Top 10 jokes

[Baron White]

Picards top 10 most favorite activities

10 Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"

9 Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttlecraft

8 Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge

7 Spotlighting unsuspecting crewmembers with the glare from his forehead

6 Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other life-forms

5 Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Mydick Hertz is there

4 Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL Picard Maneuver"

3 Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"

2 Telling crewmembers in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it so"

1 Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up  

[Baron White]

Top 10 pranks at Q-niversity

10. Melting Professors!

9. Getting the answers to the final exam *before* the test is even written!

8. Changing the gravitational constant of the universe during football games.

7. Rewriting history during lecture, confusing the professor to no end.

6. Disassembling universes and rebuilding them in friends' dorm rooms.

5. Creating partial vacuums in people's underwear.

4. Going to the prom as your date.

3. "Inside-Out Day"

2. Interdimensional panty raids.

1. Replacing the fine coffee they usually serve with dilithium crystals!  

[Baron White]

Top 10 April fool's jokes

10 Everybody act like Riker is the captain.

9 Pretend you've been taken over by an alien being.

8 Program the replicator in Troi's room so that it won't make chocolate.

7 Replay file tape of a Borg ship on the main viewer.

6 Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him.

5 Put a small speaker in Dr. Crusher's bedroom to play garbled voices.

4 Lock Picard in the children's schoolroom with several children and no adults.

3 Substitute some of Dr. Crusher's moss with moss showing 24 hours more growth.

2 Put a sign on Worf's back that says "Kick Me!".

1 Yell into your communicator "Captain, the antimatter containment fields are collapsing!".  

[Baron White]

Top 10 bumper stickers on the Enterprise

10 "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"

9 "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"

8 "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"

7 "Guns don't kill people...Type X Phasers do!"

6 "From zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"

5 "CAUTION...We have a triggerhappy Klingon at tactical."

4 "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"

3 "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"

2 "We brake for Cubes!"

1 "Wesley On Board!"  

[Baron White]

Top 10 results of Starfleet's defeat at Wolf359

10 Admirals may no longer use starships solely to impress dates.

9 Package delivery really, really hampered.

8 Now everyone has the opportunity to be the only ship in the sector!

7 List of "retired" NCC numbers jumped 25% in one hour.

6 Night before "Active Ship Roster" quiz, students in Starfleet Academy's Fleet Operations 101 class can go out and party instead of pulling an all-nighter like last year's class.

5 Certain entrepeneurs left with a huge glut of "I Kicked Some Borg Butt At Wolf 359" T-shirts.

4 Special "War and Dismemberment" mini-series planned.

3 Utopia Planetia Shipyards, Inc. stock up 340%.

2 Sudden upturn in number of people applying for Space Salvage license.

1 Sector renamed "Sheep 359".  

[Baron White]

Top 10 reasons Star Trek is better then Starwars

10 Deanna Troi discarded the bun after one season. Princess Leia still has those donut braids.

9 Worf's speech is at least intelligible, but Harrison Ford has to translate for Chewbacca.

8 Star Trek villains do NOT have asthma.

7 Star Wars spawned "Battlestar Galactica." The worst Star Trek ever did was "Babylon Five."

6 Spock-- 'nuff said.

5 Star Trek-- the first space shuttle. Star Wars-- a hare-brained nuclear defense system.

4 Kirk met "God" and told him off; Sisko met Q and decked him flat; Luke Skywalker met Yoda and was speechless.

3 Star Wars androids look like electronic trashcans on wheels. Star Trek androids look like some people's ideal in masculine beauty.

2 Star Wars: Princess Leia.
Star Trek: Lt. Uhura, Nurse Chapel, Yeo. Rand, Lt. Saavik, Cmr. Troi, Dr. Crusher, Lt. Yar, Ens. Ro, Dr. Pulaski, Nurse Ogawa, Amb. K'ehleyr, Amb. Lwaxana Troi, Maj. Kira, Lt. Dax, Kai Winn, Lursa, B'etor, Cmr. Sela, Vash, Adm. Netcheyev, Cpn. Janeway, Lt. Torres, Kes.

1 Star Trek consists of 11 movies and 5 TV series, a total of approximately 800 hours, a figure climbing at warp speed. Star Wars, despite its following, is limited to 6 movies and a total of about 12 hours.  

[Baron White]

Top 10 tourism slogans in Star Trek

10 Betazed: We know you want to come here!

9 In the Demilitarised Zone Colonies, there's never a dull moment!

8 Ski for your life on Rura'Penthe!

7 Nimbus III: Fan-dance capital of the Quadrant!

6 Visit Vulcan.

5 Cardassia Prime, where the trains run on time.

4 Risa: Bring your H'orgon

3 If you don't have a good time on the Klingon Homeworld, we'll kick the crap out of you!

2 Come to the Omarian Nebula: Thirty-million gallons of Founders can't be wrong!

1 Romulus: Everything you've heard about us is Jolan Tru!  

[Baron White]

Top 10 ways to shut-up your non-Trek girlfriend (no offense intended xd )

10 Tell her "Your ears canna stan the strain!"

9 Vulcan Neck Pinch.

8 Have an Android made of her then when she starts speaking tell her to "Shut Up!"

7 Wave a Phaser in her face and tell her you will stun her with it.

6 Use transporter to split her into two separate personalities. Phaser Evil Girlfriend and keep Good Girlfriend.

5 Tell her your watching the episode where Picard gets naked.

4 Ask if she wants to see the Picard Maneuver.

3 Borg her.

2 Tell her she's in violation of the Prime Directive and she is interfering with a lesser
developed civilization.

1 Try, "Computer - End Program."  

[Baron White]

Top 10 things that would happen if the Borg assimilated a Nanite culture

10 Borg Spheres the size of tennisballs.

9 Borg ships with a poweroutput of a 30W light bulb.

8 Borg assimilation of tricorders and phasers becomes a real annoyance to Starfleet.

7 Borg get massacred by Packleds.

6 Borg endangered by cats playing with their Spheres.

5 Borg Cubes are found to be the advance over the Swiss Army knife.

4 Borg Probes used as hockeypuks.

3 Borg Tactical Cubes used as paperweights.

2 Ferengi discover that Borg Cubes make a great substitute for bricks.

1 Ferengi discover that a trashcan with a Borg Cube on the bottom never has to be emptied.  

[Naphatarie]

Baron White

Top 10 tourism slogans in Star Trek

10 Betazed: We know you want to come here!

9 In the Demilitarised Zone Colonies, there's never a dull moment!

8 Ski for your life on Rura'Penthe!

7 Nimbus III: Fan-dance capital of the Quadrant!

6 Visit Vulcan.

5 Cardassia Prime, where the trains run on time.

4 Risa: Bring your H'orgon

3 If you don't have a good time on the Klingon Homeworld, we'll kick the crap out of you!

2 Come to the Omarian Nebula: Thirty-million gallons of Founders can't be wrong!

1 Romulus: Everything you've heard about us is Jolan Tru!

Actually, this is Klingon homeworld's ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUm61F48jF4  

[Baron White]

Naphatarie

Baron White

Top 10 tourism slogans in Star Trek

10 Betazed: We know you want to come here!

9 In the Demilitarised Zone Colonies, there's never a dull moment!

8 Ski for your life on Rura'Penthe!

7 Nimbus III: Fan-dance capital of the Quadrant!

6 Visit Vulcan.

5 Cardassia Prime, where the trains run on time.

4 Risa: Bring your H'orgon

3 If you don't have a good time on the Klingon Homeworld, we'll kick the crap out of you!

2 Come to the Omarian Nebula: Thirty-million gallons of Founders can't be wrong!

1 Romulus: Everything you've heard about us is Jolan Tru!

Actually, this is Klingon homeworld's ad:

]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUm61F48jF4

I got those of some Treksite several years ago.  

[XxXEvilgeniusXxX]

HAHA!! I love those!

I can not stop laughing!

that rocks! Thanks for that razz  

[Gharbad]

Haha, some are pretty good surprised  

[`Fenix]

Baron White

Top 10 April fool's jokes10 Everybody act like Riker is the captain.

6 Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him.

2 Put a sign on Worf's back that says "Kick Me!".

Haha that's great! xd  

[-[.Moo.]-]

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I didn't like the picard ones, but I loved the rest! <33

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