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Alright, here I go with a really long story.

One of my best friends from high school has moved in with myself and my boyfriend. He used to live with us in our apartment, but moved out with his boyfriend just one story down from us. I left for the summer to MA for an internship and missed my boyfriend dearly. After three months, I came back to a new home since my boyfriend moved while I was gone and went to live with him in our happy new home. However, my best friend is not doing too well with his boyfriend: cutting himself to show his devotion and his boyfriend slashing his body whenever my friend doesn't pay attention to him.

I knew without a doubt that this was incredibly unhealthy and told my friend that he was staying at my place for awhile to get away from these problems. Staying with my and my boyfriend for a few days turned into moving in back with us. However, we're having problems.

My boyfriend pays for most of the rest (about $600 or so) because he has a great paying, full time job. I pay the utility bills ($200 or so) because I only have a part time job (sucking economy and still in school part time). My roommate pays for the groceries because he is still under lease for his apartment so he still have to pay his ex-boyfriend rent. He doesn't have a lot of money, has a suckier job than I do, and goes to school full time.

I do most of the cleaning around the house because I don't pay a lot, I ask my roommate to help, but he never does it no matter how much I ask him. He goes out and parties all the time and gets very drunk while spending a lot of his money. He cries to me and I try to pick up the pieces, but the next day, he forgets all I've said and goes making the same mistakes again. He's highly dramatic and it's very tiresome. My boyfriend buys his own food because it seems that my friend can't afford it, but then my friend goes and eats all of his food. He also has no car and seems to expect that I always pick him up from work when he is perfectly capable of taking the local bus.

I'm not sure what to do, he's trying to save money to go to Mexico for school and will be leaving in January, but I don't know if I can take him anymore. My boyfriend and I want privacy that we weren't able to have ever, but can now since we can afford it. I'm stressed out dealing with my friend, and I still have my own problems to figure out, most being financial.

What would you guys suggest? Kick him out, talk to him (though I have many times before), or just let him stay until he leaves for Mexico?

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and respond.

Well, January isn't far away, but what if he has no money for it come time? Are you going to pay for him to leave? Think about whether it would be worth it.

In the meantime, it's definitely time to buckle down and start enforcing some adulthood on him. Don't let him freeload. Lock up the food. Stop giving rides. Post the house-rules with consequences. Offer lots of sympathy and advice, but stick to your guns. Make it clear you are not a doormat or a co-dependent.

If he says he can't afford food, point out he's spending his money on partying. If he says he hates the bus, tell him adversity builds character. If he says you're mean, tell him if he were doing you any favors, you'd be happy to do him some in return. Tell him what chores he has to do in order to be fed, given a ride, etc. And if he doesn't do the chores, he gets nothing. I expect this will feel like parenting a teenager, but that's what he's acting like. With any luck it will shame him into better behavior.

I hesitate to mention it, but you better be braced for him to say he'd rather go live with the cutter. Say you'd rather he get his head together and get on with his education, but it's his life.

My signature is particularly appropriate in this instance. Good Luck!

@ayami: I'm very happy you responded. It seems that our experiences are indeed very similar. You're absolutely right that it just seems to be getting worse and that maybe when he does hit rock bottom, he'll understand what he's been doing with his life.

@Taxi Mama: January does seem far away with all of these things happening and just getting worse. He used to ask about people coming over, but he brings home these strange people that I've never met before. Who's to say they aren't going to steal from us? And is that consequence worth a one night stand for him? I don't think so. I do like your signature, it is entirely appropriate for this instance.

@leko-chan: It's not as if I'm abandoning him. He's still my friend, and for all of his faults, I still care about him. But there comes a time when the problems mysteriously becomes yours somehow. It seems that everyday, in my mind, I question if he's going to Mexico or not. I'll be leaving for a seasonal job in the summer time, so this was supposed to be a temporary fix anyway.

I think my boyfriend and I have reached a conclusion of the advice from his parents, my mother, my friends, and you three. All those people are not happy with him because he has freeloaded off of us for so long. I think it's time that he learns what happens when he sows the seeds of laziness.

Thank you all for your advice. I hope I can be there for you when the time comes.

I thank you for your two cents.

I'm not sure if I value my friendship with him anymore. After talking with one of his best friends, we both came to the conclusion that we are both treated very badly by him. He is not the person to listen to anything but his desires, until he gets eye deep into trouble.

I'm trying to distance myself away from him for the time being, considering I just need to regroup after this stressful time. Once I cool down and once he's out of my house, I'll be able to try to work on our friendship. But for now, I think distance is the answer.

Her fience' broke up with her a month before they were suppose to get married and I thought she had no where else to go so I said she could move in with my husband and I.... For 6 months we spent countless days and nights helping her fix her shattered life and drama... then they got back together.... on off on off etc. All we asked from her was that she pay $60 a month for utilities... sell she paid a few times and then completely stoped even that while our savings got eaten away taking care of her so we wouldn't loose our appartment...because we are friends and understood life is hard... I should have realized after she avoided me for a month in my own home that she runs away when ever there is a problem.. she's a hopeless dramaqueen but I loved her as a friend. The last three months...after they got back together we allowed her boyfriend to move in to get on his feet and find a good job because some drama at his parents house left him homeless... but at least he made an effort.. but still there was lack of communication... they didn't bother to tell us their plans... we had to drag it out of them in "family meetings"... we were their for them unconditionally and then My husband and I lost our baby and the one time I needed her she wasn't there. Now they are gone... living happily and we have heard nothing from them.. not even a thank you... love you... (I could care less about the effort to repay us if I even had something that simple) We almost lost our appartment this month and might be homeless next month and she won't be there for us if that happens. And all this is what kind of friend she has shown herself to be.... So I say kick them out and love them from afar... because people prove themselves in their actions and in the long run can only help themselves selfishly.