A Shrine To the Greatness That is Ska_Freak.

[Ska_Freak]

This is as the title suggest, a shrine about me and my greatness. It is no secret that I love myself in more than just a physical sense. And believe me, I have every reason to. So I shall from now on document whatever the hell I feel like in this thread that I find amusing.

First Entry:

Co-Worker: If you have any kind of homosexual fantisies, I think you're really gay and just haven't come out of the closet yet.

Me: That's not true, I'm having a homoerotic fantasy right now and the only p***s that makes me smile is my own.

CW: Oh?

Me: Yup, I'm picturing you dropping to your knees, bare a** naked, then falling to the floor dead. I approach your lifeless body and piss all over you.

CW: ...

Me: *sips water* It's not so much a homoerotic fantasy as it is me wanting you to shut the hell up and die.

CW: Dude, too mean.

Me: Get back to work.  

[Ska_Freak]

An "arguement" that took place last night.

Me: You can't just change your mind like that.

Kittie: Why not?

Me: It's not fair.

Kittie: Females can change their minds whenever they want. It's our lawful right granted to us for having ovaries.

Me: That's bullshit, you know I'm right so you're trying to cop out.

Kittie: Whatever, I'm going to continue doing what females do best.

Me: You're going to start doing laundry right in the middle of a conversation? That's rude, Kittie.

Kittie: You're not getting any tonight.

Me: So worth it.  

[Sephoenix]

As much as I want to hate you, I can't.

That whole doing laudry thing reminds me of a convo I had with a good friend of mine, except he mentioned the kitchen, not the laundry...

Men...

Can I stab you?  

[Ska_Freak]

Ionno, have you finished your peas yet?

Me: Your hair looks pretty today.

Secretary: Thanks.

Me: You know, as I was watching you walk over, I kept thinking to myself, "Burst into flames, burst into flames, burst into flames!", but all that came out was "Your hair looks pretty today.

Secretary: I started using Aussie.

Me: It shows.  

[Ska_Freak]

Kittie: These Cheerios taste kind of funny.

Me: When you're not here, I like to dress up like a bumble bee, sprinkle the Cheerios around the apartment, and pretend to fly up to each and everyone of them. Then I [air quotes] polinate each and every one of them and put them back in the box.

Kittie: I just think they're a little stale.

Me: You're such a buzz kill...The good times never end, Kittie, they never end.

Kittie: And you wonder why I refuse to acknowledge you in public.  

[Sephoenix]

Why am I interested in seeing more conversations? >.>  

[Ska_Freak]

Because I'm funny.

Just a one liner tonight, but I think it's funny.


Me: God, I love Oktoberfest so ******** much. I just want to smash it in the face and have sex with its lifeless body.  

[Sephoenix]

rofl  

[Ska_Freak]

Me: Kittie, for you I would fight through the tears and do your dead body.

Kittie: Aww, I don't know wheather that's sweet, or gross, or just plain wrong.

Me: It's called love, baby.  

[Ska_Freak]

I was attacked by one of those Christian Childrens Funds collecter people today.

Jesus Aficionado: Any amount would be a blessing, please help feed a child today.

Me: Sorry, I don't have any change, all I have is two twenties and a fifty.

J A: Twenty dollars could feed a child and her family for a month.

Me: It also pays for my medical bills and helps fill my gas tank which I need to operate my truck in order to work.

J A: These children are starving to death and all you think about is yourself?

Me: I'm dying myself if it weren't for the medication I'm on. If I die, then I couldn't donate at all when I have the means to.

J A: Our lord does not look kindly upon the selfish, sir.

Me: Don't bunch me in with your lord, sir. For all you know I have very different beliefs than you do.

J A: Have you accepted the teachings of Christ into your heart, sir?

Me: I have reasearched his teachings but do not wish to follow upon them in a large religious settings. What he has tought is common knowledge in this day and age and I do not find the need to partake in a practice that has been altered in my opinion by man.

J A: You'll live a sad and meaningless life without Jesus in your life. I pitty you.

Me: Pitty me? I would pitty you, but I do not. Tolerance is your selling point, but you have not tolerated the fact that I do not wish to be apart of your service and community, instead you come at me with an undertoned attack. As for Jesus in himself, I am not impressed.

J A: Not impressed? He died for the sins of humanity!

Me: Yes, and he resurrected and took his place to the side of his father, God. What happend after that? He had his thunder stolen by a rabbit and a fat man that hands out presents once a year. I am not impressed.

J A: [While glaring] You will lead a lonely life and be cast aside to hell. And his devoted believers will laugh at your wasted life from heaven.

Me: Really, you get to laugh at people's misery in heaven? I didn't know that, do you have a pamphlete or something? I think you sold me on this whole Jesus stuff.

[JA's supervisor approached and heard maybe half of what I said]

Mega J A: I'm sorry sir, please forgive my colleague, he needs to learn how to mind his manners.

J A: [slump headed] I'm sorry.

Me: Not a problem, I rather enjoyed that rabbit comment and will be sure to use it at a later date. Have a nice day, gentlemen.

That guy looked as if he wanted to slice my throat with the pages of the good book itself.  

[Sephoenix]

That las one was freakin' golden! Love it, dude, I wanna have your babies! Ok, maybe not, I'm not very fond of children...  

[saiga-kun]

Okay. At first I was skeptical to this 'shrine', but now, I love it. xD  

[Ska_Freak]

Seph, I'll be glad to father your children, just don't expect me to raise them.

Saiga-Kun: Thanks, I say a lot of s**t that I find amusing, I just wish I could remember more of what I say through out the day.

Steph=My BFf. We hung out for awhile and this happend.


Steph: [grabs pants pocket and digs into it]

Me: What the hell are you doing?

Steph: I thought I felt my phone vibrate.

Me: Steph, I'm holding your phone. [While showing her the phone]

Steph: Oh, it was just my gum.

Me: Wait, they make vibrating gum?

Steph: No...I just...shut up.

Me: We should make some gum that vibrates, we'll be rich.

Steph: [ignoring me now]

Me: I know what you're thinking, it'll never be dentist approved, but no one said it was going to be easy.

Steph: You need help.

Me: Says the woman that thinks gum vibrates, you need help, or to get laid, probably both.

Steph: I like this song. [turns up music and goes back to ignoring me]  

[Sephoenix]

Vibrating gum... I wonder what that would be like. That's... retarded...  

[Ska_Freak]

That's what they said about Pop Rocks, and look at them now...look at them now.

A friend and I were talking about how one of her neighbors is a convicted rapist, and how he only did 2 years in jail for it.

Rowsy: It's terrible, he rapped a 15 year old girl and was released after only two years.

Me: But you get caught with pot and that's 10 years at least.

Rowsy: I know right? Good to know they got their priorities straight. Because smoking weed is much worse than raping children.

Me: Smoking pot is worse than raping Jesus.

Rowsy: They should make that into an anti-drug commercial. It would end drug use world wide.