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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 8:26 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 9:16 pm
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 6:19 am
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Nu Sanniang It takes time, honestly and you have to get to a place where you have to understand forgiveness has nothing to do with the person you're forgiving but yourself. I am firm believe we as humans are not "built" to hold/have intense negative emotions and it WILL appear in other aspects of your life. Maybe in how you view people/treat people. Some folks believe it won't affect them but it does. Understand that if your mother is with him by choice too. All you can do is try to support her as much as possible even though I would try to talk to her and get someone involve because that can become dangerous fast but I digress. My father was physically abusive to my mom and eventually sexually abusing me. So, I understand how forgivness may seem impossible, but its a one day kind of thing. I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you and your mom.
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 11:08 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 11:54 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 11:55 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 12:14 pm
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XxAriaxX Starphyr My father was never home, but he would daily rape me an my little sister... And beat my little brother to near death... I still hate him to this day It will always sadden me to hear that people went through this. I can understand your hate. I hope your family is fine now. As long as my daughter never has to feel that kind of pain, I should be fine.
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 7:48 pm
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Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 3:40 am
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 7:44 am
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allmostanyone I haven't decided if I want to forgive my father for his actions. I don't know if forgiveness is as easy as simply "deciding" it but maybe... He Is a very ill man now so I sometimes think he's suffering enough as is, let things go, but then his old self makes an appearance and reminds me that he was always abusive, does being sick now nullify past actions? So far I don't think so. Sometimes I think he is just a yucky human being. Mostly he is emotionally and verbally abusive, the most towards my mom calling her horrible names in front of us and the younger ones even. She'll fight back with him asking him to say such things around the kids, he will then get even madder "You're bringing them into this. this is not about them. don't act like you care about them" Completely oblivious that he is the one doing the hurting. Like the things he says should just bounce off us but if they don't and we tell him it hurts us he acts like we're being petty by holding on to past events and that we're siding with her by admitting that his words do infact bother us. People talk about how forgiveness is medicine for the soul, and how they feel light and free after forgiving past pains, I would very much like to have some of that but still, I still don't feel forgiveness in me. I totally understand !
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 2:48 pm
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Was my father abusive? Yes. Was he mentally unstable? Yes. Did therapy work? If only. I was like my father though - we had the same conditions, the same past: Abused our entire lives by "family" and "friends", yet I do not understand him so. Will I ever understand him, may there be a time but for now I do not. It's hard to hold a grudge, yet it's a normal human act that happens. More over, it differs from human to human - mental stability that is. Even though we have the same conditions does not change the fact how well we deal with them such or how strong they are as a disadvantage. However, from my conditions I have learnt to use them at their advantage for my own benefit, I hope my father learns that soon. It will take time, as he has already lost two daughters, me included in that set. One is going, out of four, he really needs to pull his act together. Before it's too late. Yes, I forgive him to some extent but I can never consider him as my "father" due to his actions and the fact he has yet to repent for them so. Until he acknowledges I only forgave him due to my personality, I will not consider him as my father.
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:23 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 8:39 am
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My mother and father divorced when I was 2 years old, so the father figure I am most familiar with is my step-father.
When my mom and him were dating, he was awesome. We went to Disneyland, and he treated me like his own daughter. However, once my mom got pregnant and they married, things changed.
While my step-father never hit me, he was verbally abusive (calling me "ugly" and "stupid"). He also did some crappy things to hurt my feelings, like taking my little brother for McDonald's (and leaving me out), leaving my mom to make things right (she would buy me a doughnut to make up for it - I love doughnuts to this day).
My step-father was VERY abusive to my mom. Verbally, physically, even sexually. He cheated on her constantly as well.
Since he'd forced her to move so far away from her friends and family (think thousands of miles) it took her awhile to get the resources to get away.
Within the last couple years he tried to get in touch with her again, as if nothing had happened. I told him to leave her alone and blocked him on Facebook. stare a*****e.
No, I don't think I can forgive him. Maybe when I get a little older and have some perspective, or maybe in my next life. I dunno. But I'm not counting on it.
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 4:18 pm
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the mage-girl My mother and father divorced when I was 2 years old, so the father figure I am most familiar with is my step-father. When my mom and him were dating, he was awesome. We went to Disneyland, and he treated me like his own daughter. However, once my mom got pregnant and they married, things changed. While my step-father never hit me, he was verbally abusive (calling me "ugly" and "stupid"). He also did some crappy things to hurt my feelings, like taking my little brother for McDonald's (and leaving me out), leaving my mom to make things right (she would buy me a doughnut to make up for it - I love doughnuts to this day). My step-father was VERY abusive to my mom. Verbally, physically, even sexually. He cheated on her constantly as well. Since he'd forced her to move so far away from her friends and family (think thousands of miles) it took her awhile to get the resources to get away. Within the last couple years he tried to get in touch with her again, as if nothing had happened. I told him to leave her alone and blocked him on Facebook. stare a*****e. No, I don't think I can forgive him. Maybe when I get a little older and have some perspective, or maybe in my next life. I dunno. But I'm not counting on it. I can totally understand.
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