1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted. 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for
the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common? " Well, "It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially
inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this
bull before. 12. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any. 13. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel
my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't -
I've cut off your arms!"
14. I went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a mussel. 15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 16. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the
bar tender here?"
BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!! 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it
sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my
electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend
dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they
moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so; thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which produced an impressive set
of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,he
suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man,
this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to his friend(s), with the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No
pun in ten did
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