hello hello, my name is Carolyn.
Anyone in this guild that has visited my little journal-type post thing before kinda knows where this is going, but if you haven't here's some info:
I am almost 21 now, and for most of my life I've struggled with what I am pretty sure is depression, but I've never really talked to anyone or tried to get help before.
Back in high school there was one time where I was in a particularly dark place, I was thinking about killing myself almost every day, I was actually pretty close to killing myself to be honest, but I'm not really going to get into those details right now!
At that point in my life I tried to talk to my friend about my struggles, but she brushed them off, and it has taken me a long time to start trying to talk about things again. I started by talking about it with one of my friends online.
This past fall things started getting pretty bad for me again. I had issues with self harm for a long time, and I thought I had that in check, but nope. I ended up taking a mental health screening that my school had linked to online which said my answers were "highly consistent with depression", but the only thing that they really suggest is that I contact one of the counselors at the college, and I'm not sure if that's what I want to do or not.
Basically I am making this post because I am not sure what I should do. I'm not quite sure if I am ready to confide in one of my friends again, or if I should go about trying to seek professional help. And if I should I don't even know where to start....
My mom is in charge of my insurance, so I don't know what would be covered under it or what kind of doctor I need to talk to about this. (And I really don't want to talk to her about this, my parents are probably the last people I want to talk to about this, because I know exactly how they will react)
I just know I am sick of feeling this way and I want to get help. I want to stop feeling so worthless and lost, or like I deserve to just die.
Anyone in this guild that has visited my little journal-type post thing before kinda knows where this is going, but if you haven't here's some info:
I am almost 21 now, and for most of my life I've struggled with what I am pretty sure is depression, but I've never really talked to anyone or tried to get help before.
Back in high school there was one time where I was in a particularly dark place, I was thinking about killing myself almost every day, I was actually pretty close to killing myself to be honest, but I'm not really going to get into those details right now!
At that point in my life I tried to talk to my friend about my struggles, but she brushed them off, and it has taken me a long time to start trying to talk about things again. I started by talking about it with one of my friends online.
This past fall things started getting pretty bad for me again. I had issues with self harm for a long time, and I thought I had that in check, but nope. I ended up taking a mental health screening that my school had linked to online which said my answers were "highly consistent with depression", but the only thing that they really suggest is that I contact one of the counselors at the college, and I'm not sure if that's what I want to do or not.
Basically I am making this post because I am not sure what I should do. I'm not quite sure if I am ready to confide in one of my friends again, or if I should go about trying to seek professional help. And if I should I don't even know where to start....
My mom is in charge of my insurance, so I don't know what would be covered under it or what kind of doctor I need to talk to about this. (And I really don't want to talk to her about this, my parents are probably the last people I want to talk to about this, because I know exactly how they will react)
I just know I am sick of feeling this way and I want to get help. I want to stop feeling so worthless and lost, or like I deserve to just die.