[40k] Wrath of Chaos

[Shugotenshi47]

This is the first chapter of my 40k fanfic
Note: Posted up a slightly revised version

In the grim future of the 41st Millennium mankind is beset on all sides by enemies threatened by aliens from without, by vile rebels and heretics from within, and by the daemonic forces of Chaos from beyond. Only one group holds the line against the vile daemons of Chaos, the Ordo Malleus. This is the story of Inquisitor Rain LeBeau and her team as they travel to the small system of Amatsu to thwart a new threat to the Imperium. This is also the story of Major Shugo Takeda and the men and women of the Imperial Guard as they fight against overwhelming odds to assist Inquisitor Rain Lefebve in her quest.

Chapter 1: Honorific Imperialis

0056 Surface of Faralon III

“Hamura get out of there!” shouted Major Shugo Takeda. Sergeant Kenji Hamura looked up and saw a massive Chaos Space Marine Champion charging towards him. Takeda stood up firing full auto bursts from his lascarbine, his fire was joined along with lasfire from the surviving members of Hamrua’s 3rd Squad and Takeda’s Command Squad, but nothing seemed to stop the beast as it brought itself onto Hamura. Hamura with drew his katana from its sheath and calmly dropped his lasgun to the side.

“For the Dark Gods!” screamed the Chaos Champion. Hamura charged towards him screaming the common battle cry of man, a howl of air and furry unleashed on the enemy. The two clashed in a furry of sword strokes and sparks as katana fought chainsword. The traitor swung his sword for Hamura’s head only to have Hamura thwart his attack and deliver a powerful punch to the traitor’s exposed face. Still reeling from the blow the traitor took one step back but this was all that Hamura needed and rammed his body into the traitor’s body knocking him off balance. Hamura delivered a swift beheading blow to the neck only to be blocked by the traitor’s massive armored shoulder. The marine swung down only to have Hamura side step and deliver a head turning uppercut to the marines face. This time the marine as ready and swiftly kneed Hamura and slammed his armored fist into the back of Hamura’s armor knocking the soldier to the ground with a sickening crunch.

“Die Imperial dog!” screamed the Chaos Champion as he brought down his sword. Hamura swiftly thrusts his katana up at the traitor’s head leaving a deep gash over the traitor’s eye. The Traitor Marine recoiled in pain, leaving him off balance, letting Hamura swiftly kick out one of the Marine’s leg knocking him to the ground. With a cry of victory Hamura scrambled onto his knees rammed his katana into the traitor’s skull and watched as the Marine’s body began spasm as he died. Takeda let out a sigh of relief and walked over to Hamura.

“Hamura you just won a Honorific.” Takeda held out his hand and hauled the sergeant to his feet. “I don’t know whether to call you an idiot or one brave b*****d.” Hamura, still dazed, nodded. “Come on we need to catch up with the others.”

“Yes, sir.” Hamura picked up his lasgun and along with Takeda quickly rejoined the rest of the team with them.

“What took you boys so long?” asked Inquisitor Rain LeBeau. As Takeda looked her over he saw that her silver cloak did little to hide her beautiful body.

“The sergeant here, just took down a Chaos Champion by himself in hand to hand combat.” Takeda said.

“It was nothing sir. I fought tougher on Nourin back home.” Hamura sounded for once humble and serene. Takeda eyed the sergeant.

“Hamura you have the biggest mouth and the worthiest attitude out of the entire five hundred recruits that High Command sent me. Out of those five hundred you also were the best close combat fighter I know you have a huge chip on your shoulder and normally you would be saying something smart about that. So what do you want? I know you are after something.” Takeda’s eyes narrowed at Hamura and watched as the Sergeant shrugged.

“I just don’t want the medal, sir. I’m not here for glory or honor or anything. I just want to get out alive.” Hamura replied.

“Well too bad Sergeant. When we get back home I’m not only giving you a medal but I’m promoting you to lieutenant. Do you understand?” Takeda looked up at Hamura. Though Takeda carried a much higher rank then Hamura, he was still quite a bit older then the major. Hamura’s eyes widened slightly.

“Yes, sir!” shouted Hamura. “Sir? Can I recruit some of the men back home?” Takeda nodded and replied.

“You can as long as you can keep then under your control I’ll let you recruit anyone you want. But if even one of them screws up and I have to deal with it then there are going to be some sever punishments do you understand?”

“Perfectly, sir!” Takeda smiled until Inquisitor Rain spoke up.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you major but we still have a mission to complete.” Takeda’s face fell and he quickly regained his serious demeanor.

“Right, Lady Inquisitor, we are yours to command.” Rain smiled.

“Good. Follow my lead.” Shouted Rain with her power sword in one hand and her bolt pistol in the other. She focused her physic powers and let out a blast of soul-lighting blowing a hole in the wall in front of them and charged in. With a mighty battle cry the Emperor’s Holy Inquisition struck with the might of the Hammer of the Emperor at the daemonic forces of Chaos.  

[Lady Blodwynn]

Very anime styled, not something that meshes very well with 40k. You also might want to flesh things out, a lot. As it is right now things are rushed.  

[Shugotenshi47]

Anime style? really? that was not what I was going for at all. Any reasons on why you think that/advice on how not to do that. Well the entire chapter takes about less then five minutes to do in real life maybe that's why.  

[Vikki Stardust]

Verrrrry Wapaneeeeese

And the way you structure your sentences is a big no-no:

"“Yes, sir!” shouted Hamura. “Sir? Can I recruit some of the men from my clan back home into my platoon?” Takeda nodded."

Space it out, flesh it out and think it over, this is just rushed.  

[Caleidah]

I'm just gonna agree with Kaori right here. That was just...painfully wapanese. However, it could be thought that, given how there's a guard legion for everything else, there is probably a planet stuck in Japan. Oh well.

THe structure was painful. If he's a guardsman, he's NOT going to be standing toe to toe with a Chaos Space Marine. At least not most of the time. That's just my opinion as a Traitor to the False-Emperor, though.  

[Lady Blodwynn]

I blame Abnett and his Ghosts, everybody wants to be like them gonk

Also, when a traitor marine punches or kicks a regular human, bones will break and someone will die. I'm having a hard time imagining a regular human uppercutting an eight foot super human in such a way that his head spins. Same goes for the "kicking a marine off his feet" thing, how? A marine is so heavy that it would take five very strong men to haul one of its feet.  

[Caleidah]

Just another few things:

Chaos marines can shout more than just those token curses that are so often heard coming from them in, oh, Dawn of War.

Also...Katana vs Chainsword. Unless that Katana is a power weapon, it wouldn't stand a bloody chance. For one, a Marine Chainsword would probably be about four feet long. The sheer weight alone would be enough to wrench the katana free of Hamura's grip. Also, unless its made of adamantite, the surely whirring teeth of yon Chainsword would snap the blade, or, once again, rip it free of his puny human grip.

If there's a Chaos Marine charging, why doesn't just put his Lasgun on full power? That's been proven to melt their heads in the past, so why not right now?  

[DarkElf27]

Shugotenshi47

Anime style? really? that was not what I was going for at all. Any reasons on why you think that/advice on how not to do that. Well the entire chapter takes about less then five minutes to do in real life maybe that's why.

I'm guessing it's the names and the use of japanese weapons like Katanas instead of standard-issue weapons that would be more common to Guardsmen.

The others put it a bit harshly, but the general point is that you ought to spend a bit more time working on details, setting. Right now, it's all action action action, you need to intersperse some setting, some description of the people, of why they're there, of the area they're at.  

[Shugotenshi47]

Until recently I had very little reference on how strong a marine is compared to a normal human. Most of the books I've read are human vs. human or marine vs marine. However Commissar Cain went hand to hand with a Khorne beserker and the fight lasted far longer then Sgt. Hamura's plus they were throwing taughts at each other so if you look at it that way it's not that much of a strech for this to happen to a veteran sergeant. Anyways Chapter 2 here we go:

Chapter 2: In The Name of the Emperor, Hold!

0756 Upper Atmosphere of Oron V, one year earlier

Captain Shugo Takeda stood in the crowded Valkyrie transport and spoke into his vox unit.

“Ok everybody! You all know the drill; the Space Marines have landed and will have secured the perimeter of the primary LZs by the time we land. The follow up waves will be coming in right behind us so all we need to do is hold out until the main force arrives. Do you get me?”

“We get you, sir!” As the shouts died out Brigade’s General Channel cracked to life as Colonel Mitsurugi began to address the men over the vox network and the loudspeakers in the transports.

“Men! This is it, the big one. Our orders are to land and hold the landing zone for the follow up waves. Now the God-Emperor has saw it fit to bless us with a much larger force then any of the other drop troop units for this assault. That means we will have to secure the largest landing zone out of the entire assault. Once we take the LZ we are to hold it until the last man.” There was a pause and everyone was quiet, even the roar of the Valkyrie’s engines sounded quiet. “Banzai to the God-Emperor!” Suddenly the entire channel was filled with cries: “Banzai! Banzai! Banzai!”

“All units stand by to jump.” The voice of the crew chief assigned to coordinate the jump sounded nervous. Takeda quickly double check his gear and prepared to jump. The rear hatched opened up and they prepared to jump out. “All units jump! Go! Go! Go!” Takeda and his men hurled themselves out of the aircraft and fell towards the ground. As soon the Amatsu guardsmen hit the ground the landing zone was filled with dark moving shapes as men moved into the wooded areas around them and began to clear out any Orks and find cover. Suddenly the landing zone was hit by a furious bombardment. Several men who were hit in the initial blasts were flung into the air while others disintegrated in a flash of fiery death.

“Spread out and take cover!” shouted Mitsurugi over the vox. Takeda and many other drop troopers began stuffing branches and other bits foliage onto their helmets and fatigues as well as applying cloth camo-netting they carried with them that distorted their figures. “All units spread out to your assigned areas and dig in!” The units began to spread out across the LZ as artillery rained down on them and Orks charged mindlessly into their ranks.

Takeda looked down at his timepiece, fifty more minutes before the second wave. He looked around as several more explosions rang out around him. His A Company had set up positions to the far right flank of Bravo Sector, the west side of the landing zone. Orks were coming in from three directions, South, East, and West, while Ork artillery pounded them from the North. Ahead of him the recon squad hurriedly jumped into the Guard fighting positions while their leader, Sergeant Nagato, reported to Takeda.

“Captain, Sergeant Nagato reporting.” The sergeant was breathing heavily as he stood at attention near Takeda.

“At ease Sergeant, give me your report.” Nagato nodded and began.

“Sir we have at least a hundred-twenty or so Orks heading towards us now. They were about fifteen clicks from entering the forests when we started to head back.”

“Thank you, return to you squad and pass the word around quietly to prepare to engage.”

“Yes, sir.” Nagato saluted and left. Takeda motioned for Hyori and the rest of A. Company’s snipers over to him.

“Greenskins are going to coming soon so stand by and engage targets of opportunity.” The snipers acknowledged their orders and each took up positions to take out the advancing Orks. Takeda could hear the Orks closing in on his position; smell them too. He gave a silent command to his autocannon gunners and missile launcher crews and they let loose a devastating bombardment onto the Ork mob. Blooded but not discouraged the Orks continued as the heavy bolters and snipers began pouring shots onto them. They died by the dozens but they still kept coming. As the Orks began to close into the Guard lines, lasguns and Ork weapons began to bark across the line. Several Guardsmen were stuck by Orkish fire and fell with gaping wounds in their bodies, as the Orks continued to advance. Takeda’s men were firing short bursts of las-fire into the Orkish ranks cutting down the Orks, leaving their dead strewn across the battlefield. Faced with the unrelenting barrage of fire the Orks broke and fled. Orks ran as fast as they could away from the battle, while A Company rose from their positions and advanced towards the edge of the forest and set up new positions that gave them a clear killing field outside of the wooded area. Takeda looked up and saw the transports of the second wave begin their final decent.

“Captain Takeda, move your men further west and reinforce 2nd Battalion.” The commanding voice of Takeda’s father, General Yukimura Takeda, came over the vox.

“Acknowledged.” Takeda looked to his men. “A Company lets move out.” A Company shifted positions and soon reached the far left flank of 2nd Battalion. Before them was a scene of total devastation. Dead Guardsmen and Orks were everywhere and the smoldering hulks of Ork trukks, warbuggies, and wartrakks littered the battlefield, it was obvious a fierce battle had been fought there. A young corporal ran over to them.

“Thank the Emperor you’re here sir. I’m Corporal Koizumi sir, D Company 2nd Battalion.” The corporal gave a tired salute.

“Captain Takeda, A company, 1st Battalion. Tell me corporal, what the hell happened here. I thought there was a full company assigned to his position?” Takeda looked as several heavily depleted squads Guardsmen struggled to move equipment to man an area a platoon normally would be assigned to cover.

“Sir, Orks came through here. Must have been hundreds of them. They smashed through the 1st Platoon at our center. The captain was killed almost as soon as we made contact. Command over the company quickly broke down right after and 1st and 3rd Platoons were surrounded and the fighting went down to largely hand to hand. Shortly afterwards E Company reinforced our position. Lieutenant Hamasaki is in command right now sir.”

“Thank you Corporal. Where is Lieutenant Hamasaki anyway?”

“I’ll take you to him sir.” Corporal Koizumi turned around and began to lead Captain Takeda to Hamasaki’s Company HQ.

“Lieutenant Nakamura take charge until I return.” Shouted Takeda. Nakamura saluted and began to shout out orders. Takeda, guided by Koizumi, walked towards where the ad-hoc HQ that had been set up at. The Guardsmen they past watched in amazement as Takeda and the command squad moved perfectly in step, as if they were on a parade march. When Takeda entered the makeshift bunker that served as Hamasaki’s command post, everyone in the room stared at him for a moment and then snapped to attention. A private working one of the vox-sets snapped to attention and shouted out.

“Atten-hut!” Swiftly everyone in the room was at attention.

“At ease. I am Captain Takeda, where is Lieutenant Hamasaki?” The men in the bunker relaxed slightly but still stood rigidly. A young soldier with what looked like brand new lieutenant insignia on his uniform in the rear of the makeshift bunker spoke up.

“I’m Hamasaki, sir.” Lieutenant Hamasaki was barely older then Corporal Koizumi and had a brand new lieutenant rank insignia scratch on it.

“Give me a sitrep, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, sir. Well sir, the Orks attacked this position in force about 0832. The captain was killed shortly after by Orkish fire. The Kempei (a member of the Kempetai, the Amatsu version of the commissar) took charge and led 1st Platoon until they were wiped out almost to the last man. The commander of 2nd Platoon, was killed during the countercharge and I assumed command.”

“Good work holding this position until we got here lieutenant. My men have already set up positions along side your men. We’ll be ready for the next attack. Again, good job Lieutenant, keep me posted.” Takeda turned and left. Everyone in the room once again snapped to attention and saluted.

“Yes sir.” Hamasaki and his staff saluted as Takeda walked out. As soon as they had gone out of earshot of the command post Takeda turned to Hyori.

“Poor guy, barely out of officer school and being stuck having to command an entire company or… at least with what’s left of it.” Hyori nodded and replied

“Well it could have been worse, sir. They could have completely collapsed.”

“Point taken.”

They continued walking along the impromptu defenses until they reached the position that Nakamura had set up the company HQ. Takeda looked it over, a simple dugout covered with wood and foliage for protection and camouflage. Nakamura saluted as Takeda walked into the bunker and spoke.

“Captain we’ve been reinforced by two squads of Space Marines. Their commander would like to talk to you.” Takeda nodded and Nakamura waved over a massive red armored Space Marine.

“I am Brother Sergeant Solomon of the Crimson Guard. It is an honor to meet you Captain Takeda.” Takeda smiled warmly at the Space Marine sergeant. The massive super human warrior stared back.

“And it is an honor to meet you Brother Sergeant. How can me and my men be of service to you and your brothers?”

“Captain as you have more experience commanding Guard forces I would be more interest in hearing how my Space Marines can be of service to your Guardsmen.” Solomon’s voice was sincere and humble. Takeda nodded and motioned for Private Saigo to hand him a data-slate. Saigo handed him the data-slate and Takeda brought it to life and began to point of positions on the holographic map it projected.

“Theses here are the positions where my Guardsmen have taken up.” Takeda point to several areas marked in blue. “I would like your men here, on our far right flank, here at the center, here on the far left flank, and one group with the reserve platoon here.” As he names each position he points them out on the map. Solomon nodded and spoke into his vox set, his orders were acknowledged within a second.

“My men are on there way right now. If you excuse me Captain I shall go attend to my Space Marines.” Sergeant Solomon’s towering figure turned and exited the command post. Takeda turned to Nakamura and began to belt out orders.

“Nakamura, I want the scout units set up in advance observation positions in a five hundred meter perimeter in front of the main lines. I want them to radio in any enemy movements and to skirmish with them if they get within one hundred meters of their positions. They are to fall back if the opposing strength is too great for them to handle. Make sure they understand that they are just there as advance warning and not a speed bug or a first line of defense.” Nakamura nodded.

“Yes, sir” He turned and took one of the vox sets from one of the vox operators and radioed the orders for the recon squads while Takeda and his staff walked out of the command post and began surveying the lines. Takeda looked around him and saw the men of the 1st Amatsu Landing Regiment dug in all around him. The men had carefully concealed themselves among the trees and bushes. Takeda turned around and walked back into the command post, found a corner and sat down and waited.

Meanwhile his father, General Yukimura Takeda swore loudly. He sat in a hastily constructed field headquarters directing the battle using holomaps and as much of his tactical prowess as possible. Sweat beaded around his head as he directed the battle. Millions of Orks from across the continent were heading towards the landing zones and if the rest of the invasion force could not land within forty-eight hours then the Imperial foothold will be overrun. “Lieutenant when will the armor units be launched from the transports?”

“In about,” the lieutenant looked at his timepiece, “fifteen minutes and they’ll land in about thirty and be fully loaded in about forty minutes.” General Takeda nodded.

“Thank you. One more thing, which unit just landed in our zone?”

“Umm, I’ll find out sir.” The lieutenant picked up a vox-set and sent a message to the newly arrived Guard unit. After a few moments the lieutenant put down the vox-set. “Sir they are the Sylmar 1st Partisan Rangers.” General Takeda nodded and spoke softly.

“Tell their commander to move his men to western flank and dig in alongside the men we have there.” The lieutenant saluted and relayed the message to the Sylmarian guardsmen. General Takeda sighed loudly and looked at the holomap once again. “Lieutenant, do you know when the artillery arrive?”

“I’ll find out sir.” General Takeda sighed again.

“Alright listen up you lousy dogs! We just got orders from a General umm,” Colonel David “Dave” Storm or just Storm to just about anyone he knew shouted to his men. “God-Emperor take me and ******** me sideways I can’t pronounce this son of a b***h’s name!” A roar of laughter erupted from the Sylmar 1st Partisan Rangers informally known as “The War Dogs.” “Well whatever the hell his name is he is in charge of this LZ and we got orders. Our orders are to go to the western flank of the LZ and reinforce a battalion from the 1st Atasu Brigade or wherever the hell they’re from. Once we get there, we’re gonna dig in and kill any ******** Ork that has the guts to fight us.” Another roar erupted form his men. “Move out! Let’s go kill ourselves some ******** Orks!” The War Dogs cheered again and began to mobilize.

Captain Takeda popped his head outside the command post and surveyed his men’s position. The wait was killing him. For the past three hours, there had only been minor attacks. Even the Space Marines looked bored waiting for someone to fight. The Amatsu tank units had come down about two hours ago, followed by the Amatsu artillery units an hour latter. The thunderous blasts of the artillery roared persistently. Behind him, Private Saigo, his aid, ran out and handed a message to Takeda. Takeda read it swiftly and walked back inside the command post.

“This is Takeda to all Amatsu units on the Western flank. We have reinforcements inbound. They are the Sylmar 1st Partisan Rangers. I repeat friendly forces are inbound from the rear to reinforce our positions. Acknowledge. Takeda out” A fury of acknowledgements followed his message.

Ten minutes later Storm and the three companies under his direct command emerged from the forest and stopped in their tracks and spread out and began to advance slowly.

“Hey Borino! Wasn’t that other unit supposed to be here?” whispered Storm.

“Yeah they were supposed to be here Storm,” replied Master Sergeant Brandon “Borino” Thomas, Company Sergeant for the 1st Company. Suddenly men emerged all around the Sylmarian Guardsmen.

“Sorry about that, camouflage is one of our specialties,” said Captain Takeda. “I’m Captain Takeda, the commander of the Amatsu units here.” He looked around and saw that many of the Sylmarian Guardsmen wore simple short-sleeve shirts under their body armor and many did not have helmets or even military issue pants. Storm scrunched up his face and held out his hand.

“Colonel Dave Storm, Sylmar 1st Partisan Rangers. Captain how the hell do you say your name?”

“It’s Ta-Ke-Da, Colonel.” Takeda replied as he shook the Colonel’s hand.

“Thank you Captain and you can just call me Storm if you want to, just about everyone else dose.”

“Alright then umm, Colonel. Have your men set up alongside mine; if there are any problems with their placement, one of my officers will help you. Sound fair?”

“Yes it does captain.” Storm turned to his men. “You heard him dogs! Find a spot and get comfortable!” His men replied in an excellent imitation of dog howl and moved out along the lines. “So captain how many of this ******** do you expect us to deal with before we get pulled off the line?”

“Well Colonel, we haven’t been hit with a major attack for almost four hours, so we suspect they’re building up troops for an undercover attack just beyond our kill zone. We expect an attack in-between now and about two hours.”

“How many Orks do you expect to attack us?”

“Maybe five hundred in this zone.” Takeda said bluntly.

“s**t,” muttered Storm. “Captain, I’m going to go make sure my men are settling in alright. Call me on the vox if the s**t starts to fly.” Takeda saluted smartly.

“Roger that sir.” After Storm had walked out of earshot, Takeda turned to Hyori and said, “Well for a Colonel he seems pretty friendly.”

“Well sir, his world probably doesn’t respect authority and discipline as much as we do. Do you think we can rely on them when the fighting starts?” Hyori asked inquisitively.

“Well, he sure seems confident enough.”

“I see sir.” Hyori replied as she absent-mindedly twirled her custom butterfly knife in her hands. Takeda looked over the young woman that served as his chief sniper, advisor, and one of his most important aides. He could see her trademark snake earring on her right ear. Takeda smiled and then he stopped, as he looked Hyori dead in the eye. She stood there still as a statue and then spoke abruptly, “Sir, I have a feeling the Orks are going to attack soon.” Takeda nodded.

“I feel it too, warriors instinct.” The two ran towards the command post as Private Saigo ran out.

“Captain, we just got holopics from the fleet! They have orbital shots of a large force of Orks advancing on our position!” Takeda reacted on instinct.

“Pass the words out to all units, prepare for maximum resistance! I want the reserve units on stand by and all heavy weapon crews ready to go. Get a message to Colonel Storm and Sergeant Solomon; have them ready their troops right now! And tell the recon units to fall back to the primary positions!” Saigo saluted and shouted.

“Yes, sir!” He ran back inside the command post and began to pass the word around to the men inside. Amid the rush of activity Takeda was belting out orders.

“Sergeant Tomita to me! When the battle starts I want the company standard flying high above the heads of my men! Everyone lock n’ load. This is it!” Storm ran up.

“Are they coming?” Takeda nodded and Storm whooped in excitement. “******** yeah! I’ve been waiting for this since we got planetside! I’ll be setting up my command post near yours Captain. I’ll see you in a few.” Takeda saluted Storm as the Colonel ran off to set up his command post.

“Corporal! Has command been notified of our situation?” The corporal operating the company master-vox looked up.

“Yes sir. I’m being patched through to artillery in a minute I’ll give them fire coordinates on your command sir.”

“Good man! Tell them to fire at,” Takeda looked at a dataslate, “Grid Tango Victor Charlie 45! Full barrage!” The corporal shouted an affirmative and began to relay the coordinates to the Guard artillery positions at the main landing site. Saigo half crawled and half ran to Takeda position.

“Sir, Orks coming out from beyond hill. Looks like there are at least several hundred of them. They’ll be in range pretty soon.” Takeda shouted back.

“And so will we! Is everyone ready?” Saigo nodded.

“Lieutenant Hamasaki reports that his men are ready to fire on your orders, sir.”

“OK, then lets finish this.” Takeda pulled out a set of binoculars and popped his head over the edge of the spider hole and surveyed the advancing Orks. He looked at his timepiece.

The artillery should be coming down any time now. Suddenly dozens of large explosions were heard as the barrage of artillery shells fell onto the Orks. Takeda looked up to observe the destruction and to his horror that instead of scattering the initial attack it caused the Orks to attack in a single massive wave. Dozens of Ork vehicles streamed out towards his position.

“Corporal! Tell the artillery to keep firing until further orders!” He grabbed another soldier nearby that was operating one of squad vox-sets. “Private! Tell all units to fire at will!” The private shouted an affirmative and within seconds, mortars, missile launchers, and autocannons opened fire, raining death and destruction. The Orks returned fire with shootas, rokkits, and others weapons. “Tomita raise the standard now!” The sergeant quickly removed the protective covering on the standards and unfurled it above the command post. More explosions racked the Guard position as the fighting began to evolve into the living hell war was.

“Man down! Man down! Medic!” shouted one of the War Dogs as he dragged the bloodied remains of a fellow Dog. Staff Sergeant Saito ran over and began performing first aid.

“Emperor save us!” shouted one of the Amatsu Guardsmen as the fighting intensified. Takeda looked to his left and saw Hyori line up a shot. She squeezed the trigger and one of the Ork vehicles explode in a flash of fiery death.

“Good shot!” Takeda shouted.

“Thank you, sir.” Hyori replied and continued firing at the Orks. The Orks, being the animals they are, continued to charge towards the Imperial positions as casualties mounted on both sides. Takeda fired like a madman with his lascarbine as the Orks closed in on his men.

“Damn it!” He grabbed Lieutenant Nakamura and shouted. “Nakamura get inside the command post and tell the vox operators to call in more artillery strikes now!” Nakamura shouted back.

“Yes, sir!” He turned and half crawled and half dashed along the rows of spider holes and trenches to the command post. He threw himself inside and Takeda let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly the command post exploded in a brilliant flash of light.

“Nakamura!” Takeda shouted. “Damn it!” the captain swore. He took his personal vox and shouted to Storm. “Colonel! my CP has been hit. I need you to call in the artillery from now on! You’re in charge of this entire sector now colonel!”

“Roger that,” came the reply. “My men are calling in a full barrage to try to knock those bastards back. Also, Captain, I’m ordering all reserve units to move up and engage the enemy. Storm out!”

“Roger! Takeda out!” Takeda swore loudly again and made a mad dash to the remains of his command post and crawled inside. Inside, one of the vox operators lay slumped against the vox-set he was operating. A large gaping wound on his head and neck had splattered blood all over the wall in front of him and his vox-set. Takeda moved past the man or what was left of him and saw another vox operator who looked back at him with lifeless eyes. “Emperor have mercy.” He muttered and continued his search. He pulled off a bit of the splintered timber and saw Nakamura lying below. “Nakamura!” Nakamura blinked and looked up at Takeda.

“They got me sir. I can’t feel my legs and my right arm,” Replied Nakamura weakly. Takeda looked down and saw the stump that had once been Nakamura’s right arm, blood was quickly pooling up around him.

“Don’t move Nakamura. I’ll get Saito in here right now.” He turned and shouted onto his personal vox. “Saito! Nakamura’s down at the CP I need you over here now!” He turned back to the badly wounded officer. “Don’t worry Saito is on his way.” Takeda moved closer to Nakamura and saw that his legs had been completely crushed by falling debris. “Damn…” He muttered and then he heard another low groan to his left, he turned and saw another Guardsman laying there, blood streaming down the left side of his face and a large gash on his right leg.

“Captain…” the Guardsman muttered and fell back his hand pressed against the wound on his face.

“Nakamura don’t move. I’m going to help another guy. I’ll be right back. Don’t die on me damn it.” Saito dove head first into the command post and almost hit his head on one of the fallen logs.

“Where do you need me captain?” shouted the medic.

“Take care of Nakamura! I’m getting another guy right now.”

“Right!” Saito crouched near Nakamura and began to give him medical attention. Takeda reached the wounded Guardsman and grabbed the man as gently as he could and dragged him towards Saito. Takeda put his hand on Saito’s shoulder.

“How is he?” Takeda asked quietly.

“Lieutenant Nakamura isn’t going to make it but it looks like I can save the other man.” Takeda nodded.

“Do what you need to do Staff Sergeant.” Takeda turned to Nakamura and said his good byes. “Nakamura it’s been an honor serving with you.” Nakamura grinned even as his life began to slip away.

“I die for the Emperor, Captain.” Nakamura tried to salute with the stump of his arm and Takeda returned it. “Banzai to the Emperor!”

“Banzai to the Emperor.” Replied Takeda and then he turned to Saito. “Get that soldier and move him to the collection area.” Saito saluted.

“Yes, sir.” Takeda turned and ran back to his position. Almost as soon as he hit the bottom of the hole he was fighting from Sergeant Solomon ran over with a squad of Space Marines and they crouched down near Takeda.

“Captain Takeda, my marines have engaged the enemy across our sector these foul xenos will not get through our lines.” Takeda nodded and Solomon stood up and the Space Marines began to advance towards several of the forward positions to give their firepower to the besieged Guardsmen.

“Takeda!” shouted Storm over the vox. “Takeda this is Storm. ******** man, I swear a major s**t storm just started.” Takeda stopped breathing for a moment.

“What’s going on colonel?” asked he asked as fear began to grip his soul.

“The entire LZ is under attack. Two of the minor LZ have already been over run. There are reports of at least five regiments that have been wiped out. s**t there are confirmed reports of two full regiments being completely lost at each LZ. s**t man, this isn’t looking good.” Takeda stopped breathing.

“Roger that. Takeda out.” Takeda ducked as another rocket exploded near his position. “Damn it all!”  

[Shugotenshi47]

DarkElf27

Shugotenshi47

Anime style? really? that was not what I was going for at all. Any reasons on why you think that/advice on how not to do that. Well the entire chapter takes about less then five minutes to do in real life maybe that's why.

I'm guessing it's the names and the use of japanese weapons like Katanas instead of standard-issue weapons that would be more common to Guardsmen.

The others put it a bit harshly, but the general point is that you ought to spend a bit more time working on details, setting. Right now, it's all action action action, you need to intersperse some setting, some description of the people, of why they're there, of the area they're at.

It's only chapter 1 just an intro. Those are always my weakest chapters, the critisism over Hamura's duel with the traitor marine is well understandable but you'll see why i did that eventually. Most of my sergeants are armed with chainswords but Hamura is a special case as will be explained later. I hate anime a lot sometimes because it seems a lot of people like to butcher the idea of Japanese Guardsmen as anime inspired. If anything these guys were inspired by Letters From Iwo Jima, Sengoku Jieitai 1549, and a few other movies and historical documentries I've seen. I choose to do Japanese Guard because every GUard player knows or plays a army that is either American, German, French, British, Russian, and so on.  

[Hoxtalicious]

Commissar Cain is a known liar, if you read his novels with some care this should come to the fore. But yes he fought a traitor marine, but not in the way you describe it. A regular human cannot kick a half a tonne weighing superhuman off his feet.  

[Shugotenshi47]

Ok since everyone is criticizing on how Hamura was able to do that I'll just have to explain who he is before he is even formally introduced. I never said Cain beat the marine I just said he fought him far long then Hamura did, the only reason why Cain won was because the Marine was hit by a meltagun. This is Hamura's backstory

Hamura is a conscripted ganger leader. He has fought ii and survived gang fight after gang fight. Much of his body has been replaced by bionics from the wounds he received during those fights. Including most of his chest and abdomen. Both of his arms and legs have bionics in them. The only part of his body that is still fully human is his head and neck. His katana was a left over from his ganger days and he chose to retain it instead of the standard issue chainsword.

So not only dose he have almost as much metal as a tech-priest he was wearing body armor. On top of that the traitor marine had to survive all the damage he received when the rest of his squad was killed by the Guardsmen and the 10 lasguns and one plasma gun that was shooting at him as he charged from twenty five feet away from Hamura's squad.

The Rate of Fire per Minute (RPM) of the Amatsu pattern lasgun is 750 that means 750 shots in 1 minute. Since it took about 3 seconds for the Marine to reach Hamura we take 5% of 750 and multiply it by 10 and let's ignore the firepower of the plasma gun. In the time it took for the Marine to reach Hamura, we get 375 shots. Now since the Marine is a large target most of these shots will have hit due to size and clsoe range. Now lets throw in the plasma gun which lets say have the RPM of 500, 5% of that is 25 but since it's a plasma gun the operator would have been a little more careful so lets just say 15 shots and plus most of those shots would probably also hit. So that's a lot of shots at close range. So even though the power armor can handle most of the damage the marine was still badly shot up when he charged Hamura.

Summary: The Marine got shot a lot and Hamura is not a regular human and has more combat expirence then the average Guard sergeant.  

[Caleidah]

Most lasgun cells have a capacitor of something like...well, nothing NEAR large enough to pull off a full 12.5 shots per second. Also, if you were to fire a Plasma Gun at ANYTHING like that rate the gunner would be seeing some kind of insane-o gas venting. Ergo, dead gunner.

Then again, if we're going by Dan Abnett logic that Marine should have been dead a hundred times over from that many Lasguns.