For as long as I can remember, I've been chronically afraid of social interaction with other people. Tonight I was reminded of how awful it is and how much it affects my life. I went to an open interview for a job, and when I saw how many people were in the room, I immediately left. I panicked and I just told myself I would not get the job anyway, so it wasn't worth it. Although after I left I felt so ******** worthless for passing up an opportunity just because I couldn't deal with my nervousness.
It's too late to go back now, and I feel horrible about it. I wish I could just control my social anxiety like any normal person, but it completely controls me. I hate myself so much. I feel like there is so much wrong with me that I can't function like a normal person or ever hope to do things that a normal person would do. I feel like suicide is my only way out. I don't want to live being such a flawed human being.
Sad, Depressed and Lonely~!~
Come here to chat and hang out with people that understand
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