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So i saw a thread in the main forums about kids behavior these days and thought about the old days when it was okay to hit your children. I know this is a bit of a touchy subject to some people but i think it helped keep me in line when my parents would threaten to hit me.

I just want to know other people's opinions on this subject.

i think physical punishment like that is a rather quick and easy solution to the very difficult task of raising a child. i don't think all people who spank their kids once or twice are abusers, but i don't think it is the most healthy or even effective way to teach your kids about the nature of pain and violence. i was brought up to be an obedient, intelligent, polite child without ever having a hand raised to me, and i plan to raise my children the same way.

If you have an unusually rowdy and dis-obediant child I think spanking is in order, not an all out beating but a spanking on the a**. I see a lot of kids these days who could use a good spanking, because they are spoiled rotten or their parents are simply too tired and afraid of getting in trouble themselves for properly making a child behave. When spanking didn't work on me anymore as a child, my parents instead used psychological warfare and made me feel like crap all the time. This did a lot of emotional damage, where as the spanking just made me cry a little if I didn't wind up laughing maniacally for some odd reason.

I believe that spanking a child is necessary, but one should also keep in mind that the child may act out for unseen reasons. Some children may act out because they really need to talk to someone about whatever issue they have. They may feel that their parents are not a good choice and their friends aren't much more helpful. They may need to see a counselor or therapist (not necessarily a psychiatrist unless they need meds).

I'm not saying most of the children fit the description, but I am saying that you should observe your children to see if it is merely just a matter of discipline.

Just a side note on that comment there, I read somewhere that the Marquis de Sade attended a school where corporal punishment was very much allowed and very public - spankings for bad boys on a dais while classmates watched.

If corporal punishment is to be reintroduced into the public school system, then it has to thoroughly regulated and all that jazz.

*Edit I thought it would just be funny to bring up the Marquis de Sade because, that's just how I roll. heart

My belief on the subject can be summed up in a few sort phrases.
-Punishment should fit the crime. "Go to your room" doesn't quite seem to convey "punishmen" for setting fire to the neighbours dog, 'specially if that room has a TV, buckets of toys, a computer, and verious other sources of entertainment.
-"A spankin" can be one little "bap" on the behind. Just because I feel some children deserve a spanking doesn't mean that I'm stating that they should be beaten. Sometimes one is enough.
-Empty threats are utterly and completely useless child rearing tools, if you say "or I'll spank you!" you better damned well be ready to follow it up with at least one whap!

I guess I am the opposite...

I grew up having the s**t literally kicked, punched, slapped, pushed and yanked from me.

Both my parents were born strict Catholics and reminded me of that, of how 'it is supposed to be done'... I remember nights when they would spank me so hard, I had no feeling in my legs and couldnt sit down for at least three days... I remember so many horrible nights of both of them literally beating me with closed fists.

I resented them for it especially when my sister was spoiled with just about everything. She was never hit, never punished... and never had to be told by her parents how ugly she was, and how a shred-of-life like Melanie deserved to be beaten some sense. And then, seeing the grin on my sister's face.

I was served alcohol by my father many times.. and if I grabbed too many, he would hit me like he would a guy in a bar. I would wake up in a pool of blood and vomit after that.

Later, we found out that my sister was being molested, had a minor drinking problem as the result of him intoxicating her to have sex.

I had developed a severe drinking problem, had a psychological break down of an identity crisis, and it finally came out that I was abused. Gee, real shock.

They incarcerated my sister to a group home and therapy clinic for years. Was released when she was 18... now, at the age of 33, she still has contact with her Father, who still abuses her to this day.

Me, at age 34, based on what I had to go through, I refuse to do any type of corporal punishment.

I dont believe in hitting any child, any age for any reason. I feel it conveys a negative tenor, a level of fear unexplainable that, as children, they need to know that they can go to their parents even if it is one of the world's worst things that could possibly happen.

For me, what message would I be giving to my daughter if she was scared shitless and couldnt come to me over something that is so important, because of the physical punishment she received recently? Im actually crying at the thought right now as I type this...

When I think about my Grandparents who raised me (thank you Courts for keeping me with family), and loved me, and who were able to teach me the error of my ways without beating me up, I grew up wanting to raise any child that I had the way my Grandparents did it. It was explained to me, choices and consequences, and trust me.. when they were mad, they let me know it, but they never hit me, never yelled at me, but they let me know if I had done something to upset them or let them down... But they took the time to talk with me, had the patience I needed to learn and to learn from doing it again...

Thats what I needed as a child growing up... I didnt need parents beating me up, smacking me, spanking me.. it was horrible. But, my Grandparents picked up the pieces... I will always love and honor them for the choices they made.... because they helped to influence the parenting skills I needed to raise my daughter. Grandpa, may he rest in peace, I miss him so much. He died almost four years ago, and out of 36 grandchildren, I was the only one who would visit him willingly... I always thanked him for memories I had of his teachings...

Grandma who is probably basking in the heated swimming pool (spoiled brat), we always talk with each other, still to this day. She had lunch with both my daughter and I when she visited a couple of months ago, and she commented on how "Melanie, you have raised a fine daughter, I am so proud you chose a different path than what your parents taught you"... My daughter knows what I went through and I made a promise that I would never use any form of physical punishment: she brought that up at the table... Grandma told her "if I did my job, that means your Mom is doing her job because it shows in how well behaved and respectful you are as a teenager."

I cried (crying now while typing)...

While I can respect people's remarks here and it is clearly your choice.... For me, I choose not to because I remember the fear, the pain and the psychological suffering I had as a child/pre-teen. I went through alot of therapy and the love of my Grandparents who I declare still to this day, my parents who had the courage to step up and to love/guide/help us through...without raising a hand or administering fear. Im a better person today because of my grandparents, and I feel like Im a much better Mother to my daughter, thanks to choosing not to put Ariel through any of it from any level.

My father was the one to deal out the spankings and screaming so loud in your face that spit flys at you. My mother on the other hand dealt with problems with love. She'd talk to you about how much she cares and tell me that she doesn't get mad at me, just disapointed. I kept out of trouble most of my life due to the thought of breaking my poor mom's heart and I believe has made me a better person as a result. My father always made me worry that I was in trouble for some reason. If he'd be drunk he'd sometimes spank me for some reason and I wouldn't know what was going on at all. Even after he stopped drinking he was a very bitter person unless everything was going his way. Him and his wife even took away my box of condoms when I was 13 and said I'm too young to have them. Glad I didn't get anyone pregnant, lol. But punished for condoms? His new wife was a hardcore roman catholic. Ironically she was the person whom I learned the best ways to swear at people so you really make an impact on them. She even slapped me in the face pretty good there one day. It really had a negative effect on me. I'm always worried about something or have a nervous feeling. I've got a good head on my shoulders but I feel like it made me fragile emotionally. That's why I think children should be raised with love and support not anger and hate. Pick on someone your own size, there's good ways to deal with bad behavior but teaching children how to be violent is a little extreme. My opinion of course.