Just a few jokes

[Jayden Kelvari]

These jokes are meant to be a stab at light humor, so please don't get offended by them emo The first one is one that a friend of mine told me that I'd like to share with the guild.

Q: Did you hear about the Athiest gamer?
A: He didn't believe in "God Mode"

And one of my own creation:

Q: Did you hear about the Wiccan gamer?
A: When he found out about God mode, he asked "Which god?"  

[TeaDidikai]

How many pagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Pagan's don't screw in light bulbs! They screw in the woods!

How many Thelemites does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it doesn't matter because we Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark.

How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wiccan's don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in circles!

How many ReCon members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Six: One to screw in the light bulb, three to debate the validity of the light bulb and one to confuse the issue.

How many Asatru does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten: One to pour enough mead for eight to get drunk enough to make the room spin and another to hold the light bulb.

How many Discordians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Spork.

How many Hellenics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it was Heron of Alexandria's idea.

Why do witches hate to wear underwear?
It interferes with the grip on the broom stick.  

[Striga]

Spork: the other white meat wink  

[Nomad of Nowhere]

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?
Someone who worships the tree that is not there.

Why do pagans make the best friends?
They worship the ground you walk on.

How many Alexandrians does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
I dunno, ask the Gardnerians!

How many High Magicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One - they hold it up and the world revolves around them.

(From a T-shirt) Your god got nailed to a cross. Mine carries a hammer. Any questions?

In days of yore, the great god Thor would ramp around creation.
He'd drink a pint and slay a giant and save the Nordic nation,
Or kill a Worm to watch it squirm and vainly try to fang him,
Or lock up Loki in the pokey and on the noggin bang him.

Once he did bawl through Thrudvang Hall that on a trip he'd wander
In a disguise from prying eyes, in Midgard way out yonder,
So all his slaves, huscarls and knaves, packed up his goods and gear, O,
And off he strode, on Bifrost road, a perfect Aryan hero.

In Midgard land he joined a band of hardy Viking ruff-i-ans,
And off they sailed and rowed and bailed among the auks and puff-i-ans.
Whene'er they'd reach a foreign beach they stopped to raid and plunder;
Each Nordic brute got so much loot their longship near went under.

But as they rolled in coins of gold, they had one joy forsaken,
For on each raid Thor's party made, no women could be taken.
Each drab and queen fled from the scene when Viking sails were sighted,
And Thor felt the need for certain deeds that had gone unrequited.

Thor's brows were black as they went back to Oslo's rocky haven;
Unto his crew he said, "Beshrew me for a Frankish craven
"If I don't wrench some tavern wench, or else may Frigga damn her."
Replied one voice, "You got first choice; you've got the biggest hammer."

Into an inn that crew of sin disembarked upon their landing,
Each tavern maid was sore afraid of pirates of such standing.
But golden coins warmed up their loins and the ale soon ran free;
Thor's motley crew poured down the brew and made an all-night spree.

Thor's glances strayed unto a maid with hair as gold as grain,
A lisp so shy, a downcast eye, and not a trace of brain;
He swept her charms into his arms and to an upstairs bower,
And did not cease nor give her ease for six days and an hour!

When he rose up and drained a cup, she looked like one that's near death:
Her limbs were weak, she could not speak, and only gasped for her breath.
"You ought to know, before I go, I'm Thor," he bade adieu.
"You're Thor!" said she. "Conthider me! I'm thorer, thir, than you!"  

[Your_Gaurdian_Angel92]

This is a small section of this long shaggy dog story.

........Speaking of riding horses, Thor went for a ride on a horse. "I'm Thor!!" he thundered.

The horse answered, "No wonder you're Thor. You forgot the thaddle, thilly."  

[Sir William Black]

How many Zoroastrians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they can never find anyone else to help them.

How many fluffies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but they have to buy a Silver Ravenwolf book to find the right blessing for it..  

[TeaDidikai]

How many ecstatics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but they forgot where they put it. ~shock~  

[Morgandria]

"She's what makes a Great Rite Amazing!" sort of jokes....

---------------------------
HP:
The Male holds the power and is the reservoir of power.
HPS :
The Female taps the power in him and challenges it.
Both:
Either one can work without the other.
Neither without the other is incomplete

----------------------------------------------------------------

HP:
The male holds the tower and is the erector of the tower.
HPS:
The Female taps the tower and drains it.
Both:
Either one can work without the other;
One without the other Is quieter
And doesn't involve dinner and a movie.

---------------------------------------------------
HP:
The Horny One is a passing lust,
And a quick role in the hay.
HPS:
The Wench asks for all you can give,
And says it isn't enough.
Both:
To excite, you must offer;
To offer, you must have something of value;
To have something of value,
You must protect it,
Over and over and over,
Until you give it away
In some cheap, tawdry affair.

------------------------------------------

HP:
The Man brings forth sperm.
HPS:
The Woman regurgitates it in disgust.
HP:
When in love,
HPS:
Never blow.
HP:
As the p***s is to the Male,
HPS
So the womb is to the Female,
Both:
And together joined,
They make a sticky mess;
For there is no greater stain in all the world
Than that of two people's c--
Embedded in fine white linen.  

[NoSuchCreature]

How many Raelians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but they'll take forever to give it a better logo.  

[TeaDidikai]

Morgandria! burning_eyes

FLO Man! ~HUGS!~ We've missed you Kiddo!  

[washu_2004]

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
He lay awake in bed all night wondering if there was a dog

The definition of "SAINT": "A dead liberal who is worshipped by living conservatives."

The definition of Diplomacy: The Art of telling a man to go to hell in such a way that he actually looks forward to the trip.

I had my car's alignment checked. It's chaotic evil!  

[TeaDidikai]

You might be giving pagans a bad name if....

You've ever publicly claimed to be the reincarnation of Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone took you seriously.  

[TeaDidikai]

... Your Book of Shadows Mage: The Ascension with notes in the margins.  

[TeaDidikai]

... You think it's perfectly reasonable to insist that, since every tradition is different, and no one tradition is right, there's no reason not to do things your way.  

[TeaDidikai]

...You're not a hereditary witch but you have a good disposition to it because your ancestors (the ones before your German parents) were Native American or Irish.