My Damaged Body and Mind :: How is YOUR health?

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

Hello, Losers.

I assume that we're all here for the same purpose-- Our health and vanity.

We all have our own personalities and guilty pleasures that make weight loss and overall health a hard goal to achieve because health in today's society is set by media/statistic standards, but yet we have many goodies and relaxation opportunities paraded in front of each day. These dopamine enhancers shown by the same standard makers are easier to grab off the shelves on a fast paced day than to get the will up to have a rock hard body like those in the magazines and television. Which is why achieving those fabulous goals of perfection are harder to grasp than working out for an hour a day. Even with out the media and statistic standards, life is now too impatient to let us learn the joy of burning calories or eating fresh garden veggies.

Reading that, I'm sure that you can find your faults in life that keep you from your goal. Each of our lives have lead us to these bodies that we aren't as affectionate to as we should be. We each have our individual stories about our health, for our health directly reflects our entire lives.

My Own Demise

From the beginning of my life everything in had a depressing tone to it. My father was a black out drunk and my mother was a drop out. We were also terribly poor. What does a poor kid with a ton of food stamps do? Eat, eat, eat, because there is nothing else to do. Throughout childhood I always put too much food on my plate in fear that it disappear and that I won't be able to eat that much ever again. A silly idea, but in the brain of a five year old scouring the cupboards it made sense.

By seventh grade I was 4'9" and weighed 165lbs. I just wanted to chop off the blubber and be pretty like my older sister, but that couldn't happen if I were to just sit in front of the TV all day and eat everything in the fridge. My mother brought me to the gym and had me to do cardio classes for three months. I lost about seven lbs. in two months, but then I had to move to another city. It was an old, little colonial-like town which had no gym or sports. I stayed fat until the end of summer when I lost a total of 25 lbs.

How did I do it? I starved. There was no food in the house. In consequence, I gained weight back because of my poor metabolism.

By ninth grade I was at 145 lbs, mostly because I shedded baby fat and had to ride my bike everywhere. I believe that I never got WAY back up to the 60's because I became vegetarian-- decreasing my calorie intake.
I stayed around that weight until eleventh grade where I weighed down to 130lbs. 5'1" and 130lbs wasn't too shabby. But then an extreme event had befallen me once again and I ended up back at 155. I binged almost everyday and just didn't care. As long as my face was still 'pretty' and I could dress well, I didn't care. Also, I was too busy with dreading life and speeding through daily activities that I didn't notice I was getting fat again.

The present

Now I'm in twelfth grade and currently at 137lbs, shedding that 155 I was at during this past summer. In middle of December I was at 148lbs, now at the middle of February I am at 137lbs. I exercised when I could in December, I was really freakin' busy.
At the end of January I started to exercise almost every day, and in this past week I've exercised 45 minutes a day. I've lost 11 lbs in 2 months, but now that I'm loving my daily cardio and weight lifting I think that I can lose ten lbs this month. I just have to stay away from fried food and sweety treats. OH. AND NOT BINGE ON DELICIOUS FOOD.

I've always felt like the chubby girl in the room, even if someone 400lbs is sitting next to me. I want to have a clear four pack and a boney jaw.
Everyone in my family was a complete STICK at my age, so I feel like the odd one. Well, I am the odd one but normally in a good way compared to the rest of my genes.

GOAL!


My weight now- 137 lbs
Waist line- 31 inches

Wanted weight- 115
Waist line- 25 or 24

Your stories


So, what are you doing here?
How do you exercise?
Need advice?
Have tips for me?
What in your life has lead you up to this exact point with your body?
How do you feel in public about your looks?
Over all, what's up?  

[Anzelia La Belle]

My entire life too was like that only my dad never got drunk but he abused us at any turn. sometimes for no reason. I never had much food so when we did get a good meal i scarfed it all down. I never realized then how bad of a habit that was. I was 3'8" in 1st grade and weighed 120lbs. >.> That's pretty damn fat for a freaking child. I thought so I developed an eating disorder.

Yup for thirteen years I was anorexic and bulimic. I was afraid to eat, I was afraid to gain it back. I had lost my weight and by time I entered 7th grade I was a lovely 5'3" 120lbs and getting thinner. I was 115b by time I hit 8th grade and then something happened. My best friend died. I binged and in a month went up to 230 and since then i switched to bulimia because i knew it was faster. I was a desperate, twisted child who was to vain to realize how hard core I ******** up my body.

Yeah I went to the gym then cardio was love. I managed to loose myself down to 215 but my boyfriend at the time wanted skinny 110lb girls like my friend karen -who i love- and so I well...it was an endless cycle, the second wanted a body like dolly parton. I tried.

My life story in a nut shell: I was the youngest, my father was abusive, my brother was my only friend, ED's are my life, I'm struggling with relpasing and I have yet to give up trying to loose weight.

I'm now bouncing around the 190-200 range = x=;; need me a fixed diet and cardio routine.  

[Roslin]

You guys are both so strong! I know you can both achieve your goals.  

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

Anzelia La Belle

My entire life too was like that only my dad never got drunk but he abused us at any turn. sometimes for no reason. I never had much food so when we did get a good meal i scarfed it all down. I never realized then how bad of a habit that was. I was 3'8" in 1st grade and weighed 120lbs. >.> That's pretty damn fat for a freaking child. I thought so I developed an eating disorder.

Yup for thirteen years I was anorexic and bulimic. I was afraid to eat, I was afraid to gain it back. I had lost my weight and by time I entered 7th grade I was a lovely 5'3" 120lbs and getting thinner. I was 115b by time I hit 8th grade and then something happened. My best friend died. I binged and in a month went up to 230 and since then i switched to bulimia because i knew it was faster. I was a desperate, twisted child who was to vain to realize how hard core I ******** up my body.

Yeah I went to the gym then cardio was love. I managed to loose myself down to 215 but my boyfriend at the time wanted skinny 110lb girls like my friend karen -who i love- and so I well...it was an endless cycle, the second wanted a body like dolly parton. I tried.

My life story in a nut shell: I was the youngest, my father was abusive, my brother was my only friend, ED's are my life, I'm struggling with relpasing and I have yet to give up trying to loose weight.

I'm now bouncing around the 190-200 range = x=;; need me a fixed diet and cardio routine.

Awe, dear, I'm so sorry that a friend of yours died. That would have also broken my heart.
Abusive childhoods suck the most. D:
They often ruin a person's entire outlook on life, making many things hard besides health.

It seems like anorexia and bulimea is developing more in youngsters these days. Quite sad. I had a friend in seventh grade that was anorexic and she had to spend many years in a hospital...

The hardest thing is fixing the cardio routine. DDDD:

I didn't start an actual routine until I got past the point of my muscles acheing.

I'm sure if you just cut out uber-caloric foods and even walk a bit each day that you'll be able to get a jump start on your weight loss.
:]
Good luck with it! It's hard, but worth it.

 

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

Roslin

You guys are both so strong! I know you can both achieve your goals.

Thank you.
:]

What are your goals?

 

[Roslin]

My History
I don't really know what made me fat. When I was little my parents described me as the tall skinny future supermodel type.

My mom had gestational diabetes when she was carrying me so I was an abnormally large kid to start with. I was always noticeably taller than kids my age, but I was the perfect balance of kid fat and lanky too. I think the first time I started seeing I was more than just being kid fat was around age eight. I don't know how much weight I gained but I know even then I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I looked but I wasn't too conscious of it. I remember Friday night was always McDonald's night because mom didn't feel like cooking. I was a picky eater, refusing to eat green beans and various other foods. My mom never forced me to eat them. There was no typical "You're going to sit there until you finish that spinach!" in my house. Instead my mom was so thrilled when I did like something, like potatoes, pasta, and corn that she would let me have unlimited amounts of them. My mom also grew up poor with 4 older sisters and had a mentality of "eat it while you have it because you don't know when there will be this much again". But we weren't poor, and there was always enough food but that mentality stuck I guess.

I wasn't particularly active. I had no siblings, and my friends from school all lived in different neighborhoods. Every summer I was toted to some new sport activity: gymnastics, ice skating, tennis but after the 4 week lessons were done they weren't much further pursued.

I also started puberty early. I got my first period on a 5th grade school trip. I was growing faster but wasn't exactly getting thinner. I didn't appear as fat as I did when I was 8 but I was still obviously overweight. I got my first stretch marks at age 10 and I was embarrassed and ashamed of them.

My weight didn't change much through middle school. I thought about dieting in middle school but never got very far with it. Through out high school I always identified myself as the fat friend. The friend who can't act cutesy because she wouldn't look cute, just stupid, couldn't do as much, was boring because she couldn't keep up. From 7th grade through 10th grade I wore the same shapeless black t-shirts because I hated my body. I would lose some visible weight every tennis season but after tennis season I would regain the weight. No boys in my high school were ever interested in me. I was a solid size 18. In my senior year of high school I decided to seriously do Weight Watchers from my mom's old information. I lost 30 some pounds but that summer I worked at an Italian Ice place where you were allowed 2 free treats a shift. I gained back all the weight but was in denial about it.

College started and food became a more social thing. Everyone complained about the cafeteria food, everyone got seconds for dessert because dinner was so unbearable. I never really complained but when everyone else is getting dessert you do too. By winter break I was at 240 again and my boyfriend, who was visiting for the first time in six months, was too disgusted with me to even cuddle. It was kind of a wake up call which lead to my current weight loss of 73 lbs.

Currently
I've been doing Weight Watchers for over a year now and began something I never really have done before. I started exercising on a consistent and regular basis. I hated it at first but I got better at it and am now training for a 5k in April which I hope to completely run through.

I always thought my weight problems were just from never eating right growing up, from being a boredom eater. I never considered myself an emotional eater perse. But looking back I think a lot of my insecurity caused my weight gain.

Goals?
* I want to get down to 160 lbs and maintain that at least
* Maybe get down to 150 lbs
* Build up my muscle more
* Complete the Women's 5k by the Bay
* Fit into a size 12 jeans (currently in 14's)
* Maybe go see the school therapist to try and figure out more about what causes my eating problems
* Get a flat enough stomach to wear the bikini I bought in December  

[Anzelia La Belle]

@Roslin: I know you can do it girl =] I have faith in ya. I too would like to fit into size 12...im a size 16 but 15's won't fit but 16's slide off me. Its a bit annoying finding clothes. Mm I never did weight watchers All the point counting reminded me of my ED and I was like "Yeah screw this" cause dieting of any kind makes me relapse and its usually not pretty still I did manage to keep weight off for the first few months i did it but then like i said i started to relapse and veer off. Need to get that under control aha.

Therapy sounds lovely.

@Teh Amish: Yes they do. My big brother was always there for me I think he was the one I ever told. I told my mom after my second break up in Novemember...really July. Drama that hits the fan you know. But yeah it is sad. Because people are getting fatter ED's seem more glamourus. I made my brother promise he'd never let his child think she was ugly. And to keep her active. and have her eat right or try to and that she needs to always be told she's lovely.

I'm so afraid I'll influence my niece though. I influenced my cousin Taylor and she's now Anorexic. We've been working to get her back. i also influenced my dear friend Devin and I'm so afraid I'll influence my niece.

Oh my goals I never mentioned them:
+To be at a healthy range of 130 or 140 -since i got an hour glass it distributes nicely, but the boobs... gonk -

+ Get over my ED completely or try to

+ At least limit my sugar addiction

+ Fit into size 12 jeans

+Start trying to help people with ED's and those who come from abusive homes and help them see they aren't alone.

+Become a paralegal with a major in Criminal Justice (And looking good will also help boost my chance for a job. Hate to say it but my dieting is also because of my vanity)

+Reconcile that all food is not my enemy

+Get over my brother complex and trying to prove myself to him.

Yup. As of my current workout plan: Walking from collage -2 hours-, dancing to some old school 80's-90's and then trying to push through my collage assignments. Yup cause thinking burns calories.  

[Roslin]

Yeah, Weight Watchers isn't for everyone. If you think you're going to obsess over it it's probably not the best option. The best thing WW did for me personally was to get me to recognize regular portion sizes. I remember it was weird learning the difference between full and stuffed. It kind of makes me sad some days to think that I might have to keep food journals for the rest of my life but personally it's really not that much of a hardship.

I don't have too much trouble staying on my program, but I'm afraid of getting down to maintenance level, which should be in 2 months top I think. That is where I think the therapy will come in handy so I think I'll call on Monday to try to set up an appointment. I don't want some subconscious thing to cause me to regain a lot of weight.  

[Anzelia La Belle]

Oh of course -nod- I plan to actually ask my mom to get me set up with a therepaist who specializes in traumatic childhood problem children. i have some deep rooted issues. -nod-

I have OCD so anything i start i will get obbsessed with. I also have been known to be neurotic.  

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

Roslin

My History
I don't really know what made me fat. When I was little my parents described me as the tall skinny future supermodel type.

My mom had gestational diabetes when she was carrying me so I was an abnormally large kid to start with. I was always noticeably taller than kids my age, but I was the perfect balance of kid fat and lanky too. I think the first time I started seeing I was more than just being kid fat was around age eight. I don't know how much weight I gained but I know even then I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I looked but I wasn't too conscious of it. I remember Friday night was always McDonald's night because mom didn't feel like cooking. I was a picky eater, refusing to eat green beans and various other foods. My mom never forced me to eat them. There was no typical "You're going to sit there until you finish that spinach!" in my house. Instead my mom was so thrilled when I did like something, like potatoes, pasta, and corn that she would let me have unlimited amounts of them. My mom also grew up poor with 4 older sisters and had a mentality of "eat it while you have it because you don't know when there will be this much again". But we weren't poor, and there was always enough food but that mentality stuck I guess.

I wasn't particularly active. I had no siblings, and my friends from school all lived in different neighborhoods. Every summer I was toted to some new sport activity: gymnastics, ice skating, tennis but after the 4 week lessons were done they weren't much further pursued.

I also started puberty early. I got my first period on a 5th grade school trip. I was growing faster but wasn't exactly getting thinner. I didn't appear as fat as I did when I was 8 but I was still obviously overweight. I got my first stretch marks at age 10 and I was embarrassed and ashamed of them.

My weight didn't change much through middle school. I thought about dieting in middle school but never got very far with it. Through out high school I always identified myself as the fat friend. The friend who can't act cutesy because she wouldn't look cute, just stupid, couldn't do as much, was boring because she couldn't keep up. From 7th grade through 10th grade I wore the same shapeless black t-shirts because I hated my body. I would lose some visible weight every tennis season but after tennis season I would regain the weight. No boys in my high school were ever interested in me. I was a solid size 18. In my senior year of high school I decided to seriously do Weight Watchers from my mom's old information. I lost 30 some pounds but that summer I worked at an Italian Ice place where you were allowed 2 free treats a shift. I gained back all the weight but was in denial about it.

College started and food became a more social thing. Everyone complained about the cafeteria food, everyone got seconds for dessert because dinner was so unbearable. I never really complained but when everyone else is getting dessert you do too. By winter break I was at 240 again and my boyfriend, who was visiting for the first time in six months, was too disgusted with me to even cuddle. It was kind of a wake up call which lead to my current weight loss of 73 lbs.

Currently
I've been doing Weight Watchers for over a year now and began something I never really have done before. I started exercising on a consistent and regular basis. I hated it at first but I got better at it and am now training for a 5k in April which I hope to completely run through.

I always thought my weight problems were just from never eating right growing up, from being a boredom eater. I never considered myself an emotional eater perse. But looking back I think a lot of my insecurity caused my weight gain.

Goals?
* I want to get down to 160 lbs and maintain that at least
* Maybe get down to 150 lbs
* Build up my muscle more
* Complete the Women's 5k by the Bay
* Fit into a size 12 jeans (currently in 14's)
* Maybe go see the school therapist to try and figure out more about what causes my eating problems
* Get a flat enough stomach to wear the bikini I bought in December

I read this earlier, I just didn't have time to reply.
Those are very good goals to have. :nod:

I wish you good luck with the 5k!!!
I can only run 20 minutes at most then I start cramping up like a 1,000lb midget runing 15mph.

Oh, and I hear that social foodness is a huge obstacle. D:
That's another reason why I'm trying to get fit, so I don't gain 239085lbs in college.

 

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

I can't exercise today, and I ate a small pizza yesterday.
D:
UGH.

Atleast my waist is at 30.5 inches.

 

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

I'm joining an exercise program with my peers!

7:30-8:30 Mon.-Thurs
Eating log required
90 on own time required
1 free class per week at the Y


Woot!
I'd say it's a nice 50 $ spent.

Hopefully this will help me lose 3 inches around my waist by the middle of April.
:]

I think it should.
An 18 year old metabolism catches up quickly.

 

[Tandahda]

I'll bite:

Personal History:
I started off life getting bullied for being poor, by age 11 I was burning myself and engaging in other self harm (before it was 'cool' I'd say) I was suicidal by 13-14 and have been functioning with an anxiety and a depression problem since I was very very young. I was never really overweight or underweight nor did I have a problem with food.

When I was 12 I was diagnosed with a hyperactive thyroid and I learned to eat bags of groceries. I could eat my weight in french fries and never gain a pound when it was really bad. In fact I'd lose weight if I *wasn't* eating almost double what my calories should have been. I had a problem with my thyroid on and off until I was 17ish, I believe and my mom believes it was caused by stress but I'm told that's not possible by my doctor. I was a little overweight in high school but mostly I had other problems.

In high school I started dating a *really* abusive, verbally and sexually, physically if you count that he encouraged me to cut myself more, deeper (in his mind 'better') than I ever had before. I've got permanent scars on my body as a result. The whole group of people I was with were so toxic that I was quite suicidal in my grade 12 year. I moved out of my town to get away from them.

I never really learned how to eat properly. I basically was a binge eater all my life and never really knew it. When I got out of the house my thyroid was normal and I had no idea how to feed myself appropriately. I started dating a wonderful boy who I'm engaged to now (this is four years ago now) I went vegetarian and then vegan (neither of these things actually had an affect on my weight though.)

Dating Peter I gained 65-70 lbs, ballooning in a year and a half from 165-7ish to 233 lbs. I've since lost that weight and am sitting at roughly 168-169 now. I'm still looking to actually find my body frame underneath all this flub still on me.

Lately my depression and anxiety have been getting really out of control so I'm getting help for that.

My goals are as follows:
Get down to 145-150 ish lbs.
Be able to run up and down the stairs at my college three times in a row. (My school is on the side of a mountain)
Fit into the dress I bought for my wedding. (It's vintage! and I might not be able to ever fit into it, because it's so small, I bought it thinking that I'll alter it a bunch and make it a lace up corset dress.)

Roslin:
I totally understand about 'eat what you have when you have it'. I grew up devouring foods I liked because I wasn't sure I'd get them again. Plus I had two brothers and never knew if I'd be able to actually eat something after the initial chance. You've done so well on your weight loss though. Congratulations!

Anzelia:
I'm so sorry that your life was what it was before. No one should have to go through abuse and self hate, and what's more is that no one should ever have to have a boyfriend who thinks he can bully you into changing your body. *pets*.
Would reading nutrition books help with your diet fixing?

Amish:
Are you still a vegetarian? (I ask because I'm always interested in vegetarians, *thumbs up* It's perfectly fine if you're not though) Your life story is really tragic and I'm sorry that it was that way for you. I think sometimes it's easy to know what we see in the mirror when we take our clothes off and think that everyone else can see that too, but really when we've got our clothes on we often look no different than anyone else. Congratulations on the weight you've lost and I hope you keep on being healthy. *petpet*  

[+[Teh Amish Kotex Fairy]+]

Seraphsody

I'll bite:

Personal History:
I started off life getting bullied for being poor, by age 11 I was burning myself and engaging in other self harm (before it was 'cool' I'd say) I was suicidal by 13-14 and have been functioning with an anxiety and a depression problem since I was very very young. I was never really overweight or underweight nor did I have a problem with food.

When I was 12 I was diagnosed with a hyperactive thyroid and I learned to eat bags of groceries. I could eat my weight in french fries and never gain a pound when it was really bad. In fact I'd lose weight if I *wasn't* eating almost double what my calories should have been. I had a problem with my thyroid on and off until I was 17ish, I believe and my mom believes it was caused by stress but I'm told that's not possible by my doctor. I was a little overweight in high school but mostly I had other problems.

In high school I started dating a *really* abusive, verbally and sexually, physically if you count that he encouraged me to cut myself more, deeper (in his mind 'better') than I ever had before. I've got permanent scars on my body as a result. The whole group of people I was with were so toxic that I was quite suicidal in my grade 12 year. I moved out of my town to get away from them.

I never really learned how to eat properly. I basically was a binge eater all my life and never really knew it. When I got out of the house my thyroid was normal and I had no idea how to feed myself appropriately. I started dating a wonderful boy who I'm engaged to now (this is four years ago now) I went vegetarian and then vegan (neither of these things actually had an affect on my weight though.)

Dating Peter I gained 65-70 lbs, ballooning in a year and a half from 165-7ish to 233 lbs. I've since lost that weight and am sitting at roughly 168-169 now. I'm still looking to actually find my body frame underneath all this flub still on me.

Lately my depression and anxiety have been getting really out of control so I'm getting help for that.

My goals are as follows:
Get down to 145-150 ish lbs.
Be able to run up and down the stairs at my college three times in a row. (My school is on the side of a mountain)
Fit into the dress I bought for my wedding. (It's vintage! and I might not be able to ever fit into it, because it's so small, I bought it thinking that I'll alter it a bunch and make it a lace up corset dress.)

Amish:
Are you still a vegetarian? (I ask because I'm always interested in vegetarians, *thumbs up* It's perfectly fine if you're not though) Your life story is really tragic and I'm sorry that it was that way for you. I think sometimes it's easy to know what we see in the mirror when we take our clothes off and think that everyone else can see that too, but really when we've got our clothes on we often look no different than anyone else. Congratulations on the weight you've lost and I hope you keep on being healthy. *petpet*

I made sure not to menchen my depression and abuse and suicide stuff. But, it was also there for me too.

Are you still vegetarian?

It did have a significant weight loss on me. 3 months after I switched I lost 10 lbs and stayed at 145lbs. I've only went over that by 3lbs when I got uber depressed and was almost sent to an asylum. D:
So, being vegetarian has kept me under 150lbs for the past four years.
:]

Next year I get to be vegan 'cause it's a cheap option at the college I'm attending.

 

[Tandahda]

*pets*

I'm glad it's been helpful for you, I really only started losing weight after I read becoming vegan after being vegan for like. 6 months with no change in weight. Then it's been coming off ever since. : )