Coming Out of the Broom Closet

[Blythe the Mass Debater]

I have thought about coming out about being a Neo-Pagan to my friends and family. My parents wouldn't be too upset just a little condescending and my fear is that they may try to convert me back to being a Lutheran. For the past few years I have been "Christian" but not really "Christian" but a lot of different religions, in the closet with my family. I don't think they will kick me out or anything like that.

I know that in order for me to be able to really expand spiritually and express my spirituality they would have to be aware of my religious standing. I would have to be able to have books, practice rituals, have an alter without being afraid of being caught. I don't want to hide anymore.

What do you suggest that I say to my parents? I have a basic idea but I want to know some of yours. How did you come out?  

[Vertigo_Kiwi]

I never had to hide anything from my parents, but I hide it from my friends. My parents were in the store with me when I bought my first pagan book, so they didn't mind. And my parents are against having rules or controlling their kids, so that helps.

I suggest asking what your parent's opinions are with whatever belief you have; find out their views before you reveal things you are nervous about. I didn't do this when I told my friend I was pagan, I just kinda blurted it out when we had a discussion about religion. She didn't take too kindly to it, and blamed my "weird" beliefs on mental illness, reading too many books, imagination etc.

Even though you may not get that reaction, prepare yourself just in case. But, don't become too defensive or start a fight if it does happen. When my friend started saying those rude things I just stopped talking about it, let her b***h for a few minutes, then moved on to a different subject.  

[chrissy_of_hailfire]

eh, i'm not sure you should go as i had, but just tell them that you want to talk seriously when you do, i can't really say much more than that. just let them realize that this is serious and it's not a joke or prank.  

[TeaDidikai]

AngieAki

My parents wouldn't be too upset just a little condescending and my fear is that they may try to convert me back to being a Lutheran.

Should they be concerned? Are you breaking oaths with YHVH?

Quote:

I know that in order for me to be able to really expand spiritually and express my spirituality they would have to be aware of my religious standing. I would have to be able to have books, practice rituals, have an alter without being afraid of being caught. I don't want to hide anymore.

And if they do not wish for you to engage in such under their roof?

Quote:

What do you suggest that I say to my parents?

The truth. It is also best if you respect their wishes in keeping with Hospitality.  

[Starlock]

A few things for you to ponder.

What if they do try to convert you back to being Lutheran? It would probably be awkward, sure, but if your heart truly speaks to the Neopagan path, it will stay with you anyway. Learning more about another religion can be worthwhile, so if you do feel forced into something, you could try to look at it as a learning experience.

If you don't feel comfortable having a physical altar space, there are techniques available for creating an inner altar that you can carry with you wherever you go. Altars are nice, but there's lots you can do without one at least until you're on your own and have your own place. whee

In terms of 'coming out' the angle is critical. If out of the blue you just blurt out "hey [so and so], I'm a Witch!" that's probably not going to go over too well. If you use a label at all, use one that won't cause alarm. Be patient, and most importantly, actively listen to the other person's questions with an understanding mindset. While it is important for you to be able to assert yourself, realize that things that are different from that person's norm can be upsetting. It often takes time to assimilate new information so patience is in order. Try to explain in a way they will understand or that paralells their own belieifs (for example, comparing magic to prayer). Help them see the connections between what they do and what you do. If you can nudge them to place you in their 'in group' that's a huge step towards building tolerance and acceptance. Intolerance stems from people's mental categories of 'in group' or 'like me' and 'out group' or 'not like me.' As we probably all know from common sense, it's a lot easier to treat someone we consider 'not like me' poorly than someone we consider as 'like me.'  

[TeaDidikai]

Starlock

Intolerance stems from people's mental categories of 'in group' or 'like me' and 'out group' or 'not like me.'

Really? And here I was thinking that it had a great deal to do with being tought that "Not like me" was bad- not simply a matter of "not like me".

Or it can also come through standardized contextual morals- such as "My god says X is bad". I guess the concept of self loathing doesn't really come into the picture.  

[Deoridhe]

You know best what your parent's fear most - explain your religion with that in mind. For example, I reassured my mom I was still moral by telling her about "an it harm none..." when I first left (having barely been a part of) Christianity, and nearly gave her a heart attack a couple years later when I'd abandoned that. Hee.  

[Kalyani Srijoi]

TeaDidikai

Starlock

Intolerance stems from people's mental categories of 'in group' or 'like me' and 'out group' or 'not like me.'

Really? And here I was thinking that it had a great deal to do with being tought that "Not like me" was bad- not simply a matter of "not like me".

Or it can also come through standardized contextual morals- such as "My god says X is bad". I guess the concept of self loathing doesn't really come into the picture.

The 'not like me' category is essentially impossible to do away with - out brains are wired to categorize people as a mental cheat. That way, I can think of my friend Cherise as 'a cute Asian chick' instead of 'one with (insert various female features) and (insert various Asian features).' Race and gender serve, for us, as mental shortcuts. Doing without them is not only basically impossible, it's just plain stupid. It would greatly slow down the mental process.  

[TeaDidikai]

Kalyani Srijoi

The 'not like me' category is essentially impossible to do away with - out brains are wired to categorize people as a mental cheat. That way, I can think of my friend Cherise as 'a cute Asian chick' instead of 'one with (insert various female features) and (insert various Asian features).' Race and gender serve, for us, as mental shortcuts. Doing without them is not only basically impossible, it's just plain stupid. It would greatly slow down the mental process.

You misunderstand.

I'm not saying that the "Not like me" group shouldn't exist. I am saying that it is not a universal root cause of intolerance.  

[Starlock]

TeaDidikai

Kalyani Srijoi

The 'not like me' category is essentially impossible to do away with - out brains are wired to categorize people as a mental cheat. That way, I can think of my friend Cherise as 'a cute Asian chick' instead of 'one with (insert various female features) and (insert various Asian features).' Race and gender serve, for us, as mental shortcuts. Doing without them is not only basically impossible, it's just plain stupid. It would greatly slow down the mental process.

You misunderstand.

I'm not saying that the "Not like me" group shouldn't exist. I am saying that it is not a universal root cause of intolerance.

Where was it said that in-group out-group constructs were THE universal cause of intolerance? Where's the problem here?  

[TeaDidikai]

Starlock

TeaDidikai

Kalyani Srijoi

The 'not like me' category is essentially impossible to do away with - out brains are wired to categorize people as a mental cheat. That way, I can think of my friend Cherise as 'a cute Asian chick' instead of 'one with (insert various female features) and (insert various Asian features).' Race and gender serve, for us, as mental shortcuts. Doing without them is not only basically impossible, it's just plain stupid. It would greatly slow down the mental process.

You misunderstand.

I'm not saying that the "Not like me" group shouldn't exist. I am saying that it is not a universal root cause of intolerance.

Where was it said that in-group out-group constructs were THE universal cause of intolerance? Where's the problem here?

Quoted Again:

Starlock

Intolerance stems from people's mental categories of 'in group' or 'like me' and 'out group' or 'not like me.'

rolleyes  

[Starlock]

TeaDidikai

Starlock

TeaDidikai

Kalyani Srijoi

The 'not like me' category is essentially impossible to do away with - out brains are wired to categorize people as a mental cheat. That way, I can think of my friend Cherise as 'a cute Asian chick' instead of 'one with (insert various female features) and (insert various Asian features).' Race and gender serve, for us, as mental shortcuts. Doing without them is not only basically impossible, it's just plain stupid. It would greatly slow down the mental process.

You misunderstand.

I'm not saying that the "Not like me" group shouldn't exist. I am saying that it is not a universal root cause of intolerance.

Where was it said that in-group out-group constructs were THE universal cause of intolerance? Where's the problem here?

Quoted Again:

Starlock

Intolerance stems from people's mental categories of 'in group' or 'like me' and 'out group' or 'not like me.'

rolleyes

Again, you misunderstand what I said; please don't read things into what I said that aren't there. I didn't say "Intolerance ALWAYS stems from" or "The root, fundamental cause of intolerance is..." I was simply giving one example of where intolerance stems from; as this isn't a discussion on the origins of intolerance, I didn't see it neccesary to go on some long diatribe on the various possible causes. If you want that sort of discussion, I suggest you create a thread on it in ED.  

[TeaDidikai]

Starlock

Again, you misunderstand what I said; please don't read things into what I said that aren't there. I didn't say "Intolerance ALWAYS stems from" or "The root, fundamental cause of intolerance is..." I was simply giving one example of where intolerance stems from; as this isn't a discussion on the origins of intolerance, I didn't see it neccesary to go on some long diatribe on the various possible causes. If you want that sort of discussion, I suggest you create a thread on it in ED.

Perhaps you should communicate more clearly. I suggest using qualifiers to avoid blanket assertions.  

[Starlock]

TeaDidikai

Perhaps you should communicate more clearly. I suggest using qualifiers to avoid blanket assertions.

Perhaps.
Perhaps as well you should avoid assuming a statement is an absolute when it is not written as such?
mrgreen  

[TeaDidikai]

Starlock

TeaDidikai

Perhaps you should communicate more clearly. I suggest using qualifiers to avoid blanket assertions.

Perhaps.
Perhaps as well you should avoid assuming a statement is an absolute when it is not written as such?
mrgreen

However- it is written as such. No alterntives are listed, no qualifiers placed.

Am I expected to read your mind or your words?