Shattering the Mirror

[TeaDidikai]

or
HEAD DESK

There's a lot of loose thinking about magic. People go around talking about mystic harmonies and cosmic balances and unicorns, all of which is to real magic what a glove puppet is to the Royal Shakespeare Company. Real magic is the hand around the bandsaw, the thrown spark in the powder keg, the dimension-warp linking you straight into the heart of a star, the flaming sword that burns all the way down to the pommel. Sooner juggle torches in a tar pit than mess with real magic. Sooner lie down in front of a thousand elephants. -- Terry Pratchett

Brought to you by the author who also invented the concept of being Knurd. A place where reality is a little too real. We like our illusions after all. They're cozy.

So my brain has dribbled out of my ears and I feel like everything I knew of myself has come crashing down around me- like a mirror being shattered after I confused the reflected image with the Self.

That's what it has done to me. All those sutras, all that reading. It's a crippling kind of pain and confusion for anyone to experience.

I believe it was Witches Abroad wherein Death asks Granny to find the "real" version of herself. And the illusion shattered- I'm left thinking, "******** only idea I am able to cling to in order to pick myself up again is "Chop wood and carry water".

I still don't know how I feel about Buddhism. I personally feel like I'm scrying my own entrails right now. Ironic no?

[/mini breakdown][thread=April Fools 2009] For whatever it's worth, all the setup for this was accurate. And the feelings I express, while having nothing to do with Buddhism were in fact similar to the experiences from my own early spiritual life.

Happy April Fools Folks
I never thought I would be able to wrap my head around Buddhism. That was half of my problem. That I was tying too hard.

I'm still not sure what this actually means for me. It's a strange idea to call myself a Buddhist after all this time. sweatdrop

Any ideas guys? I can't ignore what I have learned... perhaps I'm still 666.5ing.  

[Gho the Girl]

I've never experienced this, at least not that I remember, so I don't know what to think.

One question though: Why do you hesitate to call yoruself Buddhist?  

[TeaDidikai]

Gho the Girl

Why do you hesitate to call yoruself Buddhist?

It's just another illusion. Buddhism isn't about being "Buddhist". And I'm still clinging to my old grudge- even though I know it's wrong.

~head desk~  

[Fiddlers Green]

Interesting.
Maybe it would be more fun if you didn't try as hard? wink  

[TeaDidikai]

Fiddlers Green

Maybe it would be more fun if you didn't try as hard? wink

You're likely right. It's just so hard to deal with something like this in contrast to previous experiences. Ya know?  

[Gho the Girl]

TeaDidikai

Gho the Girl

Why do you hesitate to call yoruself Buddhist?

It's just another illusion. Buddhism isn't about being "Buddhist".

Yet, people are Buddhist, and some are quite happy about it.

Do you want to call yourself Buddhist?

Quote:

And I'm still clinging to my old grudge- even though I know it's wrong.

~head desk~

Grudge?  

[Fiddlers Green]

TeaDidikai

You're likely right. It's just so hard to deal with something like this in contrast to previous experiences. Ya know?

Times like these, I like to reference the high Oldone from Willow.
Forget all you know... or think you know. 3nodding  

[Wrath of Ezekiel]

Good job Tea.  

[Adalyna]

For all the advice and help you've given me, I'm not sure I understand what your going through. You strike me as a wise person, and while I'm not Buddhist, I do know what it is to question my motivations for certain things. sweatdrop I hope saying "I'm sure you'll work it out" doesn't sound insensitive. :<  

[Cranium Squirrel]

Wow.

I'd call it a breakthrough, but I'm not sure what it is. Sounds like the beginnings of stream entry to me, but I'm not sure - everyone's is different. There is often that shattering of expectation thing. I dunno what to tell you, either. Letting go is hard. I'm still working on it...

I dunno how I can help, Tea, but if you need me, PM. 3nodding And good luck with this!  

[patch99329]

Ah, now look what you've gone and done! ninja  

[TeaDidikai]

Gho the Girl

Do you want to call yourself Buddhist?

I have these weird hangups about intellectual honesty and calling a spade a spade.

Quote:

Grudge?

Illusions as to what Samsara is and it's role within Buddhism.

Fiddlers Green

Times like these, I like to reference the high Oldone from Willow.
Forget all you know... or think you know. 3nodding

Good advice. Thanks man.

Asahi Sara

For all the advice and help you've given me, I'm not sure I understand what your going through. You strike me as a wise person, and while I'm not Buddhist, I do know what it is to question my motivations for certain things. sweatdrop I hope saying "I'm sure you'll work it out" doesn't sound insensitive. :<

It doesn't. If I had taken it that way- it would have simply have been my attachment to my image of self and what I would expect of others.

Byaggha

Wow.

I'd call it a breakthrough, but I'm not sure what it is. Sounds like the beginnings of stream entry to me, but I'm not sure - everyone's is different. There is often that shattering of expectation thing. I dunno what to tell you, either. Letting go is hard. I'm still working on it...

I dunno how I can help, Tea, but if you need me, PM. 3nodding And good luck with this!

Thanks. ~curls up~

patch99329

Ah, now look what you've gone and done! ninja

emo  

[Gho the Girl]

TeaDidikai

Gho the Girl

Do you want to call yourself Buddhist?

I have these weird hangups about intellectual honesty and calling a spade a spade.

Well, then do you feel you're a spade? Call yoruself a spade. Do you not feel like a spade? Then don't call yourself a spade.

Is it more complex than that?

Quote:

Quote:

Grudge?

Illusions as to what Samsara is and it's role within Buddhism.

I don't know enough about that to know what you mean.  

[TeaDidikai]

Gho the Girl

Well, then do you feel you're a spade? Call yoruself a spade. Do you not feel like a spade? Then don't call yourself a spade.

Is it more complex than that?

I might be a spade. That doesn't mean I feel comfortable admitting it.

Quote:

I don't know enough about that to know what you mean.

The role of Suffering. Check the OP for the White Text Hun. ~wink~  

[Gho the Girl]

TeaDidikai

Gho the Girl

Well, then do you feel you're a spade? Call yoruself a spade. Do you not feel like a spade? Then don't call yourself a spade.
Is it more complex than that?

I might be a spade. That doesn't mean I feel comfortable admitting it.

I think that until you're comfortable calling yourself a spade, you shouldn't call yourself a spade. I don't really know that you can be a denomination against your will. You may indeed share many values, ideas, rites, etc. but that doesn't mean you suddenly have to be Buddhist.

I wonder if the pressure to call yourself "Buddhist" is less an objective real thing and more some pressure you're creating within yourself.

Quote:

Quote:

I don't know enough about that to know what you mean.

The role of Suffering. Check the OP for the White Text Hun. ~wink~

One moment please . . .