[PRP] Trash Bash (Oliver & Cassandra)

[Melancholies]

Oliver Beaumont needed to get a better grip on his were instincts.

As a human, he found that it was easier to deal with his heightened senses via the mundane mind of a simple raccoon. As such, he'd started an early (possibly bad) habit of transforming himself in the real world when the urges hit him, but he had mostly kept himself contained to his house. Sometimes he couldn't resist burrowing through their own trash. Other times he found his way onto the counters to obsessively wash his weird hand-paws. But going outside? That was off limits because it was dangerous.

At least, that's what he kept telling himself. As time went on though, he found himself more and more restless, more and more drawn to the great outdoors. One day it was too much.

Suffice to say, this is how one raccoon (not an actual raccoon) ended up rifling through someones garbage at who-the-hell knew o'clock. His sensitive nose was going bonkers over something in the can (and the fools hadn't put a wildlife proof lid on top), but he was genuinely distressed when he found the source of the "delicious smell"

...they seemed to be tupperwear full of rotten... something, he couldn't even tell anymore. His tail floofed out as he tried to imagine why the hell anyone would throw perfectly good containers away, and even more so at the idea that someone would let food sit this long to the point of absolute annihilation.

Suddenly, his balanced wavered. Over he went, trashcan clattering onto the ground noisily with him.

demon_pachabel

I HOPE THIS IS OK LMAOOOO

 

[demon_pachabel]

Cassandra didn't wash tupperwares. She simply threw them away. Not always empty. Which was probably why she'd been told by one of the neighboring apartments that their cans had a tendency to....attract the local wildlife. Cassandra had immediately assumed bears. She would have been quite the amusement if there had been a bear, so she always checked outside before she went out.

For bears.

She'd been informed later that she was in fact NOT looking for bears, but she never the less checked for bears. Just in case the one time she didn't check there were bears. But it seemed outside was relatively bear free. Which meant she could take out her own trash safely.

Or so it had seemed halfway down the stairs when she suddenly hear one of the cans clatter over. Immediately, her attention turned to where the cans lived. Especially that knocked over one. She didn't have any anti-bear goods. So she eaaaaased carefully down the stairs and inched around the corner. No bear. She checked behind her as well. No ninja-bears. Good.

Which meant she was safe to nudge the can, her bag of leftovers-that-had-sat-in-the-trash too long held safely between herself and whatever-not-bear was in the can.

Melancholies

Enjoy the bear video.

 

[Melancholies]

Thankfully, Oliver wasn't a bear. One could argue that he was, perhaps, a (unofficial) trash panda, and that panders were technically bears... sort of. It was in their name. Point being that it was a long shot, and Oliver would never be quite as dangerous as a bear would. Maybe. Were's might actually be more dangerous that bears in certain situations.

Unfortunately this wasn't the case now, as Ollie—rather, a seemingly ordinary raccoon—was dazed under the weight of the trash can. It was poignant almost; this was the moment of utter hubris in a Shakespearean play, crushed under the weight of his own pride and greed. Suddenly the can moved.

A loud (if not utterly pathetic) screech filled the air as he flailed wildly against the can, his paws scrabbling to push it off of him. He was a wimp. It was a really sad display.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

When the can started to shriek and flail, Cassandra also began to shriek (but not so much flail). She could see the tail sticking out from the can, and while her brain had picked up 'Yes hello, that is a raccoon,' the forefront of her thoughts was yelling SMALL BEAR, SMALL DEVIL, SMALL SOMETHING THAT SCREAMS, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

After her panicked shouts finally trailed off, Cass did at least get half the mind to pick up the trash can, holding it off to one side so she could shove her own trash into it - and somewhat hide behind it - as she investigated the tiny-not-actually-a-bear-but-its-a-bear situation.

Once her ENTIRE brain had caught up with her, Cass relaxed. Ok. It was a raccoon. Raccoons were OK as long as she didn't let it bite her and give her horrible diseases like rabies. "Hey there little guy," she asked in her most soothing voice, crouching down as she held onto the can for support. "Are you okay now? Were you just enjoying my tasty garbage?"

Because she was a horrible adult. Her trash probably was amazing.

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

Ollie laid there like a slain foe. His leg twitched. His tongue lolled dramatically out of the side of his mouth as he laid there, stretched out on his back. He was fresh roadkill—er, rather, trash kill. Except now the women was speaking with him instead of trying to kill him or something, so that was a bonus. He could understand speech even if he couldn't articulate it.

In fact, he rolled onto his front legs and gave himself a good shake before looking up at Cassandra calmly. Then, he nodded—yes, nodded—because he was in fact enjoying her tasty garbage, even if it was extremely concerning and covered in mold that could quite possibly hold the cure for cancer. Or be the next mass-marketed biological weapon. His tail wagged. Raccoons, as far as he knew, didn't wag their tails like dogs. His snout wiggled.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

To her surprise, the little furry guy didn't just run off. That's what wild animals did, right? It...nodded? Cass looked more than a little startled at this fact, holding the trash can a little bit closer to herself, in case she had just met the world's smartest raccoon and would need to defend herself.

Because that made sense.

The tail wag just confused her even more. This..this was perhaps the weirdest experience of her life so far (and thankfully wasn't with a bear). Carefully, Cass nudged the trash can back onto it's side so that it was available, but not currently squishing her new, apparently articulate friend. "Is this better?" she asked, though she knew the lady next door would be livid if she was caught feeding the local wildlife.

It was cute wildlife at least.

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

Cassandra wasn't wrong about it being a smart raccoon at least. This was a raccoon who was aiming for a double major in music and business after all! Business raccoon. At the offering of the trash, Ollie leaned forward to give it another curious sniff, but seemed revolted at the sight of the tupper wear again. Even he wasn't that bad, at least not yet. Fresh garbage only please.

He shook his head this time before sitting back on his back legs. He rubbed his front paws together before holding them out not unlike a street urchin begging for pocket change. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized this was very stupid and highly unbecoming. At the forefront of his thoughts, all he could think about was the possibility of fresh food. It seemed the quickest way to either Beaumont's heart was through their respective stomach.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

Cass watched, brows raised in some weird amazement. She'd been informed (several times) as she was moving in that Ashdown was a strange place, but so far the most unique interaction was with a raccoon. "Oh, so now we're too good for the garbage, eh?" she laughed. "Can't say I know what else I can offer you little buddy. Most I got are TV dinners and my leftover Chinese food from lunch." It hadn't been great, but Cass had yet to make friends with Chinese food that was.

"I don't know if the landlady would like you much in my apartment," because taking the sapient raccoon into her apartment was her first line of logic there, rather than bringing food out, "and I don't know if you'll like Ted. I don't think animals typically like Ted." That was ominous. Whoever Ted was, she didn't clarify.

"Do you like Chinese Food?" it was going to end up in the trash anyways.

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

He sat there, wiggling slightly. Of course he was too good for garbage. He was a magical ******** raccoon. He just took what he could get out of sheer desperation; not because he was into spoiled goods. To that end, TV dinners and Chinese sounded absolutely amazing.

He hopped back onto his front legs before doing a few excited circles around Cassandra. That is to say, they were more like a slow mosey, but it was also the most movement he'd put forward in this entire encounter. He opened his mouth and chittered before meandering towards the actual apartments. He didn't know which door she had come out of, but he was also only trying to make a point.

demon_pachabel

just wait till he shifts back on accident

 

[demon_pachabel]

Whelp. Looked like her new 'coon friend was going inside with her and Cass wasn't going to second guess it. "Hope Ted doesn't scare ya," she said as she headed up the steps, pausing occasionally to see if her new little buddy (the cutest not-bear little buddy she'd met in this town yet) was following after her. She'd definitely toss him out if he tried to move in, though.

Up to the second floor and down the hallway, Cass's apartment definitely wasn't something that would be described as 'has a great view'. Which was part of why it had been a good deal for someone like her. She hadn't even bothered to lock the door and a step inside made it clear as to why. Her little studio apartment was barely put together and to put it simply: Cass didn't own s**t.

There was, however, a Roomba buzzing it's way around the floor, occasionally bumping into a still-packed box and then turning directions and whrring off in another direction. "Hey Ted," she greeted it, "don't vacuum our new friend up." It wasn't as though she expected the machine to understand her, though. Then it was off to the fridge. Cass took out the styrofoam tray of Lo Mein, opened it, then set it on the floor to test the reaction.

"Better?"

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

Ted was a monster.

Except, Oliver had the foresight to not freak out, but he could see why a roomba was the natural enemy of any small creature. From this height and his sensitive hearing, the soft whrring sounded like a jet engine of death. He hopped towards it and then hopped backwards again, his fur floofed out. He would probably regret all of this later whenever he shifted back into a human and got his clarity sorted out.

As it was, there was lo mein up for grabs now, and he quickly scuttled past the roomba to get to it. Sweet, sweet salvation. He didn't even bother inspecting it before digging in. Even the eerie, emptiness

At least, until the roomba bumped into one of his legs, which made him jump like three solid feet into the air. He did a frantic spin before eating again. Couldn't resist the noodles it seemed. God, remind him to order some take out later.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

"Hey now," Cass gently picked up the whirring Roomba and moved it closer to her bed after she'd gotten to be a front seat witness to the amazing levitating raccoon trick. Once set down, Ted resumed as if it had never been interrupted, now safely away from the kitchen.

Once the Roomba had been resituated, she walked over to the counter, leaning over it to watch Ollie as he partook of his offering of delicious (but extremely not healthy) noodle-y goodness. Well. It was the closest to a pet she was going to have that wasn't Ted. Not that she was planning on keeping him.

Though she did have the foresight to step around the wild animal that she'd WILLINGLY LET INTO HER APARTMENT (the landlady would lose her mind if she found out), taking her only bowl out of her cabinet and filling it with water. She set it on the floor as well, just to be safe.

"Unless you prefer soda."

Which she was actually bracing herself for.

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

Oliver thankfully took to the water, far preferring it to soda (dr. pepper was okay, mountain dew was a close second, but he still didn't like either that much). His tail wagged again like a dogs would before he resumed the noodles. He wasn't even making a mess like any normal animal would! What a kind guy.

Except, it was a lot of food for one raccoon to consume. Maybe as a human he would have had a better time of it, but suddenly his brain said dude what the ******** stop and he felt himself get a surge of sickness. He wobbled on his feet a little before keeling over pathetically again, bloated and comatose.

demon_pachabel

you killed him

 

[demon_pachabel]

This whole 'there's a sapient raccoon in my house' experience was extremely surreal and it was probably the most consistently she'd care for any creature that wasn't herself ever. When her new friend keeled over (she'd had many a plant do the same thing), Cass frowned, not exactly eager to reach out and check to see if he was breathing (because seriously, wild animal).

Instead she crouched to the floor to watch for it instead, wondering if there was something in Chinese food that was maybe poisonous to the local wildlife and she probably shouldn't have been eating it herself.

Cass first deferred to Ted: "Do I leave it inside? Do I take it outside?" Ted just whrred and bumped into boxes helplessly. No help there. She moved to phase two and googled:

'What should I do if a raccoon passes out after eating my chinese food?'

Google did not help.

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

Oliver's leg twitched. It was too much for his poor, forlorn little raccoon body to handle. The magic gave out at a very unfortunate moment; as Cass was busy consulting google, the raccoon suddenly shuddered before morphing back into what appeared to be a... full sized human. Or at least mostly human, as he still had the tiny grey ears, the tail, the mask on his face...

Oliver still, however, laid there strewn like a corpse, almost ignorant to his own shift.

demon_pachabel