Turning back around but keeping her gaze to the floor, Elidae kept her lips sealed shut and she swallowed hard. They threatened to wobble as she spoke. She took in a deep sigh. It had been more than a moment of silence.

“Can I talk to you about it?” Finally, she looked back up to him to meet his gaze.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Captain Kursha Vidari

Elidae's brusque response stung, and his shoulders sagged when the yellowblood turned away to leave. He edged forward in his chair, inching after her. After a few steps however, Elidae faced him, averting her gaze. Kursha froze, poised between action and hesitation. He slowly leaned forward, to rest his elbows on his desk. His eyes searched the shadows of Elidae's face.

“You've got the wrong office--Dr. Resmem is just two doors down,” Kursha responded, answer as flippant as ever. He gestured to one of the chairs. “Go ahead and pull up a seat. What's on your thinkpan, Elibug?”  

[blackbird cake]

Not even cracking a smile, Elidae slowly sat into one of the chairs. It felt refreshing to be referred to as ‘Elibug’, however. … she might have smiled just a little.

Fiddling with the cuffs of her uniform, the yellowblood pursed her lips as she tried to decide where to start. “It was really hard.” She said, voice threatening to crack.

“I watched dozens- maybe over a hundred- trolls just… die. All at once.” With furrowed brows, her exhausted eyes flickered to the report. “I couldn’t even think about it. I didn’t want to. I just… needed to do what I needed to do. Until we came back.” Elidae paused, looking to the ceiling in mild frustration in response to the heavy emotions she felt. Easily, she didn’t want them. With a sudden burst of energy, she jot up from her seat.

“And then Nucleo and Amonee! They just- they’re too…” Elidae struggled to find the words to describe. “They’re my friends… but up there? It felt so strange to me. It felt strange because they don’t see this-“ Elidae motioned to the room, but as well as the military atmosphere in general, and then she put a finger on her pin. “Or this- the same way we do. And no matter how hard I tried to stay on mission and push through- it almost felt like… they weighed me down. They wanted to be sad about it. And it is sad-” Elidae’s face fell into pain as she spoke, bringing a hand over her pusher and gripping at the fabric of her uniform. “But there’s nothing we can do about it. And I couldn’t explain that to them because its… different to them. They’re trolls, but they’re not built for… this.”

Casting her eyes to the floor again, Elidae fell silent for a while. “I don’t even know if I’m built for this… What if that becomes us one day…?” She trailed off, grabbing her arm with the other and finally settled into one of the chairs across from his desk once again. The yellowblood appeared close to becoming ill and dejected.

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Captain Kursha Vidari

The lessons of death and violence had been imparted to Kursha early on in his youth. He knew better than to bat an eye at killing, and felt little worse than mild interest when watching a fight. He had seen trolls stabbed, shot, beheaded, burned, and blasted to pieces. It did nothing to faze him, unless he was in the thick of it. Elidae was different though.

He watched her with a steady expression, unreadable though different from his usual stoic stare. His brows furrowed and a hint of concern in his eyes betrayed his mood. They had first met in a war zone, and he himself had been bleeding out, surrounded by dozens more of the dead or dying. He wondered just how much of that she blocked from her memory.

As Elidae went on to talk about her recruits--a quick glance at the report told him that those were their names--Kursha listened with rapt attention. He kept still and quiet, though his eyes followed her short, distressed movements. His gaze lingered on the badge pinned to her jacket.

When Elidae sank back into her chair, having worn herself out at least for the moment, Kursha rose from his. He crossed around to the front of the desk, and perched on the edge. His hand settled on the yellowblood's shoulder. “Hey, don't worry about it,” he said, grinning. “Those guys were idiots, and anyway, it's impossible for that to ever happen. I'll shoot anyone within a mile radius who tries to lay a finger on you. You're too cute to die.”  

[blackbird cake]

Elidae’s lip twitched. Kursha’s attempt to assuage her was sweet and she usually found his words charming, albeit a little tactless. However, she felt uncertain about most of what he said, then couldn’t help but tighten her lips together when telling her she was too cute to die. It had her almost giggle, yet she felt so troubled at the same time.

“The gerbils were cute- and they died. ” She shot back, her mouth forming into a pout. “… Thank you though.” Hand slowly placed gently on his, she gave it a tight squeeze and didn’t let it go. “You always do make me feel safe.” She then offered him a slight smile, before her face fell again.

“They weren’t idiots though. They were real trolls. Same as you or I.” She gave him a hard look. “I know what you’re trying to say here. I just…” Elidae’s voice trailed off again.

“Why did you recruit me? Why did you promote me .” Elidae suddenly asked, looking up to him with genuinely quizzical eyes that somewhat resembled a sad barkbeast. “Is it because I’m your moirail?”

 

[Green Minuet]

[+] Captain Kursha Vidari

Kursha scoffed at the gerbil remark, but said nothing. That was an argument for another time.

“A little bit,” he replyed, adjusting himself on the desk. “It gives me an excuse to keep you close by, and protects you from any kind of harassment.” A lowblood generally would not make it far up the military ladder without considerable scrutiny, but a few rungs would keep her elevated above the common rabble.

“But also I thought it would benefit you.” Retrieving his hand, Kursha leaned back on his desk. He turned to look up towards the ceiling. “I thought you could learn a thing or two from being in a position of command. Have a chance to take charge, take responsibility for yourself, yada yada. I wanted to see what you could do.”

Without moving his head, his gaze descended on Elidae. “Do you think that was a bad decision?”  

[blackbird cake]

Did she think it was a bad decision? Admittedly, being this close to him allowed her to feel much more comfortable and secure than being on her own. Yet it also allowed her to go and take leadership positions without him.The treatment from other lowbloods changed dramatically when they noticed her rank, and even some highbloods took notice. Actually experiencing it gave her much more understanding about what it meant. Despite her apprehension over her performance, she quite liked it.

“No.” Elidae finally responded, and then she adjusted in her chair and straightened her back. “Do you think it was?” Expecting nothing but honesty from Kursha, Elidae awaited for his answer.  

[Green Minuet]

[+] Captain Kursha Vidari

“Nah, not at all.” Kursha relaxed, putting his hands in his lap. His feet gently swung back and forth.. Suddenly he grinned at the yellowblood with mischief in his eyes. “Though if you'd have said yes, I would have demoted you right then and given your badge to Klinte Estwud instead.” He picked up the figurine from his desk.

“Pretty tough competition,” he went on, wiggling the tiny cowboy in front of Elidae's lookstubs. “But for now, you have him beat.”  

[blackbird cake]

Sincere and heartfelt, Elidae began giggling again. She couldn’t stay sad when his adorable silliness began to shine. “Wow, I beat Klinte Estwud?” Elidae gasped, feigning shock. Wearing her biggest smile yet, Elidae reached for the figure and took it from him, and then she held him up, squinting at it. “You must see quite a lot in me.” In truth, the comment did somewhat cheer her up and allow her to relax, even if he meant for it to make her laugh. Kursha did believe in her. How much did he believe in others? She fiddled around with the figure for a moment, looking it over a few times.

“Would you ever promote your other recruit?” Elidae suddenly asked in genuine curiosity, though she soon came to regret bringing it up. She already knew the answer, yet a small part of her desperately wanted him to surprise her.  

[Green Minuet]

[+] Captain Kursha Vidari

Kursha chuckled under his breath and rolled his eyes. “Just the action figure. But still, the greatest troll who ever lived,” he retorted. Nevermind that Klinte Estwud was purely a troll of fiction. Actually, whether or not Kursha knew that particular fact was debateable.

His eyebrows lifted at Elidae's next question. Leeroi Furore. Sooner or later, he had expected the blueblood to come up in conversation. Still, he rather hoped to skip that subject. He clasped his hands together in his lap, and resisted the urge to look at his nails.

“I would. He's a brat, but he's made of the right stuff.” Kursha tipped his head to one side. “And I'm not just talking about his blood hue. He's got the right attitude, he just needs to learn some self-restraint. And respect. I think you picked up on that last one.”  

[blackbird cake]

Yeah. She did. But she also recognized she could say the same about him sometimes. Elidae looked to the side and exhaled slowly. "Well, maybe you should, too." The quietly mumbled words to herself came out as effortlessly as she thought them. Before he could say anything in return, she shook her head and crossed her arms.

"You know, I tried to talk to him the other night. About what happened. And why he feels so angry towards you. I wanted to understand so I could help." The remembrance of the conversation had the yellowblood’s lip jut out in a pout, her face burned hot from a mixture of embarrassment and an assortment of other feelings. Clearly distressed, Elidae looked at anything but Kursha. Here it was, the anger that continued to linger with her that she almost thought she could forget.

"He thinks I'm the one to blame for the way you treat him." Finally, her eyes flickered up to Kursha. It was brief, but strong in emotion. Questioning, apprehensive, frustrated, exhausted. Leeroi had his reasons. She knew he wasn’t exactly a perfect angel, of course. But Kursha definitely wasn’t one either. It was something she had to learn real quickly with becoming his moiral, but sometimes she felt as if he always slipped through her grasp without considering her. Anything he did, she now felt the scrutiny. Maybe it really was her fault.

“He doesn't want to talk to me anymore because- because of it. I don’t think he likes either of us very much…” She exhaled pathetically by how sad this made her. Kursha didn’t know. It felt stupid to Elidae to even mention it by now.

Then, she looked up at him with a hurting stare. Her voice unwillingly cracked. “Don’t you know that the way you treat others affects me too?”  

[Green Minuet]

[+] Captain Kursha Vidari

Elidae's words cut through his chest, like a shot to his bloodpusher. Stunned, he stared at the yellowblood. After a beat his shoulders hunched, and he tensed like a snake ready to lunge. Whatever defensive reply leapt to his tongue however, he swallowed back again. Elidae cut him off and started in again. A familiar stoic mask settled across the greenblood's features, as he sank down into his chair, turbulent and broody.

“What? That's ridiculous,” Kursha interjected. He could not help himself. Elidae gave him a look though, and he sulkily resigned himself to silence until she had finished. His fingers drummed rapidly against the desk while he listened, bad mood festering. Then the yellowblood met his eyes with a pained expression. All his irritation vanished in an instant.

He rose from his chair and brought his palms down on his desk. “Of course, I... But it has nothing to do with you!” Kursha exclaimed, fumbling with his words. “What a load of crap. He's an idiot for thinking something like that. I'm not your... responsibility...” Realisation dawned on Kursha. As the cogs turned in his thinkpan, he seemed to deflate. He withered back into his chair, all his energy gone.

Kursha pressed his palm into his forehead. “Look, none of this was supposed to have any bearing on you. I'm sorry that it did.” The words felt awkward and alien in his mouth. He took on a wheedling tone. “But anyway, it was just a joke. Nobody got hurt. And you have to admit it was kind of fun watching him dance around like that. Am I right? Pretty funny?” He grinned at the yellowblood, eyes alight with mischief, as he tried to cajole a smile out of her.  

[blackbird cake]

If only for a moment, the yellowblood considered his apology. Seeing Kursha broken down like this had her pumpbiscuit flutter with fret. And yet, no sooner had her anger been sedated by his show of remorse, it flourished by his quickness to attempt pulling wool over her eyes and join him in his fun. As much as she dreaded it, she wouldn’t let it go.

“NO!” Elidae immediately returned, shooting up from her chair with her hands balled into fists. “No, it wasn’t funny, Kursha! It wasn’t funny to me! It wasn’t funny to Hifumi! And it certainly wasn’t funny to Leeroi! You-” Elidae stopped herself from speaking harmful words. No. She couldn’t tell him something she knew would be too sensitive for him. It wasn’t unnecessary. She started again, but remained in a heated state.

“What if someone did get hurt? We were supposed to be a team. Including you. We don’t shoot at each other like it’s some kind of game.” She huffed in exasperation, every word she spoke vibrated with accelerating anger. “Look, I saw him shove you. And I’m sorry about that. I am in no way saying you’re entirely at fault here. But- I know there are underlying issues.” She turned her head, air rushing through her nostrils. She thought of the talk with Leeroi about when they were kids “And I don’t get why you have to pick on him. I don’t get why you have to pick on anyone who hasn’t done anything wrong to you. Any time we went on a mission together, you… you-you-you were a jerk!” She heaved heavy breathes, tears bringing to spring at the corners of her eyes. She had yet to spill them, however.

“You know what? You’ve been a total jackass!”