Welcome to Gaia! ::

All Writers United

Back to Guilds

A place for any and all writers to share their brilliance. 

Tags: writing, literature, fantasy, horror, roleplay 

Reply Romantic
Empty Pages (Critique welcome!)

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Ashtoreth the Wanderer

PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:38 pm
If you give me a chance – if you give us a chance – I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you that it was right, this is right. The loudest ‘I Love Yous’ are the ones that go unsaid, and I swear, if in all of history there’s a story better than this one, I’ve never heard it. Years go by, and time rips apart fragile love at the seams, but against all odds, we meet, and the ties that hold us close won’t sever. I hope you know that I never meant it, any of it, and I didn’t want to, I was so tired, it wasn’t worth it, but I stopped fighting. Can I just say that it was the worst day of my life? The day I stopped fighting. Or, I thought it was. Because really, we never stop fighting. If I’d stopped…I wouldn’t be here, professing my love to the wrong person, or the right person…the only person. I wouldn’t be pouring my heart out onto empty pages, hoping to fill this empty space with maybe a fraction more than what anyone else in this world could possibly comprehend. Are you in? Because I was a long time ago, and forgive me for my lack of eloquence, but when I’m with you language goes out the window. The words that aren’t spoken I can feel, it’s in your touch, and if you’ll take my hand and jump, I swear, I’ll never let go, forever. Even if you don’t, you take with you, a part of me always. I love how we share something special in stolen glances and hidden smiles, like we’re hiding a secret that the world could never understand. Oh, progress may very well be the opposite of you and I, but I see no reason in moving forward when we’re fine just where we are. There’s a bird that sings outside my window, and I wonder if he feels it too. Can you feel it? As the waves crash over toes buried in the sand and wash our names off the shore, I hope you know, you’re written on my heart, forever, it’s a fact.  
PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:00 am
I really enjoyed reading it. It feels like it connects to me but as to how it connects, I am unsure.

I will say this, I kept thinking that this should be a poetic format.  

NastyNate27


Mizz Frappuccino

Beloved Citizen

7,700 Points
  • Signature Look 250
  • Team Jacob 100
  • Full closet 200
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 3:34 pm
I agree with Nate. I really did enjoy it. It does bring out mystery and wants me (and the readers) want to learn more.

Perhaps, as Nate said, that it should be in poetic form, free verse to be exact. It would be great for readers to read over and over again. 3nodding  
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:49 pm
This was very moving! I greatly enjoyed what you wrote here. :3 I think that it doesn't need to be poetic format but it would work great either way. Great job!  

Night Kunoichi

Wheezing Wyvern

10,650 Points
  • Treasure Hunter 100
  • Brandisher 100
  • Tycoon 200

xx-jocelynn-xx

5,700 Points
  • Somebody Likes You 100
  • Friendly 100
  • Forum Explorer 100
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 2:33 pm
It was a great story.

I thought it was a mysterious story.

Great writer.  
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 1:01 pm
I'm sorry..but I had to stop reading sometimes because the whole was together. I didn't like it being in 1 whole paragraph burning_eyes  

Mizz Frappuccino

Beloved Citizen

7,700 Points
  • Signature Look 250
  • Team Jacob 100
  • Full closet 200
Reply
Romantic

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum