DIRTY JOKES ( keep somewhat modest)

[heavans_angel_13]

Okay so I know everyone knows at least one dirty joke so lets here them!!!! I'll start:

There were these three boys that were late to school and the first one walked in and had no shirt on the teacher asked him where have you been and he said on top of blueberry hill
The next one walked in and had no pants on and the teacher asked where have you been and he said on top of blueberry hill
The third boy walked in totally naked and the teacher asked him where have you been and he said on top of blueberry hill
That day there was supposed to be a new girl and she walked in and the teacher asked what is ur name and her response was Blueberry Hill as she smiled at the three boys!!!!!

Your turn go!!!!  

[xRustySporkx]

three men was into a bar. one wanted the watch the horse races, one wanted to watch porn and the last one want to watch the Catholic channel. so the bar keeper flipped throw the channels quickly and this is what it sounded like "and there off, oh oh oh, and Jesus was born"  

[oOFuniPuniOo]

there was a man who went to conffession "father ... ********!! oh father!! ******** s**t!! i cant forgive my self!!! i have ******** sinned"

the father answered "my dear son.. please dont use those words.. those are forbidden words.."

man: "but father... but father~ holly s**t~ i cannot forget what i seen"

father:"what are your sin so GOd can forgive you and please stop using forbidden words"

man: "well father, when i was going to church i saw a nun naked!!"

father: "HOOOLLLLY SHIIITTTT!!! WOOoooOT tell me ******** where??? ninja "


mrgreen  

[Sadistic Rainbows]

This boy and girl wanted to go at it while the boy's brother was sleeping in their bunk-bed. The girl was worried that the brother was going to wake up while they were at it, so they made up code names. Ketchup was harder, lettuce was faster. So when they went at it at the top of the bunk-bed. The girl kept moaning "ketchup, ketchup....lettuce!!!", which in return woke the little brother up. The little brother said "Dude, stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting mayonnaise all over me!"  

[Xx_Amber-freak_xX]

Sadistic Rainbows

This boy and girl wanted to go at it while the boy's brother was sleeping in their bunk-bed. The girl was worried that the brother was going to wake up while they were at it, so they made up code names. Ketchup was harder, lettuce was faster. So when they went at it at the top of the bunk-bed. The girl kept moaning "ketchup, ketchup....lettuce!!!", which in return woke the little brother up. The little brother said "Dude, stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting mayonnaise all over me!"

lol  

[RoCkIn-Smiley]

haha those are all funny but disgusting stare  

[The Lover of Wonderland]

Two men were playing golf. One of the men, named Jack, hit the golf ball too far. He wandered into the woods and found his ball near some buttercups. He hit the ball, and the buttercups died. All of a sudden, POOF! An old lady appears out of thin air. She says: "I am Mother Nature. Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups!? From now on Jack, you won't have butter for the rest of your life!" And POOF! She dissapeared. Jack was still in shock, and then called out to his friend: "MIKE? WHERE ARE YOU?" His friend replied "I'm near the pussywillows Jack!" Now Jack suddenly cried to his friend: "DON'T SWING MIKE, FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T SWING!!!"

I know another one:

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said: “I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does.”
Joanne giggled and confessed: “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked: “Well, what do you call your boyfriend?”
Kathy frowned and said: “The postman.”
“Why the postman?” asked Joanne.
“Because, he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”

Yet another one:

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 ?

At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

Another one:

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The human resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, “what’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies, “Its Keith, the midget.”  

[NotHereNothereNothere]

The Lover of Wonderland

Another one:

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The human resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, “what’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies, “Its Keith, the midget.”

That made me laugh really hard XD
I love dirty jokes  

[heavans_angel_13]

These jokes are amazing!  

[Azusanga]

A French man is visiting the United States. He sees a beautiful women, and tries to communicate with her. She doesn't understand, and tells him to go learn some English. So, he goes to the hospital, and learns the word "Baby". He goes to the zoo, and learns "Zebra." He goes to the airport, and learns "Take off." Later, he sees the woman again, and approaches her. She tosses her hair and asks "So, did you learn English?" He nods, takes a deep breath, and proclaims loudly "Take off ze bra, baby!"  

[XxFlutterby_HeavenxX]

1. A priest walks up to a prostitute on the street corner and says "What your mother do if she saw you here?" the girl replied "OH she'd kill me this is her corner."

2. A forth grade teacher was asking all kids what there dad did for a living. All the usual answers came up, officer, business man, office man. Then the teacher asked little Jason and Jason said "....Well *talking fast* My dad is an exotic dancer at a gay Cabrera and he takes off all his clothes and men put money in his underwear. And if he does a good job he'll take them home and spend the whole night with them." The teacher hurried the children into other work, and took Jason into the hallway and asked "Is that really what your dad does for a living?" Jason answered "No he was on a committee last year that helped get Obama into office, I was just too embarrassed to say that in front of the class."  

[Yunna Zee]

Okay so these three guys walk past a girl with far sized boobs. The first guy says hey whats up, and leaves her his number, the second guy compliments her chest makes a few dirty jokes about the two of them doing something and leaves her his phone number, the third guy walks by and yells. "Hey Mark sup dude." to the 'girl' and then the two start talking about football.
(Not good I know.>.<)  

[Lieutenant Shotgun]

Sadistic Rainbows

This boy and girl wanted to go at it while the boy's brother was sleeping in their bunk-bed. The girl was worried that the brother was going to wake up while they were at it, so they made up code names. Ketchup was harder, lettuce was faster. So when they went at it at the top of the bunk-bed. The girl kept moaning "ketchup, ketchup....lettuce!!!", which in return woke the little brother up. The little brother said "Dude, stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting mayonnaise all over me!"

Oh, gawd! XD

@Satin slippers: AWESOME. I wonder what happened next.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

A woman goes into a store to buy some new golf balls. She sees the women's size, but the men's rack is empty. She normally uses men's size golf balls, so she goes to talk to the store clerk. She says to him, "I like to play with men's balls. Do you have any?"

True story:
My science teacher was instructing a group of kindergärtners one day. Since it was a rural area, he decided to bring in some farm tools to show them. He held up the shovel and asked them what it was. They got it easily. Same with the rake. But they were stumped by the hoe. He told them, "this is a hoe." One little boy replied, "Thats not a hoe! My sister's a ho and she doesnt look anything like that."  

[ThornySinger]

Kaiyle Brightblade

True story:
My science teacher was instructing a group of kindergärtners one day. Since it was a rural area, he decided to bring in some farm tools to show them. He held up the shovel and asked them what it was. They got it easily. Same with the rake. But they were stumped by the hoe. He told them, "this is a hoe." One little boy replied, "Thats not a hoe! My sister's a ho and she doesnt look anything like that."

Oh wow, this one really caught me up. I don't know whether to laugh, or feel ashamed.